June 5, 2004
Christina Aguilera
In her latest photo shoot for Elle, Christina Aguilera once again wears a see through shirt in a further attempt to nipple the world to death. The most amazing thing about all these photos though, is the firmness of Christina's breasts. Obviously going braless, her breasts seemingly defy gravity, a testimony to her plastic surgeon's wonderful skills. If only all breasts could be as bountiful and buoyant as hers. We're not really sure what buoyancy has to do with anything, but it seemed like the right word to use and we just went with it. We're spontaneous like that.
Related
Christina Aguilera Nipple Ring 1
Christina Aguilera Nipple Ring 2
Christina Aguilera Nipple Ring 3
Christina Aguilera Deep Throat
*edit: Hi-Res pictures from the Elle photo shoot
Christina Aguilera 1
Christina Aguilera 2
Christina Aguilera 3 <-- *Cough*
Christina Aguilera 4
Christina Aguilera 5
Christina Aguilera 6
Christina Aguilera 7
Christina Aguilera 8
Jessica Alba
This petition was brought to our attention after our recent discussion regarding Jessica Alba. Apparently the world is in agreement that a naked Jessica Alba is a better Jessica Alba. Normally we don't bother with petitions, but when the cause is something so universally good, it's hard not to sign.
Severina Vuckovic
If you're curious as to what Severina Vuckovic looks like with clothes on, here are a couple galleries that may enlighten you. Sure, they're not as satisfying as watching her have hardcore sex with a disgusting European man, but they give you an idea of just what it is you're getting a peek at. A naked woman is just so much better when you've seen her with her clothes on. I don't know why, but it's true. That's why nobody would care if Courtney Love made a sex tape. Nobody's ever seen her clothed.
Severina Vuckovic Gallery 1
Severina Vuckovic Gallery 2
Severina Vuckovic Gallery 3
The Naked Stuff
Severina Vuckovic Sex Tape
June 4, 2004
Potential Hosting Changes
The Superficial may be going through some hosting changes over the next week or so. Initial estimates of bandwidth were far too low, as we've blown through about 1/4 of our monthly bandwidth and it's only been four days into the month. Hopefully we'll be able to locate a new host soon and transfer everything onto there. If you have trouble accessing the site over the next week or so, it's most likely due to the server switch. Try to bear with us as we try to get everything together. We're still shopping for a new host so things should be stable for the next couple days or so. We'll let you know once the change is actually in the works. This is just an early warning for things to come.
*UPDATE: The archives have been removed in order to conserve bandwidth until a new host is found.
Absolut Hunk
This poor model is getting his panties in a bunch because Absolut improperly distributed this fake ad created for HBO's Sex in the City. I don't really understand the complaint though, because I always figured the more publicity the better. Maybe the guy is suddenly embarrassed. I mean, I'd be embarrassed too if where I was supposed to have a penis I had a bottle of Absolut instead. How are you even supposed to have sex with that thing? It just won't work.
This is about as much fame as Jason Lewis is ever going to have so he should just ride it out. Sure, he might be forever known as the Absolut Penis Dude but that's a pretty minor setback for all that popularity. Just look at our good friend William Hung. He's learned to ride out his 15 minutes and so should this guy. He could become some sort of underwear model for CK or something, marketing a special brand of underwear for vodka-bottle-penis people everywhere.
Read Article [via AdRants]
Jeri Ryan
When you're a 20-something girl, not wearing a bra is often times a good idea. When you turn into an almost-40 woman? Well it's really not such a good idea anymore. That whole gravity thing kind of ruins what might otherwise be a perfectly nice looking breast.
If I ran this country, there would be a law enacted that forced women over the age of 30 to wear a bra. There would be exceptions of course, so that women would be able to wander into a local testing agency where they would determine if their breasts were firm enough to go braless. If they pass, then they would get a license which would have to be renewed every couple years or so. It's a good plan. Really it is.
View Picture (hires)
Jodie Marsh
Glamour model Jodie Marsh drew gasps from celebs - and plenty of stares - when she showed up at a showbiz bash wearing next to nothing.
Talk about an attention whore. Maybe my tastes are just more refined than the average joe, but I really don't enjoy seeing desperate ugly models dress in trashy clothing to show off their saggy breasts and disgusting ass. I can understand what they're trying to do, but I'd really rather they didn't. Maybe if they looked a little more like Jessica Alba then yes, please, dress as skanky as you'd like. In fact, if you look like Jessica Alba why dress at all? I think it would probably be in everybody's best interest if you just walked around naked.
