May 4, 2006
Jessica Simpson is backwards evolving

Jessica Simpson and her hairdresser Ken Paves were spotted leaving Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills in what can only be described as her final transition into an orangutan. Either that or Ashley Olsen. Or maybe Zoolander. Tomato tomato.
NOTE: You were supposed to read that last line as "toe-may-toe toe-mah-toe." If you didn't, it doesn't make any sense and just looks like I have a fascination with produce. Which I do, but that's neither here nor there. In the meantime, check out more of Jessica Simpson turning into a primate after the jump.


Previous Entries
» Kelly Brook at Three UK premiere» Britney Spears doesn't trust Kevin Federline
» Tom Cruise changes the law
» Britney Spears is having a girl
» Celine Dion breaks own ears


Comments
1. Posted by Mr_White_Secure_American on May 4, 2006 3:46 PM
LIBTARDS!
2. Posted by doesntmatter on May 4, 2006 3:47 PM
um, she looks awful. how about that. her sister is more awful though. i'm allowing here this grace period, only this once though. c'mon jessica, get a new stylist or something! now!!!!!!!
3. Posted by Italian Stallion on May 4, 2006 3:47 PM
Nice suitcase, is her fading career in there?
4. Posted by doesntmatter on May 4, 2006 3:48 PM
actually, i think i just figured it out. she looks like her hair stylist. look at that first photo, her sucked in face looks just like his! ahhh.
frightening.
5. Posted by inspector11 on May 4, 2006 3:49 PM
about a year ago, i specifically remember wanting to have outrageous monkey sex with her. and man is the old saying right on the mon(k)ey - "be careful what you wish for..."
on the other hand, at least she looks like crap.
6. Posted by BigJim on May 4, 2006 3:50 PM
The "O" shape on her mouth is the first two pics is her warming up to go home to her daddy.
Damn, but she looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
7. Posted by ms.magoo on May 4, 2006 3:51 PM
She should really lay off the bleach, and shut her mouth. I bet that's why she's such a dumbass. She's held that position too long and her lil' ol' brain just rolled out.
8. Posted by auh2o on May 4, 2006 3:51 PM
She doesn't look that bad, she just doesn't have all the make up and shit on. I'd still make sweet love to her all night long.
Plus she's leading the charge in the celebrity fad of having a pet hair dresser. How do you respect yourself when that's your job: B-celebrity lackey?
9. Posted by watcher on May 4, 2006 3:53 PM
she is fat.
10. Posted by Ez-EEEE on May 4, 2006 3:54 PM
im confused, if thats her hair dresser, why the fuck isnt her hair fixed?
ill fix her hair for her, with a hammer.
11. Posted by evilcookie007 on May 4, 2006 3:56 PM
She looks like a tranny with a bad Mystic Tan.
12. Posted by CoJo on May 4, 2006 3:56 PM
She is like five minutes away from turning into MeganHarris, or this chick...
http://www.lesliehall.com/8-sweaters1.html
Sorry. While I do consider myself a regular, I can't remember why everyone hates Megan Harris, but this is pretty funny if it's what she really looked like...
13. Posted by SusanJones1 on May 4, 2006 3:56 PM
What happened to her looks? Now they match her brain! I wouldnt think that being married to that Lachey Loser would have a positive apperance effect on a person- but in this case, maybe? She should be with him again- and get her looks back. Or maybe she is finally starting to show the miles from having relations with her pig father for so long. Given time, I bet ashley will start to look worse.
14. Posted by Tha-Flash on May 4, 2006 3:58 PM
Damn she'sssssssssssssssssssssss fine!
15. Posted by Ez-EEEE on May 4, 2006 3:58 PM
lmao, nothing like gold spandex to make the day. but thats not megan harris, the spandex would show off her penis too much.
16. Posted by ELLABELLA on May 4, 2006 3:58 PM
I don't get you people!! She is not fat or ugly. Maybe you should look in the mirror. Give the bimbo a break--she might be stupid but NOT fat and ugly.
GEEZ
17. Posted by Anniebear on May 4, 2006 3:59 PM
Why is her "hairdresser" always with her??
18. Posted by L. on May 4, 2006 3:59 PM
She's gained a lot of weight. Damn......
19. Posted by watcher on May 4, 2006 4:01 PM
she is as fat as hell. i am a bit skinnier than her. i should know, i looked in the mirror.
20. Posted by smutalicious on May 4, 2006 4:03 PM
and here I thought vince neil just finally decided to get rid of the handband and drop a few pounds
21. Posted by smutalicious on May 4, 2006 4:03 PM
head band that is
22. Posted by Jacq on May 4, 2006 4:04 PM
#12 - Is that latex or is that fat-ass sitting on 2 balloons? I heart MeganHarris in gold pants.
