Jan 27 2006James Lipton recites Kevin Federline's PopoZao
A couple of weeks ago Conan O'Brien had James Lipton on to recite the lyrics to Kevin Federline's "PopoZao." I know a lot of you don't stay up until 12:35 to catch Conan, but this is one of those gems that just can't be missed. It's not until you hear James Lipton reciting the lyrics that you really appreciate the genius that is Kevin Federline. William Shakespeare might as well have written dog shit.
Related: Kevin Federline jamming out to PopoZao.
Jan 27 2006The Superficial Quickies
• Nicole Kidman has become a new goodwill ambassador for the U.N. and will work with the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM) on critical gender concerns. There's a 'married to Tom Cruise' joke to be made here, but I'm too classy for that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to rip a huge fart. [AP]
• Lindsay Lohan has gotten the word ‘Breathe’ tattooed on to her wrist as a reminder of her recent asthma attack. And as a reminder that she used to date Aaron Carter? She stabbed herself in the face. [Entertainment Wise]
• Pete Doherty was jailed today after pleading guilty to possessing drugs for the second time in a week. Still no word on how Kate Moss could have let such a great catch slip away from her. [AP]
Jan 27 2006Brad Pitt is a chameleon
I know they say that dogs start to look like their owners and all that, but I didn't know it also applied to human men. We should all be thankful that he never hooked up with Rosie O'Donnell, because I don't think a 300 lb angry lesbian Achilles would have been quite as convincing in Troy. Or would it? No, no it wouldn't.
Thanks to the sexy Sonia for the tip.
Jan 27 2006Jessica Simpson moves on
Here's Jessica Simpson doing the walk of shame from the Chateau Marmont where, according to the NY Post, she took a break from partying with Kirsten Dunst the other night to disappear into the room of Maroon 5's Adam Levine - and didn't emerge until the next morning. "She was picked up by her best friend, Cacee Cobb, that morning," according to a source.
She doesn't look too happy here. Herpes will do that to you. She'll be lucky if that's all she gets, because from all reports, Adam Levine is very dirty. We're talking Paris at a penis convention dirty. Hopefully she got a shower.
Jan 27 2006Joaquin Phoenix almost dies
Joaquin Phoenix’s car overturned on a canyon road and collided with another vehicle after his brakes went out, but there were no reports of injury, police said. Phoenix was driving eastbound above Sunset Strip about 2:50 p.m. yesterday when he discovered his brakes were not working.
He promptly lost control of his car, which overturned and hit another vehicle also headed eastbound. Phoenix's publicist said in a statement that he was wearing his seat belt and walked away from the scene after being helped out of his vehicle by a passer-by.
I for one am glad he's ok. He might be kinda nuts but he's a damn good actor. Maybe there's some sort of correlation. Kinda like the correlation between him rejecting my script about a troupe of gay clowns and me getting arrested for peeing in his mailbox.
Jan 27 2006Larry King is disturbing
Ok, now before you read this story you should probably just relax. Take a few deep breaths. Go to your happy place, a place where all is good, a place where nothing can - LARRY KING NAKED!!! Sorry about that, but this story is like a cold swimming pool - you gotta jump right in or it'll only hurt worse. In an unsettling interview with Howard Stern, Larry King's much younger wife Shawn Southwick claims, "Larry has this Indian costume that just drives me wild . . . I wear chaps!" She adds that 72-year-old King's bedroom battle cries didn't ring out until after they were married in 1997. Southwick, a devout Mormon, made King wait until their wedding night to have sex - and only after a doctor signed off on it because of King's heart problems.
The only explanation I have for posting this story is that I secretly hate you all and want you to suffer. Larry King, Indian costumes and sex - add a spandex-clad Dan Rather and some titty-twisters and you've got yourself the seventh ring of hell. Unless the ladies here find Larry King sexy; the gravelly voice, the wrinkles, the mushroom-shaped head, the scent of old cauliflower. He's been married like twenty-six times, so some people must. These people must be destroyed.
Jan 26 2006Jenny McCarthy flips out in Dirty Love
In case Tara Reid is reading, this is the proper way to react when you've been caught with your huge fake boobs hanging out in public. Instead of pointing fingers and yelling at the photographers for being mean, just put on an awesome show and walk off in a huff. The video clip of Jenny McCarthy fondling herself in Dirty Love is extremely NSFW but surprisingly funny, so now you have to make a choice between losing your job and being entertained for a solid 24 seconds.
