Mar 20 2006South Park - Scientology Episode

Good work. I applaud you for putting this on. FIRST POST!!!!

Yes!!! Finally.

Shit tacos fly out of Tom Cruise's ass!

I love how more people will end up seeing this episode than normally would have as a result of his efforts.

Chef didn't quit, he had a stroke and is still in the hospital.

link:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,188463,00.html

Chef got a stroke? It must be the build up of evil thetans in his body, placed there by the evil lord Xenu [HU HU HA]

If the result of Tom's Religious Journey is " Love one another " and/or "Due to your yourself as those will do unto you" - I don't care where he found it - In a volcano or up his ass.
(But... if it's just 'Blow Me Binky' - I'm ready to review the show.)

Try Do* works as well

That was hilarious (and pretty darn clever)...now WHO said South Park sucked lately? I must disagree!

# 8
World Police Sucked. South Park is on probation.

I'd really like to score a copy of this as a savable file, just in case the LRons manage to browbeat youtube.com in to hiding it.
Anyone?

And thanks, Auntie Clown!

D

There's one thing you cant't deny about Mr. Cruise, he really does love the cock, he thinks its cooooooooool...

You can download it off newnova.org (search for s09 e11).

Why are all the credits at the end of "John Smith"?

Try downloading it through KeepVid.com

Also, check isohunt.com and other bittorrent sites for the episode. Look for Season 9, episode 12.

Chef, the character, returns to South Park on a new episode this Wednesday. Should be interesting...

Trey Parker and Matt Stone have captured my heart.

South Park = brilliant.

Tom Cruise is about as straight as Big Gay Al.

And by the way...that episode was pure genius.

It's 'genius' - but they still blew up any one opposed to the Iraq war in 'World Police'.
As Gore Vidal says in 'Why We Fight' - America has no memory...
(Blame me on George Clooney movies)

hahahahhahahaha...r kelly singing about the closet...

All the names were changed to John and Jane smith to imply the possibility that they were going to be sued by the church of scientology. Lol.

Oh Superficial, you are the great provider. If I got down on one knee, would you say yes? Or would you just smash a bottle over my head?

That shit was hilarious!!!!! Wonder why he didn't want that to air? They forgot to show R.Kelly pissing on them in the closet that nasty kid fucker....HATERS WANTA HATE, LOVERS WANT TO LOVE, I DON'T EVEN WANT NONE OF THEE ABOVE, I WANT TO PISS ON YOU....CHAPPELLE IS A FUNNY BITCH

How is that the cheff was in a Hospital? I thought Scientology was against that. If he actually suffered a stroke, they wouldn't allow doctors to operate but give him some vitamins.
And how was exhausted? What happen with th eexercise and tha vitamins, eh?

That was great. Listening to that description of what they actually believe reaffirms my belief that Tom Cruise is a nutjob.

i heart you, superfish. thank you for the south park goodies.

I think when they made fun of mormons was much funnier but I like this episode because it pissed of Thong Cruise. Anyone ever see Orgasmo? They really let mormons have it in that one.

I love the way it says "This is what Scientologists actually believe," since no one in their right minds would think it is possibly anything other than a joke.

Yes, I have read stuff from ex-Scientologists. They actually believe this. And Tom Cruise probably believes that enough exercise and vitamins make him not gay. L. Ron Hubbard is the "Screwing You For Money" genius of all time! You know what my Thetan is telling me? Sizzzler.

# 27 'No one in their right minds...'
'The Tower of Babel' ?
'The Virgin birth '?
'Eve's snake ?'
'Adam's ribbing'? (I guess that's you chicks)
Most religions have a bit of 'reality baggage'
Well, ok, we can't prove the Bible was written by science-fiction writers like Tom's. But. There are a couple of ???????????????....

r kellys brother tells all on miss jones!!! lmao... funny stuff!!!

now we know why r kelly is in this episode of south park. :rolls:

http://media.hot97.com/_SHARED/podcasts/missjones_careykelly_01.mp3

http://media.hot97.com/_SHARED/podcasts/missjones_careykelly_02.mp3

hilarious stuff!!!!

In regards to Tom Cruise, the episode had more to do with him NOT coming out of the closet, than Scientology.

Maybe Mr. Cruise has something to hide.

