Feb 2 2006Jessica Simpson is inspiring

After reading this post, I need somebody to hold me.

If only we were all as wise as her.

Amen

She got confused and released her next crappy single online. Or maybe she is makig apologies for Adam Levine.

She's deeper than I ever, ever imagined. I am moved.

I like how she can quote a passage from the bible in one sentence, and then quote Nietzsche, perhaps the world's most famous atheistic philosopher, in another.

My understanding is that it's illegal to post about J-Simp without including a picture of her luscious boobies.

Let's not let that happen again, hm?

Will someone please wake me up, when its at the end... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Does anyone else find it ironic that she quoted Corinthians 15:33, "Remember that bad company corrupts good character."

I thought her dad blacked out that part of the Bible when they moved to Hollywood.

Puppies are being used as drug mules and this bitch is allowed to breathe.

"... and get a good divorce lawyer."

she's so wise...so brave.

like jesus. only dumber. and with less talent.

If I hear that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" line one more time, I swear.....Jessica Simian should just shut up. Silence. Shhhhhhhh. Zip it! That goes for you too Trashlee!

Things like this make me want to club a seal.

And the sick thing is that undoubtedly after Jessica completed this, she silently nodded to herself, with tears in her eyes, and whispered "Yes. This is my best work yet."

Hahaha. Good stuff.

Damn,my cornea's just melted after reading that sperm-gobbler's odious crap!!

I hope Jesus, Nietzsche and Buddha toilet paper her house.

"What doesn't kill you, makes me wish someone had better aim."

Let me guess this was written lavender stationary with a pink pen with pink ink, equipped with something fuzzy on the top on. I can almost bet the pen was scented as well. She probably dotted the "i's" with hearts. All the while she was petting her dog, telling him in between, “I love you so much” and hugging him periodically after she wrote something enlightening…oh, how cute..

Hey! Does anybody remember that Mariah Carey Posted a rambling Crazy letter to HER fans on her own website right before her sanity went down the toilette for a few years?! Here's hoping that the Superficial is going to have a few years of "Crazy Jessica" stories!

i feel kind of disoriented.. like something inside of me just died.

also whats with her aerodynamic comments: "carry on. soar. glide. fly." maybe she was high when she wrote this? that would make the most sense.

Did she just quote Corinthians mere days after the Walk of Shame? Tell me no....

Jesus Christ, I've never seen such a mish-mash of 8th grade clichés.

I'm surprised she didn't start in on the "If you love something, set it free..." crap.

How old is she?

It always amaZes me to see how much dumber celebrities are then the average person off the street.

I couldn't even read all that...cause i'm a lazy bastard, but I guess instead of being inspired by Coretta Scott King, I'll get inspired by this douchebag. (yes, woman can be called douchebags too)

I hope Jesus, Nietzsche and Buddha toilet paper her house.

OMG!!! The visual I got from that!!! ROTFLMAO!!! Quick someone CPR please!!!!

Does anyone else find it creepy that the picture of Jessica Simpson in this article and the picture of Ashton Kutcher in the next article below look like mirror images?

Jessica Simpson is so ... GOOD. So pure and true. I like that in my products.

Meanwhile, she takes a shot at the paparazzi, which is quite interesting considering that the gossip industry more or less created her entire "career" out of whole cloth.

"Jessica Simpson Stubs Toe!"

"Jessica Simpson Expired Yogurt Horror!"

hey i like dumb girls with large breasts. i'd knock it down, all the way man.

Nick is desperately seeking a glory hole while his wife balls up into a corner and rocks herself to happy bible thoughts. Whatever makes the memories of Joe coming into your room at night to make sure his daughter was still a virgin, and "fingers don't count baby girl" go away Jess.

HELP.ME.PLEASE. My head is filling with air just from READING that...

She should really be quoting Genesis 3:10: 'I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid'...cuz that's what she did prior to her walk of shame...hid...from the paparazzi...

She kinda makes me sicker than the thought of making sweet love down by the fire with Nick.

I guess the saddest (and most hilarious) aspect of all these retard celebrities is that they really don't see how retarded they are. In their brains they really think they are

a)better than us
b)smarter than us
c)deeper and wiser than us

Thats why we love to watch celebrities crash and burn when the truth comes out and all of their delusions get a reality check. Unfortunately some celebrities never crash (Madonna, Tom Cruise) so we are stuck watching them live in their fantasy worlds until they die horrible deaths.

what happens when the one corrupting you is your dad?

i guess the answer is, you dress like a whore while singing onstage on prime time.

Wow. Could ANYONE be a worse spokesperson for the Christian faith? I mean really...

Did she stole this from some eulogy or what?

You all shut up! Shut your stinking, nasty traps!

Jessica Simpson is a beautiful dove. And by beautiful dove, I mean fat, lazy Thanksgiving turkey I want to eat then throw the bones in the trash.

This is exactly what I said was going to happen with Jessica Simpson. Are ya'll sure Homer wasn't her biological father?

http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/01/27/jessica_simpson_is_moving_on_1.html#comment

Bwahahaha! These comments are the best ever! ROFL!!!!

I'd still ride her all night long...with a ball gag in her mouth of course...but all night...just like Maroon V.

Homer Simpson?? HAHAHAHAHAHA that was great!

I'm down with the seal clubbing!!! When should we start???

Somebody hold me. I need a box of tissues.

