Jun 5 2006David Spade and Heather Locklear hit the beach

This vast expanse of marshmallo hurts my eyes!! owwwwwww!

....and flacid comes to mind.....

I can't even fathom how on earth Spade got within ten yards off Locklear. Is she blind? Deaf? Oh, and dumb?

htttp://www.wehateeverybody.com

WHAT is in his hand?

an iguana?

Remember all:

BOYCOTT THE SF THIS THURSDAY, JUNE 8. We are uniting in protest against the continued presence of lameassbananaherbiefrogwhipper on this site. Don't visit or post to the SF this Thursday!

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated and will secure you a place of glory in the afterlife.

Hugs and kisses,

BigJim

It looks like he's holding one of those big foam fingers that say #1 on them to promote his favorite team.

Except that he got ripped off, cuz his is made of driftwood.

lameassbananaherbiefrogwhipper ??

Why is he holding a giant lizard?

On the plus side, I've got exactly what Heather is lookin' for.

What is in that little girls pants?

If thats what happens to your hand after finger banging Heather, she should warn people.................

He's holding the worst boomerang ever made.

Why do all the ugliest guys possible seem to attract extremely attractive girlfriends? I don't get it.

I'm still hoping that Bragenlia's baby is going to be super ugly!

White trunks are a no-no. When they get wet you can probably see his micropenis.

BigJim - why Thursday? Is it HWMNBN's birthday?

I'm pretty sure that what he is holding is his dignity. Yup.

He looks hideous, but I'd be willing to bet that Richie Sambora doesn't look so great topless either. Although he's probably taller and... not so pasty.

I for one am just grateful he's not sporting Speedos.

Thank god for David Spade.

I'm almost speechless, David Spade could not be more out of place in this picture. Why agree to go to the beach when you look like he does? His skin looks as though it was last exposed to sunlight in 1982. Love the black running shoes on the sand look too Dave, you're not hard to look at at all.

Why Thursday?

Good question. My logic is: we need enough time to get the word out, but on Friday afternoon there is nothing better to do but hit the SF.

You in?

If David Spade were an animal, he would be a weasel. That pointy little furry face of his, disgusting.

Heather's looking at him and thinking: "Christ look at him, I hope that friggin' lizard takes a liquid shit,and it runs down his arm and drips off his love handles....... (mumbles)Little freak."

In keeping with the maritime theme, Spade now has officially jumped the shark.

I find it scary that Heather's got more muscle definition in her arms than he does.

19- Yeah, the black-sneakers-on-the-sand look just makes him look even more freakish.

DAMN that lizard is creepy.

That thing he's holding in his hand is pretty ugly too.

7

Dammit, BigJim, that's EXACTLY what I thought of when I saw that thing he's holding.

15

Lots of shit went down over the weekend. HWMNBN/Whipper was posting under other people's names. Though truthfully, I don't think one day is going to do anything, I think it'd have to be at least a week of no posting in order for it to work. But I'm in all the same.

This is a little rough to look at first thing Monday A:M while hung over

Wearig white is supposed to make you look more tanned, but in his case, I think you'd actually have to start off with a little pigment to begin with.

@27 You are right. With my current hangover, he looks like a fetus in tennis shoes.

I don't see much difference between David Spade shirtless and Richie Sambora shirtless. Maybe that's why she's going out with Spade. *shrug*

*wearing*

any urge to rub one out in the shower is now gone.

Apparently, he used a body double in Joe Dirt.

26- I don't know. I think if stealing other people's display names isn't cause for banning, nothing is.

#30 Now that we've suffered through seeing Spade and Sambora shirtless, isn't it about time we get to see heather and denise shirtless?

#20 - Of course I'm in. Just don't go jumping off of cliffs or anything.

He has the body of a formerly really obese person, you know where they have all of that extra skin around the midsection. It is actually more difficult to master if you've never been fat.

i used to think david spade was gay, but no gay guy would let his body look like that *vomits*

#6 I'm confused, how many usernames does lamebananas have and why does he/she hate feed_me_chocolate so much?

David Spade's looking pretty white. I'm Canadian and I'm more tan.

What makes you think you should not have your comment pulled down immediately and be banned for life yourself "Big Jim?" If you tried to organize even an hour long "walkout" of my website using my website to do it (!) that would be the end of you. I agree that "banana" is annoying, but so is anybody that feels the need to comment on he/she. Who cares? I would ban you, banana and anybody else who gave your little "online fight" (which is shockingly childish and pointless) immediately for starters...followed by anybody who starts a thread with "first" or complains that they were "almost first." Fuck off!

yeah i don't understand the boycott thing either...what thread did this start on?

