Jun 8 2006Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie not getting married

Picture caption
AJ: This is how you suck dick.
BP: No No whore like this!!!

Sooo, we're SURPRISED these adulterers aren't getting married?

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that Brad wanted to get married and even proposed, but Angelina didn't want to get married and "spoil a good thing".

I guess we know who's the boss in that family.

No use "making an honest woman" out of someone who never was one.

4th! Boo-yah!

Uh, I forgot what I was going to say...

Make that 5th (boo-yah)

HEY LENNOX AND SHEEMA!

Do these people have no shame?

Wait, does this mean that Angelina is still on the market? Cuz I could see myself hitting that.

Has the coob been around lately? Or has it done all of humanity a favor and died?

OH MY GOD! THEY HAD SEX AND THEY'RE NOT MARRIED?!?!?!?! OH MY GOD!!

HEATHENS!!! SINNERS!!!

I think you need to replace the "funny" in the phrase "funny noises in the bedroom" with "high-pitched animal screams."

Brad looks like he's sucking all the air out of the room and Anjelina looks like she's blowing it all out. How romantic - he sucks, she blows.

Mmmm, those are some quality expressions.

They both look about 72 in this picture...and constipated.

8

She decided to keep her options open after seeing your pic.

Who cares? Marriage is an outdated institution anyway.
<---Married woman

#16. Oh yeah -- TCLTC!!

And I unfortunately saw the COOB posting yesterday. Plus I saw someone with the nickname "crazy bananas" posting on the last thread, I think. Guess it's tired of us stoopid ppl not beeng abul to reed it as "I am bananuz".

"Welcome to the 25th International Fellatio Convention, proudly being held in Namibia this year. We are proud to have two of the most noted international experts in the field with us this year, and they will be giving demonstrations during the convention."

#8 Careful, mentioning the coob's name is a sure-fire way of making "it" appear on the threads.

Brad's scared of her. Never knows when the psychosis will flare up again.
ooh, I'm almost as funny as osh.

Yes, this is clearly the most disfunctional relationship in Hollywood. Britney should sit them down and have a chat with them about the right way of starting a family. I mean, she's married, so she must be ok right?

Is it me or has she already really slimmed down. And BTW those tits are cra-a-zee huge!

#20 - You can be funny all day long. But don't make unrealistic comparisons.

The comments blow on this site but the pictures are good...

http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/brangelina/little_girls_just_crush_us_20060608.php

And God knows sometimes...I'm just in it for the pictures.

I don't get why there are so many people commenting as if it's a bad thing not to get married, you should really try to be more opened-minded every now and then, who wants to get married so they can have a "we are incredibly dull now" label.

shut up, jacq.

They're just waiting for their next movies to come out so they can find out who they're going to fall in love with next.

Simon says touch your nose.
Simon says jump on one foot.
Simon says pat your head.
Now make a face like a cocsucker.

You're both out- Simon didn't say!

Tinkerbelle,
I'll sell you one of my eggs and you can raise it to be smart and cool, that'll be the closest you can get to being as awesome as me. But I suggest you pick a more awesome surrogate, my awesome egg will probably miscarry in a womb of your wackitude. That'll be 75 G's plus shipping.

I love how he just sort of becomes every person he dates. He had a blond bob when he dated Gwyneth, he grew it out a bit and went sandy when married to Jennifer, now it's black and he follows Angie all over the world adopting kids... Jesus, Grow a set.

I have to say Angie, "Thanks for the mammaries."

Oh, Tinkerbelle! Umm, how do I put it? Oh yeah - fuck you.

Those pups look fucking HUGE! Is she showing them off or is she breast feeding the baby AND Brad??? Enquiring minds want to know...

She's certifiable and he's given up on even trying to remotely revisit the word that makes her psychosis go. Angie: m word, m word, the m word.

Notice it was her quote to the press on that matter.