Sam Kinison talked about how when they people were accusing Tom Selleck of being gay, he got all riled up and mad, and threatened to suit people.

He said, "No one actually thought he was gay, until he was so upset, people were like, 'wait a sec, why is he so upset?' If he was totally f---ing straight he'd a just laughed it off, but he was like, 'Hey..hey! hey! hey! I've never sucked a dick! I'm Magnum P.I. damnit!'"

#23...you're mixing up Scientology with Christian Science. They're not the same thing. The former is a religion based on a bunch of science fiction books and have something to do with volcanoes and aliens (I haven't read this crap--why would I? Altho really, it's the perfect 80s/90s religion--to get the best "seat" in "heaven" you PAY for it!!) In Christian Science they maintain that the body is "material" and that the self is "spiritual"...so you don't need medical care because the material is not real. In any case, the Scientologists clearly have the right idea...come up with some exclusive club concept that keeps those lowly NON-SUPERSTAR types out and make everyone pay zillions of dollars to achieve salvation and screw that Jesus peasant guy. If he'd been for real, he'd have cashed in on the whole God thing. What a loser, huh?

What's the big deal, didn't this episode air several months ago?

#29 Yeah Binky you're right, it is exactly the same thing. My bad.

for those who want to download the episode, here's a link:

http://hollywoodinterrupted.com/cblog/

That was some funny shit.

Well TaiTai #34 - I'm with you.
I'm glad they had that in - and I thought - " Wow - this might be weirder than the stuff we're supposed to 'go with'."
( I mean, let's face it. There's a chance Mary was fooling around a bit on Joe and this 'virgin birth' thing was a way of explaining a bit of a bender. But JC was obviously a good shit - one way or another)
(Don't let the Danes cartoon this)

Wow I never bothered to look up what scientology was. Is the really it? Are you kidding me? I thought Christianity was far fetched but, damn, this take's the cake...
If they hadn't put that insert that said that this is what they actually believed I would've thought SP was just being overdramitic again.

Tom Cruise and the rest of them must be insane.

Gee, y'think?

I can't honestly believe Scientologist believe this. I wanna know how they brain wash people.

I don't understand why he tried to get this episode pulled off the air now. I've seen this episode on comedy central like 2 or 3 times in the past month or so. Why didn't he try to get it pulled off the air before it was ever played on tv?

#13- The reason why everyone is credited as "John Smith" during the credits is that the creators are taking a jab at the Mormon religion. John Smith was the founder, and wrote the Book of Mormon, much like L-RON did with Dianetics. South Park did an episode paryoding the origins of the Mormon church a few years back, so I think that they were trying to make a relation between Scientology and the Mormon Church. Magic seeing stones, anyone?

Yeah it's funny, but is it really that much weirder then A naked man and woman being told not to eat a poisoned apple from a snake? Or a man talking to a burning bush that says it's god? Or that the Earth is actually on top of a fucking turtle? It's not just Scientology that's dumb, it's all those dumbass religions. (Woman made from Adam's rib? what the hell were they smoking back that....)

#42 - The founder of Mormonism was Joseph Smith. Everyone credited as John or Jane Smith is a jab at the fact that the Church of Scientology is sue-happy.

I think thats the first time ive actually laughted out loud at a south park episode... "daad! Tom Cruise wont come out of the closet!... Gold! Pure Gold!

#43 - That is so true. Any belief that says there's an invisible man in the sky ruling over all of us is pretty damn funny, in my opinion. It's just that we're so used to the concept that it doesn't strike us as odd and ridiculous anymore.

That said, I think Scientology has the right idea; they've taken an idea and turned it into something outrageously silly, which is what all religions should strive for - instead of doing it half-assedly.

lol that was so funny! Agreed with #45...

Tom cruise is obv using the scientology content of this episode as a cover up for him not coming out of the closet lol. he tried to get it pulled blatently cos it says hes gay! But by him making such a fuss it makes more people want to see it!

Scientology is a load if crap, Tom Cruise is just a arrogant sexist freak.

KUDOS TO SUPERFICIAL.COM.

Tom, suck this......

I saw this episode when it first aired. It reminds me of their "Mormon" episode and just as funny. What happened to the first ammendment? What makes that douchebag Cruise think he can censor television? He should come out of the closet and move to Fire Island with Travolta.