OK, let me reiterate:

"I just wanted to let ya'll know that with everything we go through in life, the ugly, the skanky, the retard, the mental illness, the fake, the botox, the-think-we-are-hot, we all have to allow our silicon breasts to remain open to create the whores that we are," Simpson says. "Inject botox for yourself no matter what. Take the advice from the sluts we love." Simpson then goes on to quote from Corinthians 15:33, saying, "Remember that bad company corrupts good character." Nor does she stop there. " ... Embarrass yourself to allow the freedom to just be. Getting to make yourself slutty is so important. Spend time alone with your bosoms for this creates a world of true brainlessness. Do not be afraid to become skanks. Inner botox, outward hideousness -- f*** everyone we meet with open legs (unless it is your ex-husband -- haha), a fake ass is contagious." She concludes this love manifesto with the following: "I love you guys so much and appreciate all the BOO's through all the unfortunate pain of loss. What doesn't kick us in the ass makes us sluttier. Carry on. Bang away. Inject botox. Slip. This is a whore-riful life."

This post was the funniest EVER. I actually laughed so hard, there were tears.

Tears, real ones. hilarious!!!!

"Spend time alone with your thoughts for this creates a world of true serenity."

Is it possible for someone to be this self un-aware and live? We've all heard Jessica's thoughts and the only way I'm spending any time alone with them is if I'm forced to at gunpoint.Even then I'd probably take the bullet.

I cant help but feel sorry for the Simpsons girls, their daddy has whored them out.

What the freak??

LOL typing on the piano

Hello Folks....
Ok I enjoy the gossip as much as the next person...but do we need to get silly? Just so you are aware...what she is wearing is a plain old 'wife-beater'...ribbed tank top.....

It was worth reading just for:

'And then her sister tells her "Jess, sweetie, you were typing on the piano."'

I'm still laughing.

clearly this walking abortion is knee deep in self help books. highlighting the uplifting passages while secretly wishing nick were there to bone her.

why are we all so hard on nick? he obviously couldn't put up with her stupid questions i.e. why the sky is blue, where the doo doo goes when you flush the toilet etc.

Jessica Simpson is inspiring... inspiring me to kill myself.

The hardships of Jessica's life:

living in Britney's shadow for years, becoming famous for being dumb, allowing hollywood to ruin her marriage, allowing her creepy father to turn her into a whore

I'd go crazy too

Good Lord!

In the name of Jesus, GET THEE BEHIND ME!! (one sec...let me move to the edge of a cliff...with my back to it)

My God! I wrote better than this in 6th grade. She must have been drunk on Jesus juice or something, which, if I was there, I'd be forced to slap the annoyingness out of her.

"Breathe to allow yourself the freedom to just be" -- I'm amused that she needs to remind herself to breathe! lol that's great.

We know who the newest writer for Halmark is.

We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view Jess-

This observer is not at all surprised by the lugubrious level of literary illumination Miss Simpson has attainted in her lifetime. The fact is that most of the world's population cannot construct a sentence and/or is not conversant with even the most basic grammatical constructions. (Another fact is that most do not place any value on this type of knowledge and cannot understand why a minority actually cares.)

This is the fault of technology and the society that worships it. When "u r 2 funny ROTFLMAO," etc. passes as legitimate communication in everyday life and virtually everybody involved in the media, including high-profile journalists, makes mistakes in their speech or is simply a lazy, contrived orator, languate takes body blow after body blow. Count how many times you hear "like" used when there's no need for a simile or a comparison.

Miss Simpson -- not to mention many people who choose to post their ideas online -- is a trail-blazing inspiration in the discipline of The New English. She is an opinion-leader. Aging gatekeepers such as myself, though we let our freak flags fly, are on the way out. The diction of Anderson Cooper* is the new way; news reports set to music are a logical tendril spreading from the MTV family tree; and the coffee mugs are getting bigger on "GMA," "Today" and the other morning variety shows.

But this observer also believes in New Traditions. So I say to Miss Simpson, Keep up the good work!

*A major component on a revolutionary sociological novel underway in my Beltway-based hidey-hole.

==============
Like a fish in the water
You don't know where you've been
Till you jump out
And take a look around
At the big picture

When you have a pretty face and/or a great figure you can get away with writing like this. And doesn't the saying go....

"What doesn't kill you only puts off the inevitable."

Devo,
Your eulogy to the lost art of grammar and syntax might be more convincing if it were not filled with typos such as "Miss Simpson has attainted", "languate takes body blow after body blow"; and misplaced modifiers, "a minority" - like one person of color, or do you mean a minority of people? Additionally, your lament supports the idea of some prelapsarian version of English that actually never was- English has always been an aggregate of many languages; historically viewed as too base for the court, and always already morphing via location (Australian English, UK English, American English) and usage. Languages that don't change die which is also an interesting link with your embodiment of English taking a "body" blow. Perhaps you should join the Alliance Francaise who is fighting the linguistic war against "le big mac" and "le weekend sexy". What is also strange is that American English, the lingua franca of international business and Internet is seen much like her national parent- bossy and squeezing out native languages abroad. The irony of this post on language and usage could only be funnier if it was posted by Jessica Simpson or Bush.

Come on, this about it.... are we actually assuming that Trashlee knew the difference between the keyboard and the piano?

sorry typo *think

As a joke, I read her, um, words out loud. First there was a long silence in the house. Then my cat dropped dead. The power went out, and in the darkenss, my boyfriend had a seizure. The power of this woman's words cannot be underestimated.

Thank you, Jessica, for saying something your fans would obviously not understand.

In every phots I ever see she's got her enormous trap open exposing her cum-lapping tongue.

Maybe her whole career is supposed to be a joke...for those with a grand sense of humor.

I also heard she doesn't believe in shaving her pubic hair. She's probably wondering why they don't make a razor for women.