Who wants to see that retarded pussy anyway?

Does anybody even read Playboy anymore? It's all about the Swank.

She's looking more and more like the Rolling Stones cartoon logo.

I don't think that issue would sell too well.

The only thing worse that looking at her ugly mug would be seeing the whole ugly body unclothed. No wait, the only thing worse than that would be if she was singing, too.

she is actually pretty cute, like Shrek is cute.

Come to think of it, maybe we could all pool our money and come up with $4 million to pay her to go away forever. Now that would be worth it. Too bad Warren Buffett didn't donate some of his wealth to THAT worthy cause.

i'm still waiting on joe simpson to pose in playgirl....grrrr.....oh wait, i mean....i like vagina....

http://www.popculturepundit.blogspot.com/

It's good to see playboy lowering it's standards!!

I'm surprised Joe Simpson let her turn it down.

Wow, there's guys out there that would PAY to see her naked?

Plus, Papa Simpson wanted to keep her "goodies" for his own personal viewing pleasure.

"It could be one way for her to separate her image from Jessica's."

Yeah, i like that... like anyone would have cared about her and she wouldn't have got a record deal if it hadn't been for her sister in the first place. They already tried the old 'one's brunette, one's blonde' trick but i see that wasn't a big enough difference for us to be able to tell them apart. So they are going for the 'this one's a slut' image

4 Million Dollars!!!! Playboy!!!!

thats no chump change.... even tho I'm sure her father doesn't want anyone to see his little girl's pussy.... she should have done it!!!

Millions of boys everywhere just shed a tear.... even if they don't want to admit they wanna see her let it all hang out... they totally do... a celebrity pussy is still a pussy & we all know you can't hide your eyes from the trainwreck

Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date, But a year to make love she wanted you to wait, Let me tell ya a story of my situation, I was talkin to this girl from the u.s. nation. The way that I met her was on tour at a concert. She had long hair and a short miniskirt. I just got onstage drippin, pourin with sweat. I was walkin through the crowd and gues who I met? I whispered in her ear, "come to the picture booth so I can ask you some questions to see if you are a hundred proof. I asked her her name, she said
blah-blah-blah. She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra. I took a couple of flicks and she was enthused. I said, "how do you like the show"?
She said, "I was very amused". I started throwin bass, she started throwin back mid-range. But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange. Then when I asked, do ya have a man, she tried to pretend
She said, no I dont, I only have a friend... Come on, Im not even goin for it...This is what Im goin say..

You, you got what I need but you say hes just a friend. And you say hes just a friend, oh baby. You, you got what I need but you say hes just a friend
But you say hes just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say hes just a friend
But you say hes just a friend

So I took blah-blahs word for it at this time
I thought just havin a friend couldnt be no crime
cause I have friends and thats a fact
Like agnes, agatha, germaine, and jacq
Forget about that, lets go into the story
About a girl named blah-blah-blah that adored me
So we started talkin, getttin familiar
Spendin a lot of time so we can build up
A relationship or some undderstanding
How its gonna be in the future we was plannin
Everything sounded so dandy and sweet
I had no idea I was in for a treat
After this was established, everything was cool
The tour was over and she went back to school
I called every day to see how she was doin
Everytime that I ccalled her it seemed somethin was brewin
I called her on my dime, picked up, and then I called again
I said, yo, who was that? oh, hes just a friend
Dont gimme that, dont ever gimme that
Jus bust this

You, you got what I need but you say hes just a friend
And you say hes just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say hes just a friend
But you say hes just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say hes just a friend
But you say hes just a friend

So I came to her college on a surprise visit
To see my girl that was so exquisite
It was a school day, I knew she was there
The first semester of the school year
I went to a gate to ask where was her dorm
This guy made me fill out a visitors form
He told me where it was and I as on my way
To see my baby doll, I was happy to say
I arrrived in front of the dormitory
Yo, could you tell me where is door three?
They showed me where it was for the moment
I didnt know I was in for such an event
So I came to her room and opened the door
Oh, snap! guess what I saw?
A fella tongue-kissin my girl in the mouth,
I was so in shock my heart went down south
So please listen to the message that I say
Dont ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend

I bet her daddy was one insisting she do it... so he could look at her pictures without being considered a perv.

