TC LOVES THE COCK

Congrats Katie and Tom on the birth of their beautiful pillow/belly harness.

They named her Suri? Mmmm...kay!

first! alien baby - woo hoo

i knew it!

damn

"Suri with the fringe on top"

How super ironic that Tom and Brooke were engaged in a very public battle around this time last year centering on childbirth and motherhood, and the next year their kids are born on the same day.

Suri Cruise

Sounds like a Royal Carribean ship.

Is it human?

Twenty bucks says in 20 years the girl is going to be an alcoholic with the nickname "Slurry".

That poor kid..not only is her dad gay but her mom's going to be chock full of anti-depressants. She is one shrink's couch away from disaster. Good luck there..Suri?

its a girl-
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/12376298/

WTF - the name sounds Namibian - did they steal it from Brangelina?

Hmmm. Suri/Surrogate. Surrogate-carrying baby for someone you aren't sexually or emotionally involved with.

so Cruise AND Shields have a kid on the same day? in the year 2039 our fates will be in their hands when they are locked in mortal combat

did he eat katie's placenta? barf barf barf barf

@8 & 16 -- Looks like we'll all see: Karma's a Bitch!! woohoo!!!

lol #17.
Just think, guys. He could be eating it riiiiiight nowwww.

Let it not escape our attention that Brooke Shields named her daughter GRIER HAMMOND.

This is possibly the least feminine name I've ever seen.

Grier rhymes with queer, fear, and smear. Poor girl.

And Hammond? Like "Hammond Eggs"? Grier Eggs and Hammond.

I was on a 'Suri Cruise' once, but after a while I switched over to Princess. Then one day she said " Get off me Binky !"
Which sent me back to the bottle.
Congrats !
Maybe this site will go off Cruise-Control!

Is it me, or does "Suri Cruise" sound a bit like "Syracuse"?

the guys on E said the name meant princess in hebrew...

i wonder how many eyes/legs/antennae this kid has. lord knows she was in there long enough to mutate

TIE HER TUBES TOMORROW PLZ. KTHNXBAI!

I think we should take bets on how long Katie is contractual obligated to now stay with Tom.

I think secretly Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields hate each other because they were caught in the closet together during the 80s at a Christmas party. That's what happens when you get two stars together who have no career....

I was waiting! Finally!!! I wonder how it went, if Katie is okay... I bet their baby is cute... can't wait to see the first pics. Don't know about the name, though... his name is Tom and hers is Katie... think they'd pick a normal name like theirs. Still, it's cute... a little wired, but cute.

Wait for the pictures of Crazy Ol' Tom dangling his baby over the balcony for the crowds gathered below.

Oh Tom, you almost make Michael Jackson look normal, and he puts bags over his kids heads.

Suri Cruise, huh?

Must of been conceived in New York

here is the first picture of Tom eating the placenta!

http://s27.photobucket.com/albums/c187/nurseflamingo/?action=view¤t=cruefete6.jpg

duh! of course Katie is okay...she's still in her trance and she won't remember a thing about childbirth...in 3 days she'll be back in the stores....shopping....wandering aimlessly with a giant handbag on her arm...and smiling her frozen smile for the paparazzi...TCLTC with the fringe on the top!

@30 - darned near pissed myself!!!

The image in my head....
Katie, "silent birth", laying in bed and not making a sound. The baby alone, crying by itself, with nobody talking to it or picking it up. While Tom Cruise is eating Katie's afterbirth.

What a beautiful couple, and what a joyous day this must be for them as they welcome there precious bundle of joy, Suri, into there lives!! I think you all are jealous!

Tom will be eating good tonight! Placenta. Mm Mm Mm Mm. Toasty.

Sherry-co, shut up! I'm not jealous of them. I'm jealous of you, because I'm not dumb and stupid...but mainly dumb.

# 30 You're right !
That's why this superficial site is somewhat reality - based.
You assume these Hollywood stars are always posh and 'first-class' - but the pic proves they eat a lot of 'left-overs.'

#34

Tom loves the cock.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Oh my god. I was on MSN and I saw that and ran here and I'm totally out of breath because I'm so fucking fat. I have to take trips when I haul ass. Ok, now I'm going to read the story.

Ok, ROFLMAO :) Fucking hilarious. I bet that it was like Coneheads when she went into labor. Where she flooded the basement apartment and everything? And the noise she made? Hoo-lee-shit.

***Transmission: Katie has given birth to the living human fetus spawn.***

Ummm, should there be 4 horsemen in my yard? And is the sky red at anyone else's house? Guys?! I'm scared.

I couldn't be happier that I DO NOT smoke weed right now, just in case anyone from works hangs around here.

#33 - Sounds totally natural and normal. TOOOOTALLY. LOL

I bet Tom's dining on placentas riiight this second.

Suri!!!!!!!!! That was the name of one of the lemurs on that computer animated flick "Dinosaur". That has nothing to do with anything, but I just think it's fitting that Tom and Katie's pretend baby shares a name with a pretend lemur on a crappy movie. Anyhoo, Jacq the sky isn't red at my house, but there are quite a lot of locusts outside.

ok - so Suri is something deep and meaningful in hebrew? But the Gospel according to Tom says you can be Jewish and Scientologist but they are just Scientologists.....so why call their child a Hebrew name??

its so confusing

but what the hey

TCLTC

and in other news - beards are back in fashion

I love The Superficial so much that I would marry it. I bet that's never been done before. It could get publicity for Papa's little proyecto. I'm like a pig in shit right now. Where's the scatologist when you need her?

