Mar 17 2006Natalie Portman gets monkey love

very intellectual portman :-S

wohoooo... I got first post...

GET YOUR HENDS OFF HER!!!...YOU DAMNED DIRTY APE!!!

that fills my Charlton Heston quota for this week.

Has Natalie found another costar at her acting ability level? I think so! Unfortunately, the movie will never get made. I'm sure Natalie is jealous that the monkey is so much cuter than she is with that psych ward hair cut...

hehe *hends* sorry no edit but you get the point

She looks scared to death.

I always hug my opponent after a feces fight too. It's just proper etiquette.

hmmm this girl has more talent than the current crop of young scum that's contaminating Hollywood at the moment. Even so, she did suck copiuos amounts of ass playing Amidala.

From the birth of civilization, per Darwin, to corporate shill for a software giant - that monkey's made a lot of headlines.

My God... I never thought she'd start dating Michael Jackson!

Oh, no, wait, that's not him... Michael doesn't look that human.

what is jack black doing making out with natalie portman?!?! i thought he just got married to some lady he knocked up! that monkey gets around, folks.

I really wanted to like Natalie Portman after her work in "The Diary of Anne Frank" on Broadway. But I just can't respect her work.

Let me review what I've seen of her work:

- Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (Queen Amidala) - she was completely bland in this.
- Anywhere But Here (Ann August) - boooorrriiinnngggg
- Where the Heart Is? (Novalee Nation) - Terrible! And she wasted a really great monologue in it, too.
- Garden State (Sam) - Her character did not seem to be pursuing any goal whatsoever. Weak, weak, weak. Overrated.
- Closer (Alice) - Phenomenal script was broken by her performance. One of the most overrated performances I've ever seen. I saw nothing new from her. She wasn't believable. She wasn't even likable (and she's supposed to be). It was utter crap.

She has no flexibility as an actor. She's not dynamic. She's not believable. She indulges too much in her lines. She's flat. She's a terrible, terrible actor who gets far too much recognition for mediocre work.

I thought she was gorgeous in Star Wars, but in those pictures she looks like an eight year old boy :/

Oh, no! How can she let him kiss her? Monkeys eat their hair bugs and throw their own feces!

Who am I to talk, huh? I will lick someone's face 10 seconds after licking my own nutsack!

Don't judge me, poop on you!

#12 - this whole story is boooooooorrrrrinnnnnggggggg. WE NEED MORE PARIS AND HER STD's!!!!!!!!!!

I find it incredibly sad that these poor relatives of ours are forced to work in places such as Vegas and circuses. Chimps are not toys, they are living creatures and we should respect them and care for them, not abuse them. Thanks for listening.

I think Natalie should be wearing a Pepsi shirt and kick the shit out of the monkey.

lucky monkey

you know hollywood is hurting when they name this horrible actress "female star of the year."

And i wasn't aware they name the 2006 female star of the year in March.

Dude, thats Captain Kirk, I don't know what your talking about.

Why would Captain Kirk be wearing a Coca-Cola t-shir? You make no sense at all MeganHarris.

...Why is Peter Pan wearing a golden dress?

#19 - blueballs

I am in complete agreement.
On both counts.

That hairy chap in the Coke shirt is Jerry Stiller. Natalie only dates nice Jewish men.

#12 - WTF?!? Go to bed!

That's not a monkey.

#12 you're rants are overrated.

now stfu.

yeah I said it.

did it make sense?

nah.

oh ps.
She rocks in V for Vendetta <3

#12 you're rants are overrated.

now stfu.

yeah I said it.

did it make sense?

nah.

oh ps.
She rocks in V for Vendetta <3

#12-wtf? what do you have against her. "weak,weak,overrated" . enough with the drama!calm down,god.
#21 i agree she does kinda look like peter pan lol

I think #12 (InsomniActress) is an actress who cannot get a job and has become an insomniac. She stays up late at night wondering how life is like for successful actresses like Natalie Portman. Maybe #12 can sleep easier if she went to Harvard, had a cute face (either naturally or artificially) and made a few good shows to put herself on the map. Ranting about others will get you nuthin....nuts of weird guys is all u'll get

Let's face it, she's adorable in whatever kind of haircut or clothes she's wearing. The girl has got an angel face like Audrey Hepburn (though I'll admit lacks the acting chops that Audrey sported).