You can't read it in these shots, but his visor actually reads "Chafing: It's Not Just for Fat Chicks Anymore."

I know that's what it says because I saw him in Rite-Aid, filling his basket with Goody's anti-chafing powder and the Monistat lightweight gel-to-powder chafing rememdy, and he was wearing that VERY hat.
Only he seemed paler.

I think he went to an Untanning bed.

He looks like Kid Rock's mentally retarded, slightly doughier little brother.

Nice goatee.

Am I the only one who thinks that guy looks nothing like David Spade?!?

Jeeesus this "guy" to weighs.. what? a buck and a quarter? and he still manages to be all doughy, beer gut AND love handles. What a fucking hero.

pooooosey.

So, where can I find this SPF 1,000?

How quickly we forget...

Go back and look at pictures of Richie Sambora with his shirt off. He's a flabby bastard too.

Heather must like them jiggly.

Anybody ever see Vince Vaughn? He's a tub of shit as well. You think if you were in th entertainment industry you would at least try to make yourself look good.

Ever think she dates these second rate mush bellied hobnobs to feel better about her ever so aging self? The blur lense only can do soo much.

In the first photo, I think even Heather is amazed she's getting his wrinkles out

@46 You can buy that anywhere. It's called mayonaisse.

39 & 40

The point of the banning is not just because we hate him/her, but because it started posting under other people's names. Look at the Matthew / Penelope thread. Like Ari said, if that's not cause for banishment, what is?

i wasn't feeling very well today and so i decided to play online to cheer myself up. looking at this, i think i might vomit. gross!
http://celebreligion.com

He gets an old used to be hot model/actress who is desperately clinging to her rapidly fading youth, she gets the Pillsbury Doughmidget. It works on so many levels.

I didn't know the Pillsbury Dough Boy went to the beach.

Plus, if BigJim got banned, he could always set up his account again, just like HWMNBN did. She/he actually admitted to being banned before, but thanks to the brilliance of the Typekey system, had no problem getting another account, and with the same nickname.

@51 what? And to think all this time I've been putting that crap on sandmiches........

No need to correct me, it's the way us fucktards say sandwich.........

If I were him I'd try get some muscle tone, and some self-defense skills seeing how he likes to talk so much smack.

Wow, that boy needs sun. At least he's got a big piece of wood there to hold up in the air. That's always comforting.

If I was looking at Heather Locklear in a bathing suit I would probably get wood too.................

Attention Everyone:

BigJim is a faggot. He takes this shit too seriously.

Signed,
The Management

Now that's just sick. She's not even wearing a bathing suit.. know why? Because she's an old lady!

You're thinking of when she was younger. Commendable, but not realistic. Still, kind, nonetheless.

Remember David Spade in Tommy Boy? Now, those were the days.

Oh dear.

Oh dear. Oh my. Oh holy crap.

I'm not one of those who opines that only beautiful people should be allowed to go to the beach, but still....You've got to show some decorum. And appearing on a public beach in unflattering swimwear (way too long; white a very, very bad color for any but the beautifully tanned) with the elastic waist tucked well below the gut is a no-no.

A NO-NO. No no no no no no no....

Guess Deniese traded up...

and Heather traded wwwwwaaaaayyyyyy down.
Like.. way down. China isn't lower.

David Spade doesn't have to be hot. It's part of his schtick. He wouldn't be as funny if he had chiseled abs and bronze skin like a young, tan Mexican cabana boy. Which reminds me, I need to get one of those cabana-thingees.

For some reason I imagine sex between them had him standing on a footstool with her bent uncomfortably over the foot of the bed. He, demanding to know does she, "like it the Irish Way", she, thinking about "T.J. Hooker" and wondering if it was true that Adrian Zmed hanged himself in the coatroom of a Congregational church two days after getting caught stealing nickles from the collection plate.

STFU

That was meant for you know who.

Hey Heather's an older chick and this is the type of guy you get at her age. He's not so bad and if he hit the gym for a couple of weeks he'd be fine but hey it's summer, so what.

Vince Vaughn was just on Leno and he looked pretty fit.
Looks like he can put on some weight and take it off quickly.
Pasty face boy Spade wishes he could be so lucky.

And besides that, Vince is hitting Jennifer Aniston so there goes another boatload of chicks crying that all the guys are "gay" and they are complaining with their overrated selves.

STFU... for David Spade..

Scrawny Two-Faced Underling...

And For Heather Locklear...

Star Trek Federation University
(becuase that's where she found David Spade).

Oh come on you guys, don't you know that chicks love funny guys? Comedians are the best because they make us laugh..... hahahahahahahahaha

TaiTai - I laugh at their small penises

my eyes my eyes!!!
please SF guy, next time, a warning before you post pics like this.

