May 23, 2006
Brad Pitt skips Cannes, skips baby naming

Brad Pitt sent an email to the Cannes FIlm Festival today saying he couldn't attend due to the the "imminent arrival" of his new baby. Additionally, it's being reported that he and Angelina Jolie are going to let Namibian Governor Samuel Nuuyoma name their new baby. He's become a close personal friend and helped them find a safe haven in Africa.
According to American publication In Touch, Nuuyoma will stage a news conference on Friday to announce his part in the christening. The announcement has prompted many to believe Jolie has already given birth. A Namibian official tells In Touch, "It's true. This is a great honour for Namibia and everyone is very excited." The source explains that local custom will prompt Nuuyoma to visit Jolie when she goes into labour and officially name the baby.
I have no idea what native Namibian names sound like but I'm hoping they're horribly unfitting for a white kid. Like Shaniqua. Or Afroman. Or maybe just a series of clicks and whistles. Because everything I've learned about Africa I've learned through sketch comedy shows.
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Comments
1. Posted by christieb on May 23, 2006 6:08 PM
huh??
2. Posted by gammanormids on May 23, 2006 6:09 PM
Good for them, they are quite er... normal compared to other
parents.
3. Posted by christieb on May 23, 2006 6:09 PM
isn't afroman that guy who sang the "cause I got high" song??
4. Posted by redsonja1313 on May 23, 2006 6:10 PM
Damn slow surever I was hoping for first :( Now I forgot what I was going to say
5. Posted by Gene Parmigiana on May 23, 2006 6:10 PM
lame
6. Posted by leahdeadly on May 23, 2006 6:11 PM
everyone is saying how this kid one the genetic jackpot...I don't know though. It could be that this kid is really good looking...or it could go the other way. And look like Britney Spears post K. Fed.
7. Posted by SABRINA627 on May 23, 2006 6:12 PM
crazy
8. Posted by Sodomy_is_for_Girls on May 23, 2006 6:12 PM
"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"
(Tell me there's somebody here who gets that...)
9. Posted by dasein on May 23, 2006 6:12 PM
I'm sure the name will be okay.
I mean, what can be worse than Pilot Inspector?
You can't top that.
10. Posted by BarbadoSlim on May 23, 2006 6:15 PM
What Brad and crazy Angie haven't realized is that after the creature is born Angie is gonna get an old fashioned Namibian clitoridectomy.
Mrs Jolie, you have a girl and we also removed that pesky clit for ya. HA HA!!! you got Punk'd!!
11. Posted by ScriptRadar on May 23, 2006 6:17 PM
#6 - Indian kid turns to his father and asks, "Daddy, how do we come up with names"?...
LOL! Great joke, Sodomy_is_for_Girls.
12. Posted by Gene Parmigiana on May 23, 2006 6:20 PM
what's wrong with sha-nay-nay?
13. Posted by Sodomy_is_for_Girls on May 23, 2006 6:22 PM
Script:
Xenu bless you.
14. Posted by ScriptRadar on May 23, 2006 6:24 PM
#9 - Perish the thought
::shudder::
15. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 23, 2006 6:24 PM
I prefer A'aish'a'lashondra'lo'quisha, personally. Yay for made-up names because a true African-American like Angelina "don't need yo white names, which rob us of owuh true heritage."
16. Posted by Sodomy_is_for_Girls on May 23, 2006 6:25 PM
*Owner's*
17. Posted by Nikk The Templar on May 23, 2006 6:26 PM
Wow, they just couldn't let all the other celebs have some spotlight for their babies...they just have to suck it all up, don't they?
I'm waiting for a celeb to give their kid a NORMAL name. And when that happens, I am going to shake that celeb's hand.
18. Posted by Sodomy_is_for_Girls on May 23, 2006 6:26 PM
Actually, "Owners'"
19. Posted by Sodomy_is_for_Girls on May 23, 2006 6:28 PM
Having Nikk post between my two really racist posts makes me feel bad.
Sometimes the humor of shock value doesn't outweigh the wrongness of the statement.
My bad.
20. Posted by Sodomy_is_for_Girls on May 23, 2006 6:28 PM
P.S.:
Nikk, I read your whole MYSpace page last week, but was too drunk to contact you...
21. Posted by Praz on May 23, 2006 6:29 PM
!xobile?
22. Posted by Sodomy_is_for_Girls on May 23, 2006 6:37 PM
Christ, I drink too much...
Can't wait to read this tomorrow...
23. Posted by M@ce on May 23, 2006 6:41 PM
Name baby M@ce.
M@ce is good name. Strong name.
