merman....MERMAN!!!!!

That is so freakin' loud... it's actually hurting my ears.

Go Fish!

What a waste of a shower curtain.

It's just so painful to imagine how much she spent on it.

MY EYES! THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!!!

That dress is atrocious.

Those shoes are.....criminal.

The combination is mindmelting.

And Jessica, please....put some shoes on that fit. You've got the damn toe overhang again.

WTF Does she look in the mirror before she goes out in public? Looks like she is wearing wallpaper!

I want to know who thought to even make a dress so hideous. I'd like them to be shot. Or have their fingers sewn together.

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

As a heterosexual male, I realize, of course, that my fashion sense is not always up to par, but great googly-moogly that thing is hideous!

#4 Priceless!

Ever see the Seinfeld where Jerry finds the 'perfect' suede jacket, but the lining is some fruity pink fabric? I'm thinking that this is a normal dress that she just put on wrong side out. She's not the brightest crayon in the box after all. She realized the fuck up and tried tossing on a giant green sweater so it looks like she wore it that way on purpose. Just a thought.

People.com claims this is the second time she's worn this dress in public. You know, maybe you could forgive her for this once, pass it off as a temporary lapse in judgment. But twice? Unforgiveable.

Mother of God, did this turn up in someone's fishing net?? I guess Chicken of the Sea is a fashion statement now?? Jeesus, I wish she would just fucking go away - it's bad enough we have to listen to her skanky little sister sing fucking LA LA at bowl games and fuck up her lines on SNL - why don't these little cunts just fuck off???

in that picture where shes got that sweater on, she seriously looks like she is hating life.
that dress is gross.

She should just walk around naked. It would do wonders for her popularity.

haha#4 ur funny. i feel sorry 4 her surely a 25 yr old would know how to dress by now.

hahaha Chicken of the Sea

those shoes are from payless. buy one get one? I HOPE she doesnt have any more like that!!!!

She looks like a rent-a-boy in drag

Mariah will be wanting her shoes back in time for walkies

aaack- it burns! burns bad! superfish- you've got to give us warnings before slapping us in the face with this kipper. It's a toad eating koi for breakfast.

Nikk's a Dikk

The sweater-dress combo reminds me of the results of my daughter playing with her paper dolls and their outfits. She's three.

The guy in the second picture using his camera phone looks like he's about to throw up (but Jess ain't worried, that's where the pattern came from in the first place)

It looks like a fish barfed rainbows on her, then was decapitated, and its blood splattered.

Someone please tell the ditz that she must actually get dressed before leaving the house, throwing on a shower curtain/beach towel does not consiitute as being dressed.

Jessica: i want a dress that represents me, im a very colourfull person
Designer: so what colour would you like this dress?
J: Every colour, and all swirly whirly because im a swirly whirly type of person
D:okayyyyy, anything else?
J: Yes i want a Green top i can just pull over the top because green is the colour of the sea where all the chicken come from...

For the life of me I can't understand why she is allowed to go on with her life when clearly she is unfit to be among us.

Get it - among US?! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

It would look better if she covered it up with a floor-length sweater.

#6 - Up and at them!
No! Up and at 'em!
Up and at them!

Give my Grandma back her mumu!!!!!

23 Jane

Yes!

i hate myself for actually liking that dress. I think it would look a lot better had someone else wore it and without the giant green tarp she decided to throw on with it... even though it does take a tarp to hide those massive boobs of hers.

Was it the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz that sang "If I Only Had A Brain"? He would get along fabulously with Jess!

It's not so bad. The shoes are ridiculous, though.

Wow. You know...times like this I wish Papa's site was live so I could comment on Tom DeLay's farewell speech or CMS' proposed IPPS rule. It's like when you REALLY want to cum but you can't. God, I HATE that.

Tranny:

re: liking your gift.

Like it? I love it. Wait till you see it now all conditioned and brushed out. It's like mink. Only you.

#32 Let me know if you need some help.

Zanna; 32

Fortunately those days are behind you now, with your head in the soft me-pillow, it's going to be days of not being able to stop cumming, and nights of looking at the stars from the hood of the pinto, wondering when your legs and labia will finally stop shaking.

The bit of clean air in Los Angeles is inside that woman's skull...

