January 13, 2006

Melissa Joan Hart gives birth

Melissa Joan Hart, known for her starring role on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, gave birth to a baby boy on Wednesday. The 29-year-old and her husband Mark Wilkerson have named their first child Mason Walter Wilkerson. Melissa said, "He was a little stubborn but all is well. Everyone is well and we are all relieved."

The polite thing in these circumstances is to say "congratulations", but a more accurate description of my feelings is "thank god." Most women look good when they're pregnant, but Melissa...I mean, just look at that picture. It's like something you'd use in a Soviet interrogation room. "You no talk, huh? What about we show you...(pulls out picture) this!" (ensuing screams, tears, thumb-sucking, weeping like a little girl).

Comments (63) | Permalink

Previous Entries

» Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz are engaged
» Kristanna Loken is topless
» Kate Moss and Lindsay Lohan - holy crap
» Eminem, Ex-Wife getting hitched soon
» Macaulay Culkin goes ring-shopping

Comments

1. Posted by rocketscience on January 13, 2006 10:06 AM

That is so cruel. Who makes fun of a woman who has just brought life into the world?? Well I guess it is allowed when its a lazy eyed reject like this has been haha.

2. Posted by Monkey on January 13, 2006 10:07 AM

I heard she popped out a black baby, and her husband was like, "Explain THIS, Clarissa!"

Har! I'm freakin' hilarious sometimes.

3. Posted by gossipmonger on January 13, 2006 10:08 AM

ummm,ewww?

4. Posted by SuperSpence on January 13, 2006 10:14 AM

I have three questions:

1] Who is Melissa Joan Hart?
2] Why is she so ugly?
3] Is The Superficial going to be showing a lot of photos of ugly people from now on?

5. Posted by uncommonamerican on January 13, 2006 10:15 AM

Did they run any tests to see if this was a crack baby? Because she really really looks like a crackwhore in that photo. I'm not saying she smoked crack, just that she might have gangbanged a few dozen guys to get some.

6. Posted by EZSlut on January 13, 2006 10:17 AM

She must be 29-DOG-year-old....

7. Posted by asenath7766 on January 13, 2006 10:21 AM

Yikes! As mean as it is (oh that's what makes this site fun!), pregnancy and birth is not a pretty time for most women. I haven't experienced it yet, but have put it off partly due to this reasoning. One thing's for sure, hubby will not be viewing the birth. I want him to remain sexually attracted to me!

8. Posted by sammygirl on January 13, 2006 10:23 AM

That photo should be passed around high schools as a birth control deterrent.

9. Posted by Escribo on January 13, 2006 10:50 AM

Wow! That photo's a far far cry from her Maxim photo spread: http://www.maximonline.com/girls_of_maxim/pictures_and_bio/29/maximgirls.girl

She looks like she's gone the way of Britany.

10. Posted by hafaball on January 13, 2006 10:59 AM

Funnier post then I'd thought it'd be! XD
Maybe she can be on a new show now, "Sabrina the deformed, freakishly hideous Witch, who explains it all."

I know some of you get that last part...freakin pervs.

11. Posted by LaLindsey on January 13, 2006 11:09 AM

Aw leave her alone! Yeah her eyes a bit crooked, and she obviously packed the pounds on . . . (wish there was a full body shot!) but hell, pregnancy isn't easy. Believe me. I'm due to have my baby on Sunday and this has be 40 weeks of hell. Not to mention it's my second time around.

Oh, and asenath7766 -- my boyfriend will be there for the birth - and he was there for our first and there has definetely been no loss in sexual attraction (obviously since he knocked me up again . . . )

12. Posted by Mallory on January 13, 2006 11:22 AM

Yeah, she looks bad but give her a break. Pregnancy is brutal on your body. These celebs that are back in shape right away are freaks of nature. She looks so uncomfortable. Whew, I don't miss being pregnant.

13. Posted by Queen LaQueefah on January 13, 2006 11:52 AM

It is times like these when I am glad I don't look like an overstuffed larvae wriggling in a trashcan full of pizza mangled with dirty diaper. But only times like these. Other times, I go about my normal business as a hot babe.

14. Posted by Aeolis on January 13, 2006 12:19 PM

You know, 'thank god' was my first thought too. Pregnancy rocks but i've literally never seen someone look that bad while expecting. I mean it was ALL bad. My mom used to joke that the babies stole a mother's beauty, and in this instance, I'm going to guess her kid's going to grow up to be the hottest person ever due to his obvious theft of his mom's cuteness.

15. Posted by twodollartricks on January 13, 2006 1:17 PM

Ugh. That picture makes me want to gouge out my eyes.

16. Posted by greenlief on January 13, 2006 1:56 PM

Has anybody got this image in a higher resolution? If you look in the background you will see a University of Toronto engineering student. As a fellow U of T engineer this intrigues me....

17. Posted by bloodyvictim on January 13, 2006 2:14 PM

That Maxim spread just proves that a good photographer, with good lighting, and a good computer, with a gallon of "de-uglifying" potion, can make any chubby, lazy-eyed, average girl look like a fucking sex kitten... Maxim... do me next!

18. Posted by Aiwass on January 13, 2006 2:34 PM

She looks like the monster of The Goonies.