Damn you temptation. Damn you to hell.
UPDATE: I posted this link yesterday but took it down because you guys were killing the other server. Well looks like the same problem is happening today. I'll leave the link up, but you may have to try a couple of times to get the site to load.
Jan 26 2006Clay Aiken is sexuality challenged
It finally happened. Someone is willing to admit that they had sex with Clay Aiken. I guess if your judgment is so poor that you’d sleep with him in the first place, then you probably aren’t smart enough to keep it to yourself either. A former soldier, John Paulus, told the National Enquirer that he and Aiken had sex in a North Carolina hotel room. The two met on a website where Aiken was looking for a “discreet bf.” Mission: failed.
Paulus tells the National Enquirer that he spent the night with Aiken after the singer emailed him just before Christmas (05) after seeing his ad on a gay website. He claims he arranged to meet Aiken at a hotel in North Carolina after the singer asked him to be his "discreet bf (boyfriend)" and the couple had sex. Now, Paulus wants his one-night stand to come out of the closet and tell the world he's gay.
With all due respect, Mr. Paulus, I don’t know what more Clay Aiken could do to tell the world he’s gay. I guess he could have sex with a man in public or something. That might do it.
Jan 26 2006David Hasselhoff is hooked on a feeling
I posted a link to this a couple of weeks ago, but it was sort of hidden so I'm sure a lot of you missed it. And this is something that just can't be missed. Be warned though, that pressing 'Play' may or may not cause you to die from an overdose of awesome. Just make sure you're sitting down and are ready to have your socks totally rocked off.
Jan 26 2006Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are having a baby girl
A source close to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has revealed to Life & Style that they're expecting a baby girl. The source says that Brad’s sister told the storeowners of Jellybeans, a children’s clothing boutique, "I'm shopping for Brad's baby girl." She made it very clear that she wasn't shopping for Zahara, but rather "for the little girl that Angelina's going to have."
So all the rumors of a boy or twins or Jesus himself were completely false, and Angelina Jolie is going to give birth to a regular human girl. How mundane. A couple like that should really consider doing something to spice things up a bit. Maybe inject some feline DNA into the baby or something. If there's anything more exciting than twins, it's a human/cat hybrid.
Jan 26 2006Gwen Stefani walks the dog
These are some pics of Gwen Stefani. I think. They might be pics of a woman who woke up on the losing end of "dress the drunk". The kind of woman who kids walk by, wrinkle their noses at and say "mommy, she smells like tinkles." She's supposedly walking her dog, but in that first pic the dog seems to have acquired the power of invisibility. Unfortunately Gwen does not possess the same power.
Jan 26 2006Kate Moss insults Sienna Miller
Kate Moss is reportedly sick of Sienna Miller winning modeling assignments and thinks the blonde beauty should stick to acting. Moss is said to be furious Sienna is featuring on magazine covers she thinks should be hers, and lashed out at Sienna during a boozy night out at the Ritz in Paris.
A source said: "She was loudly saying Sienna was not a professional model and she should be getting front covers - not an actress. Sienna is a real threat because she is younger - and has kept her nose clean. But Kate is not ready to give up her throne." Another insider said: "She also said how she thought Sienna's stab at celebrity has failed. Kate said, 'Sienna has blown it now - she's had her last chance. But she was never one of us anyhow'."
I've always liked the term "professional model." All you do is sit there while people take photos of you. I do this all the time, but it's usually for medical journals, under the heading "dangerously sexy." You might as well call yourself a professional breather. "But you see, you have to inhale...then exhale." But I suppose there is a talent for staring vacantly into a camera and jiggling your breasts that separates the professionals from the amateurs. It's called "screwing the photographer." In any case, there's obviously only one way to settle this little catfight - lesbian jello-wrestling. I'd pick Sienna to win that one, unless the prize was a bag of crack, in which case she'd be destroyed.
Jan 26 2006Kiefer Sutherland may have a drinking problem
Kiefer Sutherland shocked staffers at the Ye Rustic Inn in Los Feliz, Calif., the other morning when he walked up to the bar around 9 a.m. demanding to start a tab. Sutherland looked "rail-thin" when he entered the tiny dive bar with a group of rowdy pals and ordered a round of drinks. According to witnesses, when presented with the bill, Sutherland claimed his wallet was "indisposed" - "It's been stolen! I promise I'll come back and pay." At that point, things got weird.
