Apr 12 2006Jessica and Ashlee Simpson at MTV Australia Video Music Awards

It's the curse of being the "older" sister...it catches up with you one day.

First! Good Lord, she's anorexic!

Ugh - as an Australian, who had to put up with traffic chaos cause of the show last night, please take them home again.

On side note, there was a lovely photo of Jessica and her father in one of the papers, and she was looking very summery, and he was looking at her tits.

Damn!

Ashlee was always hotter than Jessica. Ain't sayin' much, though. Jessica looks like her face was pieced together with sculpy clay. And what's up with her tongue always sticking out through her teeth when she smiles? She's just so cutsie-wootsie that I wanna kick her lower jaw up through her eye sockets with my steel-toe boots. While wearing Princy jeans.

It's not easy to age gracefully...

#3 - her father was checking his own daughter out? Shee... what's with that family.

I think all these celebs would look better if they stopped wearing the zombie makeup, ie. dark shadows around the eyes.

How in the hell did Nick get her neck in the divorce?
I heard of someone going broke from a divorce but that shit is crazy.....
What the hell is Joe Simpson gonna choke while he fucks her....

they switched hairdo's lol

The whole look of her peering at the camera behind her hair, wearing a drugged grin is better suited to a strait jacket.

And sibling rivalry rears its ugly head again. Wait, no, that's Jessica's head. Whatever. I hate her hair.

what the hell,I'm confused sence when is ashlee hot for that matter sence when is ashlee a women i alwase thought she was half pre-pubescent boy and half Scottish terrier.
hum who knew.

lol yea i think its the hair & that ugly dress...jessi's still much hotter than her fugly sister though, guess thats just a lucky pic for her.

Same thing happened to Britney... Jamie Lynn is better looking too!

Ahhh... it sucks being the "pretty" one and then the ugly fat loser... although I do enjoy watching them both plummet from the sky.

#3 - I'm with you. Her dad used to pimp her to the "Christian Labels" and when even they got sick of his ogling and lapping, he went "mainstream" with his little dream girl.

That man has the hots for Jess, and now Ashlee has finally figured a way to get more of Daddy's attention. Anorexia. Look! Its working!

I don't understand why the general population doesn't get it blonde and tan does not automatically equal pretty! (or even that someone used to be pretty), here's proof for everyone! Oh, and if you're blonde and tan and think you are really pretty you should probably try to get a modeling contract that isn't "adult," rethink it, you know?

Daddy Joe would hit that...again...and again...and again.

It's like choosing between a groin pull and an ACL tear. What's the difference?

Did Asslee get a nose job? She still looks like a pre-op tranny.

I have to go tell Grandma I found her curtains.

Good lord! Jessica looks like Hillary Swank! And that's not a good thing. It looks like Ashlee is on the fast track for sluthood with her Paris-ian look.

Ashlee and her retarded sister, Jessica.

Jessica says ""They say I have a mentality of a kid, but I don't know what that means."

She then drools all over herself and asks Ashlee for some pop rocks.

#16, I think daddy Joe has already hit it, again, and again and again...

By the way, I heart retards.

Either Jessica just got caught in a wind tunnel OR Ashlee caught her having sex and interrupted her for this photo op.

If you look at a close up photo of Jessica Simpson, right above her upper lip is this very grostesque and disturbing wrinkle...check it out...you won't be disappointed!!!

pic is definitely doctored btw... i doubt that it a real pic of the simpson sisters...

To add to my last comment:

As she was getting caught doin' the nasty she accidentally threw on the hotel curtains thinking it was her dress. Sex will make you do crazy things will it not?

Ashlee is holding a figure of what appears to be a duck or platypus.

Blonde pop singers = comedy. (though Ashlee was previously dyed black. Maybe she wanted to become more funny?)

guys, we are all missing the point here. ashlee simpson won a music award. a music award for her MUSIC. wow.

anywho, i agree with #26. the picture looks doctered to me as well.

Ive never looked at Jessica's face before, she usually has those mammoth mammaries hanging out. Ashley still is a dog.

I think that Jessica probably toned down her looks for Ashley. I mean, does she ALWAYS have to be the hotter older sister? I think she's just giving Ashley a break. Look at the picture, Jessica's barely wearing any make-up, and she's wearing a damned sundress!

