Apr 13 2006Tom Cruise gives sex advice

"(Meaningless sex outside of a relationship) is really horrible and pathetic and lonely."

Only a horrible and pathetic and lonely and psychotic loser would say something this stupid.

He like's it to be free huh? I wonder if when he was going to see all those male hookers he caught scientology, cause I hear it's a nasty STD......

When a problem comes along
You must whip it
Before the cream sits out too long
You must whip it
When something’s going wrong
You must whip it

Whip it good!

The only thing people want to know about Tommy's sex life is does he pitch or does he catch?

Tom Cruise is making it really tough to enjoy Top Gun and Days of Thunder...

What he failed to mention was that "if you want to get down, you gotta go to Butt-town"

Like I said before Tom likes the cock

Does that mean she also has a penis? Becos obviously Tom likes tha dick

enjoy Top Gun?

If you enjoy soft core homo erotic films...

http://ruthlessreviews.com/80saction/topgun.php

ive been waiting to say this forever.

tom cruise loves the cock!!! there i said it! now i'm part of the cool kids club. hah

but on a serious note. does he not realize how queer this makes him sound?

Katie must have a dildo!

Oh....and let me be the first to say...Tom Cruise loves the Cock! heehee.

Strangely, he makes no mention of the reach-around. As far as Tom is concerned, the only thing you need for sex is a throbbing knob.

What crazy riutal is that a picture of? She looks scared. There's probably a huge penis inches from their noses like the one from Clockwork Orange.

dammit, okay I was the 4th to say it...

ohhhh.. communication.. i have to tell my man that i was wrong to just bang him over and over again.. now i must begin to communicate- he'll be so happy now with the correct type of sex.. thank you tom cruise

"Great sex is a by-product, for me..."

Fairly certain he said "bi-product" during the interview and the "reporter" interpreted wrong. *shrug*

Great sex for the Cruiser = George Michael in a sailor's outfit "communicating" him to batten down the hatch and raise the mast

As far as dildos go, I'm sure Tom enjoys the "Thor" model.

http://www.zoofur.com/images/1.jpg

How would this ass jockey know anything about good sex or sex with a woman for that matter?? His first two wives were in covers and we all know, he had Ms. (I'm also in the Scientology Cult) turkey basted..!! He should know about pathetic, loser sex is, seeing as he's truly scamming on guys..think he and Seacrest share hair styling technics???

Not only was the foetus or embryo supposed to be aware of the sensation of intercourse between his parents, or whomever, but the engram could record what they were saying as well. The following case was allegedly remembered by a preclear.

GIRL: I wonder what they're doing? (Then a pause.) I hear a squishing sound! (Then a pause and embarrassment.) Oh!

AUDITOR: Recount the engram please.

GIRL: There's sort of a faint rhythm at first and then it gets faster. I can hear breathing. Now it's beginning to bear down harder but a lot less than it did the first time. Then it eases up and I hear my father's voice: "Oh honey, I won't come in you now." ... and my mother [says] "I don't want you in there at all then. You cold fish."
extracted from:
http://www.clambake.org/archive/books/tsos/sos-03.html
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I think Tom Cruise has been watching way too much Lifetime TV...oh and he likes the cock.

I just wanted to tell HappyTimeHarry that I love him - as well as the ATHF episode he was in. Action bills...

Tom Cruise is gay. It doesn't matter that he supposedly impregnated some malleable minded girl, look at those cowboys in Brokeback - they had families too!

Tom goes to closet, caresses a flight suit: "Goose, I swear..."

Yeah, his idea of "communication" with Katie during sex is probably something like this:

*Katie moaning*
Tom puts his finger on her lips. "Shh, I forgot to tell you that L. Ron visited me in my sleep, and he said that 'Silent Sex' should also be practiced."

"Plus, it breaks my concentration when I try to imagine you as a man".

Because, say it with me,

TOM CRUISE LOVES THE COCK!

I would not be at all surprised if Katie Holmes hangs herself with the umbilical cord.

Tom made no mention of half-used bottles of KY, shit-stained underwear, persistent anal discharge, swollen red buttocks, a young hispanic boy mysteriously nicknamed "El Grande", a hyperactive midget covered in mustard, fossilized cum rags, a bug zapper, life-sized cut out of Rosie O'Donnell, and Spudz McKenzie.

That's the true essence of sex. When you have those things, you are finally free.

Notice he never specifically mentions that he is having this sex with a woman.