FIRST!

Yeah, it's better to be known for "la-la" and Jessica Simpsons more annoying sister than that naked girl last month.

I wonder if she'd 'lip' sinc for playboy... get it 'lip' sinc!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I think Playboy would sell more copies if they could score Marge Simpson.

I can't believe they were gonna give her 4 million dollars! I thought Hef had better standards than that.

ya, she doesn't need to be in playboy....but she does need to be in porn with that long tongue.

i wonder when her dad will comment on her oral ability like he comments on jessica's huge bodagas.

slickwilliejr... what... WHAT?? When did THAT happen???? (about Jessica)???

I'll give them a picutre of me nakes for $500...

as a baby.

Someone should tell her you can catch more flies with sugar, but I guess her way can work too. I'm sure her tounge has fresh Joe Simpson sperm on it and the flies just stick right to it........................

I think playboy would sewll more copies if they could score Janet Reno.

MyWellRehearsedMistake must be another jane's eyre / feed_me_chocolate alias.

If I had a penis, this is the flacid story of the day. Becuase, ya' know, if I had one - I'd have a raging boner ALL OF THE TIME.

24.
Has to be... how else could she have got that record deal. Daddy's probably been pimping her and her long tongue out to all his record exec buddies. ("pieces of me") haha.

#25 - Yesterday it was herbie. Now today I agree with you. They'd just have to strap Janet down to get her to lay still. S&M spread?

Jacq... too bad you're sexless.

Thanks, Ashlee, for doing us a favor. Nobody wants to see you, let alone naked.

Aaaaaand Joe Simpson puts $3.95 back in his wallet (or whatever an issue costs).

im sure her father/reverend/manager/negotiator tried countering at 5 before turning the deal down all together

26. and you claim you don't wanna pick fights? I am my own mistake.

#2 - Did anyone EVER READ Playboy?

#13 - exactly

We (the employees) seem to understand that no matter how whack they are, a celebrity who is making money at the time is most likely not going to pose nude. Hef apparently doesn't get it. As awful a singer as Ashley is, she surprisingly has a fan base that's buying her records, buying tickets to her shows & keeping her in the public eye & on magazine covers. So, no need for her to pose nude - for now.......

I don't know
why
shes so plant
like and idiosyncraties.

It's not like
anyone
cept joe
is watering that.

lol beeyatches :-)

I have absolutely no desire to see her nekkid...Hef was always about quality women is he slipping in his old age?

Now if Jessica did pose that would be a whole new ballgame.

You guys... what is this:...

http://www.thesuperficial.com/mt/mt-comments.cgi?entry_id=2887

??

I wish Vivid Videos would pay her 4 mil to have her anally gang-banged by 500 of the ugliest hobos, midgets, retards and finish her off with Ron Jeremy. Now that I'll pay to go see

Is there some way we could fix her up with OJ Simpson and the ginsu knife people?

No... they are both highly religious and Christian and would never ear anything revealing, sing about sex or in any way sin like that.

Will Hugh Hefner fucking die already? This months issue has Vida Guerra in it. Vida. Fucking. Guerra. It's not a particularly enlightened pictorial, she's just doing the "artistic nude" thing that Playboy always does. BORING. I wanted to see her legs around the back of her head, spread open so wide that I could see her liver. And last nights dinner. Ok, at least her clothes are off, finally. But, Jess Simpsons anerexic brother? Senile old bastard! If he was an Eskimo, I'd be first in line to put him on an ice-flow and wave goodbye.

35. She does have a fan base but isn't it mainly young girls? They're not gonna buy Playboy if she's naked in it. It's only if men like her that it'd sell well.

Mind you, everyone like to see a train wreck even if we don't want to admit it - maybe thats why they offered her the money. I mean look at Anna Nicole!

"This may be the perfect time for her to do it. It could be one way for her to separate her image from Jessica's."

Jessica has been looking like quite the whore lately with her tits hanging out all over the place...if Ashlee "seriously considered" posing, then it's a big boobie competition!

tom cruise and co probably would give an arm and a leg to be offered 4mil for pictures of their daughter.

not that i'm saying baby porn is stimulating (and it isn't) but maybe heffy should consider other (desperate) sources.