Will they ** PLEASE ** go away now?

I am very happy to honor request for "privacy during this difficult, er, joyous time."

(Whatever...those releases are all the same.)

Wait, isn't Tom's real last name "Mapother"?

Maybe the kid isn't "Suri Cruise" at all.

She might be "Suri Holmes Mapother"

..yeah...what a beautiful couple of losers! We're all jealous of a guy who's been married twice and knocks up a chick young enough to be his daughter...
The MOTHERSHIP lands tonight....all ya'll in LA keep yer eyes peeled!!!!

Ahhh, right there. Love ya'!

oh and Jewish AND Persian?

sooooooo anti American - like that ho Angelina

where is Bella1218 when you need her?

74. Posted by tits_on_snack on April 18, 2006 07:19 PM

Oh shut the fuck up, all of you. None of you are as funny or witty as you think yourselves are. The only thing worse than celeb-lovers coming here and whining about body images and self-respect are the "regulars" constantly patting eachother on the back in every single thread and telling themselves how funny they are. The only person here who actually posts funny shit is OshKosh, so OshKosh, you're exempt from my outburst. Can I get you a drink? Rub your feet?

Then she posts this shit.....

The image in my head....
Katie, "silent birth", laying in bed and not making a sound. The baby alone, crying by itself, with nobody talking to it or picking it up. While Tom Cruise is eating Katie's afterbirth

Wow, I still can't stop laughing, that is the funniest shit I've EVER heard!!!!
Keep up the good work, can't wait for the next one.........

In other news, Tom Cruise's adopted kids turned into chopped liver today. More on this story never.

That poor baby! I feel sorry for her allready! Can you imagine the hell she will go through...... having a name like that AND Tom as her "Daddy".......I'm still wondering if she was even really pregnant. Giving birth at home? Plus, didn't her "belly" just scream "FAKE"!!! As well as she would have had to have some sexual contact with Tom, and I can't see that happening.

Oh, the sheer irony of it all...the same day his kid is born, his new MI3 ad just came on.. Douchebag!!!

@50 It's not anti-American...it's more like anti-Christian....as in ANTI-CHRIST!!

Don't be so harsh on a name like Grier. I know a girl with that name, and I don't think she goes home every day with the pain of knowing her name rhymes with "queer."

suri as in sorry we had to do this to you lol

I hope Katie did not make a FUCKING noise when she gave birth, or MAY XENU'S WRATH BE UPON HER!

On another note, I'd love to reiterate that Tom cruise loves the cock.

this is completely unrelated and i couldn't wait for another k-fed story, but i had to share it with you all before i forget about it...

enjoy!

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1145184731/President_Bush_Gets_A_Myspace_Profile

I heard a noise outside and went to the window, where a fleet of pigs were flying on over to the Henry Hudson River. I turned on the TV and the pope announced he was converting to Judaism. Then there was a knock on my door and it was Satan, asking if he could borrow a blanket, because hell froze over.

Then I checked into The Superficial, saw this, and it all made sense.

#55 - I so see that now - I wonder if Katie was in fact hiding Osama under her clothes for the last 12 months

oh - and a Suri is also a type of Alpaca

lovely

The seventh seal has been broken.

The Apocolypse is nigh.

Flee! Flee for your lives!

"Hi, I'm tits_on_snack, and like, I totally think Tom might mistake the baby for Katie's afterbirth and eat Suri. Har, har!"

Give it up, you insipid cunt.

#50 -- what's wrong with Anti-Americanism?

Americans suck.

What kind of mothafucka names his baby SLURPEE? That's just messed up!

now my life is complete.

WTF is up with # 34? bitch says we're all jealous one more time, i'm gonna puke.

Young Suri's first words? "Help me!!"

#34 is one of those people who continue to bother the crap out of me and use their real names and then want us all to worship unicorns & rainbows, hug frogs & puppies, save trees & burn bras. Damm hippies don't respect anything. And they're all Probably from New Jersey.

"And in other slightly ironic baby news, Brooke Shields gave birth to a baby girl today as well. Too bad not a single living human being cares."

I care, damnit! I CARE!

I care because Rosie Grier or whatever her name is will be our only hope in the battle against the evil Xenu spawn that was born today.

Be forewarned, though, Shields and Henchy. The Xenunians are coming to eat your child. Quick! Someone call the Terminator.

One more thing to remember in this battle of good against evil ...

Tom Cruise loves the cock.

Thanks for defining irony for us lawgrrl. maybe you can explain the concept to both kids at their joint 5 year old birthday party. Brooke's kid will probably be able to understand it faster since he'll be full of ridolon. Tom definitely induced labor to try and deflect the attention from his placenta eating madness.

looks like the guys over at tomcruiseisnuts have finally crawled back out into the sunshine...

http://www.tomcruiseisnuts.com/

right on biatcho! been there - birthed that - four times....TC only has things that money can buy--because TCLTC-but back to the subject....he's a miserable-ass excuse for a human being. He wants us to all feel sorry for him for being the kid on the playground who never fit in...for having the dad who wouldn't put up with his bullshit and backhanded him....and....we're not sorry for him one bit....I'da smacked him, too!

Marry me Jacq. I'm funnier than the Fish. Well maybe not, but at least I don't talk about Sharon Stone, wait I just did. D'oh!

Hm, it's pronounced Sue-Ree, actually.

not Surry...

I think it's a pretty name; although I'm half persian, so it's a name I'm rather accustomed to.

Either way, I'm with the rest in saying I fear for that child.

