Mar 17 2006Chuck Norris reads Chuck Norris facts
If you haven't seen the Chuck Norris facts yet, you need to do yourself a favor and check them out. Chuck has a really good attitude about the whole thing, but they're not as funny when he reads them out loud. Mostly because he's not very good at reading, but also because I'm too scared that a roundhouse kick will come flying out of my monitor and kick me to the moon.
Thanks to Katrina for the tip.
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Reader Comments
1. B-Bomb - March 17, 2006 3:21 PM
first!!!
2. B-Bomb - March 17, 2006 3:22 PM
okay, having first post was the highlight of my day. sad. now i can remind you all that chuck norris' tears cure cancer...too bad he's never cried.
3. mamacita - March 17, 2006 3:37 PM
I was kind of afraid to post a comment because I don't want Chuck Norris to point at me and say 'bang'.
4. Nimuë LaMer - March 17, 2006 3:42 PM
Is it me or is Chuck starting to look like Scott Farkus from 'A Christmas Story'?
5. Nimuë LaMer - March 17, 2006 3:43 PM
http://acs.flicklives.com/Movie/Pics/farkas.jpg
6. inspector11 - March 17, 2006 3:48 PM
the best one from the site was: Chuck Norris does not go hunting, because the word "hunting" implies the possibility of failyre. No, Chuck Norris goes Killing.
7. bravegirl01 - March 17, 2006 4:03 PM
ah!!!! I love CNCs on a friday afternoon...
8. Derek Hail - March 17, 2006 4:04 PM
Mike Tyson makes me laugh
9. TheHoffinator - March 17, 2006 4:06 PM
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
10. InsomniActress - March 17, 2006 4:31 PM
I've heard the same things about Vin Diesel.
11. Jonboy in SF - March 17, 2006 5:25 PM
Just when I had about given up on The Superficial you make my day by posting this! Truly hysterical.
12. Spindoc - March 17, 2006 5:26 PM
Chuck Norris ate refried beans last year. Chuck Norris Apologizes to the people of New Orleans.
13. Celetina - March 17, 2006 5:26 PM
Am I the only person alive who is really fucking sick of LOL CHUCK NORRIS LOL HE DOES NOT SLEEP HE WAITS LOL ROUNDHOUSE KICK LOL?
Chuck Norris is to 2006 as pirates, monkeys and ninjas were to 2005. That is to say, old and unfunny.
14. mamacita - March 17, 2006 5:38 PM
@13
Yes. You are the only person alive who is really fucking sick of LOL CHUCK NORRIS LOL HE DOES NOT SLEEP HE WAITS LOL ROUNDHOUSE KICK LOL.
15. Xopher.tm - March 17, 2006 5:49 PM
Nimuë, it's Scut Farkus.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0911934/
16. scarlett138 - March 17, 2006 6:06 PM
Is it just me, or aren't these jokes a lot better when chuck norris doesn't read them? lol the guy sucks at reading
17. scarlett138 - March 17, 2006 6:07 PM
oh yeah, and chuck norris counted to infinity...twice
18. bigfatmomma - March 17, 2006 6:09 PM
#13 - you better watch out or chuck norris will ninja your ass with a roundhouse kick with his peg leg while kissing natalie portman.
19. ♥ shhexycorin ♥ - March 17, 2006 6:19 PM
I don't know who the fuck Chuck Norris is, but I do know an awful lot about him.
20. wastingtime - March 17, 2006 6:25 PM
It's a good thing chuck norris can roundhouse kick the shit out of everyone, since he sure as hell can't read. The funniest part was when he got thrown off by Chuck Norris' --his own name in the possessive. lol
21. bunnyhugger - March 17, 2006 7:48 PM
i think i'm too old for this site.
that said, i'd hit it!
22. The Serial Cynic - March 17, 2006 9:49 PM
The sound of Chuck Norris reading can cure deafness. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris can't read.
23. Jude806 - March 17, 2006 10:44 PM
It's interesting how the presenter's sense of humour pales into comparison to the writer of the list. Twit.
"The Best Damn Sports Show"? It isn't.
24. fblau - March 17, 2006 11:15 PM
Except for the fact that whatever site you're hosting the video from deserves a roundhouse kick for suckass bandwidth.
25. watevaBii0CH - March 18, 2006 2:21 AM
Chuck Norris ended the never ending story because Chuck Norris does not believe in reading.
26. neophyte - March 18, 2006 5:21 AM
When God sold his soul to Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Satan to the pits of Hell.
27. EHsed - March 18, 2006 7:30 AM
The insurgency in Iraq is really only one man: Chuck Norris.
28. Spindoc - March 18, 2006 10:13 AM
#22 LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
29. hafaball - March 18, 2006 1:18 PM
Shhexy! XD
Anyway...Chuck Norris is awesome...awesome to the max...max steele.
30. James Earl Cash - March 18, 2006 7:46 PM
#22 for the win.
Hahaha!
31. Derek Hail - March 19, 2006 1:49 AM
At least Chuck Norris has a sense of humor, if he was Tom Cruise, he probably would have sued the internet.
32. night - March 19, 2006 2:57 AM
#31
hahaha, so true
LOL, this video entry made my day. I had not read these Chuck Norris facts yet. Where can I find them?
33. Grphdesi23 - March 19, 2006 9:39 AM
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his Dad did.
34. staticbumblebee - March 19, 2006 11:20 AM
Chuck Norris invented the C-section by roundhouse kicking his way out of his mother's womb.
And i love...
The best part of waking up, is not Folger's in your cup, but realizing Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and KILL.
Chuck Norris is so fast, that when he runs around the world, he can punch himself in the back of the head.
35. EHsed - March 19, 2006 11:30 AM
#32 - Where can I find them?
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
36. Bellisima - March 19, 2006 1:16 PM
Chuck is a very good friend to my friend's family in Utah. He has lived a life of sharing his wealth with a lot of people. He helps a lot of people especially kids who are on the street.Now if we could just get him to meet Paris Hilton and introduce "Law and Order" to her. Knock some decency into her!
37. mamacita - March 19, 2006 3:03 PM
Here are 2 of my favorites.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
38. staticbumblebee - March 19, 2006 4:55 PM
I met Chuck Norris, he was friends with my dad.
39. night - March 19, 2006 6:54 PM
one of my faves: Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. LMFAO
also: When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
and
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. :D
40. Aelene - March 19, 2006 10:36 PM
My favorite:
If Chuck Norris is late then time better slow the fuck down
41. Magus - March 19, 2006 11:23 PM
Chucktacular !!!
42. Niggerinnis - March 20, 2006 3:32 AM
"Am I the only person alive who is really fucking sick of LOL CHUCK NORRIS LOL HE DOES NOT SLEEP HE WAITS LOL ROUNDHOUSE KICK LOL?
Chuck Norris is to 2006 as pirates, monkeys and ninjas were to 2005. That is to say, old and unfunny."
No truer words have been spoken except Chuck Norris jokes have been around since the start of the show (only popularised by Conan) and were actually, initially, very funny.
Pirates, ninjas and monkeys were never funny.
43. jugsgirl - March 20, 2006 6:56 AM
Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag the ladies- He potato sacks them.
44. rottnpagan - March 22, 2006 10:22 PM
The only thing almost as funny as the Chuck facts, are the Vin Diesel facts.
http://www.4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=vin
45. TheWill - March 23, 2006 8:52 PM
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light, not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
46. gert - August 11, 2006 3:27 PM
why doesn't atlas hold the world on his shoulders any more, because chuck norris took over.