I WOULD HIT THEM BOTH. period.

I've seen this phenomenon somewhere else......oh yeah, that idiotic movie Face/Off. It has become reality.

Wow. Ashlee does look nice.

I've been reading the superficial for decades and I've never laughed this loud at a Jessica Simpson joke. I've got to put my blackberry away. The other people at the funeral are looking at me weird.

This is pretty stupid. Jessica doesn't even look bad in that picture!

She looks BETTER than usual, better than when she's rocking a cheeto tan and and has her face painted like a clown, and teeth bleached brighter than the sun.

And I've always thought Ashlee was hotter. Jessica is too stumpy.

#26 & #29 - not doctored, that's what the lovely Simpson sisters looked like last night at the Australian MTV Music Video awards. Hate to tell you but they do look THAT BAD. Why would you photoshop, when the real deal is bad enough?

Which reminds me - an Australian guy won "Best Male Artist" over Robbie Williams, Kanye West and others. He's sh*thouse and the runner up of Australian Idol. Ashlee Simpson won Best Female Artist and another award too... Notice the calibre of the event??

# 18

FUNNIEST LINE EVER!!!! (can't breathe from laughing)

Ashley could win ANY ugly contest. I think she is, hands down, one of the ugliest wannabe celebrities.

Jessica actually looks decent in this picture, although she looks more plump than usual. I like her this way, with minimal make-up. Normally, she has so much junk on her face, she looks like a transvestite whore.

I don't know why us Australians insist on humiliating ourselves time and time again. First our Prime Minister gives George W. a heady, then Ashlee Simpson gets chosen to host the Australian MTV VMAs. Yes you heard right, she was the host. The highlight was when she said something along the lines of, "I love going down under"... She's morphing into Paris Hilton! Her parents were back stage! That's like telling your Grandparents about your farm animal hitting fetish (don't judge, we all know how donkeys are hung)...

Ashlee's probably wearing mega heels, and Jessica maybe (just maybe, people) is still having a hard time over her divorce?

I think it's nice that Jessica doesn't look overly polished for once, but I do think Ashlee needs to be reintroduced to food.

Ashley Simpson won best female artist for what achievements? The art of silent lip synching?

Australia seems like a funny country!

Is it just me or is Ashlee starting to look more and more like Paris Hilton? That's not a good thing, by the way.

Sally - (#40) it's because the Aussie choices that are at all known overseas, and hence getting the "press" they wanted, were Russell Crowe or Ben Lee (the artist formerly known as rooting Claire Danes and who sings the biggest load of shite I've ever heard).

Considering the options, I though an overseas artist was better - although the Simpson sisters do not artistes make.

Skanky hoes - yes, artistic talent - no.

I would have preferred Snoop Dogg, he was here for it, and at least we could have seen some swearing and lots of naked people.

Jessica, Farrah Fawcett called, she wants her hairstyle back

well...... Jessica just took an exceptionally bad picture at the same moment that ashlee happened to take an exceptionallygood one. it happens.

Katie - You're right... We could have had Shannon Noll, though.... Yup, 2 hours of nasal would have been peachy keen... I woulda loved Snoop Dog hosting... Hahahahaha, he can Shasizzle our MTVizzle awards any time. God that sounded too little cool and too much Mark Holden...

I still think Howard and Bush make a cute couple, though...

Interesting 'do on Jessica. What was she going for? The anime robot-pilot look? Shouldn't it be a little spikier on top, then (and green)?

KatieA978 - your posts make me want to kill kittens. For the love of kittens shut the fuck up!

You have NEVER written a funny syllable.

GAD.

Does anybody have their numbers? I want to have a 3some.

Wow..is it just me..or do those two have the exact same hair color? I didn't know Locks of Love was now accepting hair extensions..

i hear if you play their music (either of them) in australia, it actually circles the bowl backwards....

@53 - good one.

Paris???Nicole??? is that you????

Jessica needs to keep the hair extensions IN, take off the picnic table cloth dress, and stop trying to make herself ugly so Ashlee will finally like her. As for Ashlee, she beat out Biz Markie for the award "Singer who has the most off-key and out of tune songs ever recorded" - when she is not lipsynching those songs which is the saddest part - YOU CAN'T FUCK UP THE SONGS ASHLEE - if you tried!! She looks like she fixed her nose a bit, she should fix her butt chin while she's at it. Too bad they can't pay to fix her lack of talent, lack of style, and utter lack of humility. I hope she ends up working at McDonald's...not too long now....

