Apr 12 2006Peter Sarsgaard knocks up Maggie Gyllenhaal, marries her

Congrats to the happy couple. :)

How wonderful.....they're making a family the traditional way.

Besides, he's a hottie!

that's a hell of a lazy eye..

Who knocked up who?
Should I have some idea of who these skraggly lookin people are?

Id spank that! like in the secretary...

The husband should be called Tight Eyez and she should be called Junior Tight Eyez

"The Secretary" inspired me to apply for my current job, but my boss didn't get it when I brought in the saddle and carrots. I played it off and told him it was my lunch, and then I had to eat a saddle. My boss is such a hard-ass.

leave a pair of nip clamps on his desk and he will get the idea ...

That is going to be one ugly child.

I hope she has a waterbirth and lives in happiness

Life is exciting, you obviously have not seen the new Kate Moss sculpture yet;
http://celebrityreligion.typepad.com/celebrity_religion/2006/04/sculpture_gross.html

He's a good guy.

He'll treat her right.

Congrats to them.

The only two semi-famous people with Scandinavian double A's in their last name manage to get married. Coincidence? I think not.

Actually #2, the traditional way would have been for them to get married (not engaged) before they got pregnant.
Still, congrats to them both.

Maggie is awesome, I love her. She's a breath of fresh air in what has become the toxic waste dump of young Hollywood.

Maybe she'll brush her hair before the wedding.

Where am I? Isn't the The Superficial? These people are FUGLY! I mean, Jake and Heath make a better looking couple than these two stoner dirtbags.

Jake and Heath givin' it to each other turn me ON.....

#17: Haha! I was just about to point out that now the Federline spawn will have some competition for the Ugliest Celebrity Baby crown and title.
I mean, God alive! Both their eyes are so droopy, I've got $20 that says their kid will look like a bassett hound. And that in the next celebrity generation, ugly will be the new pretty.

She's horribly overrated/fugly and he's limp in the wrists. Are they going to name their kid "Beard Jr."?

and to all you love-happy whores, if you can't say something mean, don't say nothin' at all.

Maggie is totally gorgeous! And Peter ain't bad either. But I agree that Jake and Heath do make a cute couple.

I don't no why, but I would love to knock that stupid smirk off that dudes face, and actually I'd probably smack the shit out of her too. I guess just for the hell of it.....

P.S. Hitting women is not funny unless of course they brag about how rich they are or they forget to tell you they have the herpes and or name their children Apple and Moses!!

Well, I hope that if they are really brother and sister, society welcomes and accepts them. Think of how much happier a world with incest would be - Angelina Jolie would finally be able to marry the love of her life, Bushes and Kennedys would never have to mix their pure blood with inferior genes; the list goes on and on. Think - if Kennedys didn't have to marry outside the family, Schwarzenegger wouldn't be the governor of California! Go Incest!

Really. All this flattery bullshit is absurd. Who the hell do you people think you are? NewGuy and Katie? Makes me sick. Go eat some drano.

Oh, and Krisdylee & Beeyotch, I look just like Heath. So hot I can't look at myself in the mirror without sportin wood.

@25

"So hot I can't look at myself in the mirror without sportin wood.

Dude! Me too!!! Is that wrong? You know, since I'm a girl?

#26 - Not if it's in your mouth. At least thats what those frat boys told me.

And wet. Don't forget hot and wet. Which neither Peter nor Maggie could imagine, considering they're obviously unfamiliar with the concept of "showering"...

#14--I'm guessing you don't detect sarcasm very well.

I still appreciate the education, though. I, too, got lost in the system and missed the day they taught that concept.

What the odds they'll name their baby something crazy.

My vote is for Jack Nasty Sarsgaard-Gyllenhaal.

Have you ever seen how SAGGY her boobs are? Never seen a picture where she wasn't close to kicking them. She's be able to throw 'em over her shoulder (like a Continental soldier) by the time she's done having kids! She obviously has no concept of the word *whispers* support bra.

I hate the way Maggie looks. her breasts are unpleasant. it is like she purposely wears clothes that drag her tits down to her knees. Jake clearly got all the good looking genes in that family.

Be real, that's Kirsten Dunst with that guy who is one of the shittiest actors ever.

#3....LOL

Maggie always looks JBF'd. Ever notice that?

Lazy eye's all the way around!

They are so boring, she's never gonna lose the weight, she's way to heavy boned, you can tell.

BORING...

