Yeah, I know how she feels. That sexiness is a real burden for me, too.

She has an awsomely hot bod, but Tom Cruise would not do her because he loves the cock.

The photo. The comment. Oxymoronic. Yup.

This just in...Jessica Alba to never work again.

I don't care what kind of role she plays- she could wear a fat suit covered in monkey hair while eating a puppy and molesting my children, if the bitch comes by my house, I'm gonna give her the best three minutes of her life.

Maybe if she could act.
Then I'd consider taking her seriously.

Alas.

Sexiness as a burden... that's a good one. Next, she'll be saying all the money she's made off her sexiness is also a burden... not likely.

she should count her blessings that shes hot bc its the only reason shes getting any work. its certainly not for her resume or her acting ability. once she loses her looks she will be done and over with.

in terms of hotness, she doesnt remotely hold a candle to angelina jolie anyway. blah. just another curvy latina who cant act to save her life.

and she looks like crap with blond hair

This is old news no? But all is forgiven. What a picture!!
Julia Roberts and Witherspoon, yuch.

More Jessica, pleeez.

What you don't see are the shackles under those sheets, forcing her to play the role of sex kitten. "Nooooo, I don't want to wear the blue bikini for Into the Blue! Don't make me wear the catsuits for Fantastic Four! You are making me wear practically nothing in Sin City against my will! Noooooooo!"

Choices, Jessica. Choices.

I'd hit it....

Reese Witherspoon and Julia Roberts might not be sex kittens but that doesn't mean they have 'terrible bodies'. Have you ever seen Legally Blonde?

would someone give her a clue. as #6 said...maybe if she could act, she could choose movies to star in. saying she hates being eyecandy is saying she's tried of being thought of hot. here's an idea then, wear more clothes jessica and refuse to wear less.

When I was dating Jessica she would always complain to me about the same things. She also said she never liked anal, but even then I knew she wasn't a good actor because she just never said it with any conviction. It just wasn't believable, you know?

Ok, I made that part up, she is a good actor.

the smartest thing to ever come out of her mouth was my cock.

Terrible bodies? That is beyond ridiculous. Last time I checked they were not anywhere near morbidly obese or anything. They just don't throw their near naked bodies in your face as Jessica does so how would you really know anyways? pig.

Hey Jessica, does your butt hurt? No, do you want it too?

#17

Why didn't you ask this instead

"Jessica, do you have some Italian in you? No, well do you want to?"

I agree with #12 and #16-Reese has a super nice body, beautiful face, and she's got the acting chops. Unfortunately, Jessica Alba can only ever be a sex kitten because she has the acting range of a brick.

Jessica will only do well in comedy only if she gets naked period

Damn Rob, you use that corny ass line on here too?

careful what you wish for alba...

I know how she feels. All my life I've been treated as nothing but a sex object by all the girls, as well as the creepy uncle who isn't allowed to come to my house anymore. I blame my chiseled good looks and freakishly large genitalia. I say to the girls: "Hey, you know, I have feelings! I have a heart! I want romance! I want love! I want tenderness!" But all they want to do is get in my pants have have the hard, nasty sexual relations all night long.

It's the worst thing in the world.

#16 MEGAN WROTE: Terrible bodies? That is beyond ridiculous. Last time I checked they were not anywhere near morbidly obese or anything. They just don't throw their near naked bodies in your face as Jessica does so how would you really know anyways?

REPLY: I think we're just assuming that any actress who refuses to parade their moist, glistening nakedness in front of us every chance she gets probably has a body covered with canker sores and pus. That's how it has worked in my experience. For years I tried to get Joan Rivers to take her clothes off for me, but she always refused. Then, when she finally gave in and did it, I really regretted the entire thing.

LESSON: Chicks who don't want to take their clothes off in public are probably very ugly underneath those clothes.

That's a bulletproof argument, people. End of discussion.

It's so refreshing for such a role model as Jessica to stand up to the immorality so rampant in Hollywood. She never, ever flaunts her sexuality and never poses provocatively for Maxim and other like-minded publications. I just know that picture here is photoshopped, because the girl gots MORALS and would never act slutty while complaining about slutty movie roles. I mean, come on, that's just stupid.

When did "slut" become an insult? This is not the America I thought I knew. The terrorists have won.

Clearly, she isn't too bright. Anyone with half a brain who looked like that would realize they need to ride the wave!!! Capitalize on the looks! You only have them for so long. Earn all the money you can, honey. Market a doll or 10, make some perfume, clothes line, make-up, work out video.

she got rave reviews for the outfit she wore to present at the oscars but the whole time i was just wondering who the hell she had to blow to be invited there in the first place! not a fan... i'm telling you she's never going to be useful unless you kill her and give her organs to people in need.

