May 11 2006Jessica Simpson is a little desperate

jessicarooney

More like Jessica Simpson is, more than a little creepy.

First!!!!!

They'll be back together by the end of the year, thats my guess...

When is she going to close her mouth?

disgusting bitch, and what is with this first crap, shut the fuck up.

She looks like a jew in these pics.

And let's not forget about the the soft-serve boobs debacle.

Man I thought I had it, well THIRD!!!

Hey kids, it's the Easter bunny!

keeping your mouth open all the time with a crazed look in your eye, something Jessica would never do right

I give up!!! Jessica needs to get over her father and go back to Nick.

Land-Man, you must think you are funny. BTW I just told your friend Jesus that you are making fun of his people. Have you forgotten that Jesus was a Jew? Enjoy your time in hell!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

She wishes she was Jewish, for that she would need to have a spark of personality. She's just your typical generic white girl, dime a dozen.

Could she have a few more moles on her cheast? I bet she even has black hairs growing out of them.

Well I think she is just showing how much her mouth can take... Alas all though she might think this is "good" message to send to Nick it is more likely that the message he receives is "I want to look like the joker"

So cute that Jessica and her sister have the same sunnies, they must look like the blues brothers nemisis walking together

thank god she at least got rid of the orange makeup. I hate these no-talent sisters. Why are they so fucking popular??

BTW, nice fucking blush too.

He head does kind of look like the Joker

Nice tits, daddy must be proud

#15, haha...it looks like she has a malt-o-meal chest.

her head looks a lot like the Joker actually, maybe she has world domination on her mind

Nick knew she was no longer bankable, he left her in the nick of time. as if he would return to THAT.

no pun intended

I'm sorry, I can't think of anything witty to say. I'm too busy staring at the earring and thinking of how many months of New York City rent that is.

whats with the streak of orange blush? She looks like she rubbed a carrot on her cheek. Wait, I forgot orange is her fave colour.

Make Nick Jealous? Why? Has she heard his music?

All Nick is thinking is: "Been there, done that."

Is it just me or are her shoulders like curved heaps far forward (in every photo) like she has been hugged tightly by a grizzly bear too many times

Yea she's hot... Like redneck beating on his wife... Or wait. That didn't make any sense.

Either way, she's ugly and stupid. I mean, I wouldn't mind too much if the dress mysteriously slipped off, it would take my eyes off her face.

I wouldn't fuck her with Bea Arthur's dick.

I REALLY wish I had her rack. But not her fashion sense. Cherries?

Nice "cherry" shirt. Is that to remind Nick that he popped hers?

She's not trying to make Nick jealous. It's obvious that since Ashlee got the nose whacked that Jess has to step it up or Daddy Joe will be fucking Ashlee all the time instead of Jess.

@32 - I SOM, I forgot about Maude and her dick.

Amen #5!! Wait, she can't close her lips around those horse teeth.

Judging by the close-ups, I hope she's getting a ton of money to lie about Pro-Activ, 'cause it really isn't working.

#26 yeah those earrings are SOOOooo Texas, yall. Everything is bigger here.

#9 - You didn't have it and that was actually ninth. Keep it up, you'll get there envetually, sista friend.

#33 - I have a friend who got knocked-up straight outta high school and her mom was a total pill freak. One day, she commandeered a vehicle and resurfaced about 2 hours later. She told my friend, "I went and got you some cherries since you lost yours." Then, presented her with the most hideous Picasso painting of a bowl of cherries we've ever seen. And it actually looked gallery-quality expensive. Effen awesome.

#36 - If I was a Golden Girl, I would be Blanche. She had a guy for every day of the week. Wink, wink.

Wow, that revenge thing is really working out for her. I guess she had to get really fat there for a while to whip herself back into shape. Nick is TOTALLY nursing his wounds now. Actually, I take that back. I'll keep that back until he quits crying all over the damn place.

Man those tits are really dragging, she's gonna have to talk to the Army Corps of Engineers, see if they can design some kind dolly system so she can transport those muthas.

I want to snag a 20-guage fishhook in her cheek. Way to keep wearing that wedding ring on the necklace, Jess.

#40 - *eventually*

I saw jessica riding a harley with a black leather jacket on the other day, certainly a different look now

Apparently she likes to eat crushed baby eels, with vodka and a side serving of human eyes

Are you sure it was Jessica in that Harley? I mean, her motorcycle's gotta have at least an extra bitch seat for her saggy teats.

What is the deal with this freakish orange color?

SHE LOOKS THE SAME. I like her makeup. She still looks good.

Oh my god, will you stop nagging about orange all the time. You can hardly see it. And half of the time the orange is natural.