Maggie is Bea Arthur's long lost daughter. Btw, Peter, the "open-buttoned shirt look" doesn't work if your girlfriend has bigger pecs than you. Your friends at the bath house clearly gave you bad fashion advice.

I have nothing to say, I don't know who these people are.

But, I'd like to take this time to say that you people crack me up. Thanks for making me laugh. You should see the weird looks I get from people at work when they walk by my office and see me laughing at my computer. OK enough of the warm fuzzy bullshit.

Maggie Gyllen-slut...shotgun style!

I dunno if I'd try to look *that* smug with a broad that homely on my arm. It's kinda like bragging that you were the most-molested altar boy at your church: I suppose it's worth something, but public acclaim really isn't it.

"Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are engaged and pregnant."

Peter is pregnant??

Holy crap them's a lot of weird letters in their names, are we being invaded by vikings?

with the plundering and the looting, and then there's all that rapin', don't even get me started ...

Banality, thy name is Maggie ....

@41

Don't forget about the pillaging..........

They both look like they smell baad. Real baad. Sure to be one stinky kid.

shit, that IS her twin brother! They even have the same lazy-eyed camera stare. NOt like Jake Gyllenhall. He's like a happy lil' puppy

No one's kid could look as bad as the little hippy kid, Ryder, who rides around on his hippy mama's hip (Kate Hudson). Somebody get that kid a haircut and a washrag to wipe his face. I vote for: if the 1st one is heinous...then NO MORE reproducing...it's as simple as that....and that goes for YOU Britney!!!

#46..OMG!! LMAO!!!

But you do make a very valid point...wow..that is one sad looking sour milk kid.

Cool story, I got headshots at the same place as Maggie Gyllenhall. I didn't knock her up though, contrary to semi-popular belief.

Yeah, I agree with #48.

I think the rule should be, if The Superficial can't think of a funny comment for the story, they shouldn't post it.

Or, whip the person who posted the unfunny post, and make them try harder...

congrats Maggie and Pete :)

you know what they say.. ugly people make beautiful children

My cat had a hairball today. You can read hairballs like tea leaves if you know what to look for. This one said this story is boring.

WTF? Has birth control become a foreign concept in Hollywood???

I cant beleive he stuck his dick in that

believe

I can't comment on this story because I can't spell either one of their last names, but here goes nothin:

Peter Sasquachtergaurd and Maggie Brokebacksbrother.

Fuck it, I'm drunk anyway.

#7 LOL!

I hope the kid starts learning to spell Sarsgaard Gyllenhall when it gets out of the womb otherwise it's gonna suck in kindergarten.

They will probably name the little turdling something hideous, like Odin or Frigga just to say "look how Norse we both are" as if all the fucking AAs in their name didn't give it away. They'll also hyphenate the kids last name as a cruel joke too.

If they wanted to be really cool though, they could name the kid Tom Cruise Likes The Cock Sarsgaard-Gyllenhaal.

Yeah does anybody find it kinda weird that Jake G. is around so many girls with saggy tits. He looks to be in pretty good shape and with all that money you'd think he would choose to surround himself w/ women who wear bras. Maybe he's some sort of curse. We shall call him the "Tit Sagger".

Peter Sarsgaard totally cruised me in a club once when he was only *semi-* semi-famous, and i'm a guy. He and Mags obviously have an arrangement involving a turkey baster, latex gloves, and a bottle of gin.

"Tom"-cruised me?

LOL at 62.

for some reason this feels pertinent:
http://www.ruggedelegantliving.com/a/images/05.Oscars.BDC.Jake.Maggie.jpg

You know if they weren't related he never would have brought her to a public event. She just has that pad posture goofy look.

Congratulations to her on getting married. I wish them the best. You know, since she's too ugly for acting.

You post at Rotten Tomatoes, don't you?

#29- Sorry, missed your sarcasm. Lighten up.

Sarsgaard is so gay, his anus leaks sugar.

This guy needs some hardcore pounding.

Hey, I just took a second look at that picture and I demand to know what great aunt Tillie is doing with that queer French cheese monger pirate.

I wonder whose last name will be taken, or maybe it'll be hyphenated, then people will start abbreviating the poor tyke's name and they'll never know he's related to a Gyllenhaal (or however you spell it, whew!)

#61
Are you for real? That post was so desperate. Yeah dude, he was totally checking you out. Whatever gets you through the day.

Please don't share your lame fantasies with us.

and once URalllosers tried to fuck me, gross