"He started to go into a series of karate kicks in the middle of the floor while the bartender, waitress and several customers looked on," a source reports. Thankfully, a star-struck fan agreed to buy him several J&B's on the rocks. After devouring a plate of chicken wings and littering the floor with bones, the star left without tipping.
Kiefer Sutherland is starting to become my personal hero. He's one of the few people who's actually more entertaining when they're not on television - whether it's drunken karate kicks or attacking Christmas trees. Hell, he should just start another show, something called 24 beers. His mission would be to save Kiefer from sobriety. It'd basically just be him sitting at a bar drinking one beer per hour till he attacks the dartboard. Emmys all the way.
Jan 26 2006The Superficial Catch Up
• Halle Berry and a Versace model named Gabriel Aubry hooked up at a cast dinner hosted by Bruce Willis, proving that all it takes to make out with Halle Berry is to be an international male supermodel and not, as I had previously thought, me. [Page Six]
• Richard Hatch was found guilty of tax evasion yesterday, and faces a maximum sentence of 13-years in prison and a $600,000 fine. When asked to comment, he removed all of his clothes and started parading around with his willy flopping about. Okay not really, but that would have been awesome. [E!]
• Chris Penn, younger brother of Sean Penn, was found dead in his apartment on Tuesday. [I Watch Stuff]
Jan 25 2006Jennifer Love Hewitt may pose nude
Here’s the good news: Jennifer Love Hewitt is reportedly considering posing nude in Playboy. The bad news is that according to my sources it is no longer 1997. “Friends” of the actress indicate that she is tired of being offered the same wholesome roles. She’s ready for something more.
"She always gets offered a cute little sidekick role," another friend says. "She told me that maybe a sexy magazine layout with her showing her assets might give her a little edgier image and she might be considered for a femme fatale role. She knows she can pull it off, but she thinks casting directors aren't so sure."
So in accordance with ancient tradition, Jennifer Love Hewitt will assert herself as a sexual being by letting strange men ogle her naked breasts for a reasonable price. I’m not sure it will help, though. I think what’s really holding her back is that god awful singing career in her past. And she dated Carson Daly. Yeah, think about him crawling on top of her while you look at her pictorial and then try masturbating. It just won’t work.
Jan 25 2006Paris Hilton sucking at Sundance
I can appreciate a play on words as much as the next guy, but why does Paris Hilton have to be so pornographic about the way she eats candy? We get it, you're a whore. You enjoy the penis. That doesn't mean everything you do has to revolve around displaying that fact. And it's not quite as scandalous when everybody has already seen you with an actual penis inside your mouth. And vagina. And pretty much any other part of the body you can imagine a penis would fit into.
One more after the jump.
Jan 25 2006Anne Hathaway is turning into a clown
I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line Anne Hathaway went from being that cute girl from The Princess Diaries into the freak of nature we see today. We all have our bad days, but hot damn if this isn't the worst day of her life. If she degenerates any more, she'll end up looking like Brian Peppers. And that, my friends, would be horrific beyond all belief.
Jan 25 2006Joe Pesci is an angry little man
Proving that he takes a different approach to pounding college students than most Hollywood actors, Joe Pesci has been accused of punching Juan Carlos Montenegro, 24, after Montenegro took a photo of him. The college student snapped the 62-year-old Pesci in a shopping center parking lot in Boca Raton on Sunday.
Montenegro said in a police report that he repeatedly told Pesci he was a big fan and asked if he could take his picture. But the Oscar winner growled, "Not now," and kept walking to his car. After he took the shots anyway, a "furious" Pesci let him have it, saying "You shouldn't have been interrupting my business," according to the report.
First of all, if you get your ass kicked by a 62-year-old man who's as tall as Gary Coleman's penis, the last thing you should do is publicize the story. What you should be doing is flower arrangements, or knitting, or writing homo-erotic ballads about the rugby team (i.e. "scrum love"). But I am curious how having his picture taken interrupted Joe Pesci's business. Unless his business was "not having my picture taken." But that seems like a pretty terrible business for an actor to be in. Maybe he should've thought that one out.
Jan 25 2006Russell Crowe threatens photographers
Russell Crowe has threatened any photographer who hassles his pregnant wife Danielle Spencer, who is set to give birth in July. The Oscar-winner believes paparazzi contributed to the premature birth of their two-year old son Charlie. He says,
"Dani was three weeks early last time, she gave birth just a few days after she was chased down the street by four photographers. She was just walking down the street with her girlfriend and they rushed her - four of them all surrounded her. So she panicked and slipped and all this sort of stuff. If I'd been there that would have been a really serious situation. I tell you right now, they will be tarred and feathered if they hassle my pregnant wife again."