19. Posted by drowningfool on January 13, 2006 3:58 PM

That is why I will never let a woman con me into marrying her. She was cute her entire life. Mellissa Explains it all, hot. Sabrina, hot. Maxim, hot. Even her later years, that one movie she did. So you think you're marrying a hot actress and WHAM she gets crushed by an ugly stick and you have to take care of her and a kid for the rest of your life. That's what women do: they trick you into thinking they're hot with make-up and push up bras to suck you into their trap and once you're in their lair they take off their mask to reveal the disgusting creatures they are. Yes I'm talking about all women. And yes I'm gay.

20. Posted by Rocknrope on January 13, 2006 4:05 PM

Uff-da. If I were her husband I'd wallpaper the baby's room with that Maxim spread. Better yet, wallpaper the baby with it. Even better yet, superglue it to her face.

21. Posted by GingersCoconuts on January 13, 2006 4:06 PM

Aiwass, His name was Sloth, and he was prettier! Gee, I thought I looked bad preggers. She takes the cake!...And then ate it, baked another, and ate it, baked another, and continued all afternoon.

22. Posted by Captain Awesome on January 13, 2006 4:29 PM

SLOTH LOVES CHUNK.

23. Posted by mags on January 13, 2006 5:12 PM

You sure that's an engineering jacket, greenlief? Just looks like a windbreaker to me.

*doesn't have anything with U of T on it*

24. Posted by Shaun on January 13, 2006 5:19 PM

Not sure what to say but I am positive she will be a good mother.

25. Posted by DannyJames on January 13, 2006 6:26 PM

Question:
Did she ever look good?

26. Posted by ~S.Starr~ on January 13, 2006 6:47 PM

OMG people...some of you people are just dumb. SHE JUST HAD A BABY! You make it sound like a crime to gain weight during a pregnancy. Contrary to popular "celebrity" belief...normal people dont walk out of the delivery room looking like the cover of Maxim magazine. It's a no win situation... If she looked thin and fab right now you people would posting comments about how she spends to much time Glaming herself up and probably doesnt raise her own kid...she should be a mom! And if she doesnt care about looking and just wants to take care of her newborn baby then you makes comments about how fat and ugly she is...pointless...absa-fuckin-lutly pointless.

27. Posted by tess on January 13, 2006 7:02 PM

OMG, I can't believe that Melissa went from an adorable teenage sweethart to a trailer trash soccer mom. I mean, she lost all of her appeal. She now looks like one of those fat suburban housewives who are to busy with home chores to take care of themselves. This is really sad. Plus, she definitely does not look like a 29 years old. I guess 42 would be more appropriate.

28. Posted by susie-q on January 13, 2006 7:23 PM

is that even her? ... OMG that's just bad

29. Posted by DannyJames on January 13, 2006 7:34 PM

#26, thus is being a celebrity. They cant win, and thats whats so great.

30. Posted by Hello. on January 13, 2006 9:32 PM

Well, you shouldn't comment on how ugly the celebrity, Melissa Joan Hart, is when she is pregnant. Mothers that are not famous, while pregnant, sometimes doesn't look good too. So why talk about her?

31. Posted by SugaryCherry on January 13, 2006 10:45 PM

We all know that even celebs pack on the pounds and don't wear makeup after going through pregnancy/labor (aside from when they're making public appearances). Just because they're famous doesn't mean they're not subjected to having to eat for two and a mess of hormones and weight gain like other people.

32. Posted by A-Bomb on January 13, 2006 10:57 PM

i bet she actually ate the umbelical cord and after-birth. i mean is that not the really cool / in-thing to do in Holly-wierd right now?

33. Posted by blackblackheart on January 13, 2006 11:13 PM

It looks like that's her grandma... She does NOT look her age. My stepmother is 34 and she looks a hell of a lot younger than that.

34. Posted by SugaryCherry on January 13, 2006 11:23 PM

A-bomb, you're talking about the placenta. If you're going to make fun, make sure your shots are well based.

P.S. It's umbillical.

35. Posted by derekd on January 14, 2006 1:47 AM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That is one scary pic.

36. Posted by derekd on January 14, 2006 1:47 AM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That is one scary pic.

37. Posted by Jolene on January 14, 2006 5:59 AM

Awww, Melissa! Put some make up on, for God's sake!! ....No, no, wait, here, better put a mask. Anyway, I hope the baby's gonna be sweet, because hubby's leaving^^

38. Posted by slinkhard on January 14, 2006 6:47 AM

'One thing's for sure, hubby will not be viewing the birth. I want him to remain sexually attracted to me!'

The kind of guy who wouldn't be afterwards is probably not someone you'd want to stay married to.

And jeebus, people, leave the pregnant women alone for a while? I've never have kids, but I should think anyone who's gone through 40 weeks of it, plus labour is entitled to look however the hell they want. And since none of you guys are ever going to have to, keep your lips zipped.

39. Posted by Nurse Kellie on January 14, 2006 10:44 AM

I realize she just had a baby and I'm not going to make a comment on how she looks now vs then other than to ask is it just the pic or is her skin looking bluish?

40. Posted by HelpingOutTheMorons on January 14, 2006 10:59 AM

I realize she was pregnant but man did she get big. She's obviously one of those women who don't just gain it in the belly. Good luck Melissa.

41. Posted by 2cute4ya on January 14, 2006 11:59 AM