BTW,

I fling poo.

#12 had the balls not only to post the truth but to break it down by example. Thank you! It's good to know that someone else finds her as bland and uninspiring as I (and I bet millions of others) do. She's like Meg Ryan's protege - cutesy but can't act for shit.

That's the first time I've seen Natalie Portman's monkey rub HER...

Wow, Tara Reid has REALLY hit the skids.

@16

You said:

"I find it incredibly sad that these poor relatives of ours are forced to work in places such as Vegas and circuses. Chimps are not toys, they are living creatures and we should respect them and care for them, not abuse them. Thanks for listening."

Who said we were listening? Geez, buy a sense of humor.

That's probably just some creepy nerd stalker in disguise.

I imagine you all saw Natalie rapping?
http://www.nbc.com/Video/videos/snl_1439_natalieraps.shtml

face - pretty
Hair cut - bad!
Why is the monkey there again? She's Staying @ the Paris Hotel, Not Circus Circus

#24 - Zanna

We must be in different timezones, because it's the middle of the day where I am, and going to bed makes little sense at this hour.

#26/27 - Jayne

I wasn't ranting. I was defending my previously stated opinion. I posted it in #4 and was supporting my claim because of #8. I haven't seen "V for Vendetta", so I am not going to agree or disagree with your final statement.

#28 - brunette15

I think I explained why I dislike Natalie Portman sufficiently in my previous post. I am perfectly calm at the moment, and I think you're reading my post as though it contained more fire and brimstone than originally intended. You'll note that there are no capital letters, and there is not an excessive use of emphatic punctuation. I am merely stating an opinion.

#29 - Akapee

I enjoyed your post greatly. I'm not being sarcastic. It was a creative use of language. I liked it.

That said, no, you're wrong. I'm an actress, as my name suggests, and I am also an insomniac. I am not out of work. I am not jealous of Natalie Portman. I respect plenty of actresses in this general age group (a prime example being Rachel McAdams). I just do not find a lot to applaud in her work. That's just my opinion, of course.

I may not have a degree from Harvard, but I do have a degree in Theatre (unlike Ms. Portman). I think it's bizarre that you chose to attack my appearance when you have about as much knowledge of me as I have of you. I have no desire to be famous. I only have the desire to do good, worthwhile work. So no, getting myself "on the map" as you say would have no bearing on my opinion of Ms. Portman's work.

Again, ranting was not my intention. I was merely defending my previous statement.

#32 - Jonboy

Thank you for supporting me. Very kind of you. It's nice that someone out there agrees with me.

#36 - ♥ shhexycorin ♥

That's probably the best work I've ever seen out of Natalie. Thanks for posting it.

hey 36, thx for the link, hadn't seen it. It was actually pretty funny for SNL.

As for Portman. She's ok, she's still cuttin her teeth and will make some decent stuff in the future. sezme.

Sooo...why is there a sort of cable going up the monkeys leg and under his shirt? (pic 2)

re:40

I think that monkey is wearing leather pants and its not a cable. If so, I'm wearing the exact same thing, up to and including the coca cola shirt.

Animals all get first dibs...

Uneducated, uncouth people: IT'S AN APE!!!!!! Chimpanzees are apes, not monkeys....DUH!

Oh...it looks like Elijah Wood has joined PETA...

#35 - when will you ever stop stirring stuff up with others? are you that superior?

oh i forgot ... this is your only social outlet - posts at 10, 2 and 4 ... and midnite

#38 - your post was very intelligent and you are entitled to your opinion

you will notice most of the posts here are from 12 year olds or retards who obsess on the lives of celebrities

She looks like a retard. Literally.

#38- I was with you... I mean, I thought we had something really special going on, but Rachel Fucking McAdams?