ClassyCunt, you'd think so , huh, but unfortunately, men in Hollywood don't have to keep in shape, and their phones will still ring off the hook with work, unlike the women, if they get above a size 2, they're told to lose weight. O.k., so Spade looks like "a sack of potatoes, but mushy" so that means he's mashed potatoes, and since he always looks greasy and smelly, he's garlic mashed potatoes???

Good God, cellulite on the torso region? Didn't think that was possible.

This should definitely have a NSFW warning.

Maybe she likes him because he’s cool, maybe he’s a nice guy, maybe everyone posting on here looks like a supermodel and can walk on water… yea? If we weren’t so interested in ALL celebrity bullshit maybe the paparazzi wouldn’t run people down and take pictures for all to see. Maybe we’re all a little hypocritical.

Love ya David!

76

Hee hee, maybe you should rethink the spelling of your name. GYN? Unless you do happen to be an OB-GYN, then that's okay.

It's true, there is someone for everybody.
He probably makes her laugh. Guys who make me laugh are sexy in my book.
I heard he had a huge shlong too.

:::It's not a six pack or a beer belly. It's just shapes.:::

Did The Superficial just rip off Dane Cook? Yes Yes Y-E-S.

I'd rather he be standing there like that than running around like the girl on the Water Babies bottle, showing us his ass.

#60 - SOM You're a sick bastard.
Mr. Burns: Use an open faced club, Homer. Use your sand wedge.
Homer: Mmmmmm, open-faced club sandwich...

No, not an OB-GYN but all other variations of imagine were taken and, most importantly, I like John Lennon a lot.

The Boycott is Called Off

DO NOT boycott SF this Thursday. I received the following email from the SF Editor:

The only thing we can do is turn off comments completely. We can't ban IP's and we tried banning accounts before but they just create a new one and it seems to fuel their stupidity. We're looking into a better comment system, but until the only option we'd have is to shut down the
comments completely. I dunno, what do you think?
------

So, since they can't ban IPs, we are stuck with lamebananafrogwhipper until the technology exists to ban them forever and all time. Being that there is nothing the SF can do about "it", then I guess it wouldn't be fair for us to boycott what is an otherwise excellent site. Further, they ARE trying to remedy the situation.

Maybe one day the technology will exist that allows me to reach through my computer screen and strangle lamebananafrogwhipper until its eyes pop out of its retarded head. I could videotape the whole thing and then post it on youtube. That would be cool.

Osh: I know your anger is just a mask for how much you love me.

wow im going to have to agree with all the people who said that there should have been a warning abouth this thread please SP warn people first especially the hung over people like me who are just inoccent bystandards who are now sitting at their desks with one hand on their keyboads and the other hand holding a puke pail. God bless all the hung over people today if it wasnt for us bars and liquor stores would be closed on sunday, so thank you all for keep[ing the bars open on sundays!

How can your face look annorexic and your body is a big doughy jumble of rolls? It would be like Mary Kate Olsen having cankles.

We should be congratulating Mr. Spade for doing so much with so little. And I know I'm not the only one on this site sporting a Coors party ball instead of a six pack.

I don't know where his pants stop and his legs begin.

I have to agree with some previous posts that after seeing multiple pics of Richie Sambora shirtless and flabby that perhaps she is used to that.
-she obviously made him go to the beach because his skin is fucking tranparent and she's hoping to kill him with UV rays. Good luck Heather!!!

82 - I have no anger towards you, I merely find you faggoty. Boycotts and the like presume that we will be holding our breath helpless, starving ourselves, waiting pensively, in protest of a few mildly annoying people who like to post comments that we can just as easily ignore. Nah, I could never care so deeply about it. Lame bananas sounds tame in their dork-factorness by comparison.
And I do love fags, incidentally. They've always got a savvy style tip for me, or a fabulous new way to do my hair. Thanks, Big Guy.

#86 - Somewhere near his vagina.

Hello have you not seen Samborra without his shirt on? Make Biff look like a super hunk! These guys are so doughy!

I've definitely gotten a female boner over a guy with a wicked sense of humor, so I get it.....as far as y'all hatin' on Heather, saying that's all she can get because of her age...YOU"RE TRIPPIN', she is sooooooooo fucking HOT, she looks the same age as Denise Richards, that horsefaced whore will not age well, she'll look 100 in about 3 years

Denise Richards is 250,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,064 times hotter than Heather Papsmear.
That is all.

The visor, the undisputed king of stupid lids.
Spade, Billy Barty called, he wants his physique back.