Argh. The LAST bit of clean air, that is.

The inside of Jess's skull should have a sign saying "Pollution-free Zone."

The one that People has posted today is just as hidieous. For having her own shoe line, she certainly can't pick her shoes and her dress to match!

Do you think anyone warned her to keep all pointy objects away from her head? Maybe that's why Nick broke it off, no oral sex. . .

ummmm.... I'm not saying I'm some kind of fashion maven or anything, but this is just plain ridikilus.

36

Hee hee Ari, good one. Pristine, never used.

Where's my harpoon? *riffling through my office*

"I think she's turning Japanese, I think she's turning Japanese, I really think so"......

23

I was trying so hard to think of a way to describe that dress and you totally nailed it. That is exactly what it looks like!

Her sunglasses look weird, too, especially in the second picture. Why do these people always wear sunglasses anyway - is it so hard to apply some mascara that they'd rather cover their eyes altogether

#43 Make sure you don't aim for her head or her whole body will explode, like a popped balloon.

She looks good to me!

Tranny - #35...you make me shed tears of joy. And as I lie there wondering when the shaking will stop, you will lean over and whisper in my ear, "you know what..I don't think we sold all the corn-dogs today..does baby want dinner?" And I'll look at you with lovelight in my eyes while I take another sip out of my 40 and nod. And while I watch you make my corndog by the din of the racetrack...I'll think to myself, "there is no way I'm stopping at just a pillow...I'm going to make an ENSEMBLE out of him..."

I don't know about most chicks, but I'm not so sure I want any sort of fish anywhere near my crotch.

who shot the sofa?

How can she get both her bottom teeth and lower lip under her upper teeth when she smiles like that? She doesn't appear to have a ginormous over-bite or anything. Someone should tell her it looks ingorant and, once again, we're back to NOT CUTESY. And whoever came back the other day and told me that she's only 23 or 24 or whatever, she's too old to try to pull off 12/13 y.o. adorable.

Stripper shoes or fuck me heels? You decide.

Is she filming a sequel to The Little Mermaid?

#51 - Those shoes are NEITHER.

her lips look retarded....I mean, it doesn't look good..and I should know, I have great lips....naturally.

49

Maybe it's a warning.

tarjamarja,

Always glad to be of assistance.

It's Rainbow Brights total opposite, Rainbow Duh...........

It looks like Ronald McDonald projectile-vomited a rainbow onto her body...

she looks like a Piloh Shitt, fo shizzle

That dress is to hideous for words and yet I'm so distracted by the ugliness of those shoes. It's like she is walking on two tree stumps carved to sort of resemble shoes.

If I stare at her dress too long, I start to get dizzy. . . and then nauseous. . . and then I get a weird craving for Ms. Paul's fish sticks. . .

...I think its cute..

WHERE IS HER NECK?

Does she go ANYWHERE without that stupid hairdresser of hers?

The outfit is HORRIBLE.

The "China Garden" all-you-can-eat buffet filed a complaint that someone stole their curtains. I have a suspect in mind.

Mariah Carey actually looks kinda good in this picture.

I wondered who stole the drapes at the hawaiian restaurant! the sweater tops it all off...she looks fuggin AWESOME!

MOOOOOOOOO

There was an Article in the Daily News about how she and her hairdresser friend were out at a gay bar in Chelsea dancing, and the comment from one of th patrons was "Oh God, she was dressed really tacky"

Because, you know, "The Gays" know from fashion.

#56 - The Megana to our MeganHarris, the Fanta to our Fresca. Rainbow Brite's mongoloid cousin.

The fish goes "meow."

Did someone dip her into one of the vats at the Crayola factory?

if you ate an entire 64 box of crayola crayon and threw up, THAT'S what it would look like.

~j11.

See, this is what happens when you combine Spandex, nautical chic, and the mentally retarded. It ain't pretty, folks.

I have a beach towel that looks EXACTLY like that.

70 - Remember they used to have a "flesh"-colored crayon? In the interest of political correctness, they changed the name of that color to "dumb ho". That is what she was dipped in.
P.S. The brown crayon used to be called "colored".
The More You Know!

What an abomination! She ought to be tarred and feathered for wearing that ensemble. I think I've seen that same exact dress pattern on a mumu in China Town. And the green sweater doesn't flatter her one bit. She looks like an amputee.

