Apr 25 2006Paris Hilton almost electrocutes herself

Ding! Dong! The witch is dead!!!

Awww, this one's just too easy...if only the Bentley she lost in Vegas could have fallen in on top of her...we can dream!

Oh, and FIRST!

I SO wish this actually happened. I want her to die doing something really embarrassing and stupid. She is so worried about her reputation, I would love to see her being remembered for nothing more than getting electrocuted by a dildo or pencil sharpener. Or overdose of Valtrex.

I told her it would give her a wicked buzz and help the sores stop itching. She totally fell for it.

Doesn't she need a little electo-shock therapy???

The sad thing is that now she probably has super powers and will take over the world. Hurry it up, Xenu. Get me out of here!!

People get so excited when they think they are first.

That's Hot

Hope they did a serious shock treatment on the pool after that (no pun intended). And busted out the Windex to clean that poor, poor pole she wiped herself on.

Oh, Death, where was thy sting?!

Guess we'll all have to wait for the various STD's she's housing to do the job, albeit very slowly.

The cicuit breaker now officially joins the hydrogen bomb as things we should never have invented.

You mean she survived? Damn, my plot was foiled again. I'll have to come up with something more elaborate next time. I guess she can hold more liquor (and voltage) than I anticipated.

allow me to be the first to say:

that's SHOCKING!!!

oh dear god how the hell didn't she die?
it's like logic. you jump into a pool with electrical shit in it and you die.
good-bye no more you.

I wish that walking stick of herpies would go bye bye

I think Herpes Sores ground you against shock.

The sad thing is...ok, you are rich, famous etc... you are the one who should be comfortable, sitting there secure in your fame and money and you YOU are the one who is so desperate for attention that YOU get up at your OWN party to entertain people by doing a poll dance? What, was this girl molested at age 6 or something? That is just pathetic.

I wonder if it killed off her crabs?

God just smacked himself in the forehead and said, "Damn, another missed opportunity...SHIT!"

what a dumb broad. that's pretty much all i can say. most of us are pretty disappointed that she didn't actually die, but god has bigger plans for her, and in turn for us. cause who in the hell would we laugh at and hate for being borderline-retarded and horribly ugly and disgustingly slutty all at once? also, i hate to actually say this, but her boyfriend is pretty delicious-looking, although i don't care if he was the last man on earth, i wouldn't touch any guy who'd boned Hilton, not even with Lindsay Lohan's cooter.

One of the saddest words: almost.

Dammit, and I planned it so carefully. First, I waited about 10 minutes till she was good and drunk. Then I "accidentally" knocked the light into the pool, then I suggested that it would be so hot if she jumped in and made her clothes all wet and see-through like. Talk about dumb luck. But I'll be back. If I've learned nothing else from CSI, I've learned that there are LOTS of ways to elaborately kill someone.

I am certain that the massive amount of silcone in her body would insulate her to being electrocuted.

What a stupid cunt... "she thought it was hilarious". Reading about her makes me want to punch babies.

I hate this stupid bitch. It's fate's cruel trick - she'll never die. We'll still hear about her when she's 80, on her 14th husband, trying to grind against her walker:(

electricity has no effect on paris...she's been fried like a grill cheese sandwich since she was 15...plus...how do you kill something that is dead inside...

I think there are other hotel chains that are less tacky than the Hilton chain. Don't those hotel owners have conceited, herpes-infected, ugly kids as well?

I mean, where is Kelli Ramada and Fifi Radisson?

Damn so close, it would have made GREAT headlines too...this is publicity you really can't go without!

I feel like Frank Grimes to her Homer Simpson.

Damn, thats a shame it was almost, I LOVE STEAMED CRABS........

If she really wants to shock herself, she should quit drinking and whoring for a week and see what the world really thinks about her.
Then she would, of course, kill herself and the universe could get back to normal.

Firstly, when it comes to Paris one simply must inquire - what kind of "pole" was she "giving dance sessions"? The entire event sounds like the preface to a cheesy '50's Sci-Fi movie: Paris falls into an electrified pool and her STD's, enhanced by chlorine and energized by electricity, mutate into a giant Herpe monster that threatens the quaint City of Angels...

Almost? Almost!? Which God do I have to sleep with until she is gone! Geez...

The only pool she needs to be jumping into - is a pool of iodine.

I hope her death is a little more compromising than just jumping in a pool and getting electrocuted... I want there to somehow be hampsters involved.