Katie sports a strap-on. That's why she's always standing behind him in pictures, bending over and hugging him. It's the only way she can make him smile.

Glib...
Another instance where Tom thinks he is talking like regular people do.

Is so sick of this preachy TOm Cruise shtick...
Like, he reminds me of a QVC host selling his formulas for the "perfect little happy life"

We don't care Risky-Business!

The best part is when this kid comes out Samoan and Katie has to go on anti-depressants!!

Ummmmmmm Tom likes the cock

Katie doesn't look at that satisfied.

Tom Cruise = omit curse

cock likes the Tom

Other than having her strap-on perpetually stuck in Toms ass, I think he makes her stand behind him, bent over, because she is much taller than he is. How do you spell Napolean Complex? T-O-M C-R-U-I-S-E!

TOM CRUISE LOVES THE COOOOOOCK!!!

*at all....grr

Devils is Chrome

"Sometimes i like to take this knife and go like this, (pulls knife across his chest) to see how hard i can do it before i pass out. hehehe. yeah."

Tom Cruise Loves the Big Black C

Happy Time Harry - your posts suck. Kill yourself.

I thought the Church of Scientology condoned sexual intercourse only if it involved rubbing eachothers brains with cold vaseline in rooms filled with blue neon lights while wearing sterilized vinyl full-body cloaks - and don't they absolutely condemn the touching, viewing, or discussion of genitals? How do you communicate when you have to remain completely silent through the whole ordeal? Oh well. Better than Mormon sex.

"(Meaningless sex outside of a relationship) is really horrible and pathetic and lonely."

Tom how you can say that about your male German porn star buddy? He is probably crying himself to sleep as I type. Shame on you sir! First you sue him and now you're saying he meant nothing to you?

#37
Actually Mormon sex ain't half bad. Especially with the Bishop's daughter.

Tom Cruise enjoys great sex - especially in the balloon knot.

You know I think Tom is having to explain himself because he is a.... "ittle weenie teenie weenie short di*k man"!

The Mad Scientologist - Sorry Im not thinking up comments to post about george michael in a sailors outfit playing homo with tom cruise...

Freudian slip perhaps?

i think we all know communication has absolutely nothing to do with sex. how many times have you heard, "shut up slut" and then been fuct so good you couldnt walk for days??? countless right? yea me too.
talking is for sissys and gays.
*moment of enlightenment*
oh right its tom cruise.

#39 - How can you enjoy yourself when the bitch keeps crying about how she needs you to hurry up because she's got to finish churning the butter for her 17 siblings, and keeps calling you "Uncle Ezekiel" when you get rough?

Oshkoshb-goshdammgosh - you would be surprised at the outrageous number of Mormon sex freaks out there....talk about in the closet!

Poo-eaters, anal worshippers, hearty misogynists, bondage lovers, plushies, S&M boot lickers, group sex - you name it, Mormon's are eyeball deep in it.

#36 I agree with you...and you are quite funny

#44

That's just foreplay buddy!

actually...i think tom having the squirts after anal is the only bi-product of sex that he has ever experienced...

ya know, i think i could go the whole rest of my life without hearing the words "poo eater" or thinking about what all that entails, and that would make a dandy life for me. as far as the rest of the list in #45...sounds good.

That interview is just one big lie from start to finish.

We all know Tom Cruise loves the cock.

Communication:

Katie: Are you wearing a condom?
Tom: You can't get pregnant because I'm shorter than you.
Katie: What about STDs?
Tom: All clear (Scientology Tested Drugs)
Katie: Oh, my PR person says I Love You, TC!
Tom: If you have my child, I will say that I love you too!

Ez-EEE - I'm with you!....you are so right...the best sex I EVER had was when someone said, 'shut up slut - bent me over pulled my hair and fucked me so hard I couldn't breath. Oh God, I'm horny as hell now.

If Katie ever gets preggers again, Tom will know she's cheating. Someone needs to tell Tom to shut up and quit giving free advice.

AUTHOR: Akapee
EMAIL:
IP: 151.204.227.63
URL:
DATE: 04/13/2006 05:19:38 PM
AUTHOR: Akapee
EMAIL:
IP: 151.204.227.63
URL:
DATE: 04/13/2006 05:19:38 PM

Tommy loves a big fat cock,
he loves it when he takes a walk,
he loves it lots here or there,
he loves it in his underwear,
he sucks the cock on a boat,
he sucks it hard, he likes to gloat,
no matter how he tries to talk,
we all know tommy loves the cock.