Read More (With Pictures)
*edit: Here's another article detailing the Jordan/Jodie feud with pictures of both.
June 3, 2004
Miss Universe 2004
So I was looking through these Miss Universe 2004 photos and I can't help but wonder how some of these contestants got in. I don't mean to be rude (okay maybe a little), but in what world could this or this ever be considered Miss Universe? It boggles my mind that this is the best these countries have to offer. I pity the men from Nicaragua, if the most beautiful woman from their country looks like this.
And to make up for all that ugly, here are some delightful treats from Israel, India, and Switzerland. Now these are the kinds of ladies that should be in a contest like this. What kind? The pretty kind.
Big Rob
If you're a fan of Britney Spears, then you've no doubt caught glimpses of her giant black bodyguard. What you're probably unaware of, though, is that he was actually born and raised of a rare class of giants and stands at a whopping ten feet tall. Don't believe me? Have a look for yourself.
"But that's just the camera angle," you whine. Fine. You win. I guess he's not a giant after all. Are you happy? Huh? Are you happy now?!
View Pictures - Britney's Big Black Bodyguard [Luxury Fashion]
Salma Hayek
I'm not sure what this Saddam Hussein lookalike is doing to Salma Hayek, but it doesn't look comfortable. Then again, maybe Miss Hayek enjoys the occasional bending in half, in which case there's an empty motel room and packet of condoms that require her immediate attention. Sure, that sounded distasteful, but it wasn't really. If you read closely, you'll notice that I never once implied having crazy motel sex with Salma. Oh wait, nevermind.
View Picture - Salma Hayek Getting Bent
View Gallery - More Salma Hayek Pictures
*note: Because of the nature of this site, I will no longer post NSFW (Not Safe For Work) warnings. It is redundant, and everything on this site should be assumed NSFW.
June 2, 2004
Severina Vuckovic
A top Croatian pop star has appealed to the public to return or destroy private pictures of her enjoying a lusty sex romp which appeared on the Internet this week.
I have no idea who Severina Vuckovic is but that's only because I'm not up to date on my Croation pop stars. Up to date? How about I never even knew Croatia had pop stars until this showed up. But I'm not one to complain. Any country that can bring us a sleazy sex tape is okay by me.
Read Article [CNN]
Download Video (NSFW)
*edit: Here are some screen captures from the video (NSFW) if you don't feel like downloading the 72 mb file.
**edit: The bandwidth for the site hosting the video got decimated so you'll have to be patient and hope it comes up again, or wait for a mirror to surface.
Britney Spears
Sadly, Britney Spears seems to have fallen from her pristine hotness and has officially taken on the look of a drug addict. I had assumed the trucker hat pictures to be a fluke, but I now realize the error of my ways.
View Picture - Drug Addict Britney [World of Britney]
View Pictures - Trucker Hat Britney
E3 2004 Booth Babes
The use of beautiful women to sell nerd-equipment seems paradoxical to me, as they're usually the ones who understand the least about what it is they're actually promoting. Having some beautiful half-naked model try to sell you beer is one thing, but having that same beautiful half-naked model try to explain the intricacies of per-pixel lighting and bump mapping is just plain silly.
"It's like these pictures, see, but they totally have like these bumps and things on them. Tee hee, I'm not wearing a bra."
I guess that last part pretty much summed up their whole reason for being there though. There's something about a woman not wearing a bra that really makes you want to view the latest in gaming and electronic equipment.
Christina Aguilera
I wonder if there's a whole other dimension to Christina's shirt that I'm just not seeing. Maybe it's a band. Maybe it's a description. Or maybe, just maybe, it happens to be Christina's occupation.
Hi-Res Christina Aguilera
Christina Aguilera 1
Christina Aguilera 2
Christina Aguilera 3
Christina Aguilera 4 <-- Oh my!
Christina Aguilera 5
Christina Aguilera 6
Jennifer Hawkins
QUITO, Ecuador - A 20-year-old, blue-eyed Australian was named Miss Universe (news - web sites) 2004 in a two-hour pageant in this Andean capital watched by hundreds of millions of television viewers around the world.
Jennifer Hawkins smiled as the outgoing titleholder, Amelia Vega of the Dominican Republic, slipped the crown on her head Tuesday night at a convention center on the northern outskirts of Quito.
The Miss Universe title needs to carry some more weight to it then just a tiny crown and a year's worth of bragging rights. It seems to me that any position which sounds like the ruler of the Universe should carry with it certain responsibilities and perks. Such as if Miss Hawkins ever requests to have crazy animal sex with me on the streets of Sydney, she should have the power to get her wish granted. That's just my humble opinion though.