#10 - Haven't seen you in a while - I'm glad you're back with a vengence.
Bitch is carrying my Chanel bag.
My bet is that #16 thinks Ella is bella. You are fat and ugly. And, before you say it, I HAVE seen you. I'M WATCHING YOU.
23. Posted by Astriastar on May 4, 2006 4:04 PM
Her hairdresser is Adrian Brody???
24. Posted by Geno on May 4, 2006 4:05 PM
#20-Vince Neil..bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
http://catholictvguy.blogspot.com/
25. Posted by Jacq on May 4, 2006 4:05 PM
Any news from the Britney press conference yet? I'm sure it will be awesomly Brit-ripping good.
26. Posted by watcher on May 4, 2006 4:06 PM
i am still skinnier.
27. Posted by Trotter on May 4, 2006 4:07 PM
@6 Too funny dude.
She looks like Mercedes Rhuel with a bad bleach job.
28. Posted by 86 on May 4, 2006 4:08 PM
They always turn to their hairdressers in a time of crisis.
29. Posted by pinky_nip on May 4, 2006 4:08 PM
If she doesn't shape up soon, the only gig she'll have is an appearance on Celebrity Fit Club.
30. Posted by 86 on May 4, 2006 4:09 PM
She used to show her boobs alot more. Now she's all covered up. Did she gain weight since dukes of hazzard or something? You'd think she'd be partying like crazy...that's what she did before the breakup so what has changed??
31. Posted by MeganHarris on May 4, 2006 4:10 PM
I'm almost positive they are banging. And that guy is a huge druggie. peeps down here have told me stories.
32. Posted by ELLABELLA on May 4, 2006 4:10 PM
Jacq-nice to have admirers but no thanks-keep your CUD to yourself.
33. Posted by 86 on May 4, 2006 4:10 PM
Yeah 25 I'm anxious to hear also.
34. Posted by MeganHarris on May 4, 2006 4:13 PM
Whatever, so you guys found my picture on the internet. you know what? I don't care. And even if that is an old picture, I'm still cute. and i know it. I'm not fat whores like the dyke crew here.
35. Posted by Grphdesi23 on May 4, 2006 4:15 PM
Makeup, sweetie. Use it.
36. Posted by Fisher55 on May 4, 2006 4:16 PM
she looks like Heather Locklear's retarded older sister
37. Posted by downshine on May 4, 2006 4:17 PM
no wonder she looks like a baboon, he ex-husband actually has a career-and she doesn't. its strange how roles can reverse like that...
38. Posted by Tracie on May 4, 2006 4:17 PM
My God, she looks to be in her 40s! It seems even the Mystic Tan damages your skin.
Speaking of Simpsons, has anyone seen Ashlee post-nose job yet?
39. Posted by Fisher55 on May 4, 2006 4:17 PM
btw, is anyone else here having nightmares involving that asian "hedonistica" chick up there?
40. Posted by ELLABELLA on May 4, 2006 4:18 PM
#39 ummm--YES!
41. Posted by radio4play on May 4, 2006 4:19 PM
freaking FIRST!!
she looks like her usual self..so this is news..
Thomas come save us...tcltc..
42. Posted by Fisher55 on May 4, 2006 4:20 PM
and what's george lopez doing in the background?
43. Posted by Tracie on May 4, 2006 4:23 PM
You mean freaking forty-FIRST!! LOL...try refreshing next time. ;)
44. Posted by Fisher55 on May 4, 2006 4:23 PM
wow, she's really feminine and elegant-looking in these photos (but jessica looks like shit)
45. Posted by Fisher55 on May 4, 2006 4:25 PM
http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Motley-Crue-Vince-Neil-Posters_i842429_.htm
46. Posted by 86 on May 4, 2006 4:25 PM
She doesn't look happy anymore.
47. Posted by missscoobie on May 4, 2006 4:26 PM
are we sure that's not David Lee Roth? Cause bitch has his hair down pat.
48. Posted by Spindoc on May 4, 2006 4:27 PM
OK Go with me on this, but isnt' she starting to look kind of like that famous tranny Amanda Lepore?
http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2004/09/09/heaterette2_gallery__331x550,0.jpg
49. Posted by Italian Stallion on May 4, 2006 4:28 PM
@34 MeganHarris if you think your cute you are sadly mistaken. That picture is the ugliest, pastey, looking bitch I've ever seen. I can understand why you don't go out in the sun though it's not nice to scare children at play and I'm sure you get tired of horror film directors bugging you to be in their films, I guess after the Excorsist you decided to end that career........