Tom Cruise is gay as a French horn. A horn being blown by Richard Simmons, who is getting rimmed by Ryan Seacrest, who is getting sodomized by a leather-clad motorcycle gang while Madonna's ``Material Girl'' is played on loop.

Post #6 must be gay....

Tom's sex life is great but not with Katie he was really talking about shoving his meat into Vito from The Sopranos.

I cant wait to see what Tom's baby will look like, I just imagine either the baby will be black, or the baby will be a green allien with the words I love cok on hid head.

What is it with the name Tom? Every one I ever met has been a bastard (no, wait, that's his child)--they have been Harry Dicks.

Don't you also HAVE to get knocked-up each and evry time you have Mormon sex?

You guys, word on the street is Tom Cruise may like, or even love, the cock. I'll have my sources confirm, but I'm pretty sure it's true, so we can put it on the internet - because it's true.
And the only thing better than kinky Mormon sex, is kinky Kaballah sex. No, wait, that sucks (red strings and gefilte fish everywhere - nawt hawt! OMG LOLOLOL! ;}).

#59

Yes, but that usually on happens on Christmas or the husband's birthday.

Great, you know what's going to happen now? Since we have made fun of him, he is going to be the next U.S. President, the news will be referring to them as "The Royal Family," and prescription drugs are going to be criminalized. We junxed ourselves in a big way.

I'm going to go and take my whole bottle now just in case.

So Tom thinks that Communication with Katie...plus having her Ex doing him from behind while having sex with her....is what makes for a great love life.

For some reason the thought of Tom Cruise covered with Santorum is pleasing to me.

Yeah, and the next thing you know, Tom Cruise is gonna start rambling on about how aliens come down from the sky and make us all do bad things!

.....Oh, wait....

After three 12 hour sessions with her scientology auditor costing $5,000 a piece Katie Holmes also now thinks sex with Tom Cruise is great. After all isn't Tom an OTIII and therefore posesses knowledge that upon learning would kill us non-believers.

Forget to mention that when I pulled Cruise's FBI file in 1993 in big bold letters under sexual orientation it said...
"TOM LOVES THE COCK"

Tom Cruise is such a homo, he has no right to give advice about anything, he can just die the f-ing homo. I can't even put it in words how much i hate him and his scientology bum buddys.........he's really horrible and pathetic.

If Katie is "free".. enslave me... "Communication makes it better", oh please Tom, you begging for it from behind does not a conversation make.

Please make him shut up! MI3 doesn't open for nearly a month and we will have a summer of THE WORLD according to Tom Cruise. I am so deathly sick of his world view. If his name were Bob Smith he would have been laughed out of the neighborhood bar by now. Tom Cruise is a big jerk who loves the image of himself loving his cock. When does he return to his other planet? Poor Katie. Sweetie, the money ain't worth it.

The really horrible and pathetic thing is that he acts as if he's so smart, so insightful, so perceptive, so wise. He's such a douche bag.

The mental picture of Tom Cruise having sex with anyone makes me want to wash my eyes with acid. I was never planning on seeing MI3 anyways, so all the fake knocking up women just to promote a movie seems a little desperate......and all that pretending that he isn't totally smitten with the cock. Because we all know he L O V E loves the cock. Right in the pooper.

hm i didn't know GQ was a gay magazine

Where's the quote where Katie says how "amazing" sex is with Tom and how "amazing" it is to communicate with him so much? I'm looking for that quote. I'm looking for it and looking for it and then I realize that it doesn't exist, because she's not allowed to talk. Seriously, when was the last time we heard this girl say ANYTHING.
Save Katie.

all you girls posting messages are a bunch of liars, you all wish you could be tom's slave just like katie is. Tom's the man.

@74

... it seems that Tom isn't the only one around here who likes the Cock.

Tom Cruise is a waste of the 4 seconds it took to make him. Will someone please stick something up his ass so he will shut the fuck up.

#75 you just proved my point

Yes. Because, ooh baby, Tom Cruise is everything a heterosexual girl could want. Insane, posessive, deep enough in the closet that he's humping the waterheater.

Run along.

who's the zombie in the pic with Tom?

Submit yourself and become the slave bitch that you were born to be. stop denying your destiny

I'll try to pencil that in, right after giving a crap about your stupid opinion.