#30

What an ORIGINAL comment! Brad morphs into the women he's with? WHAT??!!?? When did this start happening? I mean, it's not like I've ever heard anyone else make that observation before in real life, let alone on the internet! Good grief, Spindoc, you are a master of observational commentary. What next, Jessica Simpson is a blonde? Nicole Richie is skinny? Please, tell me something I didn't already know!

Looks like a catfight is in the works...

I bet the three little pigs got really nervous when they noticed it wasn't just one big bad wolf..........

Are you okay #35?

I will condone a catfight between Jacq and Tinkerbelle, as long as it ends with nude mud wrestling and sex afterwards...

One thing I am annoyed about with Perez Hilton is all the worthless writing that destroys the pictures.

Check out the pictures here without the writing on them:

http://www.derekhail.com/2006/06/08/shiloh-nouvel-jolie-pitt-makes-her-debut/

She is definately gorgeous

39
I prefer cement fights, because the winner gets to take home a brand new statue for their garden.

#38, I'm fine. I'm just tired of people commenting about Brad, the chameleon. I mean, I get it. He has no sense of identity for himself, get over it.

We should instead talk about how "whorish" or "evil" or "wonderful" or whatever your feeling is on these people, not the same tired "Brad always looks like his girlfriends" crap.

(and, this is the 6th time today on a different blog someone has made the same "observation". The internet can get to me sometimes.)

Maybe an oil pit fight with sex afterwards would be better - then I can fry up Angie's placenta with the leftover oil with some hash browns and cheddar cheese (unless Tom Cruise has already beta me to it...)nummies!!

Oh God, Angelina, I want you so bad - I think about you all the time, this pressure just builds up in my nuts and I just can't STAND it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!

that poor kid is gonna go fucking blind from all the flashbulbs

42 - the internet gets to me sometimes too when I'm looking at 6 different blogs in one day and simultaneously masturbating to seven other sites while pretending to read on-line news and playing solitare AND minesweeper.

I find her teats quite fascinating also - nothing like a lactating hottie to get the juices flowing...

Osh, you are such a fucking dirty cunt - it's just hard for me to type with one hand in my pants...

You want to know WHY she's not marrying him? Because he's a big fat PUSS.

48 - Heh heh. You said 'hard'. Heh heh heh heh heh.

46- I assume you're trying to murder me with that comment. I choked on my food. And I hate Minesweeper... i think I'm too stupid for that game.

Looks like Jaqc and Tink started without us...woo hoo, writheing around in all that nice, warm oil, and then getting right down to business...nothing like a little internet sex - oops, I just came...shit...

"The focus is the kids, and we are obviously extremely committed to the children and as parents together. So that kind of says it for us, and to have a ceremony on top of it is nothing."

It's rather ironic how self-righteous this sounds, coming from two adulterous whores.

It's all about the KIDS! Geez! *eye roll*

51 - I don't murder. I'm a lover not a fighter. Maybe if you weren't so sensitive you crybaby little bitch. God I want to scrape your tears away with a large knife just to stop the whining... Oops.

54- seriously... i'm dying over here.

53- i thought the quote was a little much, myself. I mean, i'm pretty neutral about them myself, but... gah. I'm gonna have my first child any second now, and I'm marrying my fiance in december... am i somehow less committed to my kid because i'm getting married? I would hope not.

wow, some of you people have WAY too much time on your hands

56

Thanks for that insightful comment.

So Shiloh is a bastard. Isn't it bad enough she's named after a beagle?

ugh, I'm glad I'm sick of this site. jacq and osh are wrecking it.

I think it's cute how baby Shiloh's mouth is exactly the same shape as Angelina's:

http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/upload/2006/06/thebaby1.jpg

The genes for Jolie-lips must obliterate all competing genetic material. Either that or Angelina had herself cloned, and this business with Brad is just a coverup.

number 9 [thanks john]

...apparently not :)

these two are boring....the only way they could become remotley interesting is if brad decided to get a sex change operation, called himself Betty, and opened a drag act in Vegas with Siloh, Maddox, and Zaharah as back up dancers, and Angelina selling tickets.