Incredibly hilarious! I hope they keep it up. I'm going to start watching.

It's funny to me that every other religion has endured hundreds and thousands of years of criticism, wars and persecution, but one ilttle cartoon could offend one person of influence so much that he has to use that influence to get it off the air.

I think that Tom is just a big fish in a small (and insane) pond. I mean if he was a member of any other religion who would care or know. Because he is a celebrity in an obscure religion (cult, or whatever), he is important to the group to promote there cause.

Gay or not, insane or not, he needs to be taught a lesson, and I think that the guys from South Park are going to do it. I can't wait to watch.

Sorry that you are inconvenienced by that freedom of speech and expression thing Tom.

Spank me if I'm wrong, but I took the 'John and Jane Smith' in the credits as something different from the previous posters. To me they're showing how Scientology is a cult, not a religion. All the members have the same name because they are no longer individuals, they're brainwashed zombies.

(No offense to the zombies!)

#51 - this is me spanking you.

I really think that all the credits are John and Jane Smith so that they are the only people that the Scientologists can sue (mostly because the credits follow an extremely long yelling match about suing)

Of course that doesn't mean that the cult thing is a secondary reason for it

I love how there was the huge fuss about suing in this episode and then Tom and Issac turned around and proved that aspect to be correct by throwing hissy fits over the episode.

#4-Isaac Hayes may have had a stroke, but he did quit the show. Trey Parker and Matt Stone were talking about it on Letterman last Wednesday night.

I've heard that Stone and parker have "declared war" on Scientology. Come on!

Hi-damn-larious!

Absolutely Hi-fucking-larious! God bless you Superficial... or L-Ron Bless you... whatever..

#29- Right on! I said the same exact thing to my husband after watching this episode.

And the John Smith thing is because the CoS handles every problem with litigation.

hehe, tom cruise tries to force this off the air.. and isaac hayes quits...

why cant they just face reality and the truth? I guess they can't handle the truth... lol...

and issac hayes is a hypocrite.. he can stay on the show and mock other religions but he cant take the heat against his own

#52, of course you're right. It was obvious. I don't understand how anyone could not see that. I guess you can't use humor as "subtle" as that and expect everyone to get it.

No one seems to care about the poor animated version of R Kelly being voilated by the animated versions of Tom and John. (I put "animated" so I wouldn't get sued) He looked like a man who was glad there was no video camera rolling that time.

# 43

What your failing to realize is that you don't have to pay money to join and be a part of christianity. On top of that chrsitinaity has done VERY good things for this world. Look at all the hardcore christians who spend TONS of their time helping others based on the fact that thats what they think GOd would want them to do. People benifit from christianity whether it's real or not. The thing about Scientology though is that it brainwashes it's members and makes them pay them money. Thats not a religion.

#62

You've never seen the offering plate passed around in a christian church before? You are expected to put money in it, a lot of churches expect 10% of your income. Scientologists just ask for their money up front.

#62

Remember the crusades? Or systematically denying birth control thus helping to spread disease such as AIDS? Let's not forget imprisoning and executing thousands of people . . .Are there more? I'm sure there are . . .
Good thing Christianity is doing VERY good things for this world.

I hope this isn't considered a promotional comment but if anyone wants more information on the scienos look at http://www.xenu.net/ or read this article by L Ron Hubbard Jr. http://www.rickross.com/reference/scientology/scien240.html or look up l ron hubbard on wikipedia.

Especially interesting is the sex magic he used to do with a guy named Jack Parsons and the "Soul Cracking"

#42. That was Joseph Smith. The credits are Smith, to imply the law suits that Scientology and Tom Cruise are constantly threatening. (Like it the clip, they repeat suing over and over)

Do ya think that Tom Cruise has really watched this? Some how I doubt it. I am thinking his threats are based on just what he has heard about it. Watching it would be TOooooooo painfull. (the truth hurts kinda thing)

Great episode, but you guys are late about this...I saw it on another website...

yeah, y'all check out operation clambake ( http://www.xenu.net/index.html). take the time and read through. scary as hell.
i do have a question, tho. i loved chef, but if isaac had a problem w/ the episode, WHY didn't he quit back when the episode was filmed, sometime before november?
DH heard the church made him quit.....
southpark RULES!
oh, and i'd like to make mention of the episode featuring david blaine, and the "super friends" or whatever it was.
every relegion was represented. i have to wonder is "seaman" was a sly reference to elron's sea org.

seaman. heh, heh.