Shit. I just walked into the other room and my boyfriend is actually watching Top Gun. Seriously. Fucking douche. I've got to get rid of him. And I'm not MeganHarris.

#80 "stop denying your destiny"
That sounds very Sith lord to me. Been watching a little Episode 3 or 5 or 6 lately?

#74 - Ummm, no. I wanted to be the slave to Tom Cruise from Risky Business and Cocktail. Now, it would be straight up scary to be with Tom who loves the cock, belives War of the Worlds isn't really like his religion (if you'd like to call it that), won't let you make a peep during CHILDBIRTH, probably won't let you make a peep during sex/anal rape and seems to want to generally brainwash you. From what I understand she acts like a zombie and hasn't talk to anyone from HER life since she met him. What in the fuck would make anyone defend pretty much ANYTHING about him? It just makes me wonder if he was crazy like this back when he was in Days of Thunder (no, I don't mean the year because I'm sure some fucker is going to say well, it was actually made in ... I don't care it's just to prove the point)? What about the shit other famous people could be into that we don't know about? I bet Russell Crow likes to milk bulls because they put up a fight.
In conclusion, no.

Figgy & bigponie, I like the cock, too. But I am not an uptight, inarticulate, insane homo Scientologist with diarrhea of the mouth.

look all i'm saying is this. It doesn't have to be tom in the picture, if a good looking guy flashes a million dollars in your face let's see how face those panties drop.

"Tom Cruise Gives Sex Advice." Yeah, and mental health advice too, since he is such an expert.

Next thing you know, Paris Hilton will be giving virginity advice, and Ryan Seacrest will be giving "manliness" advice.

[insert gay joke here]

#82 Jacq

Sounds like your boyfriend and Tom should hang out, if you ask me they might both like the cock. But it's cool, we'll leave them home and you can ride the Stallion all night....lol

Lies make Xenu cry.

Btw, if I want to hear about great heterosexual relationships, I'll call up Ryan Seacrest. I heard he was caught making out with a hot corpse last week.

That guy is so full of himself.

Tom Cruise's feet love the SOCK.

Oh what the hell. I mean everyone else is saying it.
Tom Cruise loves the cock.

bigponie, if you really think that money can buy a quality woman, you must just be bitter that you don't have either.

Of course Tom and Katie are kindred spirits. Both of their Thetans love anal.

So it took Tom decades and many wives and girlfriends to figure all this out? Maybe he finally found the right fit for himself. His name is Gay Al.

#74 My Ponie,

Nuh huh, wouldn't lie about Tom Cruise...I would rather lick my own balloon knot than be with that turd cutter. You're on your own with that one...

oh and for the record...TOM LOVES THE COCK!!

P.S. @#79.. LOL, I could have sworn I saw her on Return of the living dead...

Of all the stupid, insane things this man has ever said, this implication that single people shouldn't have sex is the craziest of all. If it weren't for "horrible and pathetic and lonely" sex, most of us would have no sex at all. So keep it to yourself and go back to making Katie give you the trombone. But what is the trombone, Cisi, you say? Visualize it, people: to paraphrase a previous post, eating someone's poo while simultaneously reaching around to pleasure him manually. Ha! Trombone!

And Jacq - I am still laughing hysterically at your boyfriend. Seriously - best laugh I've had all week. Definitely ditch him. He probably makes you turn over for sex, anyway, right?

Oh yeah, I forgot to say Tom loves big dick. Not just cock, but BIG DICK.

BTW #95, I like your name but every time you post it takes me about an hour to stop humming Joni Mitchell songs.

Although "Free Man In Paris" probably has a different connotation on this site.

Tom Cruise giving sex advice? That's like Dane Cook trying to tell people how and why he is really funny to the 50+ demographic.

for the love of all that is sacred....when will this freak shut the f*** up....??

#101 - That doesn't make any sense!!
And for crying out loud....Don't you EVER write Dane Cook in the same paragraph you are writing about the COCK LOVER....

#94 I never mentioned anything about buying a quality woman, let's face it there's not alot of quality women (or men) out there. I think katie has a low self esteem, she's obviously let Tom take control of her life and decisions, unlike nicole (who Tom couldn't control) left his stupid ass.

As far as my comment in #86, most woman (not all) would drop there panties if a good looking man dangled a million dollars in front of her face. I didn't say that she would neccesarily have sex with the man, but on the other hand that pun-tang is the best weapon a woman has in snagging a high profile man....