She looks like Mrs. Roper. "Stanleeeey..."

Does anyone notice how weird her eyes look in the first picture? Even the stupid big sunglasses don't hide it. What's up with that? Is she trying to imitate Robert Evans or every other old man that wears big thick glasses? And in the third picture she's wearing an old man sweater!! She's a freak. Go away grandpa. Time to put you in a home.

She's morphing into Mariah Carey

big op dem shoos! jaahrastafari selasiai anianiani!

What could you all be possibly talking about? That dress is macnifico!! I should know better. I'm Bjork's very own personal stylist, moi.

@20.

Thank you, I aim to please.

#74 coloured [sp]

#75 ...actualy like the green jumper :)

#80 bjork is already smarter than you :)

That dress looks like some Roberto Cavalli craptacular creation that Paris wears.

My golly! That dress looks like the inside of Paris Hiltons hooha!!

Just how many members of The Electric Mayhem had to die to make that dress?

I hope Dr. Teeth is OK...

just when you think it can't get worse, she decides to throw that sweater over it for good measure.

82

only if you're in England.

83 actually [sp]:)

82 - Actually herbie the frog, I'm from the U.S., where we don't feel the need for egregrious 'u's in our words like behavior and color. If I spelled it 'coloured', that would make me a pompous, smug, pretentious ass. You know - British.

ACCKKK...she used to dress well, what happened?! I love the loser dude who's taking a picture of her with his cell phone, what a TOOL!

That last picture is impressive, the way neither the shoes, the dress, the sweater, nor the bag match. You have to make a real effort to dress that randomly. I'm thinking she put that ensemble together to win a bet or something.

92
Yeah, it was "betchoo can't dress yourself day". She won. Because she indeed can't dress herself.

omg I thought that was Mariah Carey until I saw the name. Good Lord! I wonder if she put that sweater on after she realized how stupid she looked...like that made it look better.

# 91 - I normally only shmear the celebs, but I thought the same thing about that guy-- like who needs their own pic of her? guess he's never been in an effin supermarket. I have a theory re the toe-hang shoes: maybe she gets for free, but does not even know her correct shoe size to so they don't fit? well,I hope she got for free b/c thaze fugly as hell! she is wrong every which way you look at it.

At least it draws attention away from her orange skin and horribly disfigured boobs. I'd say that she planned it but stupid people usually don't think that far ahead.

I liked Dr. Rokter's story about trying to have sex with her. Where she tries to get her underwear off over her pants and spends 15 minutes figuring out how to remove her shoes. Getting her dressed has got to be a team effort and every day is an adventure.

Anyone see Perez Hilton where she was separated at birth from Shitney Spears? Awesome - if you love donuts.

Quick someone call Brit and tell her someone stole her new couch.

Is it possible that Jessica is so dumb one day soon she'll forget to breathe?

Mariah Carrey's stylist must be moonlighting. But I like the shoes, but with jeans

http://www.donho.com/ <--Her new stylist

48, Zanna;

I will fix you a corn dog any time day or night, in the heady roar of stock cars. I especially liked it when you showed me a new way to play hide and seek. To help shower you in pube fur, I am spreading Rogain on my genitals, even as this is written. There is no other woman I would rather weave for. Shall I start at the bottom, with some thigh-high stockings? No riches will be able to buy the fashion splendor I shall provide for my little corn-dog vendor, my nascar princesss.

Tranny - I love you with the red hot intensity of a million Nascar laps. I'll wear my stockings when we paint the Pinto to look like Dale Earnhart's car. Then I'll bend over oh-so-seductively and look at you adoringly and I say, "whose your sponsor, big daddy?" and then paint ROGAINE on the hood.

Rock out with your cock out my sweet, sweet, baby. xoxo

Zanna;

This is why we are together, in addition to being wildly hilarious, you are smart as well. I never would have thought of such a fitting tribute to the great one! We will be the envy of all the other fans, as we drive through the temporary trailer park, that is the nascar parking lot, looking lovingly into each others eyes, smelling of eternal devotion and corn dogs. In the most awesome pinto the world has ever seen. But you may have to try a different pose if you want to paint Rogaine on the hood, that one is going to leave some messy streaks...and not just from the paint.

