Oct 6 2005Page Six makes Renée Zellweger sad

Renée Zellweger walked into Page Six's office yesterday morning to tell them in person that a story they ran about her hooking up with Damien Rice hurt her feelings.

"I just wanted to tell you that story was hurtful about me being with another man," she said. "It wasn't true, and it made me look slutty."

So if I make up stories that Jessica Alba is secretly sleeping with Bill Murray and Nick Lachey does that mean she'll show up at my front door telling me that I hurt her feelings? Because it hasn't happened yet, and I'm praying to every available God that it does. Not because I want to personally apologize to Jessica Alba, but because seeing her in person would allow me the opportunity to try out my new hypnosis skills. The things you can get a hypnotized girl to do are simply amazing. Or should I say illegal? No wait, I shouldn't say that at all.

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