Jan 2 2006Victoria Beckham rules at Christmas
For Christmas, Victoria Beckham reportedly bought a $350,000 Rolls-Royce Phantom for her husband David and had it delivered to their house in Hertfordshire. In return, David gave Victoria a machine which produces cascades of melted chocolate while the kids got King Kong outfits.
I know the spirit of the holidays isn't to judge people based on the presents they give, but if it was, David would be a huge loser and Victoria would be the queen of all wives. Because as insane and gaudy as she is, any woman who gives her husband a car worth more than my house deserves a couple kind words thrown in her direction. And any man who gives her wife some weird contraption that pours away chocolate deserves to have his face eaten off by a bunch of kids dressed in King Kong outfits.
NOTE: It kind of disturbs me that, in five years, Victoria Beckham's kids are going to want to have sex with her so bad.
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Reader Comments
1. Mugato - January 2, 2006 10:02 AM
When did she become so leathery?
2. Baroness - January 2, 2006 10:05 AM
Wow, a giant chocolate machine. Nice going, David. Since when does Victoria EAT?
3. networkchick - January 2, 2006 10:28 AM
"NOTE: It kind of disturbs me that, in five years, Victoria Beckham's kids are going to want to have sex with her so bad."
Um, no, actually in five years she will turn into a catcher's mitt.
P.S. Happy New Year, to all, you crack me up!
4. James Earl Cash - January 2, 2006 10:42 AM
So, he's a professional sports player and she's an anorexic bimbo and he bought her a... chocolate machine.
What part of that didn't seem like a bad idea to him?
I bet he got a hold of his kid's copy of 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' and sits there giggling at the machine when the waterfall scene comes on.
5. diddleysquat - January 2, 2006 11:34 AM
She could use a few more pounds, but she's super hot. Mee-oww!
6. tess - January 2, 2006 11:43 AM
I think Victoria is ugly. Plus, she seems arrogant and mean. She looks like an evil witch. If you removed the fake boobs, the fake teeth, the fake tan and fthe ake hair, you'll end up with an average looking woman. If you don't believe me, just check some old spice girls interviews. I saw a documentary of their early years and it shows a chubby, insecure Victoria with a face full of acne. It's almost scary.
7. HeeHaw - January 2, 2006 1:00 PM
The kids are cute, but the one on the left looks so sad. I feel sorry for him. He looks like he needs a hug or something.
I always feel bad for kids who have rich crazy parents who have their heads up their asses.
8. i-see-peeee - January 2, 2006 1:17 PM
Why is she so orange? And yeah, looking straight up some orange woman's nostrils turns me on.
9. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls - January 2, 2006 3:28 PM
How the hell do her children have BLONDE hair... I bet she dyes it...
She herdelf doesn't look that happy.... I guess that ahppens when your husband boinks everyone and you sold your soul to the dedvil years ago....
10. Tai! - January 2, 2006 3:53 PM
Holy crap dude. You have to make a post about K-Fed's new single PopoZao. The guy is making animal noises at the begining! then goes on to scream about wanting to see some PopoZao. wow
11. tito - January 2, 2006 3:56 PM
Uhh, to K-Fed's Corn Rolls... durr??! Her husband is a blonde.
12. Rach-tastic - January 2, 2006 4:13 PM
That picture of her and her kids is terrifying. I don't think they could possibly be hers. Not unless they're cross-dressing, replete with tranny makeup, and sporting the same incomprehensibly stylish tan as their natural looking mother. She definitely stole those ones.
13. rocketscience - January 2, 2006 4:30 PM
haha, you guys are funnay.
but seriously, that skank is nasty. i would not do her. well, maybe i would, but that would take an oil tankers hull worth of alcohol.
14. Michelle - January 2, 2006 4:32 PM
Her kids are adorable, but how did she squeeze them through those straight hips? Anyway, unless she specifically asked for that machine, it seems like a pretty poorly thought-out gift. Does David even know her?
15. firestar - January 2, 2006 5:29 PM
the superficial is definately better than PinkIsTheNewBlog...
16. toa - January 2, 2006 5:48 PM
those aren't her kids (at least the girl isn't), she has 3 boys, brooklyn, romeo and cruz. vb rocks!
17. llynnowens - January 2, 2006 5:58 PM
Those are her kids. The long haired one is a boy. They are adorable.
She is super hot even if it is because of all the money and time invested in her physical "upkeep." Becks is super hot too. I love them. Maybe.
18. Lynette Carrington - January 2, 2006 7:11 PM
Did Victoria pick up a bunch of crap off the floor of a Goodwill and then decide to wear it out for the day? The hat absolutely defies explanation. She looks like the love child of Eva Longoria and Garth Brooks.
19. jellybean - January 2, 2006 10:32 PM
eurgh, she looks like an orange pig.. that nose! unfortunately that younger boy got her nose but the rest is definitely david - cute.
what a tit david is for getting a chocolate machine though, the woman clearly hasn't ingested anything for the past 6 years.
20. ggbsgirl - January 2, 2006 11:34 PM
To "I Love K-Fed's Corn Rolls": Victoria's children's hair is blonde because David Beckham's hair is blonde. You know... their father?
21. Linnea - January 3, 2006 2:53 AM
Anyone who wants to have sex with that deserves to have his penis trapped in the leather folds of doom.
22. slinkhard - January 3, 2006 4:13 AM
I like Victoria. There's something endearing about someone with no talent rising to fame and riches based purely on ambition. And I feel bad for her being married to a horn-dog.
23. ebayfan414 - January 3, 2006 4:38 AM
I'm sorry but Victotia is not hot. Any dude that said that was either high or thinks that having sex with a bat is hot. And I say bat because her vagina is by now for sure all leathery like a bat's wings. Did that sound as creepy to you as it did to me?
24. Miss Diamond - January 3, 2006 1:39 PM
I like Victoria Beckham. I met her once and she was really decent.
She doesn't seem to look so thin in real life, though she does wear A LOT of make-up.
I think she's pretty, but she does need to put on some weight.
And she had c-sections for all her kids I think (not sure about the first one) so she didn't squeeze them passed her hips.
I think she pretty much always looks good, but I guess that's her job.
25. archyros - January 3, 2006 5:54 PM
Those chocolate machines were on sale around Christmas at a local supermarket for US$39.95. What a guy!Why not just buy her a ham sandwich every day so that she can gain some weight?
26. hafaball - January 3, 2006 8:38 PM
doesn't she get that money from him though?
27. slinkhard - January 4, 2006 6:16 AM
'doesn't she get that money from him though?'
She made her own money, in Spice Girls.
28. slinkhard - January 4, 2006 6:17 AM
'doesn't she get that money from him though?'
She made her own money, in Spice Girls.
29. 30isthenew20 - January 8, 2006 3:05 AM
You people are confusing leathery skin with her leathery hat and shirt. She's hot. She needs a shot of 30.
30. HollywoodSnark - December 12, 2006 11:37 AM
wow, he sure got the good end of that deal...chocalate machine for rolls royce? sign me up! http://hollywoodsnark.com