At least they keep it in the family #52, Asslee just gave her the weight that she lost, and you know Asslee is probably banging that gay hairstylist the Jessica won't travel without, (that's why the colour is th same)... because she has a PENIS.

Oh I get it, Jessica is trying to dress like a mommy now- chopped of her hair and wore a crapped on conservative dress. Hey jackass, you don't just dress up like what you think one looks like and adopt. There is a reason that women go through the pregnancy, it is so that they can realize a dose of the sacrifice and selflessness required to be a mama. You are a selfabsorbed, vain idiot who didn't have the sense to take off your Louis Vuitton when visiting troops in Iraq because you wanted to flaunt your stupid possessions. You know NOTHING about being independent because you are a needy, attention craving and self centered retard. Learn how to cook, clean, and live without a man for a few years and MAYBE you can reach the level of maturity necessary to adopt a child.

Trotter - didn't realise I had to be funny.

Perhaps I should have added Tom Cruise loves the cock? Would that have been better?

KatieA978, that is kinda funny.

and yes, TCLTC, oh yes he does.

I'm pretty sure they're both still ugly. And why is Jessica wearing my grandmother's table cloth? Is she shopping at the Gap or something? Jesus, and can someone find Ashlee a dress that fits or but her some tits for the ones she already owns? She looks like I used to when I'd put on my sister's dresses and play dress up...hmm, odd that this pic reminds me of that. I TOO have been told that I'm a cheap knock off of my more talented older sister.

Sorry, meant to write buy...someone should buy Ashlee Simpson some tits.

Jessica looks like a robot. A robot with a chip in her head which controls her movements. Probably installed my her father, to put an end her bed-hopping. Joe will stop at nothing to keep their relationship monogamous.

educatedguess wrote
> ..someone should buy Ashlee Simpson some tits.

I suspect someone, namely Joe, eventually will. But she'll still be ugly.

KatieA978, if you can't be funny then be mean, or witty, or creative. Just don't be yourself.

Yeah, Tom Cruise Loves The Cock, and I hear he's into tossed salad, too.

Isn't she just a little too Nicole Ritchie? Or is it just ME????

p/s: With Ashley's nose we could feed Camboya, we have the solution people, we just don't want to see it!!

SASSY OUT!

Ashley Simpson still looks like a crow nose hoe...her and jessica need to hang up the mic and go their hillbilly asses back to texas. Thanks to MTV Jessica got her chance other than that she still would be a struggling singer.

Nick and Jessica needs to get back together both are talentless.

I was disgusted when I heard she was hosting the awards. even more disgusted when I saw the ad of her trying to do a scale.. and failing. when she managed to actually win, not one but two awards, i turned off the tv and puked.

In this photo, Ashlee DOES look like she has had some work done on her nose, but I checked out the rest of the photos on Wireimage and she looks just as fugly as ever. Nice hair extentions too...not. But I agree with others who have commented that she is on the fast train to Anorexiaville. They both need to fire their stylists, too.

Why are these two famous??? I mean, they are both virtually worthless to society now because Jessica is not a virgin, she's not married to a hot guy, nor is she on Newlyweds anymore. Why is she still getting publicity?! And Ashlee's famous only because her sister is. I could make better music with my diarrhea. I love how Jessica tries to be all innocent just because she waited until she was married, well honey, I've got news for you: It doesn't count if after you were married you whored around!!! I mean, those two actions kind of cancel each other out, don't cha think???

#19 hit it right on the head. Ashlee most likely IS a dude and probably not only had her beak shaved but her adams apple as well. Jessica looks like she's been taking beauty lessons from Nicole Bitchie in the last few pics of her posted here. Nice! I'd hit them both with a lead pipe.

and Tom Cruise loves the cock
That is all.

@Sassy #66

I don't know who Camboya is. Please explain why he would want to eat Ashley's nose. Is it a Scientology thing? Her nose is kind of penis-esque. And Tom Cruise does love the cock.

