Apr 19 2006Orlando Blooms drives like an old man

I don't care

I don't care how shitty of a driver he is, he's effin shaggable.

why is someone riding a scooter anyway? Maybe he deserved it.

British people... all around. I love him anyway. Whatev.

Orlando Blooms always seem to get me sneezing and this is the time of year for it.

He looks like such a woman that I just want to make him cry. I guess that's just the man-who-looks-like-a-woman hating part of me because I'm a big dyke.
Plus, my Vespa's all jacked up now, muthafucka.

Anyone else remember the Simpsons where Mr. Burns tells Homer that he "accidentally ran over your dog" and then tells him to "replace dog with son and accidentally with on purpose"? I bet Orlando looked as spindley behind the wheel as Monty.

He takes the "O" out of orgasm.

Anyone riding a scooter should actually be shot execution style so the only thing Bloom did wrong was choice of death, because cars don't kill people, guns do (except for Ashanti's cousin).

And also he can bang into me any fucking day of the week. I know he's kind of a fairy but he gets the juices flowing.

He doesn't turn me on at all...So is this fag going to pay the poor guy's medical bills?

Legolas has lost his touch

He tried to kill some obnoxious fag Limey who was riding a Vespa? He just went up two points in my book. And I don't just give those points out like candy - you have to really try to kill someone.

#2, I totally agree with you. He can run me over anytime he wants. Heck, I'd throw myself at his car for a chance to meet him. So friggin' gorgeous. Now I'm all hot and bothered just thinking about him.

Oh, he IS a fag Limey? Well then, minus 5 points which leaves him at negative three for those keeping score.

Yeah, there's some dude around here who drives ON THE HIGHWAY in one of those Hoveround scooter things and his sole contribution to safety is the gigantic flag he has mounted to the rear end of it. The only thing that keeps me from plowing into him every time I see him is the massive amount of Valium I take before I drive anywhere.

I saw a drunk guy driving around in a hoveround once. Was the funniest thing ever. He was trying to plow people down on the sidewalk. Those old people crack me up.

Yeah, he's real hot if you like fags with micropenis.

he lacks lips

He's cute, but his hair is always greasy. I liked him better done up as Legolas.

People riding scooters need to be careful. Its not really like anyone can see them well around other vehicles. You've got to expect someone to pull out in front of you once in awhile. This time it just happened to be a celebrity. Not much scandal here.

I really don't have anything to say about this unfortunate event, and by unfortunate I mean no scooter death because that just sound's funny....

#6 Jacq, I always knew there was A reason why Stallion likey you, everytime you mention the Simpsons, I know exactly what your talking about. I know thats sad and all but I'm not ashamed to admit it by any means......Save me Jebus....

The other night Apu said to Homer, I don't believe in that Karma Baloney, and he replied drooling of course...hmmmmmmm Carmel Baloney.......Still laughing about that one........

Fucks like an old man too.

Land-Man,
Your jealousy is hanging out.

Orlando Doom. Completely overrated. Dork.

My big Land-Cock is hanging out.

yeah, I'm sure a guy with a name like Slawomir Szydlowski is a Brit. It's more likely a fag Pole.

@20

"Fucks like an old man too."

Awww. Did you and Orlando not have a good time on your date last night? Maybe it would've been better if you were the pitcher instead of the catcher, you know, since you have a big Land-Cock. Whatever the hell a Land-Cock is.

There is also the Sea-Cock which attacks from the murky depths with no discretion, and the wily Mountain-Cock which comes out mostly at night. Mostly.

Then there's the "Air-Cock" which is most likely what we're dealing with here.

Don't forget the arid "Prairie-Cock" which is bereft of foliage, and the "Forest-Cock" which has lots of ticks.

Right on, Trotter, right on. He's playing with something that's just not there.

Oshkosh, I love your subtle "Aliens" reference.

@28 Lots of ticks - on cock. That's vivid.

But back to Orlando. Oh, nevermind.

MeganHarris, when you're done molesting that little boy's corpse, would you please bury it? I can smell it all the way out here in California. Gawd. What a freak.