Tranny - I'm verklempt. Simply and utterly. HOLD ME.

Zanna;

I'm not quite sure what verklempt is but I will either

A: Find a cure or
B: Take yoga until I can bend into that position with you

*holds, stokes hair adoringly, sneaks a peak at that ass*

Even down to the shoes... that is horrid. Absolutely mind bogglingly horrid. She's always been stupid, but at least she dressed normalls. Now, there's really nothing great about her.

When is she going away?

She looks like Dame Edna.

what the.......

oh dear :\
there are no words to describe this

She looks like a goddamned Japanese kite. Then she puts on that oversized sweater and looks like a retarded can of peas mated with a Japanese kite.
I only hope her tampon string is long enough that she can hit a very high altitude before her hairstylist (or Papa Joe) lets go of the spool.

That dirty theif, she has stolen one of my beach towels.

I wonder if any of those camera phones broke. That hideous dress cost more than the phones i gaurentee. That is the ugliest dress ive ever seen.

If you have a nose and a jaw like that, does it really matter what you wear?

fortunately that the ridiculous does not kill, if not we would have already lost, Jessica, Paris, Britney, Maria, Nicole, and well of other...

oh dear, dear, me.
Hire back CaCee!!

LMAO!!! Since my boyfriend broke up with me, I haven't laughed in 2 weeks. The superficial has made me whole once again.

Jasmine;

Your ex is a fucking idiot for letting a woman of your discerning humor awareness go. Kick him in the fucking nuts when you see him next, and tell him 6'2" mountain man calling himself Tranny said to say hi.

Jessica Simpson is an ass

she manages to make everything she wears look cheap, slutty and tacky. She needs to dye her hair brown, stop with the surgery, and wear FLAT SHOES....oh and get a brain

Looks like she 1:put a big piece of white paper on the floor..2:threw paint on it. 3:then rolled herself up in it...(IM not done so stop laughing)..4:then took it off and turned it inside out..5:then stapled it from the top of her back to her manly cankles. She shoulda just stayed at step 3 and stayed on the floor and let the paint fumes suffocate her and put us all out of out misery..arrrghh!!
(I actually like the way the dress makes her ass look but Im trying to get into the spirit of SuperFish).
Note: If you look closely at the first pic she looks like her eyes are extremly crossed-eyed. Very very wierdish looking. But she looks wierd, acts wierd, ergo she is fucking wierd.

Looks like she got out of the shower, got dressed except she left the towel on, and forgot the dress

I haven't read all the comments yet, so forgive me if I'm back pedaling, but did anyone else notice that the pattern of the fabric isn't even matched up on the side seams?

Good grief. That's, like, Wal-Mart quality.

And those shoes.....gaaaaag. I think I had a pair like that in tenth grade.

I think the dress MIGHT pass if it
a. fit properly
b. wasn't on Jessica Simpson

she's like a walking mistake

excuse me while i puke.

This dress is actually nice. UGLY shoes can make the best outfit look bad. If she were NOT wearing the clunky, brown shoes and instead was wearing shoes with a thin heel & skinny strap, the outfit would be hot! To all the chicks bad mouthing Jessica, you know you are just jealous! I wonder how you all dress and look?? And to the BITTER dudes, you know you want her. Esp. psycho #12, dude.....RELAX! You're scary.

I think those shoes are from her very own Jessica Simpson footwear line!

I don't think I'll be rushing out to buy a pair any time soon.

WOW MEN!!!!

WHAT'S UP WITH THE SWEATER... MAYBE THE DRESS WAS NOT FLASHY ENOUGH... SHE HAD TO PUT A GREEN SWEATER ON IT... MG... DAMMIT JESS...

SASSY OUT!

Maybe it's just paint. You know, Like what Hiedi Klum wore in the Sports Illistrated Swimm suite edition.

I gotta stand up for Jessica on this one... I LIKE THIS DRESS! Props to her for thinking *outside* of the box. I think it is a very creative, colorful and most of all, unique garment. To me, it sure as "H" beats a boring run-of-the-mill monochromatic dress you could find anywhere on any given day. Kudos to Jessica for wearing it and Kudos to whomever designed the dress. BREAK THAT MOLD!