So they bought a baby on the black market and now Katie can take the pillow off? Cool!

Why do I look at TC and the lyrics to "Don't want no short dick man, come to mind?

BTW, is that the Queen of England pictured with them or Boy George? I can't tell.

I'm almost positive Suri means SHOPLIFTER in Japanese. Seriously.

All of you are so jealous!! You have to say such vile things to give your own lame lifes a boost. They have it ALL!! and all of you have NOTHING!! CONGRATS to Tom & Katie..now they are not only the SUPER COUPLE, but now they are the SUPER FAMILY!!

They couldn't find an anagram for CRUISE with all the letters so they dropped the E and C to get SURI. Not too self-absorbed there...

Gee "lawgirl" you are just full of irony

In response to #80 - when are the aliens coming for you to go back to Xenu?

Possible name definitions:

Suri, as in Surreal. Which explains the entirety of this whole fucking situation.

Suri, as in surinfection, which is French for secondary infection, which explains either the body Thetans that have invaded the baby, or perhaps the Tom/herpes induced growth on Katie's lip this past summer.

Suri, as in Surimi, which is minced fish prepared for consumption, probably prepared in the way one prepares placenta for consumption.

Suri, as in Suricate, a small burrowing carnivous mammal that is located in Tom's ass. After all, Tom loves the cock.

Suri, as in Suriphobia, which is the fear of mice, which are a small burrowing mammal located...

Aw hell, everyone shutup. No talking for what, 48 hours?

@80

God, you're so right!!!!!!! I have nothing!!! Not even a completely insane fiancee who brainwashes me (but only because he loves me so much) and forces me to have an ultrasound machine strapped to myself the entire pregnancy and makes me have sex with aliens. My life is so barren and empty!!!!!! Thanks for reminding me!!!! *sob* *sob* *sob*

P.S. By the way, the plural of life is lives, you insolent bitch.

I'm celebrating Tom Cruise Day by breaking out of this insane asylum and raping an actress.

Where IS Everyone?!?!?!! For the love of Xenu!!!! I swear it's like the Night of the Comet....there'll just be dust on the ground in the morning......

Sherry-co, you must be retarded. Or maybe Tom's sister? Or maybe Tom's retarded sister?

Take that hand off your mouse and smack yourself about 50 times across the face.

That's a good girl.

#51 the only thing worse than the jealous housewives and la schnooks who post here is people that try to "rise above it" and say "you all suck!"

i thought oshkosh/tits on snack's comment (#33) was in stark contrast to all the other comments in that it described such a sad, bizarre ordeal you were actually horrified, instead of mildly tickled.

and i want a tshirt PLEASE, that says:

"Tom loves the cock."

it works for myspace Tom too!

They didn't even let me hold her after all those hours of labor. Tom cut the cord with his teeth, ate the placenta and then the bitches made me leave through the underground tunnel. Katie did have a pacifier which is weird since I was the one giving birth. They did however let me keep Katie's shirt pillow. I guess I'm compensated.

#75 - I am also half-Persian, and I want to know why the fuck Tom and Katie gave their baby a Persian/Hebrew name. Last I checked, neither of them were Persian or Hebrew, and they should have given in some weird Scientology name like "L. Ronnette" or something. The Iranians are getting enough of a bad rap right now without freak job Cruise and his stepford wife using a Persian name. Freaks.

In 18 years or so, I would love to see little Suri go up against Brooke's daughter in a nasty cat-fight!Or maybe they can fall for each other and get together. How much would their parents HATE that!

suri is a lovely town by the sea in england, no?
worcestershire would be a nice name for their son.
btw, "mzbenz", you really didn't need to tell us you were persian. your name says it all.

check it out! pics of mom and baby are out!

http://kisskissandallthat.blogspot.com/2006/04/just-in-first-pics-of-toms-alien-baby.html

I was in a Chinese restuarant when I was in hollywood once, and the waiter spilled Duck Suace all over my brand new leather assless chaps. I got really pissed off because I was on my way to an Elton John tribute set up by Clay Aiken, and I start yelling at the guy but all he kept saying was "Me so Suri, me so Suri."

I wonder if Tom ate at the same place?

I see a secret alien code at work here
SURI
XENU
4 letters, vowel, consanant, vowel, consanant.
This way she Xenu will recognize her as a friend when he comes down to pistol whip the world with his giant green cock, which Tom will then slurp lustily!!

#74 - Gerald, I can promise that I will consider marrying you. I can also promise that if I do marry you, I will continue to sleep around.

Roxie, although I expected something like that it was still LOL funny. Childbirth makes women look like shit.

It could be pronounced Soori or Soory or Sorry, as in Sorry it was ever born.

Damn! Shit! Bitch! - I just checked my handbag and Katie took my post partum depression medication. The Whore. Stay tunned for Tom's reaction. Not enough that I gave her my baby (fathered by my uncle)...

I dunno... I may not believe it until I see it. I also want to know how Katie's "silent" pregnancy went. $20 says she blew it, or was "helped" by her husband through creative sedating.
Pictures. I'm sure we'll get plenty in the next few days. Now I wonder if it'll actually look like a newborn....(human)

If 5 years in Hebrew school taught me ANYTHING, it was that Sarah is Hebrew word for princess.

Sorry, suckers.

Surrey is a city in BC that is widely known to be a slut-infested crime palace.

Suri is the poor child who did NOT choose to be born into a fag-infested lunatic asylum.

