Jun 15 2006Madonna puts the moves on Lindsay Lohan

Child molestors.

Ha. First. What?!

What's the "Holy Land" to Lohan, Columbia?

Again with the stupid bug-eye sun glasses.

Remember the larger the sunglasses, the lower the IQ behind them. And the more hungover.

Madonna is like that evil with that lives in the woods who tries to lure teen stars into her gingerbread house with her Kaballah, but instead of gingerbread the house is made of quaaludes and botox.

*witch
witch, god dammit
you knew I meant witch

How's Madge gonna explain kissing THIS "baby pop star" to Lourdes?

She has a daughter. Why doesn't she use her if she's so desperate to guide young women into "spiritual journeys" and "Holy Land" and whatnot? That would be so much smarter and generally acceptable.

Oh yeah, probably because then Lourdes would be blowing *her* money on all the Kabbalah crap.

Madonna should find some friends her own age...

This is really creepy. It seems to be awfully cult-like behavior. There must be some sort of Kaballah spy network, where at first wind of someone possibly being interested in their cult, someone swoops in to be their new "friend". CREEE-PEEEEE

Usually when I think of blow in connection with Hohan it either has to do with:

1. The coke going up her nose

2. "Several foreign men"

She might as well spend her money $13K balls of red yarn.

I wish Chevy Chase would take that red fucking string and tie one to Madonna's neck and the other end to the bumber of his station wagon.

Madonna just wants to drink her blood. Look what it did to Britney.

I guess Madge loves a firecrotch!! Geez, does EVERYONE want to screw Lindsay?! Madonna is about to fall into the Tom Cruise "look at me! I'm sooo in touch with the youth of America!" trap.

Anyone see the Brit interview snippet on TMZ? She looks like Shitney! You have money - get your damn nails done, spit out the gum, de-fry your hair, and lay off of the Wet-n-Wild frosted eye shadow for God's sake. Or is that for SP's sake. She should practice her crying face too, the one she sports is uuuuuuugly. Whatever.

I can see how this is going to end. . . LiLo is going to turn to Kaballah, make out with Madge in public, and then get fat and pregnant. Just like Brittany.

I'm with Jacq on this one. I think Madge is back on the lezzie bandwagon (maybe the reason behind her marital problems) and is using Kabbalah as an excuse to get some young, impressionable quim. And what, exactly, is the allure of Kabbalah? It's ancient Jewish mysticism, which translates as witchcraft on the cheap. I like how Madmomma criticises Christianity for intolerance, yet apparently has no problem shutting Britney out for not sharing her views. A thousand years from now, Madge will be venerated not as a pop star, but as a patron saint and goddess figure of Kabbalists everywhere. Effigies of her in dominatrix gear impaling herself upon large penises while buried facedeep in snatch will adorn Kabbalah alters everywhere. The sad thing is, she only got into it because she mistook Kabbalah for Bukkake.

I'm a little scared for Lindsey. You saw what happened to Britney after kissing Madonna. It was somekind of voodoo-Kabala kiss that curses whoever receives it. I don't think Lindsey is on par with Britney as far as performing goes (notice, I didn't say "singing.") Madonna could really do better. Jessica Simpson could probably be easily brainwashed.

“Madonna’s giving Lindsay advice on her music career, and she wants to work on a film with Madonna, too!”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

wait, wait BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH..AHAHAHAHAHAHA

HA HA HA I caan an't breeeeathe HAHAHAHAHAH

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAAAA HAAA HAAA

seriously, you're killin' me.

The prince of pop once lured me onto his neverland ranch. I woke up the next mornning next to Bubbles. I was so relieved I didn't see Diana Ross' face next to mine I almost asked the darn chimp to marry me. I did make him sign a confidentialtly agreement thought, so he couldn't sell the pictures.

Anyone can seduce this moron with some blow and a tongue depresser... it takes some one who really cares to add the yarn to the mix.

I remember an episode on "speed racer" when he had to race "Kabbalah", they had to wear stupid looking mask while racing through caves.

Didn't Wilmer Valderrama take Hohan on a tour of the hole-y land already. I thought he said he took her around the world?

"This my dahling is Youranus just below Verginia."