#27 DAVINA WROTE: i'm telling you she's never going to be useful unless you kill her and give her organs to people in need.

REPLY: If 'organs' includes 'sweater cows' then you might be on to something. Those things must not be allowed to perish or grow old.

She better watch what she says and not burn her bridges. Cause we've all seen her acting ability and sexiness is really all she has going for her. I'm sure she isn't complaining about her sexy rolls when she gets her paychecks. I can see this backfiring for her and her not getting any roles at all. Then being cast for sexiness won't look so bad. I wish someone would give me millions just for looking good. I sure as hell wouldn't complain.

PapaHotNuts...Three minutes? You mean in a row...who are you, effing superman? My personal best is 2:28 and that's because my zipper got stuck for a minute and a half.

Three minutes...what a showoff.

No denying the woman's gorgeous (the bitch), but I find it very satisfying that she is probably jealous of Natalie Portman (who is gorgeous AND smart AND is bound to get the roles for acting instead of the roles for sex appeal). Life is hard for Jessica Alba (waaah!).

People are NEVER satified doing what they are good at.

Jim Carey wants to do Drama, Julia Roberts wants to do ANYTHING that isn't a romantic comedy, and now Jessica Alba wants to play sweet and funny.
My suggestion if you don't want to get cast in sexy rolls Jessica is to stop letting gossip magazines photograph you in a bikini and put on about 30 pounds.

#15, LOL!! Too funny.

It's hard to be so sexy and have every 11 year old boy masturbating to you in their bathroom. What am I saying??? Boys age 11-80 masturbate to you in their bathrooms. Maybe she'll go the route of Britney and marry some loser, have a baby, and lose her career entirely.

I want to be that blanket/pillow that she laying on in the photo.

Please.....please, please, pretty please.

*Sigh* I, too, tire of my sexiness.

it's okay - i can still jerk off to anything she's in.

She really should stop being tired of sexiness. I mean everyone likes looking at her.

With regard to her burning the toast, yea, nothing is worse than burnt toast. it is obnoxious!

mmmmmm....

Her airbrushing is exquisite.

I for one hope she gets the lead in a few romantic comedies. They'll tank, her career will take a nose dive, and she'll end up in naked Playboy. Everybody wins.

i hear Dame Judy Dench feels the same way...there is no justice in horneywood...

Since when is morality more interesting than sluttiness? What planet does she live on?

Oh yeah, I'd eat her asshole.

Relax Jessica your already the star of "HughJorgan's Nocturnal Emmissions Theatre" What more could you want? An oscar?

Bwaaaahahahahahahahah

That must be what they train all graduates of the Jessica Simpson School of Acting to say. Just shut-up and show dem titties, trick.

My life is much the same. Its so hard being taken seriously when all I do is pose for nekkid and topless pictures.

If only Sharon Stone would take a cue from Jessica. THEN we'd be onto something.

Poor Jessica, all she has is looks that she flaunts, money she makes flaunting and all the dick she can suck. Other equal actors have to work hard, suck all the dick and get them placed in every open whole and get lots of loads all over the place. What a horrible life for her.

#15 --the smartest thing to ever come out of her mouth was my cock.

My boss adores you right now.

Too true #21, too true. Does J-Lo ring any bells? Queen of the stinkers.

What does everyone mean that Jessica can't act? I mean Honey was a veritable tour de force for the cinema. Sin City? What a performance!

Jess, you're hot, you're beyond hot, you could walk on the sun hot. Your ass should get it's own dressing room because it is so hot. Please just smile, show us your belly button, and shake your rump. Don't be too serious just yet. Serious girls aren't any fun.

Hell, I don't even know if you speak English because everytime you dance I loose my sense of hearing.

When was Julia Roberts hot? Reese is hot.

Jess, please just do what you do, be hot.

Yeah, good one Jessica. Now shut up and put your ass in the air again and wave it around for everyone.

My girlfriend HATES Jessica Alba. Just because once I said that she was "Perfect."

Look, no one is perfect. I'm pretty sure she's not perfect. I'm kind of fairly certain there is something wrong with her. I mean, I can't think of it right now. But if you give me a few days...

I could not believe she didn't do nudity in Sin City. I mean, she played a stripper working in a total shit hole. I heard she refused to do it because she was worried about what her dad would think. SIGH!

I'll echo the Superficial's sentiments: Thank God!

No romantic comedies, please!

