December 11, 2004
Ziyi Zhang
Memoirs of a Geisha is having a bunch of problems with their production due to translation difficulties on set. Instead of hiring Japanese actors to play the roles of Japanese people, the producers have decided to just grab whatever Asian people they can find under the assumption that they're all basically the same. This is the type of thing that would normally piss me off, but as long as they're finding more ways of putting Ziyi Zhang in front my face it's all good. And if you're wondering why I'm calling her Ziyi Zhang instead of Zhang Ziyi, read this and then go shoot yourself for being ignorant.
December 10, 2004
Phone Thong
Not really sure what to make of this, but reader Chris sums it up pretty well:
For the ho on the go! I like how they offer the "versatile design and wearing
options for casual, business and dressy." Business? When was the last time you saw a CEO wearing a phone thong? Maybe if your business is conducted on street corners.
Jennifer Lopez Sings To Homeless
Jennifer Lopez is apparently trying to end her diva reputation. The actress/singer is reportedly planning to spend Christmas working at homeless shelters in the Bronx. Said an insider, "Jen will be taking basic gifts with her and is planning to sing a selection of her favorite songs." Yeah, because that's what homeless people need, the gift of JLo's song. Maybe instead of trying to kill these people with her voice, she could take out 1/100th of her $50 bazillion empire and buy them all houses. Wait, but that wouldn't be nearly as fantastic as hearing her sing.
Mel Gibson Buys Island
Mel Gibson has reportedly droppped $15 million for his own South Pacific island. The 8-square mile Mago (pronounced Mungo) Island, is in Fiji's Northern Lau Group of islands and comes with a village of 40 residents, a two-room schoolhouse, tropical vegetation, cattle, horses, goats, pigs, and a bulldozer. So does that mean that Mel Gibson will be like these people's king or something? "Fetch me the goats so that I can bulldoze them!" That would so rock.
Britney Spears Billboard Music Awards
Britney Spears made an appearance at the Billboard Music Awards and, judging from the looks of her belly, I think it's safe to say that she's pregnant. Well there's also the possibility that she's just gotten fat, but there's something about the way that fat is forming that makes me think she's got a baby in there. Although to be fair, I'm not very good at telling the difference between fat people and pregnant people. Just the other day I called a pregnant woman a 'humongous lard-whale' and she didn't take it so well. Unless you consider stabbing me in the liver with a fork taking it well. Oh, and what is it with celebrities and buying the ugliest possible dogs they can find? I don't know about you, but I like my dogs to have hair on them.
December 9, 2004
Lindsay Lohan Card Finder Personal Account
I don't know how legit this personal account of Lindsay Lohan's card finder is, but it's really long and I really didn't even bother reading it. More than enough people have sent it in though which means other people must think it's true. And if other people think it's true then it must be true. It's like that time in fourth grade when everybody told me it was "cool" to drink glue. Boy were they right! More after the jump. (thanks everybody)
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan Card Finder Personal Account"
Victoria's Secret 2004 Christmas Ad
If you've never heard any of the Victoria's Secret models speak before, then here's your chance. Their 2004 Christmas ad is a montage of softcore porn scenes supermodels in sexy underwear saying stupid things like "dazzle me" and "delight me." Trust me, I'm sure there are a lot more things guys would rather do to these models than 'dazzle' and 'delight' them. I'd mention a few, but I don't think my mom would approve of such language. That said, this is a brilliant commercial. Sure it uses the most overused Christmas song in the history of media, but it also uses supermodels in lingerie. And if I'm not mistaken, supermodels in lingerie is the very definition of brilliant. Video after the jump. (thanks Karim)
Jessica Simpson Daisy Dukes
So apparently the site has turned into a Jessica Simpson tribute page or something. I'd put up a fight, but when the subject looks as good in short shorts as Jessica does, I just don't really care. I'm still just hoping that the producers of The Dukes of Hazzard have somehow managed to work in a carwash scene or a trampoline scene or a sex with me scene. Especially that last one. That would be swell.
December 8, 2004
Jessica Simpson Three's Company
Life's pretty good for Nick Lachey isn't it? I especially like how he's resting his hand on Jessica Simpson's ass, making sure she knows who's boss. Even when you make millions of dollars filming crappy TV specials, singing crappy music, and selling crappy makeup, it's nice to know that you'll always be somebody's ho. Somebody's really hot ho who occasionally dresses like Chrissy from Three's Company that is.