Thanks, Feed_Me. I've been feeling so misunderstood all day. It makes me all wet and horny that you would notice that, I didn't think anyone would so I guess I basically did it to amuse myself. I amuse myself often, usually 6 or 7 times a day and mostly with garden vegetables. Mostly.

#30 - That's a stinky little boy!

That's what I always used to tell the boyscouts before I sprayed them with zyclon-B. Ah, college...

#15 & 20 - Thanks for coming up with your own reason why we sould like you. Thanks for also proving that Orlando has a micropenis, way to take one for the team.

Italian Stallion - Remember when Homer was golfing with Mr. Burns and hit the ball in the bunker. "Use a wedge, Homer, use your sand wedge." "Mmmmm, sandwich..."
OR
When he wrote Mr. Burns that angry letter and he went to the post office with Bart to get it? "Hello, I'm here to get my mail. My name is Mr. Burns." "Mr. Burns, what is your first name?" "I don't know."
Think about the children! - Mrs. Rev. Lovejoy

MeganHarris, you are a fucking simpleton. I bet when you were a kid, you were so stupid that you would actually ASK for those shitty Rose Art crayons instead of the awesome Crayola crayons. The only time I got the Rose Art kind was when my grandparents would give them to me for Christmas or some shit because they were fucking old and didn't know which ones were the good ones. I guess it didn't matter to you that when you tried to go back over a section to make the color darker, the high ass wax content just fucking erased what you had already colored and made a white space in your tree or whatever the hell you were drawing instead of making it darker. Then you'd just color furiously, trying to make it darker, all the while just making a bigger white space. Not that you cared about that because you just used your colors for chewing, but dammit!!!!! Shitty ass Rose Art crayons.

@34 - Mamacita, so you think MeganHarris actually COLORED? I think she just ate all the crayons, then shit out the color and slung it around, all monkey-like, and then licked her hands off. I can hear her crying to the social worker, "Me want moooore crayons! Crayooooons!"

Damn. Are you guys high? You just talked about crayons for a whole paragraph. I think YOU are the ones that have this trauma! Hey, if you need me to be the fall guy (i'm a girl) then by all means, work out your frustrations through me.

Hey Oshkosh, got any of the Zyclon-B left? I think MeganHarris needs a boost...

MeganHarris is not "colored", she is African American.

Let's not be racist.

Osh, maybe if we build a fire, sing a couple of songs, you'd feel better.

P.s. Watch out for those veggies, those damn cutworms are a bitch to get rid of.

oshkosh is not a "fag", he is a homosexual fag.

MeganHarris

"then by all means, work out your frustrations through me."

Sweet stinking shit!!!!!!!!!!! Isn't that what we've been doing this whole fucking time????!!!!! For the love of God, you are so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. OshKosh, she's not African-American, she's Mongoloid-American.

A gay homosexual faggotty-ass fairy faggot homo fag. I love sexual intercourse with people of the same gender so much, it's like a quadruple negative!

I would say MeganHarris is more Canadian. But she often feels like Nazi Germany.

You'd kind of got to hand it to MeganHarris, (s)he sure is a tenacious little bugger (and by "bugger" I mean someone who enjoys buggery). A lesser man would have left this website after this much poo-flinging. But then, that might just be her/his bag.

The Simpsons is for losers who tried to be like me in high school...get laid, guys

I got laid last night, thankyouverymuch, and

THE SIMPSONS ROCK! WOO-HOO! D'OH! EXCELLENT! AY CARUMBA!

Is it just me, or does Orlando Bloom strike you as.. gay?

Mamacita (34) you forgot to mention the fact that if you wanted to color outside, Rose Art crayons would turn into a gooey, waxy mess. Your post was hilarious and so true (about Rose Art---I don't have an opinion on MeganHarris).

And gay? Nah, Bloom strikes me more as a bisexual for some reason or another. Just like Marlon Brando and William Shakespeare ;)

That is, they would melt during the summer when playing with friends as a kid. Ok fine, last week, whatever.

First off, I don't write Useless Things, I just help promote it for my friend.

Secondly, you are all on crack.

First off, I don't write Useless Things, I just help promote it for my friend.

Secondly, you are all on crack.