I'M SO SICK OF THIS...
I HAVE THE MOST SENORITY HERE

CHECK THE ARCHIVES YOU IDIOTS!

Vida Guerra is Queen of the Butta face. And as for her infamous ghetto booty, well, I just call it a fat ass and leave it at that. I suppose if Playboy is going to have the likes of Vida gracing its cover, then why not Ashlee? The only reason she turned it down is because her boobie and nonie are for daddy's eyes only. Isn't that sweet?

There is No way that Playboy offered her 4 million. That is more than double what they've ever paid anybody.

@38 Nobody cares how long you have been annoying people on this site. Get back out in the fields and pick some more bananas you fucking peasant. I'll tell you when it's break time you feckless twat.

Hey, M@ce, where you been?

#49

I think DLL in #46 just wants someone to talk to. Why else would you bust out with

"I'M SO SICK OF THIS...
I HAVE THE MOST SENORITY HERE

CHECK THE ARCHIVES YOU IDIOTS!"

totally out of the blue? Craving attention!

SMASHING!!

46. where did that come from? And what are you sick of? i thought we were criticising "celebrities" not bowing down to a leader.

Very good. Carry on.

53
Yeah, WTF was that about? I don't recall ever seeing that name before. Maybe trying to be funny?

Man you guys are a bunch of gays, she's hot, I really wish she would have done this.

She should have a naked spread in Bits N Pieces magazines of all the parts she's had removed or shaved off.

That would be borderline kiddy porn. Albeit one ugly fucking kid, but still, very close to kiddy porn.

Not gay, just a girl that doesn't care if she poses naked or not sorry.
i'm sure you can find naked pics of her somewhere on the net isn't that what it's for?

Ashlee Simpson is the most beautiful girl out there. Here face is amazing specially after her nose job...makes her look 1000x better. If that wasn't enough she has a body that is to die for!!!!!

I would love to see Ashlee on Playbay...com'on Heff UP the offer!!!!!!

If you want to see some annoying bratty self-obsessed teenybopper twat's twat, just go to myspace.

#43 - I'm sure her fan base is mainly young girls but my poi8nt is that she has a shitload of money & she's all over the place right now. Frightening, I know. So, for now, she doesn't need the exposure or the cash.

We were happy as hell to see Vida on the cover because we're sick of the same old thing month after month. So damn annoying. Not too crazy about her pictorial but it's a start. The international versions of Playboy are waaaaay hotter & better. Even the Indonesia one and they aren't even allowed to have nudes in their magazine!

#56 & #60

yes, Ashley is the most beautiful girl, Paris is a virgin, and Lohan has never touched drugs.

Actually, out of morbid curiousity, I too would have liked to see her in Playboy.

Think about how much it'd be worth when she finally bottoms out a la Britney Spears...

#16 must be on a dial-up dinosaur!

#60 - Mr. Simpson is that you???

I swear to God this bitch cannot close her mouth.

Well I would mind seeing "pieces" of her, because she does have a rack and is pretty clueless. They can probably get her to pose for the "100 things you can do with a cucumber" spread. Although I do wonder how they'll get Joe's cock airbrushed out of her mouth...

@49 Feckless twat, lol, that's a good one.

DLL is just another one of lame-ass banana's butt-munching personalities. Both use caps and both talk about senority.

Sorry, I'm usually just a lurker and had to get that out of my system.

Love the site and can't get enough of most of you.

@42 Having Ashlee Simpson in Playboy couldn't be worse than LaToya Jackson, blech!

#70... I couldn't have written a better comment. DITTO.

I'd buy it.

Playboy offered ME $4 million to pose nude, but I told them NO WAY -- I have standards -- and there was no way in hell that I would take my clothes off for money, unless they could hook me up with a little blow and maybe airbrush that goiter from my neck.

It actually might have been "Hot and Horny Housewives," not Playboy, come to think of it.

Jacq, Jacq, Jacq - first you agree with herbiefrog and now lame-ass-bananarama?
What are you on, Prozac, Paxil or just shooting up heroin again? Still love ya, just starting to get worried.