*UPDATE: A number of peple have commented that there appears to be a semen stain on Nick's pants next to his thumb in the first picture. Considering he's married to Jessica Simpson, it's a wonder he's not completely covered in the stuff. Get it? Because she's hot.
Lindsay Lohan Loses Card
Looks like somebody found Lindsay Lohan's lost driver's license and American Express Centurion Card (Black Card). I don't care much for the license, but somebody get me that friggin card. I doubt I could afford the $2,500 annual rate, but the privilege of owning one would be well worth giving up eating. Plus I hear that when you flash the Black Card around, poor people actually vanish. It's like the card can magically sense when people worth less than $10 million are around and physically destroy them. Man, if that card number wasn't blurred out I would so buy myself an island on eBay.
*UPDATE: A reader sent in a version of the scan without the card number blurred out. I'd put it up, except I'd prefer to keep all the illegal online shopping to myself. eBay island here I come! Oh, and there's the whole not being a complete asshole on the internet by putting up other people's private information thing.
December 7, 2004
Paris Hilton Carries Paris Hilton
I should probably say something about how Paris Hilton is carrying a shopping bag with Paris Hilton on it, but I'm more curious about that outfit of hers. Looks a little familiar doesn't it? Either these photos were taken during the same day or Paris Hilton rewears her outfits. Not that there's anything wrong with rewearing an outfit, I just expected a little more of Paris. When you buy new clothes every other hour, it would just kind of make sense that you wouldn't wear the same outfit twice.
Britney Spears Hires Nanny
Britney and Kevin Federline are having a baby boy, and rumor has it the name will be Cheeto. I think they're looking for a nanny, so if you are up for it, contact me and I'll get you in touch with the right people that handle Brit, kevin and Cheeto. I am for real. [Source]
I'm not sure how legit this posting on Craig's List is, but I'm hoping it's very. Not because it's exciting that Britney and Kevin are hiring a nanny, but because the world would die of laughter if they actually named their kid Cheeto.
Avril Lavigne Hooter's Video
Remember those candid photos of Avril Lavigne dressed in a Hooter's uniform at one of her concerts during Halloween? Well our sibling site Anticlown Daily has got the video from the thing. There's no audio but that's probably a good thing, considering Avril is the Canadian equivalent of Bjork. Wait did I say Bjork? I meant a damn Banshee (which, I guess, would be Bjork). Admittedly though, Avril Lavigne is much easier on the senses when she's not pretending to be some punk rebel and embraces her role as a second rate waitress. Uh...yeah.
December 6, 2004
Paris Hilton Eats McDonalds
There's nothing more refreshing than seeing multi-gazillionaire-to-be Paris Hilton holding a McDonald's bag along with her jewel-encrusted Sidekick while driving her Bentley GT. It's good to know that even people who drive cars worth more than most people's houses like to occasionally stop and have some crappy fast food just like everybody else.
I'm not normally a fan of Mantis Woman (that's her official name by the way), but she does look surprisingly good in these pictures. And it's nice to see that she's supporting her sister by wearing a shirt that at least suggests it was designed by Nicky. Although I'm not really sure how much design sense it takes to throw a crappy print on a white tanktop and then plaster your name on it as if you actually want to take credit for it. I think it's safe to say that both Hilton sisters suck at what they do, though it could be argued that Paris "sucks" a little harder than Nicky. Hehe, that was a pun. I'm funny.
Adriana Lima Vampire Fangs
How is it that somebody with such terrible teeth could be regarded as one of the bitchiest most beautiful women on the planet? I don't ask much of my supermodels, just that they be beautiful and skinny and walk around half naked all the time making products look better than they actually are, but I'd really appreciate it if they didn't sport crooked vampire fangs. Can you imagine if Adriana Lima actually got braces and went walking down runways sporting a mouthful of wire? That'd be almost as embarrassing as walking down the runway looking like a damn Dracula woman.
Project Runway
I really wanted to hate Project Runway, not only because it's another reality show with the exact same premise as every other reality show, but also because it was hosted by the amazingly overrated Heidi Klum. During the show, each designer got to pick their own personal model and I'm going to go ahead and say that at least four or five of them looked better than Heidi. I thought I had more to say about this but I guess not. Man, where'd I leave my pants?
Visit Project Runway [Bravo]
