October 27, 2005

Eva Longoria To Do Texas Two-Step

Eva Longoria, the hottest woman not chained to the radiator in my closet, is planning to move back to her native Texas when her show Desperate Housewives comes to an end.

I want to move back to Texas as soon as I'm done with the show, whenever that is. You know, I'm never followed by paparazzi in San Antonio. I'm never bothered with people in the trees trying to get a picture of me in my kitchen in San Antonio."

This sounds like a challenge to me. It sounds like she wants someone to get a picture of her in that kitchen in San Antonio. And you know who that someone is? Me. I bet she feels guilty about that whole ‘restraining order’ incident. Look, how was I supposed to know her dog was allergic to tear gas? Or that the gas would accidentally set her basement on fire? Or that her grandma lived in the basement? I mean, come on. Get over it already.

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