May 2 2006Paris Hilton is religious and awesome

Mother... Fucking... FIRST!

A funny post would be a real first for you.

Now I actually have to say something. Uh, Paris, Mary Magdalene called. She says you're a whore.

Why such anger, Land-fag?

Is it because you realized that you were measuring in metric all along?

Right after her comments, the Angel of Death was given a brown envelope with a detailed dossier on this hooker's movements and hangouts.

#3 OK. Funny. I laughed out loud.

i thought she was doing the kabbalah thing?

I can't believe I'm the first to say this.......
PHLTC

how come you all still posted before me...i was away from my computer for 2 minutes and i still couldnt get first.

Paris is just jealous that after nicole lost all that weight she looks so much skinnier and classier than her.

....or WWPD. Probably fuck half the parishioners and finger diddle the choir.

um... when you are as skinny as nicole is now... it doesn't look classy... it looks scarey

first

#9:

I've had three "firsts" on SF, and I can honestly tell you that it's over-rated. It has done absolutely nothing to fill the tremendous void I feel in my soul.

Such a chasm of despair can only be filled, I believe, by pushing Paris Hilton off a cliff.

Why is the webmaster torturing us with these mind numbing posts about this bitch who should be molested with a car's piston?

Perhaps, instead of several confessions, she might want to commit all sins she can, and later confess them all for once. Who said Paris Hilton wasn't smart?
(BTW, I am catholic)
#13, I got 2 firts: dunno why the big fuss about.

I recently wrote about this on my blog as well.

Except, I just had to comment on the falling out between Nicole Richie and Paris in this particular situation.

"Paris also went on to explain how she is responsible for Nicole Richie’s success. She said, "I brought her on the show, and all of a sudden she became this different person."

Well, if I were Nicole, I would start hating you after I used you for what I wanted to. What is there to like other than being a petri dish of STDs.

http://www.derekhail.com/2006/05/02/paris-hilton-is-holier-than-thou/

With regard to not being able to enter in a church, the reason she doesn't is because having sex in the confessional with a nun is just downright wrong and the church doesn't want that to get out. THey are already dealing with pedophiles.

I aspire never to be first. So far, I am 100% never first. I am Spectacular.

she must be religious, she's playing Mother Teresa in that new movie...

#11, since when does Nicole Richie look "classy?"

jesus hates you, paris hilton

The only reason Paris would go to church is if she had a priest fetish. If it is true, and she does attend regularly, I pity the poor father who has to take her confession. The priests probably draw straws when she comes in due to the fact that she must recount so many sins her time in the confessional lasts forever. Or they draw straws because they like the salacious details...

Since the webmaster has decided to bore us with repeated posts about Paris, I have decided to help his cause by posting this shit from Askmen.com:

Paris Hilton sets the standard for the wealthy, twenty-something socialites of the 21st century. Her privileged upbringing as heiress to the Hilton millions and her whirlwind itinerary of partying make her seem like a perfect subject for Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

Even a life that is such an Epicurean feast is not without its hiccups. Paris has garnered unwanted attention in the tabloids for her connections with movie stars such as Leonardo DiCaprio and Edward Furlong, not to mention a sex tape that made its way onto the Internet. And she hasn't helped matters with her obnoxious conduct at a number of functions and parties at such high-profile venues as the notorious Studio 54, which has been duly publicized by the gutter press.

Nevertheless, Paris has made some efforts to step out of the imposing shadow of the Hilton name. She has established herself as a model and taken the first steps toward starting an acting career, as well as made inroads into the business end of the fashion world. It's too soon to tell just how successful these ventures will be, and whether the name Paris Hilton will ever mean more than a hotel in France.

personality & talent
61

Sadly, it seems that Paris' reputation as a "poor little rich girl" is justified. While by all accounts Paris has good relationships with her family, especially her sister and party partner Nicky, her public persona tends to be haughty and self-centered. Along with her well-publicized bathroom line-cutting, another example of Paris' self-absorption is that her favorite movie is Zoolander -- in which she appears.

As for talent, Paris' ventures in film and fashion entrepreneurship have yet to really take off. But to be fair, merely in her early 20s, Paris still has a lot of time to explore and establish herself as something other than just another excessively wealthy socialite.

sexiness
84

Despite her protestation that she hates being famous, Paris adores the spotlight, and is very uninhibited (as her appearance in a homemade sex tape with ex-boyfriend Rick Solomon would suggest). Combine that lack of restraint with a pouty, girlish joie de vivre, and you've got quite a package -- or a handful, if you tend to be more cynical.

In the end, Paris' sexiness is a matter of personal preference. Her lack of sophistication, despite a privileged upbringing, when amplified by infantile antics, could be a real turnoff for many. Nevertheless, a breezy attitude, a pretty face, and a juicy bankroll are enough for some men. And since when were "respectable" women automatically sexy anyway?

accomplishments & fame
67

Ironically, Paris' main accomplishment is that she has made herself famous without really having accomplished anything, aside from some modeling and bit parts in films like Wishman, Nine Lives, The Hillz, Wonderland, and The Cat in the Hat. She also starred in FOX's reality show, The Simple Life, which featured Paris Hilton and best friend Nicole Ritchie (daughter of Lionel) living on a farm. The show was such a ratings hit that a sequel is being considered.