How the FUCK can you say something bad about a female with the name tits_on_snack? The name implies she has huge juggs. And huge juggs RULE.

it's about time she had her baby. to me, it seems like she's been pregnant forever - like Bonnie Swanson in family guy

krisdylee, shall we not associate gays and Scientology? K thanks, you fucking homophobe.

Sherry-co...shut the fuck up.

I don't know which baby I feel more sorry for. Tom's, or Brit's.

Ahhh! What a perfect way to end my day! So much Crazy! How does he manage all that Crazy?! He muct have a bunch of stocks in Crazy and a whole buch of brokers making sure he buys and sells all the Crazy he needs to in order to superceed even Whitney Houston's daily quota! And the best part is- Who the fuck cares about Brooke Shields?!?!

I bet Tom is really disappointed it's a girl. I know he was expecting the next King of the World. And kings are better than queens. Hey wait, Tom does love queens. Maybe he isn't so disappointed after all.

Ten bucks says Katie remains silent from here on out. Because she's dead.

Well I'm not 'Hubbarded - In', so I'm not aware about all the birth rituals.
But as far as the three wise men angle - I suppose Chef, Vinnie Barbarino, and 'Fat Actress' all showed up. Under assumed names. And that crowd would be a party.
And of course the usual gang of idiots from The Superficial turned on their computers...

hmm another theroy Tom purposely spawned the child today to upsurp Brooke Shields from the baby headlines. I am sure Katie is happy not to have to waddle around with a pillow up her stomach anymore. And now their two month old child gets to be a new born all over again....

I just heated up my favorite leftover ever of eggplant parm. I put it in my mouth and just as I began to savor the flavor...I looked down and realized it looked exactly like placenta. Thank TC..

'Suri' is a type of alpaca. It has dreadlocks and looks like a cross between a Hungarian Puli and a giraffe. Ridiculous.

Meghann, gay people are icky and grotesque. And people who say "K thanks" are stupid. Maybe if you like gays so much you should go kiss sherry-co!!! You're both dumb-dumbs!

I'm positive this event makes Tom even MORE gay. I heard he gives terrible blow jobs too, with biting and hair pulling. TCLTC4EVER! RHTS! har har...

#80-I didn't think you were allowed to use the internet in the looney barn.

Brooke Shields had her baby today? Now, if the irony Gods will just hang with us, she will sail through the "new baby" period and Katie will need treatment for post-partum depression, in addition to some major deprogramming.

Hey guys, is LayDeeBug dead?

>79
yeah, it means pick pocket. 掏摸

POSSIBLE SOURCES OF THIS UNFORTUNATE CHILD'S NAME:

SURI may refer to

Suri, an ethnic group living in south-west Ethiopia, near the border with Sudan.

Suri (Pashtun), a Pashtun tribe.

Suri, India, the district headquarter of Birbhum, West Bengal, India

a tribe of Khatris who have their origin in the Punjab province

AND THEN THERE IS ALSO...

Sher Shah Suri [1472-1545]
Sher Shah Suri, "The Lion King", founder of the Suri Dynasty, was born in 1472 in Punjab. His original name was Farid. He was the son of a petty Afghan Jagirdar. Ill-treated by his stepmother, he left home at an early age. He went to Jaunpur where he set himself to serious study and there he acquired good command over the Arabic and Persian languages. Because of his abilities, he was soon appointed by his father to manage the family Jagir. But again because of his stepmother, he left his father's Jagir and went to Bihar where he later joined the service of Babur.
Seeing the weaknesses in the Mughal rule and military organization, Sher Shah took advantage of the problems faced by Humayun. Eventually he managed to overthrow the Mughal rulers. His reign barely spanned five years, but is a landmark in the history of the Sub-continent. With his deep knowledge and practical experience, he made many brilliant additions and improvements to the existent system. Sher Shah was a capable military and civilian administrator. He set up reforms in various areas. Akbar later built on these reforms and extended them further. Many of these reforms pertained to the army, but the principal reforms for which he is remembered are those connected with revenue administration. Numerous civil works were carried out during his short reign.

Sher Shah ruled for a short period of five years in which he not only consolidated his power but also brought about important reforms. He died in 1545 from a gunpowder explosion. He was a practical and farsighted ruler who was way ahead of his contemporaries. He is remembered in history for the numerous reforms that he undertook to strengthen the government. He was in truth the greatest ruler that sat upon the throne of Delhi.

OR MAYBE IT'S JUST CRUISE WITH 2 LETTERS MISSING. THAT WOULD FIT WITH HIS HUGE EGO.

Never mind the Boy George impersonator...What's up the creepy looking guy behind Tom?

http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2005/20051017l.jpg

A little something from my imagination...

Shirt front...
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g152/wsiler/shirt-front.gif

Shirt back...
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g152/wsiler/shirt-back.gif

Suri, a species of alpaca, or Peruvian camel.

Suri da! "Pickpocket!" in Japanese.

Suri, a dialect of the Surma, a Sudanese tribe who wear large lip plates.

Abu Musab al-Suri, most wanted Al-Qaida terrorist training camp manager.

Nice to see they put a lot of thought into the name, ...

And, ... Tom loves the cock.

Well, I employed my skills of goo-diligence and found Suri has origins in the Khoekhoe tribe of South Africa and Namibia, where the name also means…to envy, or begrudge.

Looks like Tomkat went and stole Brangilina's thunder right out from under them.

Paging Sherry-co... Paging Sherry-co... Return to the Scientology Center immediately!

We are showing a special film tonight:
Xenu and Suri: The Return of the Hubbard Spaceship Nears! Be there or we will be forced to implant in you 100,000 additional Thetans.

