October 19, 2005

The Superficial News

• Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's weird relationship has inspired a sitcom on Fox called 30-Year Old Grandpa. I know it's still early, but I'm sure this show will be a raging success. And by "raging success" I mean it will literally be a pile of feces. There will actually be feces coming out of the TV. [Reuters]

• The photographer accused of planting a bug in Nicole Kidman's home will not have to give a DNA sample, since there's no evidence that the planted bugs were actually ever used to record anything. Unfortunately for Nicole, the same can't be said of the hidden camera I installed in her bedroom. And shower. And toilet. [E!Online]

• A watch that Marilyn Monroe gave President Kennedy the night she famously sang "Happy Birthday" to him was auctioned off for $120,000 this weekend. If they had wanted to get more for the watch, they should have just followed my patent pending orifice insertion technique. [Newsday]

• Although The Simple Life has been cancelled by Fox, the show will continue to shoot on November 1st in hopes of getting picked up by another network. I'm not a high-rolling TV programmer or anything, but even a braindead sea monkey should know to just let this one die. Unless they replace one of the girls with a temperamental kangaroo, nobody cares. [E!Online]

Previous Entries