Isn't it ironic that the whitest human on the planet has the last name of "Spade?"

so. not. attractive.
I met this guy at a party once and it seemed like he was trying to get everyone's number in his blackberry. I thought he was snotty and rude. Of course, I was very drunk at the time but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

that is not even them for god's sakes . Ppl are so gullable and will believe ANYthing... if you actually look at their faces the only thing that's similar is their hair. Some photographer just thought they looked liked them and is trying to pass it off..

Now I finally know the identity of Melissa Etheridge's surrogate mom- he's got to have a little lesbian baby growing in there, it's the only explanation. Unless he couldn't find the cooler that morning and just loaded his gut with ice and beer cans- then maybe I ought to invite him to the beach with me.
Oh and, Big Jim if you ever do figure out how to reach through that computer screen, would you mind blowing a load my way? After you strangle bananas I mean, that makes it way kinkier for me.

Ok so im going to assume she is blind (i bet Spade is happy about that, finally a woman who wont make him diet) Otherwise she would probably invest in some botox, breast implants and a southern accent so she too could chase after Nick Lachey...

94 - Doncha think? A little too ironic... Yeah I really do think.

No, start liking it.

Oh the humanity! He's one pasty white dude...at least he's not huge or anything...

In related news, Kathy Griffin is going to boycott The Superficial's message boards because there aren't enough jokes about her, Andy Dick, or Adam Carolla.

Closer on point, David Spade gives me hope that I too, can hook up with Adrian Lima in 2025 when she's all old and wrinkly and has been dumped by a coked out Leonardo DiCaprio.

On point, David Spade demonstrates why The Pillsbury Doughboy was voted the 2006 Sex Symbol of the Year--pudge is dead sexy! And Kathy Griffin is staging a protest against that vote as well.

Who's the hottie in the green?

he looks like some reeeetarded farm boy that they let out the attic for a little air..."look mommy the 'tard is scary"....carrying around his eeeeeeeeguana..and wearing his fully loaded diaper...
yuk..yuk..yuk...

shite....whata a waste

ah. there's nothing like a hot man to squire you and your kid to the beach.

and david spade is nothing like a hot man. nothing at all.

altho, it might be kinda cool to have a guy who always has wood. you're right, even i don't think that was funny.

#6
good luck with that
"big" jim :)
lol b*itch

let me know how that turns
out for you :)))

seriously guys
did you notice
how all the numbers were
changing

lol b*****es

This is great news. I look like Mr. Fucking America next to Spade. I'm totally going to follow him around, looking much hotter, and score me some rich slutty chicks!!!

This question was answered weeks ago. Heather likes big cocks, Spade has been rumoured to have one of the larger units in hollywood.. I mean really, it's the only possible explanation.

my only question is: how can you live in that part of the world and NOT have a tan? it seriously looks like that's the first time he's ever been to the beach in his life.

I don't know what would be a worse sight at the beach - David Spade without a shirt on or a beached whale.

david spade is funny...

for some reason, chicks dig funny...(that's why i have a chance)

ask any stripper with a fugly boyfriend and she'll say..."but he makes me laugh..."

i get the same when i drop my pants...

ptprez

You get a strippers fugly boyfriend?

...i guess i did'nt explain myself...

good one tranny...

i think my drinks are cheaper...

hehehe!

It looks like he has a very worn foam "We're Number 1" finger on his hand. Guess it's a shirt. Too bad. A foam "No. 1" would be appropriate if a dude who looks like that bags a piece of *relatively* primo Hollywood ass.

Statement made by Heather between pic 1 and pic 2: "Put it down big boy, it's a whale turd". Perhaps he has to wear such long shorts so that his apparently notorious willy doesn't hang out in the fresh air below the bottom of his clothing like Miss Choksondik's spectacularly droopy breasts used to on South Park.

Why God, why?

@108 He'd probably challenge you to a cock fight.

I'd call it a wine cask.

you guys DO know that that is driftwood and not an iguana, right?

#11
Her ass, you perv.

#42
LOL.

#44
I totally agree, this guy doesn't really look like spade, especially in pic #2.
What kind of idiot wears sneakers to the beach? and black ones at that?

He "so" needs to hit the gym. She and Denise have something in common. They like out-of-shape men. LOL.

I think I'm going to go ahead & pretend he's throwing the lizard out of his way because everyone knows David Spade is 100% man.

I think I'm going to go ahead & pretend he's throwing that lizard out of his way because everyone knows David Spade is 100% man.

#110 I agree! If I lived in that area I would be the tannest person ever. And the sad thing is they were at HIS beach house. He must never go there, these people have way too much money.

DAVID LOOKS DIGUSTTTIINNNGGG!!!!!

I bet he looks better than everyone who posted. Screw you guys, fu*king shallow b**tards.

Good news here is that if Spade can get her, we've all got a shot.