Why big stomach lady give 'Short-Round' funny haircut?
SMASH!!
24. Posted by JungleChik on May 23, 2006 6:43 PM
Let's just hope it's better than Bluebell Madonna.
25. Posted by Sodomy_is_for_Girls on May 23, 2006 6:43 PM
M@ce:
Just when I think you are milking the "Smash" thing too far, you bust out with a "Short Round" comment.
Genius.
26. Posted by Shelley Bonnechance on May 23, 2006 6:51 PM
I think it's so...cute...that these two people, unmarried, several times divorced, et cetera, are having their baby christened.
You wouldn't have thought such a thing mattered to them. That's actually rather nice.
Angelina looks like she is just. About. To. Pop.
27. Posted by Shelley Bonnechance on May 23, 2006 6:54 PM
But as for the whole name thing, surely it couldn't be worse than any of the other dumb things pretentious, show-offy celebrities name their poor kids.
Suri. I ask you....
28. Posted by Ari on May 23, 2006 6:55 PM
#3
YES!
Because I got high...hahaha!
29. Posted by bondgrrrl on May 23, 2006 7:05 PM
Go hard or stay home? Africa looks like my kind of town
30. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on May 23, 2006 7:14 PM
I say they name the baby Jiggaboo, a traditional Nambian name which means "Anjelina Jolie has a big floppy vagina".
Signed,
Dr. Spock
31. Posted by Iambananas on May 23, 2006 7:17 PM
She amde Brad Pitt weird! And she's a homewrecker! (By she I mean Angelinia Pitt... oh, wait, they;re not married.)
32. Posted by Iambananas on May 23, 2006 7:18 PM
Bt I guess she gave him waht Jennifer Aniston wouldn't... a baby!
33. Posted by 10pound on May 23, 2006 7:22 PM
introducing click click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click clickclick click click pitt
34. Posted by Iambananas on May 23, 2006 7:29 PM
That's gross #30, and not appropriate!!! Sick that you would even think something like that.
35. Posted by BarbadoSlim on May 23, 2006 7:30 PM
hehehehe
@33...add some tocs tocs in there and the kid'll be good to go.
36. Posted by Charlaurz McHall on May 23, 2006 7:30 PM
poor celebrity kids, as if they werent gonna have enough problems in life because of their dipshit parents and backwards, retarded DNA, they also have to put up with having shitty shitty names. I am sure the parents only do it to make themselves feel special. They wonder why they have to conform to normal name giving, they are too important for that. I ask you, Pilot Inspector???? Moses?? Bluebell Madonna? Suri? Tinkerbell? Apple??
when will the madness end?
http://celebreligion.com
37. Posted by jemfysh on May 23, 2006 7:34 PM
If the Namibian Governor is calling a press conference for Friday, why does everyone assume he will speak about Angelina Jolie's baby?? Surely he has more pressing national issues on his agenda?!
38. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on May 23, 2006 7:36 PM
34 - Hey, you know what's not appropriate? Your face!!!
Zing!
39. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 23, 2006 7:38 PM
I like the fact that G. Bush can't take over a 3rd world nation with the most advanced army in history, and Angelina Jolie made Nambia her bitch, effortlessly.
Rock on Pres Knew Yo Momma!
40. Posted by BarbadoSlim on May 23, 2006 7:48 PM
@37....no he doesn't.
I read somewhere that they're even planning on making the day a national holiday.
All of which tells me that, the world, will not be affected in the LEAST, if Namibia were wiped off the face of the earth.
41. Posted by krisdylee on May 23, 2006 7:50 PM
Bet they don't have any decent drugs at that hospital... hahaha. Angelina.... labour hurts like a mother-fuckin' son of a whore.
Name the baby who gives a fuck.
42. Posted by krisdylee on May 23, 2006 7:51 PM
Osh, you make me wet and happy.
43. Posted by Iambananas on May 23, 2006 7:51 PM
Name the baby "Arm"
44. Posted by Iambananas on May 23, 2006 7:51 PM
Or, if it's a girl... "Peach"
45. Posted by Iambananas on May 23, 2006 7:54 PM
Get it?? Arm Pitt and Peach Pitt!! That's Bananas... some other considerations...
-Stinkey
-Six Foot
-Plum
-Ina
Orrrrr
-Jake.
Okay, the last one is normal, but oh well.
46. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 23, 2006 7:55 PM
lame bananas;
I would rather take a dump on a picture of Mohamad, at that stupid fucking rock they worship at the height of Ramadan than acknowledge your existence....but, you ignorant cunt, you made me laugh with the "arm" comment. Nice work!
47. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 23, 2006 7:56 PM
I got it without the explanation...done laughing. Taint funny if ya gotta splain.
48. Posted by Feed_Me_Chocolate on May 23, 2006 7:57 PM
#40
Just like Canada.
D'oh! Sorry, BigJim & krisdylee. I'm just kidding. But not really.
49. Posted by Iambananas on May 23, 2006 7:59 PM
Ohh, wait.... THIS IS THE LAST ONE... I PROMISE! lol... make it:
"Chris n'"...
Like the BBQ sauce! Get it? I still think "Arm" for a boy and "Peach" for a girl are the best.
50. Posted by Iambananas on May 23, 2006 8:03 PM
http://www.laokay.com/lathumb/laphoto/ChrisnPitts.jpg
51. Posted by Whipper_willow on May 23, 2006 8:07 PM
NO ILLEGAL ALIENS! STOP AMNESTY! STOP THE TAKING OVER OF THE COUNTRY! BECOME A LEGAL CITIZEN THE RIGHT WAY... NOT THE ILLEGAL WAY! IT'S DISGUSTING AND BREAKING THE LAW AND IT MAKES IT MISERABLE FOR LEGAL AMERICANS!
52. Posted by tsarinaamanda on May 23, 2006 8:25 PM
@9-
I think I can top "Pilot Inspektor". How about "Youngjeezyia Scrappanisha"? This is a REAL name, I swear I'm not making it up. I can all but guarantee that lil' Youngjeezyia ISN'T going to be the next President or US Senator. I would bet on her being a 14th st ho or a crack-addicted 14th st ho. Now THAT'S classy, isn't it?
@51-
I agree, but this isn't the place for politics. Take it to Fox News or wherever, ok?
@38 and #46-
Please, please, PLEASE, for the love of God, DON'T FEED THE TROLL!! You'll make it think that we actually WANT to hear it's lame-ass posts and oh-so-witty puns. Ignore it and it will go away!!!!
53. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 23, 2006 8:25 PM
Wow....there's three words that I never thought I would see together: "safe haven" and "Africa". That kid must be Jesus, 'cause he just worked a fuckin' miracle.
54. Posted by tsarinaamanda on May 23, 2006 8:26 PM
Haha, I thought the sign behind Angelina said "Go Hard Or Stay Homo".
55. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 23, 2006 8:33 PM
Czar Amanda; stupid name, btw
I will talk to whom ever the fuck I find humorous on this website, and if it happens to be someone I absolutely hate, so be it. Oddly enough, I haven't found you funny, ass-puppet. Stick some granite up your poop-shoot bitch.
lame bananas...this is no way a defense of your lameness, go fuck yourself.
56. Posted by Getitstraight on May 23, 2006 8:36 PM
What a fucking pair of idiots - Jennifer consider your self lucky to be rid of this stupid prick. These fools deserve each other.
57. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 23, 2006 9:18 PM
sorry amanda....no comment? cunt.
58. Posted by You'd Look Good on Me on May 23, 2006 9:21 PM
I can just imagine it, Mr.Namibian Governor is sitting in his hut thinking about what he should name this child.
"NcKlackbOAHie.., no much too common"
:ponders:
"ShyfooNAYNAYSHOO, oh god, too old fashioned.."
:lightbulb goes off:
"I've got something really creative! JENNIFER-TIFFANY!, or LYNN, or Ashley! Such creative names !"
59. Posted by Italian Stallion on May 23, 2006 9:23 PM
I was in Namibia once when I was younger and it was beautiful. A lot of really cool wildlife and the coast was awesome. I couldn't really think of a good name from the time I was there that I remember clearly. I do remember a lot of spears going `by my head and almost hitting me quite a few times. I guess a lot of "Spear-Chuckers" live there. I don't think they should name the baby that though, that shits racist...........
60. Posted by SparklingStarlet on May 23, 2006 9:24 PM
I love Brangelina. But big whoop. Braddy sent an e-mail - OMFGGGGGGGG!!!1ONE! Give me some real gossip, Superficial Guy, and I'll give you a lap dance.
61. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 23, 2006 9:31 PM
*chants*
Stallion Stallion Stallion
62. Posted by TrannyGranny on May 23, 2006 9:32 PM
you cunt
63. Posted by Seriouslyppl! on May 23, 2006 9:43 PM
Id love to know what Jenn is thinking about all this
64. Posted by Sheva on May 23, 2006 10:06 PM
Please welcome Ibeamaka Obiajulu Pitt.
Brad couldn't be here. He's hanging with his pal K-dick.
His publicist will release a statement he's outta this shit.