You are talking about the mono-dimesional trophy actress? The one from such riveting pieces of cinema as "Mean Girls" and "The Hot Chick".

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

I dug your argument (though I disagreed) up until that point. Now I think you are another frustrated actor who has probably read to much Stanislavski and is convinced that acting is about "process" and "motivations", when all it actually is, is "pretending".

#46 - paige

Thanks for that. Point taken. :)

#48 - The Serial Cynic

I haven't seen the movies you mentioned, so I can't comment on them. I've seen other films she's worked on, though. I am intruigued by her role choices. She isn't stuck in one genre or one type of role. She's a flexible actress and she comes off as genuine and interesting. But again, that's just my opinion.

She was one example of an actor in Natalie Portman's peer group who I feel is a better actor than Natalie Portman. If you agreed with my post other than the example I listed, I hope that you will share a name or two that you feel tops Portman. I'd love to see if we agree on other actors or not.

No, I am not a frustrated actor obsessed with Stanislavski, although I find that to be an amusing theory (and one that's popular on this thread). I am simply a person with opinions. It is my opinion that Rachel McAdams is a better actor than Natalie Portman. And I welcome discussion surrounding that opinion. Let's not forget that I am inviting other opinions here. This is obviously subjective, not objective, and I am not by any means insisting that my way of thinking is the only proper way to think.

I'd hit it.

The primate, I mean.

er, the primate in the saucy red top/black leather pants outfit.

It's nice to see that after Jessica Simpson pulled out of the GOP fundraiser, President Bush was able to meet with Natalie Portman instead.

Why is she copping a feel in the first pic?

@45

And bipolar disorder rears its ugly head once again. My guess is that you pop up on here once you've run your credit cards up to their limit during your manic shopping sprees. Lookee, here's a list of manic symptoms.

* Increased physical and mental activity and energy
* Exaggerated optimism and self-confidence
* Excessive irritability, aggressive behavior
* Decreased need for sleep without becoming tired
* Grandiose thoughts, extreme sense of self-importance
* Racing speech, racing thoughts
* Impulsiveness, poor judgment
* Reckless behavior such as spending sprees, impulsive business decisions, erratic driving and sexual indiscretions
* In severe cases, delusions and hallucinations

See, when you start having these problems, that's when you need to take your lithium!! Ya dumb bitch.

Just saw V For Vendetta, it was fucking hella awesome. GO WATCH IT NOW.

Is this a screen shot from "Garden State 2"?

Posted by paige on March 17, 2006 09:27 PM

"you will notice most of the posts here are from 12 year olds or retards who obsess on the lives of celebrities"

Hellloooo? Isn't that the point of this website? To make fun of silly, stupid celebrity news? This site is called thesuperficial.com, not i'manassholeandliketomakefunofotherpeople.com. Chill out a little and don't insult everyone. It's very unbecoming of you.

Does anyone else think that Natalie looks a little terrified in the third picture?

#57, Yes I agree. I would be terrified of anyone in a Coke t-shirt as well. Hasn't that monkey heard Coke is so over? Pepsi monkey, Pepsi.

That last picture is really cute and adorable. She hugs someone her size and it's perfect!! I think the chimp is trying to hump her

Funny, when I ask her to "touch my monkey" I get my ass kicked by bodyguards.

#57
She isn't scared, she just realized the ape was coping a feel.
It almost looks like she's trying to decide if she likes it or not...

Unforetunately the monkey died from too much Coca-cola! :o But that does look like a lot of dates I've been on. Not with Natalie Portman, with a chimpanzee I took for an attractive lady. Drugs are bad people...

i love natalie portman. she's a great young actress. a real actress andknows how to handle her celebrity status. not like some trashy slut(like the non-talented lindsay lohan)

re:#38 Sry about before, i mis-interpreted your comments in #12, this site is for expressing and stating your opinions n thats all you did.
#56:i totally agree:) its all in fun. Shoudnt be taken too seriously.

I hate ever Ape is see, from Chimpan-A to chimpan-Z..