No week is complete without Russell Crowe threatening someone. A good rule to follow: if you have to keep telling people what a badass you are, you're not a badass. And anyway, I'm not sure that threatening people with tar and feathers is the best way to instill fear. He might as well prance around in a pink leotard and threaten them with lollipops and sugar kisses.
Jan 24 2006Kanye West thinks he's Jesus
In case Kanye West hasn't already convinced you he's an egomaniacal clown, he's decided to appear on the cover of the new Rolling Stones as Jesus, defending himself by saying:
"In America, they want you to accomplish these great feats, to pull off these David Copperfield-type stunts. You want me to be great, but you don't ever want me to say I'm great?"
As much as I hate him, I have to admit he's got a point. All this time I've been making my way through life forgetting to tell people how spectacularly awesome I am. Well no more. From now on, every guy I meet is going to get a swift kick to the balls. And as they pick themselves up off the ground they'll be greeted to me saying, "You know why I kicked you in the balls? Because I'm awesome and you're not." And then I'll bench press a car and sleep with their girlfriend.
Jan 24 2006Jack Black is Nacho Libre
Love him or hate him, you have to admit that these pictures of Jack Black as Nacho Libre are just plain funny. It's about time he stopped trying to pull off serious roles like King Kong and do stuff more his flavor, namely movies written and directed by the same dude that wrote and directed Napoleon Dynamite.
Speaking of which, why do the main characters in all his films have crazy white boy afros? I'm sensing a theme here. His next film should be about the Holocaust, and just for kicks he can put white boy afros on all of the victims. You'll cry, but more importantly you'll laugh.
Jan 24 2006Kal-el Coppola Cage revealed
Canada.com has the first pictures of Kal-el Coppola Cage, Nicolas Cage's first baby with his wife Alice Kim. This is where I usually start making fun of Nicolas Cage for naming his son after Superman, but he actually managed to produce a cute baby so I'll let him off the hook. It's ironic that an imbecile who would name his child after a comic book character and looks like an ugly sack of potatoes could produce such a cute baby, while one of the world's biggest supermodels would give birth to an ugly mole creature. I'm becoming more and more convinced that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to give birth to the world's ugliest child, just because God is funny like that.
Jan 24 2006Britney Spears gets paparazzi help
The paparazzi came to the aid of Britney Spears after her Ferrari broke down on the highway; getting out of their own cars to help push hers off the road.
Spears was cruising along the Pacific Coast Highway near her Malibu home in hubby Kevin Federline's Ferrari, her older brother, Bryan, behind the wheel, when the stunning $200,000 sports car suddenly seized and ground to a halt in the middle of speeding traffic.
That's when the army of photographers that trails the 24-year-old day in and day out rode to her rescue. Five of the lensmen, with cameras in hand, got behind the Ferrari and pushed it out of traffic as Spears' brother steered.
It's nice to see that the paparazzi aren't completely useless, though it would have made for some better pictures if they had lit the car on fire instead of helping to push it out of traffic. C'mon you stupid photographers, get your act together!
Jan 24 2006Kevin Federline jams to PopoZao
What do you get when you mix a giant douchebag, a recording studio, and the worst single ever released by a human being? The funniest fucking thing you'll see today. You haven't lived until you've seen Kevin Federline bobbing his head and tripping out to his own pathetic single. Well maybe you have, but everything up until now has just been practice for this.
Thanks to the foxy Courtney and Karen for the tip.
Jan 24 2006Paris Hilton nipple slip with handcuff purse
I get the vague feeling that I've seen these nipple slip pictures before, but I can't seem to place when. Reader Jeff claims they're new, but seeing Paris Hilton's nipple with handcuffs strung across her shoulder is just so damn familiar. Or maybe I'm just confusing it with every other photograph that's ever been taken of her. I don't know if you know this, but she sort of has a reputation for being what some would call "a slut."
