Sep 23 2005Paris Hilton gets children hammered
Paris Hilton is at the centre of a Maryland police investigation after authorities learned that she allegedly offered some teenagers pot and bourbon to "loosen them up" before they appeared on a taped segment on The Simple Life: Interns. If the allegations are true, Paris could be looking at a hefty fine and possible jail time. Of course, a spokesperson for the FOX Network insists the story isn't true:
"Paris would never endanger the welfare of a minor."
See, that right there is a bold-faced lie. Paris Hilton is a constant threat to everyone's welfare, minors included. After all, the girl's like the Pepé Le Pew of venereal diseases. She walks down the streets, and suddenly all the flowers have wilted and all the children she's passed begin to feel a burning sensation when they pee. Though, to her credit, the whole incident may just have been one of those classic Pepé Le Pew misunderstandings. She probably just mistook the kids for Lindsay Lohan after they unknowingly sat on a bench freshly painted with whore.
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Reader Comments
1. Martin92 - September 23, 2005 9:13 AM
What's wrong with offering a couple kids pot? Paris has done way worse...
2. Momo - September 23, 2005 9:14 AM
Paris Hilton is a weapon of mass destruction.
3. Thee Wood Nymph - September 23, 2005 10:11 AM
Say what you will about the new editors being lame; but I needed the "bench freshly painted with whore" this morning. It's funny because it's true.
4. Proteon - September 23, 2005 10:38 AM
Yeah facing jail time ok. I'll start planning my sentencing party now.
5. mac2048 - September 23, 2005 10:50 AM
I'd love to just see her go to prison... for any reason. Just imagine, Paris getting knifed in the yard, big butch women making Paris their girlfriend. They should film THAT and put it on The Simple Life.
6. Ms. Dilligaff - September 23, 2005 11:04 AM
*This* is what she's finally judged for? Heh heh, that's funny.
7. grasshopper - September 23, 2005 11:18 AM
I wish Paris would offer me some pot and booze to loosen me up before we do a lil filming of our own! =)
8. GirlJames - September 23, 2005 12:14 PM
My eyes teared up a little at the thought of Paris Hilton going to prison. It was a glimpse into what it must be like to know the purest, sweetest joy imaginable.
Just the thought of her being made to wear a poly/cotton blend is . . .it's just. . .I'm overwhelmed with emotion. I think I need a nap.
9. Ragin_Pope_Angus - September 23, 2005 12:19 PM
In prison, Paris would be a bottom.
She needs advice from Martha.
10. maetl - September 23, 2005 2:11 PM
I'm starting to like Paris more and more.
11. robinz - September 23, 2005 2:38 PM
Suck my wang Paris Hilton. No don't, I don't want an STD.
12. Starshine - September 23, 2005 3:41 PM
When she's in motion, she looks all sexy and (dare I say it) hot...but when I see her in pictures, I don't see anything special.
But come on, do you really think this is true? Do you really think that she'd think that she could pull off offering drugs to minors without any of them telling anybody ("Dude! I smoked with Paris Hilton!")? I think she's smarter than that. Holy shit! Wow, I guess I really do.
13. Juliette - September 23, 2005 3:54 PM
Paris doesn't give a shit about giving drugs to minors. She truly believes she is above the law.
14. ImRichBitch! - September 23, 2005 3:55 PM
ok first off if ur a teen and some one offers u some booze and ganja u dont go ratting them out like that. That shit is fucked up. Second Paris is a lil slut and rox my sox!
15. Dolly - September 23, 2005 3:56 PM
Hasn't she been hanging out with 16 yr old Hayden Panawhatserface? I wish Paris was my mentor...
16. eatme - September 23, 2005 4:09 PM
i'll be paris hilton'd friend if she gives me bourbon and weed - BFF
17. ImRichBitch! - September 23, 2005 4:11 PM
yeah wtf! I wouldnt rat her out if she game me some... im no longer underage but dammit! Not fare!
18. Karl Hungus - September 23, 2005 8:43 PM
Throw her in the can!
19. visualise_ - September 23, 2005 10:40 PM
LMFAO!! haha.. doubt it will ever happen but i would LOVE to see paris hilton in jail for like at least a month!! lmao.. it would be so funny..
20. prideofchucky - September 27, 2005 1:26 AM
Smoking marijuana and drinking bourbon with a famous internet porn star?
(sigh) That's soooooo highschool....
21. aprincess - January 31, 2006 4:26 PM
Well Thank God She commited this Crime in Maryland, and NOT California! Now the Cances of her Not getting Away with it, and Actually DOING Jail time are better. If She goes to Jail, I hope it's for a good year or 2. If L'il Kim Has to do time, for a much lesser offense, So Should SHE!!!