Angelina is now changing her name to Shar-butt-breastasa.
65. Posted by SparklingStarlet on May 23, 2006 10:11 PM
63 - Jenn should be more concerned with her floundering movie career and horse face bad looks than Brad and Angelina's e-mails from around the globe.
66. Posted by prettierthanmeganharris on May 23, 2006 10:47 PM
@55 I love it when you talk dirty you naughty fucker, let me sit on your lap and pinch your nipples.
67. Posted by krisdylee on May 23, 2006 10:52 PM
Getitstraight likes poo sandwiches.
68. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 23, 2006 10:58 PM
67 I bending over now for those b-day spankings. You first - then Tranny.
69. Posted by tsarinaamanda on May 23, 2006 11:17 PM
@55-
I never tried to tell you who to talk to. I really don't give a flying fuck who you talk to. If you want to be responsible for egging it on, then more power to you. Don't worry, I won't be making the mistake to ever post any more lame-ass, unfunny comments again, so you can direct your irrational tirades at someone else. Thanks for reminding me why I hate people. Gotta run, I have to go get that granite up my poop-chute.
70. Posted by CruisingForCock on May 23, 2006 11:27 PM
I love when people feed the trolls. It's the real reason I come here. That and I have nothing else better to do. I mean, there is only so much masturbation a girl can do. Especially since I broke the sex swing.
71. Posted by krisdylee on May 24, 2006 12:23 AM
GodDAMN you are SEEEEEEEXYYYYYY, Cruising.
*smack*
*smack smack*
*SMACK*
72. Posted by gogoboots on May 24, 2006 1:38 AM
After all this they'll probably call him Bob...or something anti-climactic like that. If it's not the next Jesus, then the publicity they get from this will make them the most over-rated couple of the year...
73. Posted by Fa Cube Itches on May 24, 2006 3:28 AM
Sex swing? How lame. Gotta get the Vietnamese spin-fuck chair or the Olongapo box-fuck rig. :)
74. Posted by Dr.Rokter on May 24, 2006 10:04 AM
If I have a son I'm going to name him Shifty McLayabout or Randy O'Drunkard in honor of his Irish-American heritage.
75. Posted by Zanna on May 24, 2006 10:24 AM
@74 - They call me "Chesty McBreasty"
TRUE STORY.
76. Posted by Dr.Rokter on May 24, 2006 10:42 AM
#75
That was on my list of Irish-American girls' names along with Scarlett O'Harlot. That, or Mary.
77. Posted by Fisher55 on May 24, 2006 11:10 AM
wouldn't it be funny if the Namibian governor just named the kid "John" or "Bob" or something?
78. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 11:30 AM
77 if he named it Jennifer or Billy Bob, I would never stop laughing.
79. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 11:52 AM
By the way, I'd like to add - because it can't be said enough times - I hope her baby has 3 heads. And I think it's possible given that she is so evil.
80. Posted by UNWASHEDMASSES on May 24, 2006 12:30 PM
So two celebs having an out of wedlock child is a great honor in Namibia? Hollywood must be blessed. After the guy with two "u"s back to back in his name gets done with his big speech, they will all retire to worship the Coke bottle that fell from the sky.
81. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 1:04 PM
"Go Hard or Stay Home." That's a stipulation that Angie had put into her contract for all of her leading male costars.
82. Posted by 86 on May 24, 2006 2:55 PM
I let my salesperson at Pea In the Pod name my kids because she kept me looking so cute & stylish for nine months.
83. Posted by Digypoke on May 24, 2006 6:28 PM
Do not be afraid, that cannot be a
name worse than that of the children
of julia roberts!!!
believe me
!
84. Posted by L239 on May 24, 2006 6:30 PM
Sweet, so we're going to have Maddox, Zahara and Gwanziwubetre. What the hell is this? A family, or a Unicef greeting card?
85. Posted by HughJorganthethird on May 24, 2006 6:41 PM
What's Namibian for "child of assholes"?
86. Posted by here on May 24, 2006 10:16 PM
"Safe haven", heh. Maybe more will be revealved, but dude, when your partner is pregnant, when there's an apparent lack-of-safety problem needing "safe havens" or some such, when it involves the president of a semi-corrupt, war-torn, third-world country and, further, when his protection insinuates/activates archaic customs of his naming your kid, get off your bank account and get you and your partner the fuck out of that country/situation and to proper safety and medical care. Yesterday.
87. Posted by 86 on May 25, 2006 2:28 PM
Yeah! The only 'safe haven' is Angie's brother's child. If it's name was Safe. And if he had a kid.