Ok, so seriously Tom Cruise is totally gay...but why can't he just come out of the closet?!?! for real...I realize even with movies like Brokeback it's still taboo for Hollywood leading men to be gay - but what does he have to prove anymore? He's set for life with all the money he's got from old films, etc....how could you repress yourself that much? Having sex with him as Katie Holmes would be like having sex with a weird gay midget:(

NO, bigponie, "pun-tang" is not the "best weapon" a woman could use when snagging a high profile man. Famous men can get sex pretty easily, so the best way to start an actual relationship would be to temp him something more elusive, such as good conversation, an interesting personality, intelligence, etc. There's no need to reduce women to their bodies; we have much more to offer than that.

Tom Cruise. Yeah, whatever.

Meanwhile, I just pleasured myself to the More Cowbell Girl. Tom Cruise's sex life has nothing on mine.

63 - Santorum.

Xenu curses you for using the sacred word in vain.

Speaking of veins, do you think Tom likes big veiny cocks or big cocks without big, throbbing veins?

#86

I'm a straight female and I can honestly say that if Tom Cruise came anywhere near me, million dollars or not, I'd find the first sharp object I could find and jam it in his eye ball.

Then I'd right on his forehead "Tom Cruise loves the cock".

I meant "write".

D'oh!

@75...don't get me wrong...i like the cock too...but i'm not down with mr. c....

Tom Cruise is gay???

Richard Simmons is gay???

Tom Cruise is gay???

Richard Simmons is gay???

Guys, I've been thinking about this, and I've made a startling realisation.

This may be controversial, but I can't help thinking...

maybe Tom Cruise loves the cock?

There. I said it.

Tom is obviously getting it from someone else..

WHEN IS GEORGE MICHAEL COMING OUT ABOUT TOM AND HIS RELATIONSHIP?!

Ahem.

YEAH! The More Cowbell girl!

I love her pout!

Even the ads around here are fun.

Tom loves the cock.

I have totally lost respect for Cruise. In the last five years or so he's gone from what I deemed as a "semi-intelligent actor" to an outright looney toon. I read that he's hoping his baby with KH will be the reincarnation of L Ron Hubbard!

I agree. I have lost a lot of respect for Tom Cruise. He just irritates me now.

That whole comment he made about how sex with someone you aren't in a relationship with being pathetic? Yeah, how many groupies you think he's banged in his days? I'm betting quite a few. I'm sure he's had plenty of meaningless, anonimous gay sex, too. He's a hypocrit.

so are they having a traditional Iranian marriage where the woman has no rights? I thought this was America in 2006, then again I also thought Tom Cruise was a respectable actor until a few years ago.
Tom Cruise lives for a good Clevand Steamer followed by a Dirty Sanchez.

120!

Haven't Tom's last couple of movies have been really horrible and pathetic and lonely?

OK, let me get this straight: Tom communicates and has awesome sex with the one he loves the most.

This means that he talks to himself when he is doing himself, right?

This is SOOOO funny. It's like he ONLY talks about shit that he doesn't know anything about. Good sex, mental health, entertaining movies. Next thing you know, he'll be telling people how to be reallllly tall. Fuck Tom Cruise. He's one glib bastard. Glib, I tell you. Glib, glib, glib.

Just wondering, if by a freak chance that TC doesn't love cock and he and KH are doing the nasty (gross, but ok) does she have to remain silent while HE communicates?

Just wondering, if by a freak chance that TC doesn't love cock and he and KH are doing the nasty (gross, but ok) does she have to remain silent while HE communicates?

Let's all pound the tables with our fists and chant protests until the editors put up a new article. Ready? "We need a new pic! Tom Loves the dick! We need a new pic! Tom loves the dick!..."

Tom Cruise giving sex advice ...

now we need Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy giving advice on how to remain a virgin and how chastity is the best thing ever

( and have them introduce some male pornstars to Xenu )

and, by the way, Tom loves the pinga

Tom Cruise giving sex advice ...

now we need Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy giving advice on how to remain a virgin and how chastity is the best thing ever

( and have them introduce some male pornstars to Xenu )

and, by the way, Tom loves the pinga

Good morning Superficials, I am sure it'll be a little quiter around here today since Kim and Megan are probably busy nursing wounds and eating kittens!!