Read Article [Yahoo! News]
Visit Official Miss Universe Site
*edit: Here are some more pictures of the very lovely Miss Universe
Avril Levigne
"You know what's so gay is, like, all these journalists are, like (saying in faux hushed reverence), 'Avril Lavigne's punk and she's a rebel and she does punk rock music,"' Lavigne, 19, said in a recent interview, using the word gay as a slang synonym for stupid.
"It's like, 'OK, how stupid are you? ... Do you even know what punk is?' I am certainly not punk, and I hate it when people try to say that I am."
You know what's really gay, Avril? The fact that you use the term 'gay' as a derogatory statement and that you string together sentences like a twelve year old.
She is right about not being punk though. She was never punk and she never will be punk. Sadly, her life will be rooted in pop, though she deludes herself into thinking that she's a rock star. I don't know why, but I've grown a strong distaste for Avril. Maybe it's because she actually believes her own bullshit. That she really thinks she's in a different class than Britney or Christina. The only difference between them and Avril though, is that Britney and Christina are popular.
Read Article [Yahoo! News]
June 1, 2004
Britney Spears
BRITNEY Spears has been given permission to tour China on one condition - officials want prior approval of her outfits to check they are not too revealing.
Hmm, I wonder why that is. Maybe it has something to do with Britney's inability to keep her breasts inside her tops. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but I can see how her crazy antics might piss off our more conservative friends in China. To make up for her China tour, I suggest she do a completely nude tour here in America. That way, the whole universe can balance itself out. Extra clothing in China, less clothing in America. That's a system I think I can live with.
Read - China Warns Britney
Read - Britney Pops Out [The Sun]
*edit: Here's an unrelated video of Britney getting feisty with "fans."
Paris Hilton
We've all heard the jokes, so I'll just quickly refer to Paris Hilton as a giant praying mantis and then we'll move on. Boy, that Paris Hilton sure does look like a giant praying mantis.
I'm sure we're all sick of Paris by now, but I know there are some of you out there who still enjoy seeing her in the occasional bathing/birthday suit. Is she skinny? Yes. But does anybody really care? Of course not. She hasn't quite reached the point of anorexia where it becomes disgusting so it's all good. Until then, we can all rejoice in the paparazzi heroes that keep on bringing us the pictures we love to see.
Hi-Res Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 1
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 2
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 3
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 4
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 5
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 6
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 7
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 8
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 9
Paris Hilton Hits The Beach 10
Audrey Hepburn
Film legend Audrey Hepburn was yesterday named the most naturally beautiful woman of all time by a panel of experts.
Sorry, but no. Audrey Hepburn is not even close to being the most naturally beautiful woman of all time. No offense to her fans, but she's actually rather ugly. Her facial structure is too rounded, her cheekbones too undefined, and her eyebrows too in need of a trimming. I suppose if this list was "The Most Elf-Like Woman of all Time" then yes, she could possibly qualify for the finals. But the most naturally beautiful woman of all time? No. I really don't think so. Actually, Liv Tyler was named number two, making me think that maybe this list really is "The Most Elf-Like Woman of all Time." Honestly though, Liv Tyler truly is gorgeous and really does belong on this list. If it were down to her and Audrey (which it sort of is), my vote would definitely go with Liv. It would probably behoove her to cheer up a bit though. Turn that frown upside down, Liv. You're the second most naturally beautiful woman of all time.
It's not really a surprise that Audrey Hepburn topped this list. Being a classic dead celebrity usually wins you favor in the eyes of the old foagies that judge these things. Plus, Audrey Hepburn just sounds like a good answer. Nobody really knows what she looks like but everybody assumes that she was pretty. God forbid some hot blonde bimbo be named the most beautiful woman of all time. That would be an outrage.
Read More [Sydney Morning Herald]
View Audrey Hepburn Gallery
Missy_Alice
This wannabe model stands more of a chance than most other wannabe models, namely because she's actually attractive. It's amazing how many ugly skanks are out there who think they've got a chance at stardom because they wear haltertops and short skirts. Newsflash, bimbos: dressing like a slut doesn't make you beautiful. Sure, it helps with getting you laid, but it's not going to put you anywhere on the map. And that getting laid part is still pretty iffy when you look the way you do.
So back to this girl. There's not really anything I can say here. She's about the most stunning blogger I've ever stumbled upon. It's these kinds of girls that I would encourage to wear the haltertops and short skirts.