But you have to give Paris credit for dropping some of her cash on charities and charitable events, such as a casino night to benefit Harlem's Room to Grow charity. And her trying to make a mark in the real world is commendable (even if it is the rather bogus world of fashion).

Paris' fame remains closer to notoriety than true recognition. She is still a fixture in gossip columns and the tabloid press thanks to her antics at parties and string of high-profile boyfriends, and has now apparently become a role model for other attention starved socialites looking to up their public profile.

natural beauty
78

Paris isn't quite a voluptuous knockout, but she certainly is pretty, and her success as a model is understandable. Her slender frame is certainly the stuff of cover girls. Her blonde hair, brown eyes, and sensuous mouth round out the picture.

But since she is still in her early 20s, Paris has the waifish, not-quite-developed look of an awkward teenager, which can detract from her assets. Perhaps in a few more years her beauty will mature a little more, and, by doing so, deepen.

personal style
76

Paris' style leaves a bit to be desired, as it tends to shock rather than soothe. At a high-profile L.A. shindig, for example, she wore a white shredded-hem silk dress with rhinestones by Heatherette, sky-high Patricia Field platforms, and a white bomber hat by Gucci -- and she looked like a dude ranch reject.

Usually, Paris can be seen in low-slung Frankie B. jeans, a tank top, a denim jacket, faux-diamond waistbands, and too much makeup: in other words, a more urban kind of overpriced pseudo-chic. It's difficult to imagine Paris in anything truly elegant.

You see?? Paris is a nice girl! All those horrid lesbians that comment on this site that make fun of her are going to burn in HELL!

This is actually great news.

The Pope just announced he is switching to Greek Orthodox and wants a pass though her pearly gates.

Oh great. Now she is going to give herpes to Jesus, too.

First of all, the "Hilton" name is not "imposing," it's a fucking hotel chain. Second the article bolis down to this, she's a spoiled uneducated skank that hasn't proven to have any other talent than being, a spoiled uneducated skank.

Of course no one takes your picture when you say you go to church. For one, you dont go, and two, if you did go, no one is dumb enough to be near you when the lightning bolt strikes you for trying to enter.....

Megan Harris is fired.

bringing nicole on the show was the best thing for her - at least she's kinda thin now.

If Paris entering a church would result in her bursting in to flames (That's HOT)..I'm all for it. That skankalacious douche-bag has done NOTHING to warrant all the attention she is getting, not to mention all the business she is giving pharmaceutical companies by her spreading her legs, her STD's, and puffer fish bubble eye!

MeganHarris I know who you are. If you don't want me to expose you, stop posting immediately.

I am watching you.....

Jeff

first, whats the deal with posting first? its so fuckin lame, for real.

secondly, why did paris suddenly bring up nicole? they were talkin about church i though.

Wow, what a dumbshit. She gives interviews to regular magazines and talks about how much she likes to party...then she gives an interview to a GAY magazine and talks about how deeply she adears to a religeon that doesn't accept them into it's ranks. LOL!!!! Next she is going to donate a receipi to a cook books for Diabetics called "Paris' old fasioned sugar cookies" what a dumb bitch.

Christ! When will I be first!

#25 funny

tcltc still

Akapee - Your long posts, including the one in the Lindsay thread are fucking annoying. I do not like you.

If Paris is such a devout Catholic, when does she have time to get into trouble? When does she finish her Hail Marys or get out of the confessional?

Could this have anything to do with the possibility of her playing Mother Teresa in a movie of her life? I am sceptical of Paris' catholic beliefs...not sure why?!
http://celebrityreligion.typepad.com/celebrity_religion/2006/05/paris_does_it_i.html

#23...how does Paris being Catholic but not getting photographed in church make her a nice girl?

forgive me father for i have sinned... i can just imagine how that would go!

where did edna go? i wanted to see what she would say about this

MeganHarris is the new Edna Bambrick.

Oooooooh i'm soooo scared TaftHartley! You're going to expose me! Uh, let me save you the trouble, I'm Megan Harris.

BigJim I've lost all respect for you now...wait I never had any.

LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!! (tool)

guys, back off paris.
all she wants to do is get down on her knees before her savior and do whatever it is she can to please him...

Jeff/Megan: enough already. Get a room.

@22

wit
-5

innovation
-5

annoyance factor
+100

White
Trash
Fag:

You opinion means so much to me. Isn't it time for you to pick up your mom and sister from the Mustang Ranch?

damn, i almost shit myself i was laughing so hard at that one BigJim.

righto..my good man...(SLAP!)

I can't believe she has the nerve to say she is a Christian. I could just imagine the things she says in confession.

I can't stand to look at pictures of this woman. I'm sorry if thats mean. But she looks more and more like a man-woman every day.

What is tcltc????????

Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls
Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Go to Fred Segal, you'll find them there
Laughing loud so all the little people stare
Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne
(Drop a name)
What happened to the dreams of a girl president
She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent
They travel in packs of two or three
With their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny tees
Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?
Oh where, oh where could they be?