Paris should wear a big red cape with STD scrolled across the back. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a pole smoking super wench! I'm sure her dad was in the bushes, slapping his head over and over..Dangit! Dangit! Dangit!

Why didn't someone throw the stereo in after them?

What the hell is wrong with people?

And somewhere, in Heaven, an Angel loses it's wings ..

.. Because God doesn't tolerate failure.

If the garden light was installed next to the pool then I'm sure it was a low voltage light, so sadly there was never any chance of Paris getting killed.

Electrocuted in the pool, that's hot.

I hate to be a bitch, but do you know how amazing that would be if she actually died?

Paris Hilton is a waste of human.

All in good time, my pretty.....

All in good time.

Even electrons are scared to touch her herpes. =(

Why didn't anyone pick up on this dynamo opportunity? Someone could of at least kicked in a toaster or radio, cmon there had to be several things in the area that could have done the job. Were talking mansion parties, everything runs on electricity there. Damn millionaires with there electric toothbrushes. P.S. Pete Doherty's birthday might be soon, I think there might be a solid new toothbrush with his name on it. All the same we wouldn't want a perfectly good toothbrush to just lie around and not be used.
fin.

that's a shame....that the current wasn't stronger.

It's time to RETIRE Paris, there is NOTHING she could do that would surprise anyone anymore, and I tire of the herpes jokes. (Ha ha, yes, Paris Hilton has herpes, I KNOW!)

What does a total whore receive as a pension, and who will be hired to take her place?

I guess she really is the shit.

She is a retard. An absolute retard. With herpes. Hopefully her death will be much more humiliating than this. Hopefully her vagina will fall off.
http://celebrityreligion.typepad.com

All this time I thought the shocker was actually two in the pink, one in the stink, and a little somethin' somethin'. Maybe they've never heard of it over in Greece?

poor Paris. Hey, even i don't like this new EDNA character. who is this dork?

psssst.

Hey guys, Remember me!!? I'm Megan Harris! I'm really really stoopid and I make dumb comments, remember? Oh , and I still like Paris Hilton's "Screwed" song.

hate ME! Hate me!

Let me get this straight, if her parents pop off then this IQ challenged stick-chick gets the lot??! I wouldnt put her in charge of a lawnmower.

Oh no! So close and yet so far.... What a shame it wasn't higher voltage. I can only imagine what her tombstone would've said: "That's hot!" Or at least it would've been.

Awww, Megan, sorry nobody has hated on you in a while. If it makes you feel any better, I got a phone call today from someone named Megan and when I repeated her phone number back to her, I said, "Megan Harris?" So you see, you are always on my mind. P.S. She was really insulted.

Megan Harris' crabs have herpes.

This story proves that there is no God. If there were, he would have chosen that moment to smite the bitch with a lightning bolt of righteous wrath.

Now I can go engage in sodomy and drown boxes of puppies without feeling the slightest bit of guilt. Thanks, Paris.

MeganHarris got stood up again for study group. I guess now she can listen to Mazzy Star on her headphones and practice looking angry/depressed/embittered by society until Art in the Humanities 101.
Your vagina has a cleft palate and a lazy eye you limping snot machine.

Stavros is hot

Good, it sounds like this second rate hooker is going to shit. I really think Stavros was trying to drown her in the process...Christ! Why do only the good die young and the rotten sons of bitches of the world linger on?

that must have been a bad night for that slut the perez reports that the stripper pole that she was dancing on broke and sent her crashing to the floor.

I don't wanna see that she "almost" died..it's too much. I don't wanna see this till she fried her sore covered non-ass in a billion volts of wet electric death!!!
Oh and Megan, her song SUCKS, just like her.

Correction: Paris Hilton sucks AND blows.

meganharris: what did you say? It's difficult to understand you when Edna's cock is in your mouth.

Damn, my wish almost came true.

#48 you begging takes the fun out of meganharris bashing...well almost

mazzy starr. teehee. oshkosh makes me smile all over

I was happy there for a split second until i read furthur and turned out she wasnt dead.

I don't know who the girl in that photo is but that isn't the face Paris HIlton makes when cameras are within 30 yards.

Is she laughing? Is she eating bugs!?

What happened to the forums? :(

This is proof that there is no God.

Hey 65.. you STOLE my identity!! Asshole!!

God is totally teasing us all. It aint right.

@48

MeganHarris, we don't hate Edna, we LOVE Edna. We HATE you.

Blindingly imperceptive comment from the Pre-Op Transsexual Child Molesting Cannibal.

Not surprising, as you obviously don't have modern human emotions. Psycho.