Oh OH OH Doctor Zeus..

#46 - NOT TRUE!!! i only post here when i take a break from the forum for nobel laureates. and i just act 12. pttthhhhht.

Natalie is a nice one

#53
You obviously got that from the handbook they gave you at the clinic. Why they let you out is a mystery to me.

Now go chew on a lithium battery.

The Pepsi monkey was caught having sex in the bathroom with Paris Hilton. And yes, there is a sex tape.

The Pepsi monkey was caught having sex in the bathroom with Paris Hilton. And yes, there is a sex tape.

#68

Actually, your mom let me borrow her handbook. When's her next weekend leave so I can give it back?

Awww, that monkey seems so sweet.

I heard she gives good monkey head.

Mamacita - you rock!

Filthy monkeys. And not only they will mate, but will birth an entire evolved monkey race and exterminate humanity...

If I were a lesbian I would lust after Natalie, she is as cute as a pixie can be!

#74

Likewise, my brotha.

From her rap:

"What do you want, Natalie?
To drink and fight!

What do need, Natalie?
To F**k all night!"

Hence, ape.

HELLO??? Superficial guy?!?!? Can you post something new? Natalie and her twin have been on here for three days now and I'm getting terribly desperate trying to find other ways to divert my attention from my pathetic little life.

#79

The Superficial doesn't post on the weekends. Which means people who don't have much of a social life (i.e., me), have to wait till Monday for anything new.

wow another ladyboy portman article. YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNN

She sucked in V for Vendetta. It should more properly be titled, "V for Very Bad Accent"

The chimp's pretty hot though...I'd hit it.

that monkey is more famous then any of you will ever be! I love it!

#36 thanks for the link!!!!!

I'll guess that chimp is hung like a horse, and I'll bet Natalie doesn't have to guess.

Those itty bitty hands! Her arms are not normal.

Natalie Portman - the thinking man's Winona Ryder.

When will people get it? In Hollywood, an actress need only be mediocre if her looks are appealing. i.e. Angelina Jolie, Portman, Julia Roberts(I think shes fugly but most dont), Jessica Alba(gorgeous but can't act) and the list goes on and on. The actresses that are particulary hot must exceed in acting skills beyond the realm. i.e. Cate Blanchette, Meryl Streep, Swank, Jodie Foster. Of course there are some that are both hot and can act like Julieanne Moore, Nicole Kidman and Charlize Theron. They are few and far in between though.

#88 - people give recognition to those who have been in blockbuster hardcore shitstacular flicks - starwars/pretty woman(MY FAVOURITE OMG!)/tombraider(i nearly shit myself it was so breathtaking and original)

Why does natalie portman cut her hair like that? Shes a pretty girl but when her hair is cut like this she looks like a little boy.

I haven't seen all of Portman's movies but I think she's decent. I haven't seen Closer and V for Vendetta but I've seen pretty much evertything else and she was decent in it.

I wouldn't call her a bad actress, but I've never been blown away by her performances either. So she's kinda overrated in terms of acting ability, you could say that for just about any actor or actress in h'wood. But hey, she's still young.

As for her looks, I think she's really cute, borderline hot. She's got a whole natural look thing going for her. A lot of women seem to get irritated by how many dudes are into her. Get over it.

Actually, 91, I always thought of her as the kind of girl women think is pretty/sexy but guys don't. (Even the Superfish agrees. Check the last post about her comparing her to Dakota Fanning)
But since you have such badass scientific data on your side ('many dudes', huh? How long did that survey take ya?) I may have to yield and admit that I'm 'just jellus.'

God, Elijah Wood is even shorter than Natalie Portman!

That's her cousin Koko and he's whispering his theories on quantum physics in her ear, since they were lab partners in Hahh-vard.

Oh, and he's an ape, and he's is so fucking cute.

#12, I am with you but I'm gonna see V for Vendetta before I totally scratche her off my list.

#43, finally someone said it. Christ he's not a monkey, Monkey's have tails for one thing.

hmm