Like I said before your face needs
A) windex
B) plastic surgery
C) a bag
D) holy water
E) see all of the above
The answer is def. E
50. Posted by newbondsux on May 4, 2006 4:30 PM
just googled megan harris...still love her.
51. Posted by smutalicious on May 4, 2006 4:37 PM
come on
shes vince for sure
course the tranny comment was right on as well
http://www.sptimes.com/2005/02/17/images/medium/WK_0_wk17neil_168878_0217.jpg
52. Posted by Fisher55 on May 4, 2006 4:37 PM
Megan,
Can I set you up with my little brother? He has Down's Syndrome, but if you give him chocolate he might let you touch it
53. Posted by UNWASHEDMASSES on May 4, 2006 4:38 PM
Did I miss something, or did Jessica get that role in the new Bond film after all? I mean, that is Daniel Craig, the new James Bond, behind her, right?
54. Posted by 86 on May 4, 2006 4:39 PM
What is going on with Britney Fucking Spears?????
55. Posted by xaputa on May 4, 2006 4:40 PM
#39 yes!
and all my dreams have a purple fading to white background. And then MeganHarris and NewGuy ride off to the sunset in bella1218's SUV. Then Tom Cruise appears and sucks cock untill I wake up.
56. Posted by newbondsux on May 4, 2006 4:48 PM
i always thought it was Devolving. Isn't it devolving?
57. Posted by booface on May 4, 2006 4:49 PM
She used to be a caveman...
But now she's a pop star...
Unfrozen Cavement Pop star!
58. Posted by Karen Rani on May 4, 2006 4:50 PM
Ugh. She looks so OLD! A few more wrinkles and a touch lighter hair and she could be Sophia on Golden Girls!
59. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 4, 2006 4:52 PM
oh my GOD. I didn't think this was really MeghanHarris until she just confirmed it.
http://www.cst.cmich.edu/units/mth/Photos/RFW_2004/RFW_2004-Pages/Image15.html
Take 49's advice.
60. Posted by Fisher55 on May 4, 2006 4:53 PM
here, i found another recent js pic:
http://www.seniorworld.com/articles/a19971201165849.html
61. Posted by drew baylor on May 4, 2006 4:55 PM
primates are more talented.
62. Posted by Jacq on May 4, 2006 4:56 PM
ELLABELLA - Who in the fuck is your admirer? I've got a long range scope to see you with.
63. Posted by janie2002 on May 4, 2006 4:56 PM
MeganHarris is one shiteous looking tranie.
64. Posted by DuckBoy on May 4, 2006 5:06 PM
I don't like Jessica Simpson and I agree she looks bad here BUT
she is in no way shape or form remotely fat
not even a little bit
65. Posted by gogoboots on May 4, 2006 5:07 PM
Hideous trout lips she has...I heard that she went grocery shopping with Ken Paves and acted like a retarded 5 year old, hitting him with a package of donuts on the head while he paid for her items. I'm not sure she knows how to do anything at all but dress herself up like an organtuan...she really needs to stop inhaling her nail polish, it causes severe brain damage , you know...just ask Lindsay Lohan!
66. Posted by nukular on May 4, 2006 5:08 PM
I agree with #47. That ain't Jessica...its David Lee Roth. I fully expect him to break out singing "Panama" any second now in that picture....
67. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 4, 2006 5:15 PM
I think she looks like Cameron Diaz in the first picture, when she's acting all spastic and "giddy".
68. Posted by MustangLaura on May 4, 2006 5:18 PM
Did Anyone Notice Where She Holds That GIANT OVERSIZED Bag. Yea Over Her Belly Not To Her Side Or Anything... Right Over Her Tummy. Which If You Recall When Stars Do That They Are Prego! Could Jessica And Johnny Knoxville Have A Love Child ??
69. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 4, 2006 5:26 PM
what's in the bag jessica?
70. Posted by Zanna on May 4, 2006 5:30 PM
Jessica doesn't look that bad. At least compared to MeganHarris.
71. Posted by spatz on May 4, 2006 5:33 PM
zoolander? fuck that noise, she wishes she looked like zoolander. just so you know, jessica simpson was never pretty. and yes, #48 she totally looks like her. but not as good.
72. Posted by Derek Hail on May 4, 2006 5:38 PM
Not that you all are missing much, but there are two more pictures from that picture taking escapade. They can be found here:
http://www.derekhail.com/2006/05/04/jessica-simpsons-new-hair/
With regards to the picture though, her hair is outrageous. She was definately saying to herself, "oh my god, look at this, he is so fired."