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

(Break it down now)
Disease's growing, it's epidemic
I'm scared that there ain't a cure
The world believes it and I'm going crazy
I cannot take any more
I'm so glad that I'll never fit in
That will never be me
Outcasts and girls with ambition
That's what I wanna see
Disasters all around
World despaired
Their only concern
Will they **** up my hair

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

[Interlude]
Oh my god you guys, I totally had more than 300 calories
That was so not sexy, no
Good one, can I borrow that?
[Vomits]
I WILL BE SKINNY

(Do ya thing, do ya thing, do ya thing)
(I like this, like this, like this)
Pretty will you **** me girl, silly as a lucky girl
Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!
Pretty would you **** me girl, silly as a lucky girl
Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, stupid girl!

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

#35, I agree with you, someone likes to play with the copy and paste option on their computer. If I wanted to read a magazine article praising this bitch, I would pick up a copy of Seventeen. It's simple, she's a "stupid spoiled whore" and I wish she was electrocuted. Also, we already saw the lyrics to that stupid song on the Lindsey Lohan story. Think of something original to post.

Paris Hilton will just say whatever she needs to get her face in the newspapers. She knows she's running out of steam...

Well - there'll always be Paris, I suppose. But now that she owns the site - I think she should lay off the stories a bit.
This is getting to be like Oprah's 'O' Magazine. ('Hummmm...who's on the cover this week. Oh , yeah. Right. I get it.')
BTWUII

Jacq: Are you from AZ? I thought you were a Canadaling, but I just read that stefani post (cause I don't want to work any more). Just curious.

in other news *points flamethrower at Meghan Harris, lambananas and akapee* Ohh, wait, no marshmallows, be right back!

Paris is a Catholic, huh? well that probably explains why the Pope is going to relax the Church's stance on contraception... check it out here
http://celebrityreligion.typepad.com/celebrity_religion/2006/04/britney_pregnan.html

If I wanted to read what was written on askmen.com, I'd fucking GO to askmen.com. For the love of God quit that. Everybody hates it.

I'm gonna hunt that fucky-face Akapee down like a dirty dog. Fuck off with the literary posts, you stupid fuckwad.

BigJim, I'd let you come first....

31 Please don't expose meganharris. I don't want to see her hairy tiny penis.

#3, BigJim- you are hysterical !! Paris religious ......... right, and the fool on the corner in Times Square is selling REAL Rolex's for only $15.00 .... haaaaa !!!!!

AKAPEE (22) MUST DIE

if paris is religious, then herpes must be the new communion slice. "give a girl a greek shipping heir, she's happy for a day; teach her to spread herpes and well, she's fucking paris." amen.

Hah, if she is a real Catholic and believes in the Catholic doctorine and principles and whatever the fuck, she is going STRAIGHT to hell. This is hilarious.

I like how she "comes out" about her religion, and then in the same interview trashed Nicole...what an idiot. I really hope she dies before repenting. Hell, I just want her to die.

She was probably just trying to justify why her crappy-ass cheap jewelry line produced Christian cross pendants and earrings. I would bet my virgin butthole that she hasn't even been confirmed.

Awww catholic....*cough* my arse

$10 says she cant even read above a 4th grade level.

All I can say is HYPOCRIT.

Oh and religion is getting old now, it's dying... People are waking up.

I'll just add this *E*, to your all caps word there #65.

no charge, carry on.

"I brought her on the show, and all of a sudden she became this different person."

Yeah, she became a person who was funnier than you and didn't annoy us nearly as much. I would check the direction of the jealousy arrow, par-par.

LAMBANANAS:

TCLTC stands for: Tom Cruise Loves The Cock, and the first two letters are lately being substituted with other celebrities initials.

There is some Superficial lingo for ya! :-)

Please stop posting "Stupid Girls."

Note to Akapee: Try posting your own comments, instead of AskMen.Com's.

#54 - I'm in San Antonio, TX - that's why I'm so crazy. We kill 'em and grill 'em 'round these parts.

#64 - If you're going to YELL at someone in CAPS, at least SPELL IT RIGHT. Hypocrite. RETARD!

I'm sure after her late Saturday night rituals of club hopping, herpes spreading, and bathroom blowjobs, Paris gets up bright and early to attend church. Her skin probably starts burning when she touches Holy Water.

#33 I agree! She picks OUT magazine to talk about how religeous she is? Asshat!

My ass she's catholic, most catholic girls do not have herpes. I seriously think she would burst into flames if she set foot into ANY church. I'm not sure how this is related to Nicole either...in fact maybe she's suffering from religious guilt over their "falling out".

for her to be experiencing guilt, first she'd have to be human. and we all know that she's really just a giant, big-footed case of walking vd.

oops - regarding my post #69 - I meant to insult #65 - sorry Faye Valentine. I am apparently the RETARD!

I actually got to sit down with Paris for an exclusive interview on her religious views and theological perspectives. OK, so I made it up, but it was fun. :) NSFW!

http://www.drunkenmonkeymovies.com/interviewarchives/hilton.htm

Hope y'all think it's funny. This was just too good to pass up.