This ugly, non-singing cunt Ashlee Simpleton shouldn't get paid 4¢ to pose naked. I'm glad she turned it down, now I won't have to risk getting corneal replacement surgery if I accidentally see the pics.
Guess this means Hef has finally gone senile.
The king is dead, long live the king.

@14

OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP LAME BANANAS... I SWEAR I HAVEN'T EVEN BOUGHT BANANAS SINCE YOU RUINED THIS WEBSITE... I think you made me develop a strong aversion to it.

Maybe if your SN was iamcocaine or iamheroine or iamweed, we would get a lot of people to give up narcotics. You know.. they'd develop an aversion to it also. Like me and bananas.

GO AWAY

Sweetcheeks, that goiter is one of your best features. Besides, you should never change for THE MAN or his magazine. Heck, just paint a nipple on it. Love me, love my goiter.

Oh puleeezz... She doesn't have much to show anyway. Her little sneak peek at her plumber's ass wasn't too appealing, either.

And Uh oh, I'm sensing a pretend coob that got annoyed of the real coob.. lol.

I wrote comment #60 and I stand by it. Ashlee is beautiful.
Her breast are nice and big, and she has long silky legs!!!
Her ass is big and juicy...Mr. Heff give her 10mil she is well worth it.

bito - sorry to hear about your misfortunes.
Hard to believe that somebody who is blind and deaf can still post on these boards.
Way to go, you are an inspiration to all the other handicapped fucktards in the world.

80
If you read it in the context of it being a Carl's Jr. commercial, it makes better sense

#80 You are right...Heff give her 20mil!!!!!!!!

Having never purchased a Playboy magazine in my 20some years, (unless you include last months issue with Vida Guerra), I would be willing to bet that "people" would go out and buy this. Because "people" still think of her as barely legal, and I....I mean "people" just love barely legal nude girls.

is carl's jr and hardees the same thing?

Never heard of Hardee's, so I couldn't tell ya.

Joe told Ashlee not unless Heff would consider a daddy/daughter theme. Sick bastard.

Id like to see her in Hustler. I like seeing a womans crotch spread wide open.

84
I just Googled Hardee's and it does look like the same thing. They've both got the Happy Star.

I would fuck her..........Not with my dick, but with her old nose

Hardee's is the east coast version of Carl's Jr. Great burgers. Too bad I can't eat a burger from either place without having thoughts of STDs because of Paris the Whore and her stupid fucking commercial.

They even have Hardee's in Canada. Wow, we are pretty off topic, lol.

I would by the Playboy if she was naked, getting beaten with a baseball bat like Vito the fag on the Sopranos. Now that would be quality!

Playboy actually backed out when they saw that her ghole matched her tongue. (NSFW)
http://www.e-sthetics.com/GENITAL/LABIA/3pre.jpg

thats a really pretty picture of her....

How fucking lame is Playboy. You asked the wrong sister you fucktards. Not even a donkey wants to see Ashlee's shit naked

Hell, I'd like to see her naked. Call me crazy, but she looks damn good lately. And all of you fat ugly people out there that can't get laid are the ones that say they wouldn't wanna see her, because they are ashamed of themselves. So they just say stupid shit like, "ew gross, not even a donkey would wanna see her naked," as they beat off to this site while they are typing their comment. Well, I have news for you all, I WANNA SEE HER NAKED!

i'd like to see her naked too, but no fuckin' way did playboy offer her 4mil. that's got to be a planted story.

LAMBANANAS you are fuckin weird, im sick of seeing your name posted
fuck off to another website

Saucie -- finally, someone who accepts me for what I really am! A voluptuous, sensual, PASSIONATE woman with a goiter the size of a volleyball on her neck. I'm touching it right now and thinking of you. Is that wrong?

This Halloween, I'm going to paint a face on it and go trick-or-treating as a two-headed circus freak. It's gonna be AWESOME.

I think she looks great after the surgery. Way hot. I could see that issue being a big seller.