I mean unless if you're talking about her notorious dress...

Did she get a boob job cause they were never THAT big. They were always big but they look bigger than ever. Jeez I wish I had all the money that the Simpsons spent on plastic surgery! I'd be a millionaire!

It's not orange blush, Joe Simpson dick slapped her last night, right in da face......

#47

What is the deal with her shit-eating grin? Only little children, delusionals and terminally unintelligent people walk around with their mouths agape like that - even if it's when they're attempting to immitate a human smile.

Somebody should crack her jaw in three places with a steel-tipped cock and make her swallow her teeth. That'll learn her to be so insufferably stupid.

Several weeks ago I was listening to the radio and there was an interview with Nick. He said he wrote the song that he has out now the day after she asked him for a divorce. Looks like she's having second thoughts now.

I moved to Texas because everything is bigger there. But after one look at the Land-Cock they told me to leave town, because it was making everything else look small by comparison.

Shut your mouth and put on some mascara, Jessica.

Hehehehe...nice one Land-man

On another, more serious note FEMA and the Center for Disease Control have issued a warning. Anyone who stands in the vecinity of Jessica Simpson will catch her stupid.

#49 - Orange is natural? Are you from Chernobyl?

#51 - You say that like it's funny. Well, it's not. My face is STILL swollen. That's what I get for taking the lock off of the liqour cabinet.

Jess makes a good man.

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e56/sohall/jesssimpson.jpg

Kinda sloppy work, but the boss is watching.

Jessica's orange skin was just the start of her metamorphosis into a starfish, as what you think is a dress is really her starfish skin taking over her whole body...

Soon her transformation into an Echinoderm will be complete

Since Echinoderms are carnivores, it is likely she will wrap her tenticle like arms around Nicks head and eat his face off

@57 By the way you owe me a new lock, fucking internet slut.............

Can you recognize whose hair that is?

#60 - I had gotten you one, but then I tried to use it to hold my mud flaps together and it rusted. Also, I think the key is lost somewhere in my cavernous vagina. Aaaah, the illustrious life of a whore.

@62 Fuck the key's to the lock, have you found my prosthetic hand yet?

looks like the ring is off her necklace now

I just read somewhere that she absolutely LOVES her rabbit teeth. She said when she makes her "bunny" face no one can stay mad at her... I almost gagged. How long before she does Playboy ya think?

Some people bite their nails when they're stressed. Other people, like Jess here, compulsively pull out their eyelashes. It's a neurosis known as "trichotillomania."

There was a kid in my fourth grade class who did yanked out his own eye lashes until he permanently damaged the hair follicles and they didn't grow back. He was the fat kid who wore Van Halen t-shirts and smelled like Doritos, so being lash-less didn't exactly hurt his image.

True story.

Kiss my Land.

I'd hit it. Big boobs are SO awesome!

Why is she smiling? Her husband left her for cryin' out loud.

Larry the Cable Guy said she was feelin' sad about her moles.

You guys remember all those TV shows they did talking about how in love they were, how they loved being married, writing songs about how their love has changed them, and one MTV reality show that ran WAY too long? What a joke!!! Celebrity marriages are jokes - wait, let me get more cynical - shams, publicity machines, promotional tools.

The only thing Nick and Jessica did wrong was to not have a baby since having a squalling ankle biter seems to be the next thing to keep a celebrity on the radar.

Please stop with the lip injections. Why does every time I see her either her lips or teeth get bigger? No matter what she does to enhance that area, she will never give as good of a BJ as good old Tom.

And give me your earrings. Or one of them and the other to #26.

TCLTC

I used to LOVE celebrity Deathmatch and this one has Paris vs. Nicole...

http://www.perezhilton.com/clips/mtv2.html

Hey Feed_Me_Chocolate #58

I like the one of you as Wonder Woman.

This just in, Bush says "we're not trolling your personal life"

you know, upon closer inspection (putting my face really close to the computer screen), 'ol Jess is starting to look more and more collagen-y and plastic-y. I know she had work on her lips, but her eye lids look a little wierd now too.

Seriously now, the simpson sisters are naturally kind of lovely in their own way, but I'm a bit sad to see that they are gradually morphing into gross L.A./tvland creatures-yuck. Soon to be seen on a Hollywood Squares episode or some kind of sad show.

#63 - I tried to extract it, but it slapped me and went right back in there.

Asside from the fact that at her best she used to look like a too tan drag queen and now somehow looks worse...

Didn't SHE leave HIM? So why is she the one trying to make him jealous...what a crazy bitch, even Teri Hatcher would be ashamed.

#58 My boyfriend always said that Jessica had a man-face. I thought he was just pretending to not think she was hot. Thanks for your post. Now I know that others agree.