@18 Yes if that doesn't end the Hohan's fifteen minutes of fame I don't know what will

I sure hope, for the sake of any innocent bystanders that this too stank ho's meet in place where ther's good ventilation or emergency high pressure air-fresheners, Madonna stinks, literally, and as for Lindsay, well, let's just say she's not so fresh these days.

Madonna keeps searching for a replacement cock, but I don't think she'll ever find one as big as Rosie O'Donnell's - that bull-dyke has the biggest penis that Madge ever had and she misses it.
Hohan, if Modonna wnats to call you Rosie, have you strap on one of those sumo wrestling suits and a 16" strap-on dildo, run for your life, no matter how much coke she offers.

4 holes - $19.95
2 hoes - $99.99
1 ruined career-Priceless

Somethings money can't buy for everything else there's Madonnamatrix

I heard Madonna was looking for a virgin to sacrifice, but looks like she got to Hohan a little too late and a few inches too short.

I say we send all these idiots (Hohan, Britney, Paris, Jessica, Madonna, Tom Cruise, etc.) an invite to a fake awards show telling them we're going t "honor them for being such wonderful, intelligent people", then we just gas them all.
Who's in? we can set it up for LameBanana's basement and take the fruit out too.

I'd love to dirty up those freckles.

Awww. Madge is passing the torch.

"Now you are the Chosen Slut, young Lohan! May The Controversy be with you!"

@30 What torch? Madonna is a nobody, a sad anachronism, a quaint curiosity, a used maxipad, a snotty kleenex, that towel that you used to wipe the cum off last night's Haitian prostitute that you thought was looking good in your drunken ride thru town in that rented PT Cruiser but then you got picked by the cops with two bags of black tar heroine and is gonna be featured on next week's epidode of COPS and you wife doesn't know about it 'cause you told her you were on a business trip...but, I digress, Madonna is a nobody.

@29 The set on her face or the ones on her ass?

It's like MAdonna is the nerd at school trying to convince all the "Cool Kids" that joining the chess club would be really great! Man she is pathetic.

Give it up, Madonna. You haven't been relevant in *years*. Your chosen role of Creepy Kabbalah Svengali to Young Stars isn't going to restore your former glory.

Plus, you've got a bad case of man hands.

@31 OMG Slim that's the best laugh I've had all day!

Why doesn't someone teach Madonna about Kaballah?

1. You have to be 50 to study it
2. You have to be male to study it
3. You have to be Jewish to study it

What exactly IS she practicing?

Madonna is sad and needy.

If Madonna still lived in Jersey, she would probably be pushing Amway or Melalucca. She's trying to satify a strange need to "convert". Comments?

@38 I think she's pushing her intellectual capability when she "converts" food into shit. But she does know a spotlight when she sees one.

31...

The torch of sad "controversial" female.

Did you see the comment after the torch one?

And the proper word for Madonna is 'bloodclaat'.

Say it with me. Bloodclaat.

Do they still make qualludes? That only something my parents talked about and I'm 30

First she starts w/ kabbalah then she lures them over to the UK, so they can speak with an "Oh so authentic" British accent and curse America like we didn't freakin finance their whole damn career. Then we get made fun of for living "below their means"! Talk about "Bite the hand that feeds you" FUCKERS!

Why does she keep trying to get other celeb's to study sausage?
When they called her "The Keilbasa Queen" I thought they were talking about her love of the cock, not her religion.............

Who cares? Somebody just get this girl to a manicurist.

It's just a plot so Madonna can get hold of the Firecrotch just to make more yarn. They'll keep her in a cell and shave her head and bush twice a month. Then they'll make her sit in her cell and make red yarn all day.

It's diabolical.

esther & lilo sittin in a tree, K-A-B-B-A-L-A-H-K-R-O-T-C-H

I'm scared to think what MADonna uses for a jesus-juice.

I think MADonna is in a panic cause her cooch is drying up. So she compensates with some ancient jewish-juju.

Madonna is like a creepy pedophile, desperately trying to suck out these girls' life force. and "doing a movie with Lindsey Lohan"? LL will only agree to this if she wants to send her entire career into a tailspin. Madonna + movies are like oil and water. Her track record is a train wreck.

i could list all the way she creeps me out, but it would probably cause a server meltdown. Too bad her horse accident wasn't on a Chris Reeve scale.