...almost making this the best year of my life.... EVER. DIE HILTON!!

She didn't get electrocuted was because the pool parted itself like The Red Sea, so as to protect itself from its shtank. Otherwise, no amount of chlorine could have saved it.

#59 I stand corrected.

Oh and uhhhh Megan Harris loves Tom Cruises Edna Bambitch-like wet noodle as much as Sherry-Co does. Now lets see them fight for it!

I really really wanted to say: 'Oh, God! Poor paris, she's a human being after all! And we talking abut how someone almost die!'
Then, I gotta remember that this 'human' is Paris, who sometimas I am not sure how is that she is alive, and I simply laughed my guts out!

Who's this guy next to her?
One of the hobbits I suppose?

Ahhhh...such a pity! I thougth she was dead already.

Maybe next time she'd be able to kill herself!

Well, if we ever decide to build a roach motel type thing to trap stupid pseudo-celebrity bitches, all we have to do is bait it with a stripper pole and a Valtrex prescription.

All of the adverbs in this story are really pissing me off. Paris ALMOST electrocutes herself. Stavros ACCIDENTALLY knocked her in the head. She was so drunk, she was BARELY able to hang on to the pole. Just think. If only one of these adverbs was different, Paris would be dead and the world would be a better place. Change "almost" to "definitely", "accidentally" to "fatally", or "barely" to "not". And there you have it. Paris and her herpes would both be dead. Well, her herpes would live on in 274 lucky men, but that's beside the point.

Geez'! I said "next time"??

I meant maybe next reencarnation!

"Paris was so drunk she could barely hold on to the pole - let alone dance."
That reminds me of the time we brought Pam non-stick cooking spray to the strip club.

Last month I remember her jumping into the Grotto at the Playboy Mansion with a refrigerator shoved up her vast clam-hole while the power was still plugged in. Remember? She killed Ralph Macchio, David Faustino and Lou Ferrigno. Rember?

Paris had to make restitution to the families of the dead. Luckily for her she has $8.32 in her purse that day.

79 - I guess the refridgerator was stocked with placenta, I mean, polenta.

Too easy.

That story must be a lie because Paris is never to drunk to hold on to a pole.

"Paris was so drunk she could barely hold on to the pole"

Did everyone miss that except for me??

So close. Damn it.

What does that woman do!?!??!? I can't stand her... rich for doing absolutly nothing... she is beyond annoying... jumping in a pool when a light fell in... she has no brain.

Is it me or does her herpe-donor always have a "Dude, sport me a brain cell?" look on his mug? If you're a billionaire's playboy kid, shouldn't you look at least a little sophisticated and dashing as opposed to looking like a clerk in the automotive aisle at Costco?

Um what the hell is wrong with mazzy Star?

Like you guys didn't listen to her first album.

@87

What is really wrong here is your insisting to act like an innocent, teenage, brain cancer victim. The schtick is not good. And you are a middle aged tranny with small children in cages in your basement studio apartment.

her myspace is this:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=49002457

if only.

Finally, solid proof that there is no God. take that Edna Clambitch.

It's amazing, the constance with which she makes a point of proving again and again the only obvious and well-known fact about her: her dumbness.

Isn't she always drunk? It's amazing she's still alive today! but god does work in mysterious ways...

87 - That shit is played out like Africa medallions and tiny Pooh Bear backpacks. I guess that concept is beyond someone who still sucks on a pacifier and swings glow-sticks around while they listen to Prodigy. Is your favorite movie, perchance, Slackers or Reality Bites?
I fucking loathe you with every molecule of my body MeganHarris. I hope you drink too much GHB and crash your Volvo into a gay book store, you webbed-vagina-having pus-face.

#86, Pez is so right!!! ewwww, i can only HOPE that whoever who had to drain the thing ( the pool, not parasite!--ugh, THATS another story all together!! ) to clean it and steralize it for all the VD in the world.....ewwww, do you think stavros MINDS that his rich, yet white trash girlfriend has, and has given him an incurable STD? or STD's.....just think, all the $$$ they have put together and they still manage to look like shitney and k-fug. now THAT is hard to beat....hey, you know what would be fun? beating up BOTH parties!!!!

YIKES! What the hell's going on with this chick? Maybe little Tinkerbell had special powers, and after she gave him the boot he put curse on her. It's one train-wreck after another with her lately. Not like she was ever terribly exciting, graceful, or smart, but she sure has been on the path straight to Loserville since she dumped the pup.