You can see all the NSFW pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading "Paris Hilton nipple slip with handcuff purse"
Jan 24 2006Paris Hilton is cheap
Usually when people talk about Paris Hilton and "for free", they're talking about blowjobs. But not this time. It appears that less than 30 minutes after arriving at the Silver Spoon Hollywood Buffet – a pre-Golden Globes swag spree – Paris had gathered several pairs of flip-flops, Via Spiga shoes, three string bikinis from Cea Swimwear, a Sugar lip gloss, a strawberry-scented Voluspa candle, a Soul Revival black tube dress, and a slew of purses, including a $360 Scout turquoise crocodile baguette. "I like green. It's hot," she said when she spotted it. After scooping up all those goodies for herself, she also picked up 20 "Collar for a Good Time" dog collars for Tinkerbell and announced to the accessory company owners, "Once again, my dog's going to rock this shit!"
Well, Paris isn't peeing on anyone or sleeping with the Raiders' secondary in this story, but then again there were a lot of bright sparkly things around which may have distracted her. I don't even really know what to say about this. But I have a recurring fantasy where Paris and Tinkerbell end up in a Saw movie. I don't want to spoil it, but the words "eating to freedom" play a prominent role.
Thanks to Stephanie for the tip.
Jan 24 2006Shar Jackson gets revenge
Shar Jackson has struck back at Britney Spears by giving K-Fed gonorrhea sleeping with Spears' ex-husband, Jason Alexander. Jackson showed up at the 25th-birthday party for singer Ray J, Brandy's younger brother, in L.A. Saturday night with Alexander. A spy says, "They made out all night before going upstairs to the off-limits bedroom area of the house." The rumpled duo rejoined the party an hour later, we hear - much to the surprise of Brandy and her new beau, Nick Cannon. A rep for Jackson, when asked about Spears, was quoted as saying "You break my record, now I break you, like I break your friend." On second thought, that quote might be from Bloodsport. Who the hell knows.
The point is that Shar has upped the stakes in the Hillbilly Skank wars. Britney can now respond by turfing Shar's yard or setting a bag of flaming poop on her porch. Of course, these things generally end in a drunken girl-fight, which doesn't sound nearly as sexy now as it did a few years ago. And there are no winners in the heavyweight division.
Jan 24 2006Evangeline Lilly and Dominic Monaghan engaged
Lost stars Dominic Monaghan and Evangeline Lilly are reportedly engaged.
The British-born actor - who plays rock star Charlie in the hit show - is said to have proposed to stunning Evangeline in Hawaii last week.
The happy pair are now planning to jet to the UK to share their happy news with Dominic's family.
A source is quoted in Britain's Sunday Mirror newspaper as saying: "They want to spend the rest of their lives together."
I have nothing personally against short people getting married. I simply believe they should do it at a circus while riding around on little tricycles. Be that as it may, I just hope Evangeline's able to find a wedding dress to accomodate her massive shoulders. I'm not saying she's a man...well, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. If I was Dominic, I'd watch out on my wedding night, 'cause he might find the "eye of Sauron" waiting for him under the covers.
Jan 24 2006Drew Barrymore does SNL's Weekend Update
It's about time somebody had the guts to accurately portray the size of Drew Barrymore's breasts. Now if only they could do the same thing for Anna Nicole Smith's brain. Although it's a bit more difficult to create a black hole than it is to stuff a bra.
Jan 23 2006Jude Law and Sienna Miller split...again
Jude Law thought it would be a good idea for him to stay with his ex-wife Sadie Frost while filming in L.A. Sienna Miller thought that it would be a bad idea because Jude Law will stick his, to put it mildly, unimpressive penis in anything that might be a vagina. So they did what they’ve done so many times before and decided to call the whole thing off.
This isn’t the kind of news that makes you wonder if Hell has frozen over. What makes this saga so compelling is that the inevitable outcome was obvious to everyone but them. You get to sit back and watch with the same satisfaction you get from sipping lemonade and watching one of the neighborhood kids trying to dig a tunnel to China. That dumb bastard.
Jan 23 2006Nicollette Sheridan is terrible at sexing
Imagine that Michael Bolton has just stolen your girlfriend. It takes a hell of an effort, but you can almost do it. You’d be pissed, right? That’s why I am skeptical about Nick Solderblom’s, Sheridan’s ex-boyfriend, claim that she is a terrible lover.
Nicollette, 42, plays sex-mad Edie Britt in the hit Channel 4 series, but in real life Nick, 40, says she's a "cold, hard and very, very boring" lover.
"Other men may have envied me sharing my life with someone who looks as sexy as Nicollette, but if only they knew..." said Nick, who split with the star in October.
"Making love to her was always a struggle. Nicollette isn't very keen on sex. The few times we did make love, her performance was NOT good. As a lover, I'd rate her two out of 10 for technique and passion."