If Jessica keeps this up, she will definately fall off and Ashlee will pass her up soon.
73. Posted by artmonkey3000 on May 4, 2006 5:54 PM
I used to hate her.
Now I just feel sorry for her.
And....her....millions of dollars.
Nah, I still have the hate.
74. Posted by suzy on May 4, 2006 5:58 PM
she sorta looks like a white, blonde whitney houston
75. Posted by ebayfan414 on May 4, 2006 6:02 PM
Oh my GOD she is so fuckin' HOT! Huh? Oh no no no I'm not talking about Jessica Simpson! I was reading a magazine and looking at a picture of Rosie O'Donell. Yes, folks, sadly, the day has come where rosie the lickalotapuss is actually hotter than jessica. Ok ok I'm lying. I was just trying to say that jessica isn't hot and thought it might be fun to throw in that rosie eats other women.
76. Posted by BarbadoSlim on May 4, 2006 6:12 PM
Wait, so I don't get this, now she's become a Cruise-hag. This guy is as manly as Jake Gylenhall, as buffed as Andy Dick, as hunky as Richard Simmons, as virile as Liberace, as strapping as that guy from the ambiguosly gay duo etc...
77. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 6:20 PM
Wow, she used to be so pretty!!!
78. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 6:27 PM
I think she's kind of overexposed, I know I kind of don't like her. Poor Nick, I think she cheated on him.
79. Posted by bigponie on May 4, 2006 6:35 PM
I'd hit it..................with a bat
80. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 6:38 PM
Check this out: This is a picture of pinkey_nip:::!!!!:
http://us.news3.yimg.com/us.i2.yimg.com/p/rids/20060503/i/ra3638003344.jpg?x=380&y=301&sig=.3TDMwGz1f4iLs48k3jM5w--
81. Posted by Delta on May 4, 2006 6:49 PM
I'm thinking she's looking a lot like David Lee Roth.
http://blackchampagne.com/band-names/images/david-lee-roth1.jpg
ALOT.
82. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 6:54 PM
I love lamp.
83. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 6:57 PM
I love lamp.
84. Posted by ptprez on May 4, 2006 6:58 PM
@60...hey fisher...say what you want about jess and her bad hair and gaping pie-hole, but i still smack it to angie...something about those giant mams...
85. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 6:59 PM
I love lamp.
86. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:00 PM
you will be banned
87. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:03 PM
Dimmy! Why you do this to me Dimmy? Please Dimmy, I'm afraid!
88. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:03 PM
The Power Of Christ Compels You
89. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:05 PM
I love lamp.
90. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:11 PM
ITS SO FUNNY WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO HURT MY FEELINGS WHEN IM NOT EVEN ONLINE. YOU ARE PATHETIC... BEYOND PATHETIC. SO I SPELLED SOMETHING WRONG, BIG DEAL, WE ALL DO IT, THAT'S WHY SPELL CHECK WAS INVENTED. KNOW WHY THE OUTSIDE WAS INVENTED? SO YOU LOSERS COULD TEAR YOURSELVES AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER AND OBSESSING OVER ME.
91. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:12 PM
where'd you get THOSE clothes....at the...toilet...store?
92. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:14 PM
I ate a big, red candle.
93. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:14 PM
Hey, Ron! I'm riding a furry tractor!
94. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:15 PM
People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.
95. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:16 PM
he said heinie!
96. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:17 PM
one time i ate fiberglass installation. It wasnt cotton candy like that guy said it was.
97. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:18 PM
Oh Baxter, You Are My Little Gentleman. I'll Take You To Foggy London Town, Because You Are What? My Little Gentleman.
98. Posted by ESQ on May 4, 2006 7:20 PM
She is starting to look like Britney after she got a man. Is the spilit between her and Nick causing her to look dowdy? Please Jessice we would all much rather see you in the rags than Paris, Lindsay or Nicole, at least fix yourself up for us to jerk-off to, er I mean google over..
99. Posted by Iambananas on May 4, 2006 7:21 PM
The've done studys you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.
100. Posted by radio4play on May 4, 2006 7:27 PM
@43 don't you know you can't take anything serious on the SF geeez
Just for you...FIRST!
Don't forget TCLTC
101. Posted by St.Minutia on May 4, 2006 7:35 PM
Banana, look at me when I'm talking to you. Focus...Focus...Where are your meds?
Actually, you are way less annoying this way. I hope your brother flushed the haldol and amitriptyline down the toilet.