34 mamacita--
you are my new hero! i'd forgotten about those shitty things!
remember when crayola made a "flesh" colored crayon? i never know what to use to color people anymore!!
man, those flashbacks are a bitch!

Golly MeganHairAss, your promoting prowess is so effective, like there are ZERO comments on that stupid blog.

I say Poppycock to you MeganHarris! PoppyCOCK!

I disagree, MeganHarris, everything you write is useless.

My favorite Crayola invention was when they made the bad ass 96-pack that had a sharpener AFFIXED TO THE INSIDE OF THE BOX!!! That was marketing genius. My favorite color was cerulean blue, but I never knew how to say it.

@49 Yes, they did melt easily. That was how they made a profit. Even though their shitty colors cost less, you had to buy them more often because they melted so quikcly. Well, and because you'd end up breaking them in a fit of rage after it ruined your special picture that included a house, a beautiful garden, a 3/4 sun in the top corner, and some lovely clouds with birds that looked like M's.

@53 "man, those flashbacks are a bitch!" Huh. No kidding. Why don't the assholes who package LSD warn you about that?

@56 WORD.

Who the hell is Orlando Bloom?

#58, in what hole, under which rock have you been living????

Orlando Blooms are crazy.

Not even man enough to be driving drunk. This guy doesn't deserve to be famous.

I heard Orlando was gettina a knob job at the time of the "accident". Hugh Grant was reported fleeing the scene.

Drives like an old man...hooks up with old men, what's the difference?

@48

Yep. I think he'd take a mean one up the ass.

A gay actor who works really hard to convince people that he doesn't love the cock. What are the odds, ...

@48

Yep. I think he'd take a mean one up the ass.

A gay actor who works really hard to convince people that he doesn't love the cock. What are the odds, ...

I don't care if he likes the cock, he can hit my (s)cooter anytime!

I always wanted to watch Bloom and the guy who played Frodo made out.
I like gay porn; regardless how fug the men are.

make* out.

-sigh

he´s beautiful anyway!!!! I ove him I love him!!!!!!!

So this is what women get wet over somebody willing to say Im sorry after almost commiting vehicular manslaughter great taste ladies. Your not shallow nah you want funny guys, with a sweet heart and a personality. I geuss that means Stephen Hawking must get all the loose pussy in the world.

70 - Women like guys with good punctuation that can spell. Sorry, brah.

I heard that he visits the guy in the hospital every day, rode with him in the ambulance on tha way to th hospital and tat the guy isn't sueing because he likes Orlando Bloom so much.

...and Sandra Day O'Connor has her choice of hard cocks. Joe, why are you gettin' all self-righteous when ladies start salivating? I don't see you complaining here when dudes start talking about bending Jessica Simpson over. Are you implying that fantasizing about Orlando Bloom in a bunny suit makes me shallow?

FYI, that bitch Hawking left his wife for his nurse. He's a real sweetheart!

I have not been to The Superficial in a week
and I come back today to find that the same
people are still being silly, shrill, foolish and
BEYOND superficial.
We should be making fun of celebrities and
not the people who post here multiple times
a day.
What DOES one have to do to be banned
from this site?
Just wondering...

@74

So, here's a serious question. I'm not trying to be mean or offensive. If the definition of 'shrill' is:

shrill
adj. shrill·er, shrill·est

1. High-pitched and piercing in tone or sound

how can one be 'shrill' in print?

74: I don't know what it takes to get banned from this site but I do know what it takes to get made fun of & you are a prime example. Pussybag.

"I'm here to tell the tale."

What? Is this guy a pirate? Since when did pirates ride scooters?

Why did you let me hit you going 80 !!! why were you stopped at a red light !! Ahhhh !!!!! ...... The guy falls off a scooter rolled around and has internal bleeding , a scooter like a moped ... so he fell 3 or feet down then rolled a few feet ... the guys on jackass do more dangerous shit then that with less injuries ... what a puss ... dont trip you might break your neck !

I luv orly!!!!!! so if he hit a kid as long as he didn't die i am ok wit dat sooo yeah thats just what i think he's amazung why let one thing screw w/ him!!