I am dutifully reporting that I have, in fact, had to call it off with toolbag boyfriend. The Top Gun thing really damaged the relationship, but I knew it was over when he caught Stallion and myself mid-coitous. My leg was wrapped around my head, which made BF mad because he DOES make me roll over each and every time. I thought he was the one, but oh well, shit happens. Good thing that Stallion's dangerously handsome, plus he's like 8 inches, ya'll. The only thing that I will have to get used to is the ATM.

I'm more interested right now in hearing more about how LL made Jessica Simpson cry.

I'm so over TC. He is sooo veering into Michael Jackson Crazy Land. Just like MJ, if TC didn't have money, he'd be in an effing straight jacket.

Well as far as TC goes, he would probably end up dead from getting his ass kicked in sideways for being such a fucking self-rightous cock-sucker. That's right. I said it. COCK-SUCKER!

TOM CRUISE LOVES THE COCK!!!!

NEXT STORY PLEASE!

I hate Tom Cruise. I bet hes a one minute man and i bet Katie gets no pleasure from his tiny matchstick cock. I really hope her baby comes out black, not only would that stop the baby being related to knobwank Cruise but it'd be well funny. :D/

I heard that Scientolgy believes sept 11th was caused by Psychiatrists... :|. And to think, some people believe Scientologists aren't nutters...

Everyone knows that 9/11 was caused by scatologists and two of the hijackers were trained in aviation by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Oh, and the WTC imploded from the inside from a series of bombs that were planted there by the Dixie Chicks, those terrorist sluts.

After numerous posts, curiousity finally got the better of me and I had to go and google "scatologists" to find out what they do and I gotta say, EWWWWWW! THAT'S JUST FUCKING NASTY!

And TCTC.

This guy should not be allowed to speak, what a jackass....on that note be sure to watch him tonite, he's on some special where someone grills him about Katies father hating him. OOOHHH and can I highly recommend season one of the Ben Stiller Show, he does a spoof/medley/musical of Tom Cruise movies, and he's wearing bedazzled undies in the Risky Business one, I pissed myself laughing. I guess everyone in Hollywood has known about HIs Gayness for a long time

I love the cock....

See, Tom, it's easy!!!

meh he is just jealous that other people can get sex with out having to lock their lovers upn in a dungeon.
He probably tried the single life but wasn't tall enough to make it on to the stools at his local gay bar

Comment number 56 bears repeating:

" Posted by Spacedog on April 13, 2006 05:20 PM

Tom Cruise is gay as a French horn. A horn being blown by Richard Simmons, who is getting rimmed by Ryan Seacrest, who is getting sodomized by a leather-clad motorcycle gang while Madonna's ``Material Girl'' is played on loop."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

Thomas has an unusually strong prediliction for all things phallic.

#108 Trotter. In answer to your question, I would say that Tom most likely liked Big cockes covered with Bulging Veins. Since he likes it bareback and usually from two or three at a time, the veins simulate the studs and bumps of a rough rider condom ""Not just for HER Pleasure anymore""

Then Tom has Katie come in with her special Santorum Clean up kit to repair the damage. ""Hey, when you're paying somebody millions to date you get your moneys worth, make them clean up after you've just been pounded by three streetpunk hustlers you've just hired to pound your ass" Katie just takes more valium and pretends she's somewhere else...much like the audience will do while watching MI 3.

in response to #106 colormeskanky

What world are you living in!! Do you really belive that conversation is the best weapon a woman has, well let me give you an insight of (most men) thinking pattern. When a woman meets a nice man and start a conversation with him the man is not remotely interested in anything that woman has to say because that man is already picturing in his mind what that woman looks like naked.

139, and 106 - I use my vagina to hold up liquor stores and banks, protect my home, hunt wild game, and sometimes I just like to shoot skeet. My tits and ass are more suitable for explosions and mass executions.

#140 more power to you

Tom hates when Katie's mouth herpres pop out, it makes it so much harder to pretend he's slipping it to Chris Klein. "Touch me like Chris touched you, Katie. What? He never touched you, off to the spaceship, bitch."

I heard Tom Cruise loves something, but can anyone tell me what it is? I think it had to do with chickens?

There is only one way to destroy Tom Cruise, and that is for no one to pay money to see his movies. It is my fondest wish that Americans join hands across the country and unite together to refuse to see MI3. You have to hit him in the one place where it's going to do the most damage and that, my friends, $$$. Money=power. If his movies don't make money, he loses his power.

#98 - trombone!! ROTFLMFAO! Never heard that before!