102. Posted by ebayfan414 on May 4, 2006 7:36 PM
#90, "SO YOU LOSERS COULD TEAR YOURSELVES AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER AND OBSESSING OVER ME."
I usually don't say anything about these lame fights between users, but, uh, you've posted like a thousand fucking times in this article alone. So perhaps you were referring to yourself about losers tearing themselves away from their computers?
103. Posted by gammanormids on May 4, 2006 7:37 PM
Why people pay to look like that? I wake up with that hair!
Idiots
104. Posted by lurkerx on May 4, 2006 8:18 PM
Ok, she's gone from looking like Donny Osmond to C.C. Deville in less than a week. Has she got some sort of horrible music related fugly virus or something?
105. Posted by Jacq on May 4, 2006 8:44 PM
#70 - Jessica Simpson IS MeganHarris! OR wait. Is it the other way around? Megan, a little help, please!
Tell me, lamebananas, do you have trouble typing with those white-trash, dip the brush in the bottle twice to get to the tip, curling under, 8 inch-long nails like your hero Gwen has? Do we know why the outside was invented? Do you speak as stupid as you type? If we promise to ignore you, do you promise to go away? If you don't like it here, your options are as follows:
a. just scroll the home page
b. get that GED
c. get banned
d. die, you bloody fucking cunt rag
Wait, are you even online right now?
Anyone is free to embellish upon my rather short list...
106. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 4, 2006 8:44 PM
Evil cookie;
Fuck you, Tranny Rules!!! Oh, you said trannies, oops.
Folks, her face is starting to look like this tweaker chick I used to bang, back in the blurry old days. Bummer. I still get wood from the "Dukes" trailers.
107. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 4, 2006 8:48 PM
Jacq;
e: Shit, I thought I had something, but, I guess "d" summed it up. If my twat could spit, it would look like l-banana
108. Posted by Italian Stallion on May 4, 2006 9:45 PM
f. add this letter to uck off and do it
g. move to Bagdad, I hear it's lovely
h. refer back to letter d.
109. Posted by MeganHarris on May 4, 2006 10:52 PM
whatever. I'm cute. and just because you losers googled me and found some old picture i used on my icon, doesnt mean shit.
110. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 4, 2006 11:20 PM
109 MeganHarris, this is what happens when you use your name.
http://www.cst.cmich.edu/units/mth/Photos/RFW_2004/RFW_2004-Pages/Image15.html
111. Posted by Star Maker Machinery on May 5, 2006 12:47 AM
Shit. Jessica Simspon is morphing into Steven Kojocaru.
112. Posted by Pearly on May 5, 2006 2:50 AM
I can't believe her hairdresser would show his face in public with her looking like that no less "stepping out" with her. Moron.
That Megan Harris pic is hysterical.
113. Posted by hey_luv on May 5, 2006 4:41 AM
she seems to be very protective of her belly area. When she walked out of that place you can see her hand about to go over to her tummy. Her body language is just showing us that she is unsecure about something, maybe she has put on some weight. But she seems to hide her tummy behind those over-sized bags a lot. She needs to throw on some makeup, shes not 22 anymore. On the newlyweds she didnt look this horrible when she wasn't wearing makeup. Anyways, she needs to clean up her image!
114. Posted by Gerald Tarrant on May 5, 2006 6:04 AM
These pics just go to show the world that not all hairdressers are raging homos.
115. Posted by DonLes91 on May 5, 2006 8:36 AM
I'd still hit it. Women with big tits RULE THE WORLD.
116. Posted by PocketRocket on May 5, 2006 3:32 PM
LAST!!!!!
Tom Cruise Loves The Cock
117. Posted by Xopher.tm on May 5, 2006 4:14 PM
David Lee Roth still looks great.
First!
118. Posted by Star Maker Machinery on May 5, 2006 6:41 PM
What's Tom Cruise's "personal trainer" doing in this picture?
Oh, Dr. Zaius!
119. Posted by _meh_ on May 6, 2006 3:40 AM
I wanna know what kind of mirror Jessica Simpson looks into whenever she leaves her shack...
Rather I think this applies more to the supposed "hair stylist." I wouldn't trust that 'man' with a tailcomb, scissors and a can of hairspray, any day of the year...
120. Posted by junebug on May 6, 2006 4:48 AM
why does she always have a look on her face that leaves you to believe she's thinking of the sound, "drrrrrrrrrrrrr" ???
121. Posted by BoutrosBoutrosGhali on May 7, 2006 10:37 PM
WHY......................................does she ALWAYS..............................................have......................................CAMEL TOE?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????