Furthermore, while out of the L. Ron Hubbard Absolutely Does Not Suck Compound, please do not speak to anyone and do not post anything at superficial.com. You will need to go through the Assimilation Audit again, starting next Monday. It is clear you were not paying attention in class the first time around.

The Suri Team Leader

He's eating the placenta for attention. What a twat. Another Scientology baby going to fuck the world!

Great, now we have a girl who's too tall, and is forever in denial about her real sexuality.

Takes after Dad and Mom no less.

P.S: Tom Cruise is gay. *gasps*

Great, now we have a girl who's too tall, and is in denial about her true sexual preference.

Takes after the Dad and Mom i say.

P.S: Tom Cruise is gay. *gasps*

#25 I agree and I'm guessing they call it quits November 2006. doubt the marriage will ever happen...unless Tom needs the publicity

I should name my kid Blorlock.

I am wondering about Katie's parents. I remember reading somewhere that Tom had pretty much ordered them to stay away from the birth. Do you think that's because he didn't want them to find out it wasn't a real pregnancy? Or do you think they were in on the scam, too? Did he pay them off to go along with it, like Katie? Oh, so many questions.

I think if I were Katie's parents, I would have burst into the room where she was giving birth and started screaming and fighting and playing tug-of-war with the spawn just to screw up Tom's "silent birth" plan. Oh and of course I would eat the placenta too so he couldn't have it. Then I would slap Katie and drag her by the hair to the dentist before checking her in to a deprogramming facility.

Part of me feels sorry for the munchkin, Tom "I love Xenu's cock" Cruise and Katie "My Lobotomy was such a joy, but why does my ass hurt?" Holmes as parents is a load.

But, the rest of me realizes that Suri's life will be so fucked up that she will probably be the source of more Superficial stories than her famous cock-sucking pop.

Part of me feels sorry for the munchkin, Tom "I love Xenu's cock" Cruise and Katie "My Lobotomy was such a joy, but why does my ass hurt?" Holmes as parents is a load.

But, the rest of me realizes that Suri's life will be so fucked up that she will probably be the source of more Superficial stories than her famous cock-sucking pop.

Tom Cruise=Troy McClure.

Katie baby, my agent says a baby would be huge for publicity. It'll get me all the roles and stop those rumors.

#133: "Suri's life will be so fucked up that she will probably be the source of more Superficial stories than her famous cock-sucking pop."

And that is bad because....?

#134 you forgot the conversation that came first, in which the agent told Tom he needed to audition young wannabe actresses to find one stupid enough to pretend she is in love with him. THEN came the baby carriage. You almost have to feel sorry for Katie since she obviously had no idea what she was getting herself into. I said "almost." Hope it was worth it, whatever she is getting out of this. Wonder if she will go the way of Debbie Rowe and turn the spawn over to TC, then show up on court years later crying about how great a father Tom is after he is accused of giving little boys Jesus Juice. Or in his case I guess that would be LRon Juice. Ew.

Hope Katie doesn't get PPD.

Oh, and we all know Tom's illegal Mexican maid will really be raising this kid.

"Tom ama el pene" says Tom's maid.

Let's finish the Google maid translations, ...

Tom ama el pene. ( Spanish )
Tom liebt den penis. ( German )
Tom aime le pénis. ( French )
Tom ama il penis. ( Italian )
Tom ama o penis. ( Portuguese )
Tom は陰茎を愛する。 ( Japanese )
汤姆喜欢阴茎. ( Chinese )
Tom은 남근을 사랑한다. ( Korean )

#101- LOL!!"slut infested crime palace"! Hawhaw!! You MUST be a local!heeheehoohoo!!!!!!

It will be a Surri sight. Sorry

rosemary's baby is what this is. those two old fucks were totally there during the rape scene.

WTF I joined just so I could ditto #100, princess in Hebrew is SARAH, not Suri - that's why I gave my daughter that name... that and it's not totally bizarre....

Suri is also the name of a type of alpaca...

Suri we are so sorry you were born to these wack jobs that are your parents but one day you will understand.

#1 you are right, I was talking to Rob Thomas one time and he agreed.

I hope I'm the first one to notice the similarity between Cruise and Pitt right now. Two of the 90's biggest heartthrobs impregnate women at the same time... Coincidence?

I'm not the best with conspiracy theories, but I think this has something to do with Interview with a Vampire, suppressed sexuality, penis envy, and Brad's new walking Dead skin tone (despite being in Africa). Is it a coincidence that The Cruise Baby's name sounds strangely AFRICAN? Or that both men have adopted two kids?

I don't think Tom is as crazy as he's been acting. This is what love scorned looks like. He's tormenting himself, and has been maybe ever since Bradgelina (or whatever) began.

Notice how similar Brad is to the strong-silent Heath Ledger? Is Tom supposed to be the sensitive Jake Gyllenhaal? [That's called 100% compatible.] Or is Angelina's strange spirituality and passion for children supposed to replace the TC void in Brad's life? If you take a picture of Katie (pre pregnancy), squint with one eye and don't quite look out of the other she looks remarkably similar to Brad Pitt's Louis.

Hmm... I started this post as a joke, but now I'm not so sure. Think about it...

DEVIL HORNS to InsomniActress #11 comment-
"Slurry", hilarious..

Well, it was about time. The pooor girl would have turned into a mountain of sweat during the inferno summer heat of LA carrying whatever they thought clever to have her carry to fake a pregnant belly.
The adoption services over there really do a great job.

Real creative. Suri. Its Cruise with the first and last letters taken off.