I think in Jessica's case a lobotomy might actually make her smarter.
Look at her she looks so happy, I bet she's thinking about cake.

So, all the regulars help me figure this out. I think MeganHarris is actually a dude posing as a girl. Here's his/her blog

http://uslessthings.blogspot.com/

and the profile clearly states that it's a guy. Also, he/she posts on the bastardly under a different name, but it's "daddy the Mateo", a dude's name and the blog is under the name Mateo de Acosta. So, while this has absolutely nothing to do with Jessica and Ashley Simpson and also accomplishes the feat of proving how utterly sad and ridiculous my life is, someone else please comment on this riveting mystery. And all this time, we've been talking about MeganHarris boyfriend and how awesome he is and all along it was a LIE!! A LIE!!! I feel so deceived!

Ashley won the award for "Having a Down's Syndrome Sister who Recently had a Husband."

I can tell you that the blog licks donkey balls and who ever thinks M. Barton is hot has to be a chick.....

She is a skinny no ass , no tits pile of bones, although she does have a huge mouth.

Or gay

Mama - I think MeganHarris is a pulling a Victor Victoria here. The blog has a subtle undercurrent of misogyny while also adoring obscure and often disturbing celebrities. I agree with BarryBonds - GAY. Misha Barton? Jeremy Piven? Gay. Totally.

Oh, and notice how there are ZERO comments? This "chick" is probably in a basement in Ohio breeding moths...

#56...and look what happened to Biz Markie. He's doing commercials for a local car dealership. Really low budget ones.

Eventually, Miss Piggy will look hotter than Jess, Jess'll lose the Pizza Slut contract, and have to do ads for Bob's Tire World.

"For more on how many times you can go around the block on one bit of rubber, here's Jessica Simpson."

ashlee definitely got a nose job
that's the only reason you can see both her eyes in that photo

@75 lol Papa!

But Ashley now finally looks like she might be capable of stealing somebody's boyfriend. Before this pic, that song of her's always struck me as a bit optimistic on her part. As well as crappy.

mama I too feel deceived, but even if she is a he, he can still have a boyfriend which means we can still make fun of him!

I want to shove Jessica Simpson into my Magic Bullet.

I want to shove Jessica Simpson into my Magic Bullet.

That pretty much confirms that Ashlee didn't have a nose job. What a beak!

I have always said Ashlee was the hot one. Finally I'm proven right! I'm awesome lol

Why do I keep looking at this and think Jessica looks like Ashton Kutcher in drag?

Mkay, Bashlee must have dropped some lbs and got a nose job cuz she totally looks different. Still cant sing for shiot though. I would rather pluck out my ear drums with tweezers than hear her sing!

This just goes to show that anyone can look "not hideous" with enough makeup, and that Jessica Simpson is NOT AT ALL attractive without it. I rest my case with this picture.

And I agree that Ashlee is definitely on the fast track to Anorexiaville. News flash to Ashlee -- anorexia is out, you need to get on the Coke Diet if you want to stay in the cool club. I bet Jessica would share her stash with you if you asked.

i'd still fuck her

Does Ashlee look like Brittany Murphy or what? (y'know, the former fat girl from "Clueless" and one-time Ashton Kutcher semen receptacle). And I should also mention that Tom Cruise loves...oh, nevermind.

On the "Amount of beers before I'd hit it scale" I would say 2.5 for Jess and one for Ashley.. I lie, one beer for both

the only thing Jessica won from the nick / jess breakup = 30 pounds.

the only thing Ashley won from her SNL botch job = anorexia and suicidal tendencies.

Ever seen a girl pretend like she's not peaking on mushrooms? If not, look at Jessica's face - that's it perfectly.
Perhaps people make the same face when they're pretending to not be retarded . . .

#7 - I think that I'm going to start calling you the Solid Gold Stallion, because that's what you write - solid gold.

#74 & 78 - This makes me sad. All along I thought we were picking on a sweet, harmless, optimist with a real dreamboat of a boyfriend. I have also noticed that MeganHarris never responds to all of the jabber about said BF. He/she only contradicts his/herself. My world has just spiraled out of control, I have officially started drinking again. Somehow, I think that this is all Tom Cruise's fault because he loves the cock.