I wouldnt mind the two posing together, given they are all about incest anyways. Take advantage of the sluttyness I say. Maybe Ashlee grabbing Jessica's huge tits hard from behind while Jessica sits with her legs open on a chair, nothing between your eyes and a dripping, completely waxed pussy but a couple of fingers; and long, long fingernails. Pictures of them kissing, one hand in each others crotches, the other visibly wet with c*nt juice and running through one another's hair. Jessica pictured from behind, bending over, tits hanging down etc etc etc

ashlee simpson?! Surely that would be for paedophiles. isn't she only like 14 or something?!?
I don't see why she doesn't do it, her sister sold out her love life to the world

it was actually 2.2 million not 4, how do i know? because i am hugh hefner in disguise

#103 Let's give her 20mil!! Anything to see that angel naked!!!

which is why i spelt my own surname wrong ahem i meant heffner of course

Uhhh - I don't think I would look away if the pics were in front of me. She needs a nose job and a rock star boyfriend to complete the loser package.

no one wanted to see max the moon in playboy any way...

I wonder how many of you are playboy worthy? It's so funny to me how you are all tearing this girl apart, like somehow you are better. No matter if you think she is attractive or not, she is the one offered 4 million dollars to pose, not you, your family, your friends, your kids, your spouse, your mother, no not any of these but instead ashlee. Isn't it easy to throw stones, name call, judge, when you are sitting at a keyboard anonymous. Are your lives so empty and depraived that you have to resort to picking apart a person that you don't even know? judging someone who could buy you and your whole family? It's pathetic, it's almost sad.

I think she's cute and way more talented then her sister.

#108 The fact that you think she's talented is the definitive indication that you must be retarded. Your accusation that we're "tearing a girl apart" that we don't even know is ironic when considering that you're willing to defend a total stranger. Despite my "depraived" life I am able to discern that ashley simpson is a lip syncing whore whose tragic acid reflux must be a consequence of all the fellatio required to get her a record contract. Aside from the pedophile and murderer population in prison, every living individual is in fact better than Ashley simpson.

I guess I'll concede- a.simpson is "playboy worthy," (ie slutty and dumb enough) so go cry for her worthless life somewhere else. pathetic.

ashlee simpson is effin hott and maybe the girls in here dont like her because she hotter than them but i know for a fact that if ashlee simpson was in playboy every guy here would be wacking off to her

$4 million!!! She's worth $4, and that's on a good day. I can't stand this bitch. Can't put my finger on it -- maybe it's the ever-emanating immaturity, or the faux-ho teasing, the fact that she doesn't have two brain cells to rub together, anyway, she makes me wretch. Plastic surgery or not, she looks like she should be pushing samples at Costco.

109 glad to see I got to you. Have you thought of seeking help for your obvious sexual problems?

110 xplayoboyx, 108 gabster, 96 Lettusaurus & 79 bito... DITTO.

1), It's just a rumor and probably not true at that. 2), Besides, she's still a hot commodity and damn plenty hot with her clothes on; she doesn't need to do Playboy so why do it.

I'm primed and proud to be going off to punk pogo and whirling dervish to Ashlee, her songs and spunk, the sights and sounds of her fabulous tongue, mouth and body, all LIVE on July 5th at the club Hampton Beach Casino. I will be sure to give a Superficial "l.o.v.e." shout-out.
----------------------------------------------------
Ashes to Ashes, Angel Dust to Highway Stardust, this Megatop Phoenix gonna rise above, like us she must... Little sister, you'll outrun both the sun and the son as you a hell of a lot more than outdo what your big sister done... Keep on rockin' in the freebird world... She can dance she can sing she can clown she can bring it on with everything and more till there's nothing left to lose out on the floor but herself in our l.o.v.e. for her...

She probably can't pose nude until her weirdo dad releases the photo's HE took! hahahha Seems this talentless lip-syncher would be best served by doing something to make people actually pay Attention to her. I mean...we can't be expected to actually LISTEN to that shit she screams out. What a family of self-promoters they all are. Must've been fun growing up as a hypocritical baptist. Oh wait....aren't ALL believers,Hollywood-hypocrits? I say Pose nude girlie girl and take the publics mind off of your caterwaulin crooning!

Yeez Ill Give Her 4 Bucks...