Suri is not hebrew word (:

If it's pronounced sur-ree, even though it's not spelled the same, it sounds like souris, which is French for mouse. Didn't he "propose" in Paris? TomKat--mouse, seriously? Do you think they're screwing with us?

Isn't Suricruse a country or something?

I just searched Hebrew baby name websites and Suri is not there, the Hebrew name for princess is Sarah, as others have noted, however what gets me mad is that the morning news I am watching repeated the lie being spread by TC that Suri means princess in Hebrew. The news media seems to be just blindly following what the cock loving Cruise mini-demon is spewing. oh and by the way, Tom Cruise Loves The Cock

Tom Cruise suri does love the cock.

#116 I too miss LaydeeBug.

I will give crabs to the commenter who sounds the most like her.

Wait a minute. His other kids are called Isabella and Connor and he calls *this* child Suri. You just know Nicole had a hand in naming the others.

You got a reeeal purdy mouth boy, now let's you drop them britches! Let me hear you squeal like a pig!

Suuuuuri, suuuuuuuuuri, suuuuuuuuri!!

SURI is a variant form of SARAH which means PRINCESS or NOBLE in Hebrew. From the Aramaic Sarah or Sarai

SARAH means PRINCESS, GUARDIAN ANGEL, GENIUS (Jastrow, M. 1903. A Dictionary of the Talmud.v.2. Brooklyn: International Hebrew Book Inc. 1627).

http://www.hebrewbabynames.com/item.cfm?itemid=758

#152 is an awful googler,
I forgive you because that name sucks

#116 & #154, I've missed her posts too. =(

Now that the wait is over for the birth, what I wonder is: will this baby inherit Katie's trait of her sticking her tongue out her mouth like an inbred pug dog?

Well I'm always up for a good crazy-fool bashing, and today did not disappoint!

I hope that TC&KH do right by that baby. Babies are miracles, alien or not. And while I'm not religious, I think Scientology makes a mockery of any truly devout person. Church and state may or may not be seperated in the US, but stupidity clings to both like a hungry barnacle.

Now, as for Brooke Shields baby, TC, sometimes the universe just bitch slaps you around. There was an actress from the 40's or so named Greer Garson, and I think it's a sweet name for a little girl. Original, but not to ... Suri ...

I wish Brooke Shields peace of mind and much happiness with her young family.

Katie, run back to your sensible parents. Pack up your baby or alien or tummy pillow and flee back to Ohio. Cause your baby daddy is one fast-fading star, and so self absorbed he won't notice if the baby crawls into the oven with the Thanksgiving turkey!

#80 please go slit your wrists or something

I think Katie really was pregnant cuz her face sure did look blooooaaaated in the last coupla months.

#137, you're killin' me here.

Every time I see "Tom loves the cock" or any of its variations, I laugh. I dunno why, but it never gets old and is always funny.

#80 - Are you Tom Cruise or something? Freak.
Riiight, we're deluded.

#'s 116 154 159 - I agree. I started looking for her a while ago. But then I realized I knew nothing about her and the rescue mission stalled.

It is hilarious that Brooke Sheilds also had her baby and no one cares. She even tried the whole weird name thing and that didn't even work.

@131
"I think if I were Katie's parents, I would have burst into the room where she was giving birth and started screaming and fighting and playing tug-of-war with the spawn just to screw up Tom's "silent birth" plan. Oh and of course I would eat the placenta too so he couldn't have it. Then I would slap Katie and drag her by the hair to the dentist before checking her in to a deprogramming facility."

#131, THANK YOU!!!
ugh at least they didnt name the kid Hubbard!!!!! think he'll want sole custody so he can keep up wantin the cock?! :)

No comments from Papa?

Ok, just for the record Suri does not mean anything in Hebrew. It could be some weird take on the name Sarah but Suri has no Hebrew origins. Way to fact check Tom!

Suri as in misery?

so ... Suri is Xenuian for "my dad loves the cock"

right ?

at least we know she won't get molested by tom because of course, tom loves the cock.

they actually named the kid smurffette georgette xerxes paulina iluvthecock...

ooh....and i heard they got a puppy too...

#51 and #89 - My name is not tits_on_snack, it is oshkoshb-goshdammgosh. This will be indicated by the name appearing above my posts. I don't know what the hell you guys are talking about.

I'm confused. And scared. And gassy.

Interesting...Tom and Katie's baby weighs 7 lbs. and is 20 in. Brooke Shields baby is 7 lbs. and 20 in. and they were on the same floor. Sure hope they don't get switched at the hospital...that would truly be irony.

Hmm, i thought Tom Cruise loved the cock? clearly not his baby. katie holmes loves the Turkey Baster
http://celebrityreligion.typepad.com

Suri means "Turkey Baster Baby" in Xenuese.
http://celebrityreligion.typepad.com

What would be even more ironic would be if the nurse's & doctor's at the hospital switched their post-partum prescriptions* around on-purpose & then Holmes started taking anti-depressants, but they didn't work & then she killed herself (ala heiferrz)and then Brooke Sheilds started getting anally raped by an alien.**

*Do you even get prescriptions after giving birth? i dunno.

** This is what Scientologists prescribe instead of Advil.

Suri is the end of the world.

#172 Osh, I never said you were tits_on_snack, someone else confused it. I think your funny also, I was just pointing out that the stupid bitch said nobody was funny and she is the least funny on here. I was giving her a big Fuck You.....nothing to do with you!!!! Sorry for the misunderstanding.....carry on

This guy has a recipe for Tom.

hmmmmm

http://www.viceland.com/int/v13n3/htdocs/baby.php?country=us

I can smell it from here.