I've tried to tell you guys - MeganHarris is Jessica Simpson. It's all a big conspiracy, and her blog is FAKE. I'm sure it has something to do with cock and Tom Cruise, and robots, and Trophy Wife's genital herpes. But don't you see how it's all coming together? Coincidence? I think its time to stockpile supplies and arm ourselves.

Dude!!! Ashlee is totally on the Nicole Richie diet! Or just the Lohan crack diet, b/c her big nose is made for snorting!!

#95 - I've never seen it but I know what it feels like, and when I tried to look in the mirror all I saw was Jessica Rabbit, but then she fingerpainted a picture of me on the floor so I could see myself. However when I came to the fingerpainting had been replaced by a pool of my own blood. So it's good to finally know what it looks like.

Jessica looks stumpy because she IS stumpy -- she's tiny and has short stumpy legs, and that round curly bob of a hairstyle makes it all even worse. She should NEVER wear her hair like that, argh

And to the people who are whinging that Ashlee looks "anorexic" and needs to eat more -- news flash, it's perfectly normal to have a chin and jawline that isn't unified with your neck. Now put down the Cheetos

Newsflash: Ashlee has *always* been hotter than Jessica.

Newsflash! Ashlee used to have boobs, and now they have disappeared too, along with her nose. Thats what happens when your skin just hangs on your bones!

NEWSFLASH

OK, I don't really have anything to say, but I just wanted to say "newsflash", so I too can be cool.

I feel cool :D

BTW KitKat, news flash, her skin isn't hanging on her bones, though it may seem that way to people who are used to looking like the Michelin man

Newsflash! A suicide bomber killed 11 civilians today in Beirut... Oh, sorry. That was real news. Oops.

BTW innit, if having a 30 inch waist like I have makes me the Michelin Man, then stop being jealous!

30 inches is fat. You need to go throw up whatever you just ate right now you fat obese person.

Jealous of what? The 30 inch waist, or looking like the Michelin man? *genuinely confused*

That is a truly dreadful picture of both of them.

The last time I saw Ashely, she was wearing long, stringy black hair that looked like a Cry for Help mutely protesting from the top of her head. I didn't even recognize her as a blonde. It seems she's become acquainted with the concept of shampoo.

And Jessica, with the little dress that your mom would wear with a white sweater draped over the shoulders so that the sleeves dangle and maybe carry a little straw bag with blue and purple grapes on it, and her hair in her face and the sheepish smile...not such a great look for one who is ordinarily very pretty.

she looks like one of those bobble head dolls except more plastic-like.

And she has chubby wrists & man hands. Look at that right arm!

Oh please! You bitches need to get over yourselves. And stop throwing stones, when you live in a glass house!

You need to get the fuck off this site if you don't have anything mean to say.

KitKat will be happy if we throw donuts instead

wait, who is in the glass house? when you put down the twinkie, let me know.

#74 -get a life

@116

Don't you think I would if I could? *sob* Seriously, I think it's funny when someone reads something I said and tells me to get a life, but they had enough of a life void to read what I wrote and then comment on it. Irony is this year's pink.

Mamacita, Bob just brought my attention to your post #74 and I think I may have figured out the MeganHarris conundrum: There are loads of internet psychos who create bizarre identities as some form of escapism, and they are always really rich and/or have huge perfect boobs

Well, my boobs are GIGANTIC and I'm so rich, I wipe my ass with cashmere. How come I don't have one these "bizarre identities"?

http://movies.msn.com/movies/gallery.aspx?photo=640808&gallery=10991#photos

Follow this link and see how pretty Katie Holmes was before she was impregnated by that cock taster Tom.

I'm actually Alessadra Ambrosio, but sometimes I need to escape from my trying life as a swimsuit model.

And dude, 30 inches is like, the size of Drew Carrey's waist.

Both are hot, you losers need to get off the snacks and onto the treadmill. On second thought, just get fatter and die. For every fat chick that dies, two skinny girls can take her place.

wow, i didn't realize the inter-commentary drama regarding my identity. I'm a chick, guys. Useless Things is not MY blog, i just support it. like it. have had a crush on Mateo for like 4 years. I feel so abused, so naked now.

#123 - Time to call the boyfriend to bring you some clothes. Does he know about your crush on Mateo?