The creators of South Park need to send Tom Cruise and Isaac Hayes a big thank you card. I haven't seen this much interest in South Park since the movie came out a few years ago.

The only difference between Scientology and Christianity: One believes in aliens and the other believes in ghosts.

I stand corrected. I suppose I should take my head out of my arse and pay more attention.

Or not.

you silly earthlings.
l-ron would be nothing without me. *I* killed those thetans with the h-bomb! *I* showed them that movie that confused them, and led them all to attach themselves to a teegeeackian host! and what thanks do i get? locked away on a frozen planet, and the same status as satan in this thing you call "christianity."
i helped him reel in these desperate losers, who btw, kill themselves after either going batshit crazy, after finding out that their current earthly (or teegeeackian), body is no longer any good, so they must die in order to find a better host, or they are too far in debt. i also gave him the idea to market it almost solely to celebrities, since they all have so much money, and almost no common sense. i'm tired of being the bad guy here. gee, you blow up a few million aliens, and all of a sudden, you're an "evil alien war lord." oh, and if tom cruise isn't the next antichrist, i'll be buttfucked.
love and kisses!
-xenu
p.s.-i also have to add, l-ron had a little too much lsd one night, and confused the word "diabetics" with something else, wink wink. ha, vitamins.

sorry i am too lazy to read all the comments .. can someone answer me this question? is this "lord xenu" stuff actually what they believe in???? (and all the thetan and h-bomb crap???)

i'm in a state of shock and awe right now.

#62 Agony, I'm not much of a history buff...hell, I can't even remember what happened yesterday, but I have three words, The Spanish Inquisition. Also the fact that Religion has spawned more wars than anything else. Even oil...Hyooh! I think god is a good idea, just it's the whole religious part gets a bit much.

74, who knows if they believe it, but that is indeed what the "teachings" are based on.

The credits should have all been Joseph Smith. Another crackpot who has globally brainwashed millions. Come and get your own planet people.

OOps I didn't realize #42 had already made this reference (even though they were mistaken)

All the more reason why I'm in love with Matt Stone.

I love this site!

@63

You're very wrong about that. Christian churches don't 'expect' you to pay anything. There is something biblical that states that 10% is an acceptable donation, but the churches don't require that as a prerequisite for membership. Yes, they pass the offering plate around but there's no rule that says you have to give x amount of money in order to attend the church, become a member of the church, or to be a member of that religion. See the difference?

@64
Yeah, the crusades aren't really all that relevant in this argument considering that they happened almost 1000 years ago. Additionally, the only organized religion that is against birth control is the Catholic Church. What Christians might you be talking about that have imprisoned and executed thousands of people? And, if you answer, try to keep it in this century. K, thanks.

#79 Matt stone doesn't write any of the episodes of South Park and he never has. Trey Parker has written every single Episode since the pilot "Santa Vs.Jesus". Matt stone only does some on the voices on south park but is best friends with tray parker and has been since college when they use to make indie movies together and that's why they are always together.

No way should that diva Tom Cruise be allowed to strong-arm South Park. I say we boycott Mission Impossible III. Looks boring anyway, all big explosions and running around. SNORE.

#81

First of all, you're wrong. I've seen countless interviews with the both of them, and they both are involved in the making of each episode. Watch them on Charlie Rose if you think I'm wrong. Secondly, do you think I care? I think the guy is funny as hell. Thirdly, I still love this site.

#80 is right. you are talking about catholics doing all those things (inquisition, etc). Catholic and christian is not the same thing. Besides, every religion has their good and bad times, simply because people are involved. and most people (let's face it) are stupid, and need to do stupid things to give meaning to their lives.

I don't agree with Scientology, at all, and I'm finding it hard to believe how they sucked in all of these celebrities. But think about it: Kabbalah (??), Scientology. We need to start thinking of the next celebrity religious trend now if we wanna make soem BIG bucks. They will believe anything and everything.... one would think money would think money "does" buy you happiness... apparently it's just deppressing. who knew..?

According to Wikipedia:

As a reference to Scientology's litigious tendencies, all the credits at the end of this episode were changed to read "John/Jane Smith".