OMG! Suri??!!! they really named her like that??!!!! poor baby!, what's wrong with these people?? why not naming the babies like Anne or Kate or something NORMAL! this "exotic" names suck!

First Gwyneth's baby Apple!, then Suri, and Angelina's baby will be named Southafrica or something really ugly too aghh

OMG! Suri??!!! they really named her like that??!!!! poor baby!, what's wrong with these people?? why not naming the babies like Anne or Kate or something NORMAL! this "exotic" names suck!

First Gwyneth's baby Apple!, then Suri, and Angelina's baby will be named Southafrica or something really ugly too aghh

I'm not supposed to say anything but the reason they named her Suri was a thinly veiled tribute to the baby's real father Uri Geller who is actually one of the few that has been granted some of the powers of Xenu. Telekinetic spoon bending is one of the few powers granted to those poor souls that are stuck in their Earthly embodiments.

179 - That's kewl. I guess I should never step away from my computer for more that 3 hours lest I miss something here... I need to stockpile some crystal meth and some VAULT ENERGY DRINK and get me one of those piss jars for to piss in.

OMG! Suri??!!! they really named her like that??!!!! poor baby!, what's wrong with these people?? why not naming the babies like Anne or Kate or something NORMAL! this "exotic" names suck!

First Gwyneth's baby Apple!, then Suri, and Angelina's baby will be named Southafrica or something really ugly too aghh

When people use the word "jealous" you are only showing your young age and your lack of knowledge as to what the word really means. Why would anyone be jealous? Its not like Katie is the only women alive that can bare a child? Look up the word in the dictionary. Jealous is hardly the word to use for people that despise Tom and his messed up way of thinking..The man is out of touch with reality. Its actually pretty scary!

"The world's longest pregnancy ends with alien birth"

Ok....whoever asked them to go away I agree. They should just hop in their spaceship, take off on a one way trip to the great unknown, live their silent life, hope their child never learns the truth about her cock loving, crazy ass, possesive father and becomes a crack addict at age 2. I have fears that TC will be the same kind of parent as Britney. And Katie will be brainwashed into believing its part of Scientology. Another poor soul born to clueless celebrity parents.

50 anti-american? youre a dumbass.

50 anti-american? youre a dumbass.

DEVELOPMENT TIMELINE FOR SCIENTOLOGY BABIES:

1st month: Can see things about 10 inches away
2nd month: Can see into its past life as a Roman Emperor shopping on Planet Kroger in Galaxy Theta
3rd month: Smiles at faces
4th month: Begins recruiting new members
...
10th month: Begins talking
11th month: Begins telling others how they should live their lives
12th month: Begins walking
13th month: Begins jumping on couches

#166 - He's having a margarita lunch. Allz I want is to "drink him under the table" if you know what I mean.

#166 - He's having a margarita lunch. Allz I want is to "drink him under the table" if you know what I mean.

You know, I can't seem to get away from the Coneheads thing. "Maintain low tones!"

Besides all the wierdness of this virgin birth, don't you think it richly bizarre and oh so convenient that Katie gave birth at his house in Hollywood, surrounded by his family (by Tom's orders). This way no one in the hospitals could see that she actually never gave birth to the pillow harness child. They either had a surrogate held hostage for months or some other poor child waiting in a playpen waiting to be the "chosen one".

WTF!!! Katie and Brooks babies both weighed the same, how is that even possible. KH looks like she was carrying triplets, oh wait, she probably had twins, one to sacrifice to the "church" and one to sacrifice to TC

Katie has to sign away her rights to the child BEFORE Tom can dangle her over a balcony, die her hair blonde and make her wear a veil when she's out in public. I'm surprised they didn't just name her Princess Tomacina and get it over with. He is that egotistical.

They probably had the placenta frozen (after Tom got a bite) so they can clone Suri later.

Suri means "pickpocket" in Japanese. So perfect.

Suri means "pickpocket" in Japanese. So perfect.

Scientology will one day be the Religion of choice for most people who are smart enough to "get" what it stands for. Its all about "EMPOWERMENT" Something which most of you apparently have no idea of the meaning. Which is why when something wonderful happens to this world, as the birth of Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes child. All you ppl can do is spew vileness. Typical for a bunch of ignorant & indigent ppl.

and the other wierd thing is that his kids with nicole are learning parenting and will have schedules 'round the clock (per tom). now, i dont think they want to be that involved unless its really connors child

199 - Hey, if you ever get tired of worshipping money and space aliens, try Kaballah. It's less filling and 4 out of 5 rich drama school lunatics prefer it over Scientology, which, by the way, is not the study of science.

Hopefully Katie will get to enjoy her child before the cult members take her. Its kind of like Rosemary's Baby. Tom drugged her and then had her inseminated and then told her she looked so damn hot passed out that he couldn't help himself and 11 months (length aliens need to germinate) later we've got Suri.

Hopefully Katie will get to enjoy her child before the cult members take her. Its kind of like Rosemary's Baby. Tom drugged her and then had her inseminated and then told her she looked so damn hot passed out that he couldn't help himself and 11 months (length aliens need to germinate) later we've got Suri.

Ooops! Damn site!

Apparently Tom can only hypnotize women who are taller than him.

hahaha the antichrist has been born.

Best part about "Suri" is the book she's going to write in about 25 years. Before the scientologists kill her of course.