That’s just gross. It leads me to the second reason that I’m skeptical about Mr. Solderblom’s claim. I simply cannot let myself imagine Michael Bolton and Nicollette Sheridan mechanically bumping uglies to “When a Man Loves a Woman.” It’s like something from a music box crafted by Satan himself.
Jan 23 2006Donald Trump fires the hot secretary
The only redeeming part of Donald Trump was that he had the sense to hire a hot secretary to usher in television show contestants into his board room. Well a reader has tipped us off that apparently Donald has now fired her.
Donald Trump has fired his longtime assistant Robin Himmler on Friday (she was on the apprentice as his receptionist. I used to work for the trump org (until just last year), and my former colleagues said it was a bit like the show (how he did it). He was sick of her new found prima donna attitude and gave her the axe. I am asuuming she will no longer be on the show saying "mr trump will see you now".
This would have made for a funnier story if Donald had literally given her the axe and chopped her right through the head. Then I bet he'd be all, "You're axed." And then quietly chuckle to himself, because you know he's the kind of ass that would laugh at his own lame jokes. Then again, he's sleeping with Melania Knauss and I'm not, so maybe I'll just shut up and sob quietly in the corner.
Jan 23 2006Overheard: Angelina Jolie has a due date
According to the super delicious Heather, Angelina Jolie was overheard talking about her pregnancy and said that her due date was June 4th.
My roommate's Mom and stepdad were in L.A. last week, the day after the Golden Globes, so there were a ton of celebs around. They stopped into some little cafe near their hotel and Angelina was having tea with some guy (not Brad). There wasn't anyone else in this place, so she could hear everything that Angelina was saying...including that she is due on June 4th! They were just talking about how she was doing and feeling etc.
If only Angelina could have pushed it back a month to July 4th. Then we could forget about all this pesky 'declaration of independance' nonsense and focus on the important events in history, like the birth of the world's first aesthetically perfect child. They could call it "Brangelina Day" and then kill themselves for being idiots.
UPDATE: A commenter noted that Angelina Jolie's birthday is also June 4, which has me a little bit confused. Either our reader got Angelina's birthday confused with her child's, or June 4 just happens to be the day to be born if you want to be outrageously good looking.
Jan 23 2006The mystery that is Fergie
Here's Fergie in a picture that will either turn you on or terrify you. Likely both. It's like having a picture of Jessica Alba going doggy-style with your Dad; disturbing, yet strangely erotic. Yet disturbing. I'd simply suggest scrolling down so her head disappears.
Jan 23 2006Jennifer Lopez may be pregnant
A source says that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have been doing “tons of shopping” for baby clothes lately. Either they're having a baby or Marc lost his naughty clothes.
“He was at Fred Segal last week and bought a Guys Infant Gear diaper bag for $120,” says a source. “He said something that made it pretty clear that it wasn’t a gift — that he intended to use it — but I don’t want to repeat it or he’ll know who talked to you.” The source says that the couple has been buying other pricey baby gear as well.
I guess congratulations are in order. Particularly to Jennifer, for not having a heart attack when Lurch was bouncing around on top of her. As I recall, the proper thing to do at this point is strip Jennifer naked and sacrifice her at the altar of Azazoth to purify the demon-seed. But then again, maybe Satan's Whores 5 isn't supposed to be a documentary. Hmmm, maybe I should've thought of that before that whole mess with the chickens.
Jan 23 2006Marlon Brando exposed
A new biography of Marlon Brando reportedly features a photograph of the star engaging in oral sex with another man. The book, Brando Unzipped, says "From Rock Hudson to Vivien Leigh, from Bette Davis to Cary Grant, Brando slept around, even managing to seduce two of America's First Ladies." Publishing group Blood Moon insist the image of Brando and a male lover is treated "tastefully". A spokesperson said, "We ran it at a tasteful two inches by one and three-quarter inches on page 404."
Well, the only thing that could make this story any sexier is if it somehow involved Danny DeVito and a Slip n' Slide. I'll remain skeptical till I actually see the photo, simply because you'd think a story like this would've come out a lot sooner, before Brando was conveniently dead. Also because I have a hard time picturing him as the Knobfather. But maybe Brando made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
UPDATE: This may or may not be the picture in question. The only thing I know for sure is that it's incredibly NSFW and makes me feel all confused inside. Thanks to everybody that sent this in.