Look, I'm not trying to stick-up for you or make a friend or anything but you have become somewhat of a celebrity around here. You should feel like a really cool social pariah.

@123 Put your Cable-Guy uniform back on. You're making the customers sick, dude.

I used to like Jessica... but she's over exposed... never like the lip singer. She was just annoying... can anyone say coattails?

And Jessica should brush ehr hair when she wakes up before she goes out.

#123 - Do you feel naked and abused? Or do you feel like Nazi Germany? Either one is pretty hot.

Ashley looks like a Tranny. And Jessica has that "Just washed Daddys cum outta my hair" look.

#11

Hey, don't insult Scottish Terriers! :)

Yes, Jessica and her huge butt-like man chin are totally overexposed. But I don't worry, because she'll always have "her daddy". And everyone knows hypocritical ex-ministers turned talent agents and manager screw their daughter the best of all. Poor Nick could never match Joe Simpson in his daughter's bedroom.

I've never before wanted to go have sex with my wife's drapes so badly. Or table cloth. Or the good napkins.

Me like blond trolls in drapes.

What??? Ashlee actually looks better in this picture. I always personally thought that while Jessica was unattractive, Ashlee was even uglier.

ashlee looks like britney murphy

I hate when I feel like Nazi Germany, it burns when you pee. Someone please get me some Windex.
Ashlee doesn't look aneroxic, she FINALLY is starting to look as heinously coked-out thin as La Lohan. Is that her clavicle (the top rib bones, whatever, you know what I mean) sticking out? I had to re-read it when I saw that she HOSTED IT. WTF?
Jessica looks like she would just reek of weed. The eye you can see looks a lit-tle droopy.

Oh yeah, and 30 inches is TOTALLY huge. I would kill myself if I ever got that fat.

I couldn't believe Pamela Anderson was asked to host the Canadian Juno awards this year. Don't know who made the worst choice--the Aussies or the Canucks!?!

"On side note, there was a lovely photo of Jessica and her father in one of the papers, and she was looking very summery, and he was looking at her tits."

My guess? Jessica's father pleasures himself as much to his daughter as I do to the More Cowbell Girl, and let me tell you, that's a lot.

I'm still afraid of their chins.

Don't know why some people are criticizing Ash's nose. I think that her nose gives her face character and makes her stand out of the celebrity crowd. A lot of women in celeb world thought they needed to have a tiny stubnose and ended all up looking the same...remember Jennifer Grey? When she had a nose job she was hardly recognizable and somehow her face lost that "certain something"... the same goes for her career...

She needs to put on a little weight and get her figure back. What kind of man wants to feel like he's having sex with a 13 year old boy.... oh right, Tom Cruise.

Welcome to the suck.

140 - Yeah, Ashlee's nose makes her stand out in a crowd alright. It also makes a great handle when you need more "weave" than "bob" in your hummer.
And when Jennifer Grey got a nose job, she was hardly recognizable because she could no longer play the doofy girl with the nose like Bert of Bert and Ernie. Those roles really let her talent shine.

Ugly dress! Blue and white wtf? Jess you can do better than that. Ashlee looks good, except I hate the blonde hair, she looks better in brown and less like she's trying to look like her sister.

ok.. they both look like shit!!.. hmm someone give ashlee a sandwich.. thats just a bad picture of jess.. ashlee looks like a fucking toothpick and needs something to eat.

141... lmfao.. ahaha good one there buddy

Why is Ashlee styling her hair like Murphy Brown?

#145 - Give her a sandwich? I hear Nicole Richie says that she eats sandwiches. They must be Wish Sandwiches. As in, I Wish I could eat that sandwich.

well she got really fat... and I don't know, there's something about Jessica Simpson that she always looks like she tries too hard to be pretty and hot... and that is NOT a good thing, it really shows and it's like she always gets halfway there. She looked good on Dukes of Hazzard... I don't think she's ugly, she's cute, but she ain't great thing. That picture though, is disgusting. She looks terrible. Like a granny or a nun or I dunno... really scary.

OMG!!!! It's like Jess gets uglier Ash gets prettier! YES!!! May the deflation of jessica's head begin! I'm happy for Ashlee. She was always the ugly duckling, even made a song about living in a shadow of her older sister, and look at her here. I hope she gets the last laugh!