59 - The only thing I'm wrecking is that ass, ho.

#30 munchy...

What an ORIGINAL comment! Mocking a comment on here instead of writing one of your own??!!?? When did this start happening? I mean, it's not like I've ever heard anyone else make that observation before in real life, let alone on the internet! Good grief, munchy, you are a master of observational commentary. What next, Jessica Simpson is a blonde? Nicole Richie is skinny? Please, tell me something I didn't already know!

Hmm, you ARE on to something there, it's much easier to make fun of others than to write a comment. Thanks for the tip.

Whoops, I was mokcing #35, not number 30 since that was my comment.

munchy's insults hurt me so much I lost my ability to read for a second. I'm going to go now and think of ways to impress munchy.

It's not even his baby, or so I hear...

yeah, osh, don't quite get #63...

#59 - I've been around here a fuckin' lot longer than I've ever seen your handle.I'm glad you're sick of it! I win! Buh-bye!

No one needed to make any comments after #1-4. Those cover everything that needed to be said.

Spindoc... come on now. That was hardly a creative retort, man. I read this site all the time, and I expect to get my feelings hurt when I insult somebody, not giggle at the attempt.

I know you can do better than that, sweetheart.

There's no need to impress me, anyway. I'm sitting here spending most of my time waiting to respond to comments. The fact that you replied is good enough for me.

So, how's about a hug and me go on our merry little ways?

*we go. Great, now I'm a moron who can't type... is that enough ammo for you Spindoc?

Guys, come the f on. I come here to rag on celebrities, not to sit in on arguments some cube monkeys have with one another over who is a bigger lame-o.

"Angelina has a bigger Messiah complex than Oprah and a more selective memory than Lindsay Lohan."

There. Is that so hard? Now if you want to get in little bitch fights, please do it over email, text message, or however else you please.

I win?? Buh-Bye?? Come on. How old are you people? I'm 29 and you guys seem WAY immature to me.

CDob, Ok, fair enough. How about No pussy in the world could be worth treking around the world pretending to be Mia Farrow and Adopting every disease ridden cleft palleted Gromet out there. I just hope Brad is getting Something out of it. Then again, looking at Angies lips it doesn't take a genius to figure out that her blow-jobs have to be 10 times better than Anistons.

Well played, Spindoc. That's the kind of smack talk I like to see!

Shiloh is a fucking gorgeous baby. Sorry, folks, it's true. Bradgelinaddoxzahilo our own American Royal Family. Ahelluvalot more interesting than Charles and Camilla, that's for sure.

74 - But Aniston's got those big ass ears you can hold on to...

#77

True, but you'd be using those ears to pull in that pointy nose and those rat teeth....ouch.

Of course they aren't getting married. Pitt probably just got a load of the c-section scar and can't get it up any more.

I thought she was pretty hot, but DAMN, now she looks like a partially deflated blow up doll.

# 76 - Hey..if you haven't noticed Bradgafuckinlilogina has been in every frigging country but America. How can they be the ARF? Try the Nambian royal family or the African royal family. And C & C live in the UK. Get an atlas and quit posting.

Im not religeous and im a republican, but for some reason this union without marriage disturbs me...

wait wait, im NOT a republican

#83

Maybe you're just a Republicunt...

Harry, what about the replicunt?!

replicunt is one of my favorite names on here....hi Ari!

What's up with the strategically-placed floral arrangement right in front of Angelina's huge new Moo Sacks? Sure, I can still masturbate to this, but I'll only be slightly happy about it.

Yeah, what ABOUT that replicunt - ? And who gives a fuck about the flowers anyway when they BOTH look they are giving oral sex instructions - nice to see Ari back, I want to hear if she "took care of business" the other night after getting rid of that headache...

I just say People... and the baby has her lips. Poor baby.

Better than being a Democrap.

Holie's black low cut top screams, "Look at my boobs! Pay no attention to the stretched out gigantic tat across my stretch marked belly, or to the gigantic c-section scar directly below it! I am still sexy!!! I am sexy!"

