June 11, 2004
Travis
I can't even comprehend what's going through this kid's mind. Dancing like a crazy bastard in the privacy of your own room is one thing, but doing it in your backyard and taping it? No, my friend. Maybe if he had some semblance of talent or didn't look like a complete fool, this wouldn't be so bad. But he doesn't. And he does.
Britney Spears
An insider source tells me that this photo was taken from a recent video shoot involving black bra and panties. And by "insider source" I really mean my four year old cousin who watches way too much TV and likes to throw her mashed potatos. Anyhoo, Britney's bra looks to be pretty see through so for those of you interested in seeing a nipple or two, this might be a good opportunity. Personally, I was too lazy to track the little bugger down. And uh, I'm no expert but that looks to be an extension cord that Miss Spears is holding onto. Black underwear and extension cords? This video is going to rock!
Britney Spears
Britney Spears Large
*UPDATE: Here are some more pictures from the Outrageous video shoot.
Britney Spears Outrageous 1
Britney Spears Outrageous 2
Britney Spears Outrageous 3
Britney Spears Outrageous 4
June 10, 2004
Vida Guerra
Vida was featured in FHM many a month ago and became a sort of pseudocelebrity through that gigantic booty of hers. Since then, she's become a legend in the ass community. And judging by the gigantic nature of her butt, I can understand why. Sadly, I just can't appreciate it. I'm more into the shape and form of an ass rather than just its volume. Quality over quantity is what I always says. And though I can see how somebody might get a kick out of that much flesh, it's just not my style. I'd prefer this to this anyday.
Vida Guerra XXL 1
Vida Guerra XXL 2
Vida Guerra XXL 3
Vida Guerra XXL 4
June 9, 2004
Jennifer Lopez
Singer-actress Jennifer Lopez is expecting a baby with new husband Grammy-winning salsa star Marc Anthony, it was reported.
I am shocked! Looks like Jennifer is a bigger slut than everybody thought. Well besides me, of course. I always knew she was a big slut. It all started with that time I walked in on her having sex with fourteen guys at once. At first I was like "Hey, she seems like a pretty wholesome girl." But then reflecting back on it I think deep down I knew she was a slut.
Read Article [Thanks Sid]
Anna Nicole Smith
What do you get when you take Anna Nicole Smith, FHM magazine, and a photographer? A great big pumpkin pie, that's what. Confused? So am I. To make up for it, here's a collection of Anna Nicole Smith galleries, including her latest photoshoot with FHM. Now that I think about it, that probably would have made a better answer to the opening question. Then again, pumpkin pie is one delicious dessert. So really, there is no right answer here. Hopefully by the time you finish looking at the new and improved skinny Anna, you'll have forgotten about this entire paragraph and I can get back to eating my pumpkin pie.
Christina Aguilera
When you've reached a certain level of sluttery, it becomes almost natural that your underwear just sort of disappears. In a prime example, here's our good friend Christina at the MTV Movie Awards. I had a quick chat with her after the awards show and asked her why she didn't bother to wear underwear with her outfit, considering people could literally see her ass crack. "When you're as slutty as me, wearing underwear just gets in the way of things. Plus with this fantastic dress, just a pull of the string and I'm naked! Now let's have crazy sex in the parking lot with my two midget friends and that donkey." I was tempted to take her up on her offer, but decided my life would be better off without genital herpes and the 48 other STD's I would undoubtedly catch.
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan this, Lindsay Lohan that. The only reason I'm posting these is because I enjoy watching Jay Leno check out his guests. If you've ever seen The Tonight Show, you've no doubt noticed that he ALWAYS takes peeks at his guests' bodies. Conan O' Brien is pretty good about keeping eye contact and shows an almost inhuman restraint when it comes to some of his hotter guests, but Jay just doesn't seem to care that he's being filmed and watched by millions. Doesn't matter your age, race, or height, if you've got boobs, Jay Leno is probably staring at them. It's okay though, Jay. I know it's rare to have such young well developed breasts guests on the show.
Lindsay Lohan on The Tonight Show 1
Lindsay Lohan on The Tonight Show 2 <-- Bad Jay! She's only 17!
Lindsay Lohan on The Tonight Show 3
Lindsay Lohan on The Tonight Show 4
Lindsay Lohan on The Tonight Show 5
Lindsay Lohan on The Tonight Show 6
*UPDATE: Some more screen captures
*links removed due to popups and spyware
June 8, 2004
Miss Canada 2004
Is everybody familiar with what a camel toe is? I'm assuming you've all been on the internet for more than a week, so it should be safe to assume that you're all educated in the lingo. But for those of you that are new to this sort of thing, here's a quick brush up. I bring this up only because I respect Miss Canada for her brains and personality, and not because her bathing suit bottom was way too tight during the Miss Universe 2004 pageant.
Marc Anthony
Saying his personal life is off-limits, singer Marc Anthony refused to confirm Tuesday whether he's married to Jennifer Lopez.
Is he...is he stupid? We have pictures from the damn wedding! I think it's pretty obvious that he married Jennifer Lopez so dancing around the subject isn't really going to do anything except make people think he's even uglier than he already is. I'm not sure how dancing around a subject can make somebody look ugly, but when you're as ugly as Marc Anthony I'm sure that type of thing just comes naturally. Ya know, looking ugly. The man is a zombie!