View Missy_Alice [Xanga]
Masuimi Max
If you've never heard of Masuimi Max, then you're about to like me a whole lot more. Take Jessica Alba and Angelina Jolie and then mash them together into a perfect blend of full lips, outrageous body, and stunning face. I'd imagine the result would turn out something like Masuimi Max.
My only complaint is that she's got too many tattoos. Some girls have one or two on their hip or ankle, but Masuimi's entire back is covered in one gigantic tattoo. I guess some people might consider that a plus, but tattoos just aren't my thing. That's a pretty minor gripe, though, as the rest of her more than makes up for any wrong doing a tattoo could do.
View - Masuimi Max Non-Nude (LSFW)
View - Masuimi Max Nude (NSFW)
Visit - Masuimi Max Official Site (NSFW)
May 31, 2004
Barbara Streisand
"Singer Barbra Streisand has been ordered to pay a six-figure sum to an amateur photographer whom she had sued for $10m (£5.5m) in a privacy dispute."
What's that, Barbra? You're a whiny little bitch? The idea that this filthy rich celebrity decided to sue an amateur photographer for $10 million is somewhere along the lines of lunacy.
"But he took a picture of my multimillion dollar estate!"
Are you out of your mind? I don't care what kind of problem you have with stalkers, suing a non celebrity/CEO for $10 million is just plain stupid. Is it possible that celebrities are so warped in their own little worlds that they don't realize that a normal human being can't pay $10 million? I hate celebrities who have no appreciation for what they have and what's been given to them. They make 100x the average person's salary and all they can do is bitch about how fans keep bothering them. And on occasion, their millions of dollars just aren't enough so they have to go and sue some Joe Schmoe for $10 million more.
Read More [BBC News]
Julia Roberts
The latest buzz regarding Julia Roberts is that she's supposedly 'glowing with health on the beach'. Can somebody explain to me why every news article is referring to her supposed pregnancy with this weird expression? Why can't they just say she looks pregnant? Are they afraid they might offend her by calling her fat? Dancing around the subject with strange terms that may or may not imply pregnancy only really serves to piss me off. I don't care if she looks healthy. I don't care if she's glowing. All I want to know is whether or not she's pregnant. And why do they all specify that she happens to be on the beach when they talk about her healthy glow? For some odd reason, the piss poor journalists abroad seem to associate healthy glows with pregnancy. Now I'm not really up to date on my pregnant lingo, but I always thought a 'healthy glow' meant sweaty. So basically, these articles are saying that Julia Roberts is pregnant because she was sweating on the beach. Fantastic.
Read Stupid Article 1 [China View]
Read Stupid Article 2 [Web India]
They're basically the same. She's glowing with health on the beach. We get it. You're stupid.
*edit: It's official, Julia Roberts is pregnant with twins.
May 30, 2004
Gabriela Oviedo Serrate
"Bolivia's entrant in next week's Miss Universe contest faces calls to quit after she described herself as being a tall, white woman and not a short Indian peasant."
I don't get it. She looks like a tall white woman to me. I think I would be more offended if she referred to herself as a short Indian peasant. In any case, Bolivia seems pretty upset with her statements and has asked for her resignation from the Miss Universe pageant. It's really such a shame when you see a short Indian peasant resign from an International beauty pageant because she offensively referred to herself as a tall white woman. Heartbreaking, I know. In other news, Charlize Theron is a short African woman and Conan O' Brien is an alcoholic Irish man.
Read Story [Reuters]
View Pictures [MissUniverse.com]
Madonna
I've never liked Madonna. Even before she turned 80 (she's 80, right?), her face always rubbed me the wrong way. Looking at her, she has all the makings of a pretty person. Two eyes, a nose, a mouth, mostly everything where it's supposed to be. Yet for some reason I can't picture her as attractive in the slightest. That's not to say that she's ugly, just that there's something about her that I really don't care for. Maybe it's that gap between her teeth. Maybe it's that she used to be a borderline nymph. Maybe it's that she's just not attractive. In either case, she's much too old to be pulling the kind of bullshit she's currently pulling. Nobody wants to see her stand on her head or flail about in fishnet stockings. If she ever had a generation where she was idolized, it has passed. She is so far into yesterday that you can almost feel the desperation in everything she does. Her fame is declining and she's like this crazy attention seeking banshee tha -- oh wait, I got Madonna and Courtney Love confused for a bit. In either case, they're both old news. Let us never mention either of them ever again.