I'd hit it. And her sister too. Any guy who says otherwise is lying. or gay.

#53: In order for that nitwit to have second thought, she would have to have a FIRST thought - on her own, Daddy telling her she thought it doesn't count.............

Does anyone else see a resemblance to Bug's Bunny? The two front teeth permanently on display because she obviously has had her mouth in the "receiving" position for so long it is stuck partially open...........

Eighty Second!!!111 Zing!

**Landman**

My mother always told me not to make fun of retarded people... however, I could ignore my mother and say that just because you can lick your own asshole doesn't mean I want to smell your breath you dumb-ass.

#74
Thanks, I use those in my Myspace page.

I didn't know you could see the other ones. Mofo.

If I wanted Jessica's opinion, I'd take my cock out of her mouth.

So Newlyweds was becoming annoying. what could they do to keep Themselves in the News?
Nick: I know, let's pretend to have a really terrible break-up, I'll go out with beautiful women, hang out in Cinncinati for a while, work on my album, date hot women and um...what were we talking about?"
Jessica: Other women, but no blondes, OK? And then we get back together, right?
Nick: When the timing is just perfect...

She looks like Claire Danes now...(sorry claire)

Why would you need to "get back at" at a guy whom you dumped?

She even looks desperate, wait...didn't SHE dump HIM?!

I don't like her at all, she is SO over exposed... in fact... SHE MUST BE A... (wait for it... here is comes...)

Stupid girl, stupid girls, stupid girls
Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

Go to Fred Segal, you'll find them there
Laughing loud so all the little people stare
Looking for a daddy to pay for the champagne
(Drop a name)
What happened to the dreams of a girl president
She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent
They travel in packs of two or three
With their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny tees
Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?
Oh where, oh where could they be?

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

(Break it down now)
Disease's growing, it's epidemic
I'm scared that there ain't a cure
The world believes it and I'm going crazy
I cannot take any more
I'm so glad that I'll never fit in
That will never be me
Outcasts and girls with ambition
That's what I wanna see
Disasters all around
World despaired
Their only concern
Will they **** up my hair

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

[Interlude]
Oh my god you guys, I totally had more than 300 calories
That was so not sexy, no
Good one, can I borrow that?
[Vomits]
I WILL BE SKINNY

(Do ya thing, do ya thing, do ya thing)
(I like this, like this, like this)
Pretty will you **** me girl, silly as a lucky girl
Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!
Pretty would you **** me girl, silly as a lucky girl
Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid girl!

Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, stupid girl!

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

christ thats a big post... oh, and i'd also hit that...

I think she's beautiful!

Pinky nip, Bea Arthur's dick!!!!! I haven't laughed that hard since someone came up with "delicously cunty"

Jacq; I don't mind your huge vagina. I love you cause you can deep throat me and lick my balls at the same time. Besides, when my ears get cold, I just pop my head in. It's deliciously cunty!

Oh, about jessica...she's got a hot bod, but that brain leaves the willie un-enthused. Maybe I could cut her head off and have esophagus sex while touching her boobies. Yeah, you like that, don't you esophagus.

#52

Bill Clinton nearly always has the same gape-mouthed look on his face whenever he's photographed. He has, however, had the decency not to spray himself with a mixture of Tang, iodine and baby oil like so many starlets have done recently, although as I recall the blinding whiteness of his legs when he used to be photographed on his morning run to McDonald's, maybe orange would be such a bad place to go.

I don't know why they smile like that. Maybe they're both hoping that someone will come along and offer them a cigar.

Pop's got this too:

http://popsugar.com/6811

When Newlyweds first came out, Mad Magazine did a characiature of J.Simp on the cover. Exaggerated raised eyebrows, sculpy-dough plasticy looking face, poufball lips. She looked like a squirrel on crack. I've been looking for this picture since the day I saw that in the store...has anyone seeing this??? Would love a link to it or something of the like. Pic 1 looks EXACTFUCKINGLY like that cover.

@94 hilarious for some reason..........

I wish the Simpson girls would stop getting plastic surgery. The skin around Jess's eyes looks like it's about to pop it's so tight. And I hate that starlet way of smiling with your mouth open like you're midway through a smack on a piece of gum.

Man....all you need to do is slip those straps off her shoulders and let those lovely melons hang out.

I'd hit it twice. Once in the pink, and one in the stink. Bet Nick never did that. He didn't look too dirty.

Then I'd make her wear the Daisy Dukes till I got hard again.

If your reading this Jess - We could go out....seriously

My email is ringo5150@hotmail,com

Stallion;

The reason? Because you, my friend have a discerning ability to understand the finer nuances of my highly intellectual brand of humor. Only men of distinguished breeding and impeccable lineage demonstrate a grasp, nay, a Command of the written word, subtle and brilliant.