What happens when you cross a firecrotch, a lesbian pedophile and a religion that sounds like an Al-Qaeda terrorist? Well i'm not quite sure but it must be scarier than sleeping in bed with Michael Jackson.

Um, should ANYONE take advice on a film career from Madonna? She makes Sean Young's career look impressive.

Madonna IS desperate. This is proof positive.

51--
You're right. Madonna hasn't done anything nearly as good as Dune or Bladerunner during her entire career. That's 2 for 0 right there. Nice reference!

"she wants to work on a film with Madonna, too!” This is the most unintentionaly funny thing I have ever read, and not just because of the toatlly unescessary exclamation point.

Have you ever seen a Madonna film ! They're fucking horrible ! She's a talentless washed up cum sponge ! And Blohan ain't far behind!

When Madonna and Lindsay get to the "Holy Land", Ariel Sharon should build a wall around them. For the sake of global security. Or in the name of good taste. Whichever.

Answer me this...

Is Madonna English or not? I thought she was born in Michigan or something and now she speaks the Queen's English.

55

Hate to break it to you, but Sharon's not up for any wall-builing. Coma, you know.

madonna is looking for a new project and wants to make lindsay the new britney

WTF? Is Madonna dying and looking for a new host body?

NO, LINDSAY, RUN!! Look what happened to Britney after Madonna got her grimy, red string wearing, hands on her? I think Madonna requested to eat baby Sean's placentia.

Esther is the anti-christ. If Madonna was the devil, would she have a fire crotch?

...we'd love to join in
...but you know us
...only the truth

mads has been searching for the boy
for so long that she has
pretty much given up
it was so long ago
shit,
i was only five

...anyway, she began to believe
...that she would never find him
...and started to look for close
...alternatives

but they are all lies babe
nothing compares
to the real thing [thanks sinead]

so snip that
ignorant
stupid
ridiculous
juvenile
did we say ignorant?
red string shit

it's fucking shit
they made it up
and charged you for it

get a grip

fucking take a break
and listen inside
someone is coming home
it is time for the boy
to communicate

...and you'd better not stand in his way
...lol bitch

wanna try ? :)))

I bet other celebrities think of Madonna as the 'mentally challenged' kid that goes to every highschool. They all chuckle and whisper to themselves as one of them invites Madonna over to their table because they are pretending to be the retarded kid's friend. Then when she finally comes over, all happy to be one of the popular kids, the other kids steal her milk and cookies and trip her. Then, because she's retarded, she falls for it all over again the next day.

I hated high school... and have yet to taste a chocolate chip cookie.

Having Madonna as a spiritual advisor is like having the Corky kid from, "Life Goes On", as your major professor in Astrophysics.

Dear Madonna,
It's over, you are a has been, deal with it.

Dear Lindsay-
It's almost over, you will be a has been.

Dear Paris-
Close your legs.

Dear Brittany-
I appreciate you wanting to procreate, but please stop now, you are only making things worse.

Love-
God

#31 I laughed so loud, my coworkers think I'm psychotic. With your help, my plan to somehow get fired today was successful.

Drinks are on me.....

And here's to you Missus Ritchie-son!Kabbalah luvs you more than you will knnnooow-nah-no-no"

"Nah-no-no"

Everybody!

"Where-have-you-gone Jeff Spicoli-oo our nation turns it's lonely eyes to yooouuu"

"Eww-eww-ewww"

Lindsay is perhaps young but not inevitably idote! It is necessary to stop making a bringing together with Michael Jackson especially if it is in connection with the paedophilia! Lindsay is adult, and Madonna is far from being idiot or harmful. Two Madonna are better than only Tom Cruise

Madonna is nice. I remember her hit "Lucky Star". Im not lucky. But I do have an interest in Bukkake. Am I bad for that?3

I don't understnad why Madonna suddenlt turned anarchist? Or has she always been like this?

Madonna doing a movie with Lindsay Lohan is like Steven Segal doing a movie with James van der Beek. It would just make for hours of insanely bad acting.