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Whoa whoa whoa, what is going on with Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts? They used to be so fun and perky and now they look so sad and droopy (hey, that kind of rhymed). I guess the aging process is starting to take its toll on her once wonderful body. Not that she's some hideous creature now, but those breasts are just a couple inches lower than where I'd like them to be. At least she still has an unbeatable butt.
Jennifer Love Hewitt Tonight Show 1
Jennifer Love Hewitt Tonight Show 2
Jennifer Love Hewitt Tonight Show 3
Jennifer Love Hewitt Tonight Show 4
Jennifer Love Hewitt Tonight Show 5
Jennifer Aniston
Although most people remember Jennifer Aniston for her role as Rachel on Friends and for her magnificent head of hair (you guys are freaks), I remember her most for her Oscar-worthy performance in Leprechaun. I won't bother with the details, but the movie involved a Leprechaun and gold and maybe something about Irish people. What I'm trying to say here is that Jennifer used to be ugly. Before her nose job, she looked like an average big nosed brunette. And after her nose job, she looked like an average normal nosed brunette that's married to Brad Pitt. So let this be a lesson to you all. No matter how ugly you are, plastic surgery can help. I know the world has tried to tell you that beauty is on the inside but that's just society's way of telling you that you're ugly. And you are ugly.
Jake Gyllenhaal
Looks like the rumors about Jake Gyllenhaal being the next Superman were completely false. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved.
Though he made an excellent Donnie Darko, there's no way his boyish looks could have pulled off the sheer masculine power of Superman. Actually, there's nobody in Hollywood that I could see portraying the Man of Steel. The best job so far was done by the under appreciated Dean Cain on the short lived TV show Lois and Clark. Other than that, all the other Supermans have been pretty miscast, including Christopher Reeves. He just doesn't look or feel like Superman. He's more the gay uncle type.
Jake Gyllenhaal 1
Jake Gyllenhaal 2
Jake Gyllenhaal 3
The Rest
Scarlett Johansen 1
Scarlett Johansen 2
Scarlett Johansen 3
Scarlett Johansen 4
June 7, 2004
Lindsay Lohan
I've tried to ignore her for so long, but it looks like the Lindsay Lohan flood has finally hit the shores of The Superficial. And despite how horrible that analogy was, the fact remains that you can't go three sites without some mention of her nipples showing, her breasts popping out, or her...well...boobs. Unsurprisingly, the internet community cares less about Lindsay's work and more about that unbelievable rack of hers. At age 17, Lindsay seems to have hit puberty in a hard way. So hard, in fact, that her growing breasts have left scars. You know what else leaves scars? Surgery.
I honesty don't understand all the hype surrounding Lindsay. Yes, she has big boobs and yes she has trouble keeping them in her shirts, but that's not really so different than most other celebrities out there. The only difference between Lindsay Lohan and say Keira Knightley, is that Keira has a pretty face to go along with those nipples of hers.
Lindsay Lohan MTV Movie Awards
More MTV Movie Awards
Various Lindsay Lohan
Michelle Branch
The latest trends in Hollywood seem to be the increasingly popular see through shirt and the infamous trucker hat. I'm all for the see through shirts, but the whole trucker hat thing has got to stop. How do these celebrities not see how ugly they look? Whoever started this fad needs to be punched in the balls and have "Ashton sucks" tattooed onto their face. Nobody looks good with a trucker hat. Not guys, not girls, not celebrities, not even truckers. The only thing a trucker hat says about you (besides what horrible taste you have) is that despite how rich you are, you enjoy looking like you just woke up from your trailer park.
Sadly, Michelle Branch thinks she can pull off the trucker hat look by combining it with a see through shirt. While normally this tactic might work, having awkward breasts and disgusting nipples only worsens the image. Christina Aguilera on the other hand, would probably be able to pull it off, as nobody in their right mind would be looking at her head if she was wearing a see through shirt.
Michelle Branch Trucker Hat 1
Michelle Branch Trucker Hat 2
Michelle Branch Trucker Hat 3 <-- *sigh*
Britney Spears Normal Hat
Britney Spears Trucker Hat
You do the math.
June 6, 2004
Jennifer Lopez
Setting all kinds of land-speed records, Jennifer Lopez married Marc Anthony Saturday evening in a hush-hush ceremony in the back yard of her Los Angeles mansion, according to Us Weekly.
This is almost too ridiculous to be true. I really don't see how Marc Anthony could have ended up with Jennifer Lopez, seeing as how he really has nothing going for him except that he had a single out like 30 years ago. Not that Jennifer Lopez is such the catch herself (she's already been caught two and half other times), but at least she doesn't look like an ugly John Leguizamo. And when you're described as an ugly John Leguizamo, you know you must be ugly.
Read Article [Thanks Summer]
Hi-Res Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez 1
Jennifer Lopez 2
Jennifer Lopez 3
Jennifer Lopez 4
*UPDATE: Thanks to Summer for these wedding shots!
Jennifer Lopez Wedding 1
Jennifer Lopez Wedding 2
Jennifer Lopez Wedding 3
Jennifer Lopez Wedding 4