And you're a Sick Fuck, like myself!

That's it Jessie....keep your mouth open for daddy. Mmmmm...good girl!

huh. guess that grass isn't always greener on the other side... i think she should have stayed with nick...

tranny, i came up with "deliciously cunty", referring to osh back a few threads. glad to see i've amused you as well as irritated the shit outta you. my hubby said he felt a little pinprick, but then he farted, and it was gone.

It's funny... the slightly open mouth can be a signal of sexual arousal, in which case it's pretty hot.

However, there is a fine line between "arousal" and "fucking coming unhinged" and I do believe Ms. Simpson has stampeded right past it into "gaping dipshit".

Anyone know how Jessica and Ashlee have oral sex?

They stand at opposite ends of the room and yell "Fuck you!"

*rimshot* Ahhh, an oldie, but a goodie.

My friends - there are 2 types of people on the short bus, the "window licker" and the "mouth breather". I bring you the "mouth breather".

Just make sure the windows are up on the bus - dont want another one falling out.

Can someone please send porn to my email address

ringo5150@hotmail.com

I'm bored and at work and unable to access.

Thanks

The sicker the better

101 agree, but believe it or not I don't like to fuck when I'm sick, weed takes care of that everytime and yet still not legal, I don't like Bush on women or as my President.........

I'd do her all night long....(as long as she never spoke)

You jealous people might "say" you think Jessica is ugly but the guys love her! And yes i am a girl and not a lesbian lol but i still think she is gorgeous and a great role model to youn girls. Its great she kept her virginity until she was married and people moan that she went on & on about it, but maybe she just realised how fucked up the world is and girls need to be preached to these days!

A fucking idiot a role model for young girls?

#14-by personality do you mean neurotic, whiny spoiled brat?

yes its great she kept her virginity until she was married at 22-and divorced 3 years later. you are a fucking moron. thats what happens, these girls realize they actually want to have sex with someone other than their husband for their entire lives. it doesnt count if you get divorced like she did. go back to thumping your bible in church.

She is NOT a role model, her daddy made her exploit herself as a "pop" singer, by capitalizing on her largest "asset", her TITS!
It's the same shit with Britney Spears...like you'd want young girls to be running around half naked, washing cars in their itty bitty bikinis when they're 16...I DON'T THINK SO!

#110 You need to get a life or wake up. I saw the fact that you wrote almost the same thing about Paris Hilton. If these stars were to see you on the street they would not even say "HI", or look at you. And if you were to go up to them for an autograph, they would probably tell you where to stick your pen if the press was not around. Which would probably piss you off pretty bad, and relize how fake and greedy these people are. Hey #110 do realize that Mickey Mouse is a cartoon character?!?! Whatever!!!

@58, she looks like Hillary Swank in that picture.

Actually #113 i've never set foot in a church.

And #115 sorry to burst your bubble but i know some of these girls and they are not fake, unlike some people *coff*

@117 let me guess, you are about 14 years old, am I right?

# 110 So, I guess you do know that Mickey Mouse is a cartoon character, how is puberty?? Have you shaved your legs for the first time yet? I did not realize that you knew someone if you looked at a couple of their pictures in People's teen magazine.Do these girls know that you know them or that you are their friend??? Like I said before you need to wake up and get a life!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually i'm almost 20 and well developed thanks v. much. And i'm pretty sure these girls know i'm their freind considering they call me every week. Losers.

If you call theese girls every week then why the hell are you hanging out on this gossip page anyway, if you know so much about them. And if you are so friendly with them and so pretty then how come your picture isn't on these pages with them. I think you are a big liar and loser. Who brags about being a superstar's friend on a gossip page!!!!!! I think there is a little denial going on.

xannax, so so sorry, didn't mean to offend. We love and admire you girls so much. We are just all so obese and jealous. Now be a good girl and go take your meds.

I love these site cos it's funny seeing the pathetic stuff you guys write. Like Jess actually cares what you think!

Like we care what you think, you want to talk loser you actually believe you friends with these girls, I mean you are one scary chick!!!!! Maybe should let the police know you are friends with these you STALKER. If you know these girls personally tell us something that no one else knows about each if you are so chummy, and if you did not care about what we think, why do you keep coming back this page and responding to us. Better yet why don't you get "Jess" to respond back to us!!! See you in Stalkerville baby!!!

i fucking hate scalpers...and YOUR mom

those diamonds are fucking huge.

Desperate to look like the Joker?

Well done Jessica, success at last!

I think she looks good. Maybe yall are just jealous. :p