28 -

Too fuckin' hilarious. You are the master!

i'm sure everyone
will think tha
new baby is specia;
which is great
love it

divertification :)

He looks punch drunk in every picture I see of him. Like he went a few rounds with the Champ, which might explain her snapping back into shape so fast. But his expression in this one screams 'I love the force-fed strap-on'.

Does BPLTFFSO?

FIRST!!!!@@@

She used him, like some kind of breeder puppy/kitten. (Well, he is quite the whipped little dog).

I'm starting to wonder; did she have breast implants at the same time, make it look like she now has big boobs b/c of the baby? Hmmmm.

Angelina is too much wild and Brad is too finally much hmmm... not rather precisely!!

THE first born bastard child of a chick that drinks blood..money,power, greed ...look out people its the antichrist!!if they move to israel im going straight to the gun store...be on the look out in about 15years

Always beautiful to see Hollywood celebs doing their best to promote having bastard kids. You'd figure that their agents or managers would point out the long term threat to their piles of money....

#97 - Gwen Stefani patented that move.

Listen bitch: Paying your taxes does NOT qualify as "Donating 1/3 of your income to charity"...m'kay?

And while we're on the subject, I'm intrigued by the "unspecified charity" you whored your daughter out for. Why unspecified?

Last I heard, the worldwide attention and PR you could give to said charity by endorsing it - in the form of a multi-million dollar donation, no less - would be worth more than donation itself. Ya know? Raise awareness of the issue, encourage more donations...etc. Didn't they thank you for that in Namibia? God forsaken country no one ever heard of until you spawned there? Now reaping the rewards in the form of free PR and millions of tourist dollars no doubt.

So I ask again, why unspecified? I mean, everyone knows I'm as obsessed with secrecy as you are. But I think I'm going to have to get the NSA and IRS on this.

Doh! I guess they don't call me "Dumya" for nothing! If you named the charity, it would be obligated to confirm your donation.

Unspecified? Who's to say whether you actually gave anyone any money or not?

Damn! You're sneakier than my #2 (Mr. Cheney to you). Seriously. I think I'm in love. Call me.

And for all you other people:

You have a baby first to see if you can actually get along with each other. You know, before you make a more serious commitment like marriage.

Just got sent what is supposed to be the first public picture of baby Shiloh. Check it out here: http://coolnina97.blogspot.com/2006/06/first-picture-of-baby-shiloh-nouvel.html

These 2 people love each other and they genuinely love their children. Brad and Angelina are a gazillion times more normal and honest than Tom and Katie.

It makes me sick that Tom and Katie brought a baby into their weird plot. Yuck!!

You've got to give Tom and Katie some respect. At least they're not whoring the kid out

It makes kids feel really special to know that their parents are more committed to being able to walk away at any given moment than they are to having a stable family home.

Because that's what this means.

Although I have to say that neither Pitt nor Jolie has ever given any evidence that a stable family home is meaningful to either of them.

I guess it sucks to be you, Shiloh & Company. I'm sorry you got stuck with these losers.

I was originally going to comment about how much I hate Brangelina because of the shit they pulled with Jen. I was on team Aniston.

But I looked at the pictures (thanks #106) and I pretty much just melted.

I hate to admit it, but Angelina looks so fricken beautiful, I was a complete mess after giving birth to my kids, it took about 6 months before I could even comb my hair right.

That baby is beautiful, all newborns are supposed to be ugly (mine were, shut up, they are perfect now) but Shiloh is perfect. And the one of Brad holding her, ugh, I still love him...

Maybe I'm just a little weak seeing him with his baby since my husband has gone off to fight in this war, I'm in need of some man hands.

This is my FIRST AND LAST nice comment, now I'm going to go have a good cry.

#110

Chickenscratch, do you really think Angelina has to do the dirty work of being a mom, liking cooking dinner,cleaning up puke, cleaning the house, getting up at 3 am for feedings? NO WAY! That's what NANNIES are for! SO the nanny does all the mom work so Angelina can still look beautiful.

