February 24, 2005

Lindsay Lohan named First Lady of TRL

Lindsay Lohan ... heads to MTV's TRL Awards, where she was named First Lady, besting Jessica Simpson, Gwen Stefani and Missy Elliott.

I met Lindsay Lohan once, years ago, when the Parent Trap held their press junket at the hotel I worked for. She was a little bitch then too. The temptation to smack her around was just about overwhelming, but the Ritz-Carlton has a strict rule about staff beating up ten-year old girls. I’m pretty sure they hadn’t met Lindsay when they made that. People laugh because her dad is drunk all the time, but considering the way his daughter acts, that actually seems pretty reasonable. She got dumped by Fez, for Christ’s sake, that should really tell you everything you need to know about her.

I’m not trying to pretend this TRL award means anything - unless the prize is penicillin and dignity - which is exactly why she should have stepped back. Ostensibly this was a music award, and she beat Missy Elliot. That make sense to anyone? Lohan has one song, and apparently she hasn’t heard it yet either cause she clearly doesn’t know the words, and she beat Missy Elliot.

I’m just not on board with the whole Lindsay Lohan thing. Which is completely inexplicable because I'm a big fan of girls with red hair in general, and drunken whores with red hair and huge racks in particular, but there’s something about Lindsay that bothers me. Might help if she stopped with the spray-on tan. She looks like a damn oompa-loompa half the time, which just doesn’t get it done. Maybe it's me.

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