May 3 2006Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest break up

First again?

Call me Alison.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's a good fucking day today, Superficial MoFos!

Making out with Teri Hatcher would be like tongue kissing a corpse.

A corpse who had been sexually abused and had constant diarrhea of the mouth.

What a fucking shame

So close to first yet so far.

Ryan Seacrest is the doucheiest of all douches.

Wow not even close- people comment FAST.

You know George tossed her one good and then moved on

I saw a picture of Seacrest "kissing" a stripper in Us Weekly. I say "kissing" because

a) I didn't know it was humanly possible to extend a tongue that far out of the mouth

b) Her throat was bulging from the pressure and

c) I think it was actually an Orca tongue. It was all big and bumpy, just like a killer whale's.

I think Teri Hatcher is beautiful, he is crazy never to talk to her again.......

Ryan Seacrest is not gay, when are you guys gonna leave the star of American Idol alone?
I don't see any of you kissing Teri Hatcher....

What were we talking about again?

If Ryan Seacrest was straight, he wouldn't be kissing *Teri Hatcher*...that was totally a photo op

Stallion, that was sarcasm, right? I'm used to seeing putdowns from you and that really threw me off. Besides, everybody knows RSLTC.

I think the second reason he couldn't do this with her (aside from the fact that he sooo loves the cock Tom Cruise style) is that she was beginning to look a little too much like a to' up Whitney Houston...look at her!

#11 I believe we were talking about Land-Man's cock. Or lack thereof.

So much for killing those gay rumors.

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

Who fucking cares...

Besides...Teri Hatcher has lopsided tits. Wasn't there a movie she was in after 'Lois and Clark' and it was a big deal cuz she flashed her tits...and then we all found out they were lopsided...so unless she got a job done...not interested...that and she should play the wicked witch of the west from some closeups I've seen.

You don't wear a ballcap and sweatpants on a 3rd date...you save that for when you've been married for a year or two and couldn't care less.

They were just simply celebrating his new job as host of the new show "America's Saddle-Bag-Faced Idol" and her impending victory.

Actually this was all the result of a mean practical joke. Simon convinced Ryan that Teri Hatcher was the guy who played the woman/man in "The Crying Game." Ryan saw this as an opportunity to "have his cake (cock?) and eat it too" but was surprised to find out that there was no cake (cock) to be had.

Obviously they were both in cahoots to make Ryan look straight... Teri is dumb enough to help with that sort of thing, you know? It's all a big setup and anyone would be a tool if they really thought Teri or Ryan was even the slightest bit infatuated.

How does a straight woman break-up with a gay man?
I guess she's taking her ass somewhere else.

There's something singularly distressing about thinking of your tongue getting coated with chunks from Terri Hatcher's lobstery piehole.

@13 of course...........

23, thanks for making me puke up my pancakes before i had a chance to do it myself in the office bathroom

I met Seacrest one time at a Quik-Stop in Scranton one time and he we made out by the broken pay phone. It was probably the greatest day of my life. I wanted to call all my friends and tell them about it, but as I said before, the pay phone was broken.

Sorry about # 26- I can't type this morning. That's what happens when you don't work very often. Unless you call watching Ryan Seacrest get undressed from behind the bushes at his bedroon window a job.

I'd really like to kick Teri in the clit.

Ryan too.

PapaHotNuts,
from PA too? Now I won't have to go that far to stalk ya!

PapaHotNuts,
from PA too? Now I won't have to go that far to stalk ya!

I think Seacrust got freaked out when she kept screaming "fuck me uncle".

Is it just me or have the posts on the superficial been completely unfunny the last few days. Its like all the good writers went on strike, kind of like them mexicans. Viva Mexico!

OMG. Here I was beginning to think Seacrest wasn't gay. But now my world is shattered. The only way to fix it is for Ryan to say those magical words on the air.........

Tom Cruise, Out!

i miss edna:(

"Teri Hatcher explained on Oprah yesterday that she and Ryan Seacrest haven't seen each other since the day they were caught kisisng."

I suppose "kisisng" is something that corpses and closeted gay men do. It doesn't sound pretty. Because it isn't.

Why would you think I'm from PA? Because I have "PA" in my name?

Are you from AR? MA? MS? AL? LA?

I'm actually from the school of hard knocks, located in the state of confusion.

Men! Give up the goods too early and they're gone.

Look at that kiss, I mean, really examine it. Does that look passionate? Or does it look like the kiss shared between two relatives that don't like each other? And Ryan "can't do this"? He must be the only gay guy in Hollywood that can fuck up a staged relationship. It's called acting, Ryan, Tom Cruise does it all the time. One last thought - how long before Teri cries to whoever will put her on the cover of a magazine about how she was fingerbanged by Ryan. Seacrest, out... yes, yes indeed.

You've been kissing whales there sweetcheeks..?
Once you go the non-human mammals route there's no going back, save ya-self, for down that road only lies insanity.

On another matter, I'm guessing that Seacrest thought Hatchet was post-op, she/he's really pre-op, hasn't all her/his piping installed.

I'm guessing this relationship would have gone on allot longer if she hadn't kept pressuring him to have sex in a van outside her house.

Papa, I think it was the fact that you referred to making out with Seacrest in Scranton. Why the hell would anyone be in Scranton, unless they lived there?

He has done this to someone else. He told another girl that he wasn't pretty enough to date him. What a skeeze!

I once was in Scranton and bet some lady on the street corner $100 dollars that she couldn't get me off. A cop saw this and was gonna arrest me but couldn't decide if it was gambling or prostitution. Cop's are dumb in general but they are really stupid in Scranton, cause he let me go............

By the way if you were wondering, I lost the bet.......

From the source:

She added that, on the day of the smooch – their third date, but first time out alone –Seacrest called and told her, "I don't think I can do this with you."