Twisted Humor, your site is pretty funny. It had me amused instead of working for a good two and a half hours. Just thought you'd like to know.
P.S. Jessica Alba is - ready, folks? - OVERRATED. Sometimes our brains get cloudy when we think about boobies, but it's OK, America, I forgive you.

poor baby....

Since when do Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, and Reese Witherspoon have terrible bodies? I guess being a size 7 is morbidly obese and terrible now a days. Guess I should invest in some 'tina and blow like ol' Linds Lohan in order to be hot.
BTW I miss the old editor of this site.

There's only one instance I can think of where sexiness might be a burden: if you are a 150lb guy in prison. You won't get to do many romantic comedies either, but there will be lots of dramatic roles.

this whole country has gone queer

Actually, at this very moment I can name one actress who actually has played ur typical romantic lead in your typical romantic comedies and is super sexy, super gorgeous, has one of the best bodies in Hollywood and has more acting chomps than Jessica will ever have: Jennifer Lopez. Quit the hating and face the facts. That woman is STILL at 35, more sexy than Alba which is not to say that Alba is not sexy. She is. But J.Lo. can out do her any day. See the video for LL Cool J's Control Myself for proof.

J-Lo? people still care about that toxic slut?

Am I on crack or did someone just post something about J Lo's "acting chomps"?

Actually thats more sad than funny. Playing the exact same character in every film you've been in doesn't give you "acting chomps", or chops for that matter. Alba is J Lo before she got old, tired and lame.

#57 classic.

should have thought of that while she was busy picking those 'quality roles'. Like strippers. And half naked dancers. And dumb blondes in bikinis.

Come in Miss Alba. Your 10 minutes are up.

#3 THANK YOU !!! oooh, poor jessie! naked in pics, a stripper in a film, a bikini-clad thief in that movie with paul walker.
jess, is it lonely up there on your PSUDO-PRISS attitude....oh man, just GO AWAY!
hey, guys, remember, brit spears and katie holmes were hot too.....and YES, #62, thank you for another round of jessi(SCUMBAG)--hypocrite--alba(TROSS) bashing! oh, man, havent you all ever heard of heidi klum? scarlett johansen?? rosalyn snachez? halle berry? jamie king? come on!!!!

You really make WAY MORE MONEY playing a vixen then you would a boring ass girl in love in those shitty romantic comedies. Hell, Angelina Jolie tried to do that, and she just went right back to her vixen roles when that crap romantic comedy made like $5 at the box office.

#27, DAvina, I noticed that she seemed a little starstruck to be standing next to Erik (yummy) Bana and she flubbed her lines. So did J lo when she announced the winners name as "Kath-a-leen" They are both such fucking tools.

And Spence, I agree. I used to love showing off my body, but , well, let's just say I don't like taking my clothes off anymore. (Where's my pizza??!!)

#61, Hugh, may I shake your hand or offer you some head becaus you are now my new hero. Finally, some who sees through that talentless hack.

#42 Definately I'd even hold the syrup and do it raw. For all you that think Jolie is hotter than this chick, check out Angelina's face. Its lookin' busted with those crow's feet kickin'. She's last year's jerkoff target. WE HAVE A NEW #1!!!!

Reese Witherspoon? Terrible body? Are you kidding? You must be on crack.

Reese Witherspoon? Terrible body? Are you kidding? You must be on crack.

Oh, whine. "Omigod. I am just so. Hot. What should I do today? Have sex with a male hooker? Go to a male strip club? Hire my best guy friend to jump out of a cake?"

Jessica, don't complain. Please don't complain. Because there are a whole lot of other women out there begging for your body.

Jessica Alba is not an object, she's a human being so what she has a great body. It's a plus, but it doesn't change the fact she has her own mind, thoughts, and feelings.

I know I'm a littlate but I have been waiting to comment on this subject.

Jessica is quite litteraly one of the hottest girls on the planet and she owes ALL of her success to that fact.
She is not a great actress, she is in not a bad actess..she is in fact quite a mediocre actress.

She only gets big movies and big money for 1 reason. Now for her to spit in the face of that and Whine non-stop about wanting something else is insulting to all of us who paid $10 just watch her in a bikini...that is what we paid for that is what she is good for...PERIOD.

The day she donates every dime she made off her smokin body to charity and starts all over trying to do serious roles is the day I will think about going to see one....Oh wait..never mind I still wouldnt go.

But dont sit here AFTER making 50 million dollars off your bod and say that you are somehow offended by the idea...Arrrggghh!!!

Big Boos and Jeers to you Jessica. For spitting on the fans that loved you and why they loved you.

And by the way...look what Halle Berry got her oscar for...Give you any ideas?

yeah, why would she want to take a huge step down?