Of course that makes sense since, not only does Tom love the cock (or so I've heard), but he also loves snowballing and, of course, Hot Carl.

I'm not sure why he's giving this "great sex advice" but it sounds like something he came up with in his early 20's.

I'm not sure why he's giving this "great sex advice" but it sounds like something he came up with in his early 20's.

Jacq no need to worry about the ATM, I was just reading about the Trombone, and Stallion likey. If your scared of the ATM you could always pertend like we are in a band......

Hey Jacq - did you ask if kimmy could come out & play yet? We could hide in a fort and throw sand at her.

If it came down to having meaningless sex with Tom Cruise and my hand, my hand would win hands down period. Pun intended.

Tom Cruise has way too much to say about everything, even on topics he knows nothing about, especially keeping meaningful relationships with women...which brings me to say:

Tom Cruise should be taking it in the ass if he isn't already.

bigponie--
I said sex alone won't keep a guy around forever, and I rest my case. Regardless of what men are thinking about when they first meet a woman, after a few weeks when the initial thrill is fading, he WILL start to care what she's talking about!

#136 ahahahahahahahaha

colormeskanky--
You and Tom would make a perfect couple, I hear his pretty good with the conversation...

...but you two would make a better couple, since he loves the cock.

...but you two would make a better couple, since he loves the cock.

Stallion, you likey trombone? I am a very talented skin flutist (sp?). I thought we were already playing band - that's why you always make me sing. I loves me a dirty boy!!LOL

#149 - Yesterday was sand... today, I get stabby. Ki-im, come out to pla-ay. *clinking bottles*

I heard that in prison, the inmates pass Tom Cruise around and he doesn't want protection or cigarettes as payment. True story.

Stallion/Jacq: Could I watch?

I always heard is was called a "rusty trombone"

I always heard it was called a "rusty trombone"

you sound so bitter...
the cock might do you some good

The SF guy od'd last night and drowned in his tub. The Tom Cruise story will remain for the entirety of Easter weekend in honor of the ressurection of our Savior. SF bloggers are encouraged to continue their quest to overload the Church of Scientology's data mining software with continued references to Mr. Cruise's sexual orientation and his opinions of the male reproductive organ.

lol as long as it's not tom cruise's

I wouldnt call that giving sex advice, I'd call it common sense. Anyone who has had sex with someone they truly love knows the sex is almost always going to be better then a one night stand deal. I'm not saying one night stands dont rock, the sex usually just isnt as good.

Yea, for he has risen, Alle-lu, Alle-lu. Yea. Let us rejoice, for, yea, he riseth anew. I like marshmallow Peeps. Alle-lu.

#158 - Everyone knows I'm an exhibitionist and Stallion's got something to brag about. Sure. Bring your frinds. And whipped cream.

*friends*

Fact: Tommy was originally slated for the part of Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain, and he fought tooth and nail to get that role too, since it's practically the only way he can bend over for a guy in public without having to come out with denials and lawsuits.

But he was replaced by Jake Gyllenhaal when Ang Lee realised that Tom Cruise loves the cock - more than he loves to act that he loves the cock.

Is Astro I mean Spacedog a girl? If not, sorry, please no dudes.......

I'm not Tom Cruise and I don't love the cock, plus my mommy always told me I was better looking then that dumbass......

No need to get defensive, Stallion. Operative word being ``watch.''
Jacq doesn't seem to have any problem.
Anyway, if I wanted to get with a dude, I'd just ring MeghanHarris.
Or drink that roofie slushie they pass around at the Scientology ``informational session.''

Last!

Don't make me do this again. TCLTC.

Spacedog, why did you have to get me jonesing for a roofie slushie? I'm stuck at work for another hour and now I'm going to lose my mind.
One of my friends claimed that "roofies aren't shit." I said, "well, Julie, how do you know?" "Cause I ate one one time." That's how I knew she was gay and that I had a friend who gave herself roofies. I'll post the exciting conclusion to that friendship from home, cause if anyone at work sees what happened, they'll fire me. She was a wild one.

Also, I would like to point out that I much prefer talking about crazy stuff and not whatever the hell the story is.

I'm coming in late on this discussion but I had to ask about the proof that Tom is gay....repeating it a thousand times does not make it so......I even read a long time ago that John Travolta is bi, how about that?

I wonder when the ATF is gonna set fire to the Scientology celebrity center like they did the branch dividians.

Kimmie, kim, now #173 kimanis. I detect a pattern. A really ugly 1978 run down motel curtains kind of pattern.

