Nov 9 2005The Superficial News
• Michael Jackson is set to return to the United States, though his dad says he'll never live here again. Understandable, since we've got all these crazy laws against molesting children and owning monkeys. [Page Six]
• It's official: Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto may or may not be getting married. [MSNBC]
• Halle Berry is trying or is already pregnant. Either that, or people have confused the lump on her foot as a sign of pregnancy. I know I've made the same mistake once or twice. Or twelve times. [R&M]
• People magazine has named Matthew McConaughey its "Sexiest Man Alive." Clearly they have no idea what "sexiest" or "alive" means, or else William Shatner would have been their number one pick. He's dreamy. [Page Six]
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