I wonder if he finished that with "SEACREST OUT!"

Please, My grandmother gets more tongue than that at one of her bridge club lunches. That was a gay guy and his fag out out for a day of shopping.

I just farted.

maybe it was the lobster?

but it probably was the crabs.

or teri's penis.

kind of a tough call on this one

I'm sorry - I just picked myself up off the floor laughing hysterically for three hours after trying to imagine Ryan Seacrest as a love 'em and leave 'em type.

What I miss?

@ 42, I know what 31 meant, I just thought anybody with a name as dumb as hers deserved a little sarcasm.

And Stallion, that is both gambling and prostitution. Trust me, they are both encouraged in Louisiana and I take full advantage of these wonderful opportunities.

So what?

She looks like a spider and who the fuck is he anyway?

I read that "Seacrest" is the most common surname in Gay World.

You know something's fucked up with the world when Ryan Seacrest is turning down women.

#52 Professor James Moriarty?

That's fine with me, I love sarcasm, pretty much anything that end is asm...so keep it coming or cumming.

i don't get teri's "lobster" answer..ryan seacrest is anti-lobster? strange, because i heard he likes to shove them up his ass.

holly, i swear the whole time i was reading this, i was thinking what a gay name "seacrest" is. great minds think alike.

#55 Indeed

Maybe she thinks that the smell coming from her yam yam is due to a high lobster intake. How could she not realize his problem comes from a general dislike of pooosey.

I read that "Gaycrest" is the most common surname in SeaWorld.

#33, you missed have skipped over #20. I've been laughing all day about that one. Dickwad.

#37, she thought PA because you tried to call me from Scranton but you couldn't get to me because (a) the phone was broken and (b) I'm not your friend.

@51 - Sorry, missed the sarcasm.

And Harrah's is open again down here. I'm sure the machines aren't set to "Re-coup loss" mode.

#62, why don't you read the earlier posts before you make wiseass remarks. Dickwad.

@62- Of course you're my friend, unless you don't want to be. In that case, I hope you fucking die in the jaws of a shark.

@63- FEMA actually gets a nice cut from the government as it collects gaming fees from the casinos. The same people FEMA gave money to so their homes can be rebuilt, will be giving it right back to FEMA when they lose at the slots or tables. Our government rocks.

Oh and before I forget, Teri Hatchet's present situation can be summed up thusly: she has become a whiny fag hag.

Next stop for her Andy Dick, 'cause he's been acting all hard lately.

Is Teri Hatchet related to Molly?

I heard she kicked him in the penis. Which means she was aiming for his rectum, where he stores his spare...

Trotter, are you sure? I thought he kept his primary in his ass and his backup in his mouth. I guess you could be right.

If only Teri could convey sadness through facial expressions she could show us how upset she is over losing such a studmuffin as Seacrust.

So do you think Ryan Seacrest is more gay or more vain?

For instance, if Clay Aiken was fucking him and Ryans Toupee fell off would he stop to grab it or wait til after?

That was the most aquward kiss in the world... And it dosen't coiunt if you're first if you don't have something funny to say... it's just annoying and stupid.

What does "tcltc" mean???

@69 - My bad. Had him confused with David Spade.

@71 - I'm going with more Vain. He'd sooner get the aids than get spooge in his hair. "Just come in my mouth! Don't mess the toupee!"

They were a match made in hell that's for sure. ICK!

Maybe he doesn't have time for a woman what with his 3 jobs and all..or maybe he's a flaming queen.

#73, Since you're asking again, I'll fill you in:

These Celebrities Love To Cook

OK, that one sucked. I know someone else out there has a better one.

I can see why he finds her attractive...she looks like a dude. SEriously the slut has no tits. She probably has a baby peepee hiding somewhere between her legs.

hahaha as if you ate!!... lobster AHA...he was probably freaked-out because of the vomiting-sounds coming out of the bathroom later that night or hipotesis 2 because she decided to over-exercise and since it was late she used hardcore sadomasoquist weird sex

17 - yeah, it was "Heaven's Prisoners" and it killed her career for a decade.

Jeez - who's trying harder not to vomit in that picture? I think Hatcher is closer to actually vomiting, but Seacrest seems to be trying harder not to. Enh - 6 and 1.

SEACREST OUT!

this pic gives me gas!

Wondering whether Ryan Seacrest is gay or not brings to mind a song.......

>> Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?

You can DOWNLOAD Chris Daughtry singing it here:
http://www.pretendpundit.com/2006/04/download_chris.html

_

Good to know I'm not the only one repeatedly mistaking her for a man.

FA!!! I couldn't even watch that movie. And I was drunk when I tried to watch it. Drunkeneze requires that you get sucked into whatever is on the television, no matter how bad. That bad. Really. Sucked. She should have died in that plane crash in the very beginning. Wasn't it supposed to be down here in LA somewhere...?

Everyone thinks we all live in swamps, wear floppy hats, and say 'cher' (no, not HER).

You are all so chasing the very, very unimportant part of the story. How about, "As for her alleged romance with George Clooney, "That was really fabricated," she said. "We went to one dinner back in December, and that was it. … No kissing."" Why do you think "No kissing?" This guy is so gay! The Ryan Seacrest rumors are completely meaningless in the entertainment world. The fact that you have this huge cover-up about George Clooney's sexual identity by the Hollywood press is hilarious.

Maybe he set the whole thing up and used her for that photo-op? My very first thoughts went that way. I think he told the paparazzi where they'd be because she said it was a secluded and out of town place. Who knows? Maybe they both agreed and decided to get caught kissing just to make waves in the tabloids and follow suite with all the rest of the meaningless stories put up for sale?
Besides...does that kiss really look like a 3rd date kiss? Come on!

...e...ww.