Also, TCLTC

Kimmie, kim, now #173 kimanis. I detect a pattern. A really ugly 1978 run down motel curtains kind of pattern.

Also, TCLTC

Kimmie, kim, now #173 kimanis. I detect a pattern. A really ugly 1978 run down motel curtains kind of pattern.

Also, TCLTC

Oh no. Now I have tourettes. Can windex cure that too?

He is just so great at it.

Please, people. Stop mischaracterizing the man. For the last time: Tom Cruise used to be in construction. One time - ONE TIME - a reporter asked him about what was the best substance to use in tile and grout work, and Tom innocently stated that he liked caulk.

It was a simple, honest answer to an easy question, and it is absolutely scandalous the way it gets misrepresented on this website.

I will, however, grant you that Tom Cruise is crazy. Not in that "Oooh, I wonder what funny thing he's going to do next" way, but more in that squirting-mustard-in-his-hair-because-oranges-don't-have-doors way.

Pez_D, that's some funny sh!it. I like caulk, too. When it comes with a manly repair man to squirt it out of one of those little phallic tubes.

Why are they apparently in court?

Did someone file Good Taste v. Cruise, Holmes & Hubbard et al., or something?

"The National Enquirer has found an old copy of a gay man's magazine with pictures of a very young Cruise posing provocatively. Cruise's people denied that he had done any such posing, but confirmed once they were informed that issues with pictures do still exists. The magazine, Parlee, caters to an almost exclusively gay male audience in the New York and New Jersey area."

http://www.rslevinson.com/gaylesissues/features/main/gl010610a.htm

'Cause every straight guy poses for gay magazines, right? ... um, right?

He is so gay, he loves the caulk!

Does anyone know where I can buy a "Tom Cruise Likes The Cock" T-Shirt?

Oh Yeah, Tom Cruise liebt den Schwanz.

You know, I recently read an article about his many quirks, and it said he has an obsessive need to know what time it is, always. He always have to have a timepiece around. Yes, Tom Cruise loves the clock.

*apologizing in advance*

Cruise is right! Those tea rooms are full of Meaningless sex. It's unfortunate.

A little OT, but you have to hand it to Nicole Kidmin for her great timing. Telling Tom the kids will not be witness to the alien birth........ way to go Nic.

EVERYONE LOOK!
#175 - WOW! You are extremely astute, I might have missed that. Kim, Kim, Kim. Typical bad grammer student that you are, it's spelled anus. KimAnus, no space.

Guess this means Tom does not like the pussy. Even super-power pussies, like Osh's.

I use my powers for good, not evil - that is if making peoples' testicles blow up in their pants as I walk by is "good".

We have this all wrong. Tom told Diane (last night) that he isn't gay, it's his baby and silent birth is BS. He said it. It MUST be true. Damn media.

#192 That makes me hot. I'm kind of gay for you.

I have this picture in my mind...

a hot little brunette, typing away, heaving bosoms hovering over the keyboard, and the feisty vagina being stroked into silence. "There, there, baby, ssshhh, the killing will come later. Sleep now, mama's here..."

Did I get it right Osh?

Oh yeah, TCLTC

"Sex is about the connection."

Yeah, the connection of cock to ass.

Can you tell I'm bored????

HAS ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THAT TOM ONLY DEFINES HIMSELF THRU HIS MOVIES?

He has NO other reality but the one he has created for himself. when asked by Diane Sawyer about his relationship with his dying father, all Tom could say was that his father had not seen any of his movies. that is what the geniuses at South Park have also picked up on -- and in the brilliant "Trapped in the Closet" episode, they had Tom falling apart because L-Ron Hubbard had not seen any of his movies.

the man is a robot. his reality is his self-definition as "MOVIE STAR". he has totally programmed himself. which means that even if his natural orientation is to be gay, he will use his 7th level Thetan power to suppress it. it's incredible that he was able to hand-pick Katie as the stupid fool who could be lured into his lair by promises of a screen test. that's all it took. i tell you that 7th level Thetan power is impressive.

the truth about this man will not come out until after his death. he has everything wrapped up and controled for now. i'm sure that even his kids have signed confidentiality agreements.

194 - yeah, but I'm a blonde. And I have people to do the stroking for me (read: houseboy).

Vollyball scene in Top Gun, vollyball scene in Top Gun, vollyball scene in Top Gun... okay, I like Tom Cruise again.