BTW, "litigious" means "prone to lawsuits." I had to look it up too.

#81 "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe" is the pilot and I think you meant "Satan vs. Jesus" not Santa, though that could be funny too.

Boycott Tom Cruise.

#87

Yeah, I think we're all pretty much on that bandwagon already.

#86 - No, it is "The Spirit of Christmas" aka "Jesus vs Santa" which was their first animation short. Hilarious.

santa vs. jesus wasn't an episode. it was the first little film matt and trey put out as a "christmas card" and send to some of their friends. south park then evolved from there.
strictly speaking, at least in the old days, a "christian" is someone who believes in christ. period. so the catholics qualify.
and fatso, yes, this is what the scientologists believe. scary shit, no? check out "operation clambake".

and, " no one expects the spanish inquistion!" i shall be here in my comfy chair should anyone ask.

#86 & #81,

the Pilot episode on Comedy Central was "Cartman Gets An Anal Probe", but the first South Park cartoon was titled "The Spirit Of Christmas", was never originally aired on TV, and did pit Jesus against Santa.

I'd love Family Guy to do a scientology episode....

thanks Troll Cruise for the advertising...I wouldn't have watched this if it wasn't for you bitching about it...

For more info about scientology (and nothing for sale-keep in mind the rules for posting on this thesuperficial board):
http://www.scientology-kills.org/

BTW, the Superficial rules. Go South Park!

Tom Cruise lost his penis in a gardening accident in 1992.

1. I will never pay money to see another Tommy Cruise movie.....he's an annoying pain in the ass.

2. I don't watch South Park. Actually never seen an episode until this one - OMG - so funny. Thanks Tommy for being a pain in the ass or I never would have watched!

3. I hope MI3 tanks BIG TIME for his wacked out antics. I think a ton of people are sick and tired (tired ALWAYS follows sick) of seeing his face.

I love the R. Kelly bit.

Etiher way it is trey parker that writes all the episodes. Even check all the credits in every episode (except this episode of course)and online #83. You can love matt stone all you want. After seeing Basketballs he does have the better ass anyway. bitches

Is Matt Stone the Jew with the Krazy Hair, or the slightly balding Blonde with Krazy Eyes?

omg... post last night's episode... now...

#98 Matt Stone is the one with the black curly hair. Trey has the blonde hair.

#84: something in the last hundred years: Catholic Church's inaction during the Holocaust. some even speculate that the Nazis had the Vatican's backing.

i just got finished watching the newest episode of south park "family guy." I am a little confused, was matt stone and trey paker making fun of family guy. I love south park just as much as the next guy but no one has the right to talk trash about family guy, specially if they are just pissed about ratings or people saying family guy is funnier(which i dont think they care about). I know i sound like a douche but i was just wondering.

They were not making fun of family guy entirely
Learn your facts man!!!
Besides family guy already put down southpark in an episode. An eye for an eye.

They were not making fun of family guy entirely
Learn your facts man!!!
Besides family guy already put down southpark in an episode. An eye for an eye.

meh, it sucks...

I'm a Scientologist and I'll tell you that this crazy story about Xenu is total crap. Some people in the press keep saying that this Xenu story is what Scientologists believe. This is such garbage and it's a story repeated over and over and is intended to keep people from looking into what Scientology actually is. So why would some in the media intentionally try and keep people away from Scientology you ask? Because most media is well paid by the pharmaceutical industry. They see Scientology as a threat to their profits because it is. Scientology has many, many answers that work and are practical. Let's look at 1 example of how the psychiatric drugging industry is hurt by Scientology technology... Let's assume you know someone who has been depressed for several months or even years. Did you know that with Scientology you can literally snap him out of his dark days and make him feel happy again, sometimes in less than five minutes. How could this be? Because Scientology helps and works like nothing else before it. There is no need to be on a psychiatric drug everyday for the rest of your life. This is just one of thousands of solutions Scientology has and it would take literally books to tell you all it has to offer and can do. Give a Scientologist just a few minutes of your time and you'll quickly realize what a sham psychiatry and the psychiatric drugging business is. It's OK to be skeptical about Scientology, but don't assume that what you've been told about it is actually true. Just ask yourself would all these celebrities be involved in it if didn’t help them and others tremendously?

HTTP://WWW.WHATISSCIENTOLOGY.ORG