Did anyone notice that the child's name is
"SURICRUISE," looks alot like "syracuse." I only appreciateded it because I am from upstate new york. Maybe they are big fans of the 'cuse?

Isn't this the best science fiction story ever written? Oh wait, if it was that kind of story, maybe L Ron Hubbard would have written it.

06/06/06

The signs are all around us.

06/06/06

The signs are all around us.

Brooke Shields: " And then Grier was all like '....' and Me and my husband were all like ' omg! This is the most amazing thing ever"

Oprah: Yeah? So you said you were on Suddenly Susan? Tell me about working with Kathy Griffith??! I'm sure you were just star struck by her everyday on the set, right??

Brooke: I was in Blue Lagoon!! I dated Michael Jackson!!

Oprah:Mmhmm...So how about that Tom Cruise. He jumped on this couch, you know. And that baby of his, I'm sure it's going to be a joy. Do you have any kids, Ms....?

brooke shileds: I'm Brooke Shileds!! I modeled Jordache Jeans!!

The scene proceeds to have Brooke Shields almost fade from the mind of Oprah and be replaced by memories of Tab cola and that one song by Captain and Tenille.You know- The one where everyone continues not to give a shit about Brooke Shileds? I think Chaka Kahn was featured on that Track...or was it Karen Carpenter...I dunno, I just know it wasn't that Bitch from Blue Lagoon. Who was that again?

YES! It's a real baby, as opposed to the fake pillow baby I imagine, the world will now be safe. However, now Xenuians will invade Earth to worship Suri and distract us from the fact that Tom Cruise LOVES THE COCK!

YES! It's a real baby, as opposed to the fake pillow baby I imagine, the world will now be safe. However, now Xenuians will invade Earth to worship Suri and distract us from the fact that Tom Cruise LOVES THE COCK!

Hi I'm from Peru and in the jungle of my country some people eat a plate named SURI,it's a dish with worms fried. Nice name, don't u think? http://www.iiap.org.pe/regionalismo.htm

Hi I'm from Peru and in the jungle of my country some people eat a plate named SURI,it's a dish with worms fried. Nice name, don't u think? http://www.iiap.org.pe/regionalismo.htm

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006180307,00.html

Princess, or Red Rose, or "Pointy nose". Take a look.

First post ever =)

Who`s Suri now?
Sorry, too tempting.

PS. Tom Cruise elsker kuken.

My kingdom for a DNA sample!

TCLTC

this just in from CNN...Katie had an epidural ha ha ha guess it was a silent birth after all...so much for that...and by the way...Tom Cruise loves the cock

Sherryco - I wrote this to you last night and the damn thing didn't stick so here goes again (slightly different version).
First off, I've already gotten very angry with you once, so you get a double dose now. You know, that's how I got lumped into this whole Christian thing, some moron standing on the sidewalk in from of my office screaming at me about how I just "don't get it" and you know what? That's what got me in the door, but I have to warn you calling everyone stupid doesn't always work. I love how you capitalize the "R" when you say religion, but just so you know that doesn't make it a legitimate religion. Thanks for empowering me to print your post, take a shit and wipe with it. I have a whole lot of vileness here with your name on it so turn and face me. You are definitely a typical Scientologist seeing as how you confuse ignorance with hating Scientology. It seems fitting, too, that you would call us indigent in keeping with the belief that you people "buy" your staircase to heaven (or wherever you go - outerspace, hell, whatever). I would have trouble investing my life in a "religion" that isn't as old as my dad. Plus, there are all of those other things, like how nothing is really shrouded in secrecy which makes it totally not cult-like. And Tom doesn't get up and run out on people who ask for clarity, right? Just making sure we're on the same page here. I want to come down to your cinderblock cell at the Celebrity Centre (that's how it is right, that fucking e on the end?) and dash your brains out with a brick. I hate, hate, hate you Sherry. You are in my cross hairs and you WILL be sorry for being a thunder cunt before I am through.
You are new public enemy number one.

I'm all worked up now, I'm going to take it out on Trotter's flaming crotch. Here I come bbaby! Take me now or lose me forever!

Damn, woman! This lust missle has a nuclear warhead waiting to blow with your name on it. Move over Stallion! There's a new horsecock in town.

Yes, all this hate and rage is making me horny as fuck. I'm going to go masterbait with a 6 lb. Alaskan salmon. Uuuunnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

i bet a years wage she farted!!!...do you think Tom will throw her out of the church now!?....or the crazy bastard just lapped up the flavour!

Sherry-co,

Because you have not returned to the Scientology Center AS ORDERED (post #125), in addition to a re-do of the Assimilation Audit, you are commanded to take, AND PASS, the following:

The Big Mouth Audit
The No Brains Audit
The I-Don't-Know-Nothin' Audit
The Don't-Know-When-to-Stop Audit
The Every-Time-I-Speak-I-Look-More-Foolish Audit
And, yes, the Why Thetans Are Put to Death Audit (that one has your name all over it)

Suri is very displeased with your behavior. She will be reporting your conduct to Xenu momentarily. Cease and desist! Cease and desist!

The Suri Team Leader

FYI # 152, straight from the website www.hebrewbabynames.com :SURI is a variant form of SARAH which means PRINCESS or NOBLE in Hebrew. From the Aramaic SARAH means PRINCESS, GUARDIAN ANGEL, GENIUS (Jastrow, Marcus. 1903. A Dictionary of the Targumim, the Talmud Babli and Yesushalmi, and the Midrashic Literature. v.1 Brooklyn: International Hebrew Book. 1627). Variant spelling - SURIE