110
You also have to remember that she had a c-section, so the baby's face and head didn't get squished and deformed from going through labor. Plus, the pictures were taken I think like 10 days after the birth, giving the redness time to go away. I wouldn't be surprised if Angie didn't have a c-section so her baby would be more photogenic, thus raising the bid amount.

111
Amen! I'd like to see how beautiful she'd still be after weeks of little sleep!

Chickenscratch, #111 & #112 are absolutely right.

If we all had personal trainers, nannies, a housekeeper to do all the bed making, toilet cleaning, bathtub scrubbing, laundry,washing up, vaccuuming, mopping, etc. and a chef to do the cooking, we could all be beautifully pampered and exquisite looking creatures too.

Some people like Angelina Jolie are just naturally very lovely, but MOST people could look just as movie-starrish as today's screen divas with access to the trainers, the stylists, the personal shoppers.

If you don't believe me, think back to that hokey Glamor Shots phase a few years back. They could make people look like models in a magazine photo shoot with makeup, some Aqua Net and a few tacky props.

I'm sure that you - and your children, natch - are beautiful.

113

Thank you! That's what I've always said! We could all have incredible bodies and look fabulous if we had nothing else to do but work out and preen all day long (and had lots of money). I wonder what percentage of celebs have had surgery to achieve their goddess-like perfection? Almost anyone can be surgically altered to be beautiful. Do you remember that show The Swan? My point exactly.

Okay you got me. I wrote that in my moment of weakness. I would be totally hot if I had a billion dollars to blow on being pampered and still have enough left over to buy a small country.

But, alas, I'm me.

Thanks for all the cheering up 111-114, I still think that baby is cute.

Chickenscratch,

I didn't read the part about your husband being deployed. I want to thank you for the sacrifice you and your husband are making for our country. Your husband is a warrior, and you are a special kind of lady to be a warrior's husband. My prayers and support are with you, your husband, and our troops.

Now back to bashing celebs.

It's a tough job, but I have no choice. I just hope I don't get sent over too while he is gone (yes, I'm advertising that I am also in the Army).
Thanks Jane, I get thanked a lot, but it still always means something when a new one comes and Thanks me...and my husband.

Right-when's the next round coming out???

117

You don't have kids, do you?

#117 god bless and hope he/you comes home safe. After he kills a few insurgent fuckehads of course.

As for the post? Fuck it Brad's a chick now, doesn't matter what movie he makes from here on out he will always be a bitch to me.

oh yeah and #116 great post. too classy for this site.

#110 - I ditto 116. Bless you both.

Thank you...all of you. I feel like the most popular girl in school, all this love.
Yes, I have two boys, one is 9 the other is 16 months.
If you want to read more about Psycho Baby, see what I just wrote on the Angelina Tattoo thread.

ChickenScratch...

I know this is a little late but I wanted to say something to you...

Thank yo so much for both your service and your husband's service to help protect the liberty of our country. You truly have made a selfless sacrifice that helps so many of your fellow citizens. I hope to God that you both finish up your duty safe and sound.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

-John McCrae

Hello all, my first post. WHOOO-HOOO!!!
To #1 aimtrue,thank you.
After reading your post I had to change my panties due to pissing myself silly.
That was about the funniest f*cking post to date that I've ever read on these two a**clowns.
It was Hi-f*cking-larious.

angelina and brad :)
...
but if it isn't his baby
...
then whose ?
...
:)

Jesus, they both need to take a shit. And the video of their "first interview" since giving birth....Bradmanwhore just sits there like a frozen turd and Angelinagirlwhore blabbers on about how their other kids had an adventure, blah blah blah. Oh let's see, I'm betting this "union" won't last.

@59-

If you're sick of this site, then please feel free to GO THE FUCK AWAY. If you want to stir shit, you fucking troll, please take it elsewhere. Our troll quota is filled, we don't need your witty insights and oh-so-fascinating comments on people who post here. Now run along, shitstain.